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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Armybrat

Armybrat 40485

Posted
Posted
On 10/23/2023 at 9:52 AM, BHMCruiser said:

We recently renovated some bathrooms. I went through this same excruciating process (including her making the painters paint three different times) and finally just took the book, flipped it open to a good color, pointed and said "this is the color we want." My wife got mad at how little I cared and now everybody who visits talks about how amazing the bathroom color is and she visibly steams. 

No sex at all now, eh?

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Mittens

Mittens 7945

Posted
Posted
48 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:
17 hours ago, Gil Bang said:
You strip naked, walk in, and stand there beating your old flaccid meat waiting for the tub to full up while freezing your ass off.    
I'll pass.

That sounds like something you do on Bang Bros.

They put a tub in the van?

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17267

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Sandman said:

This is one of the few times I am glad to be colorblind. She'll ask me about color options for whatever and I just say "Who are you asking?" and only then will she remember that I've been colorblind for the entirety of our 14 year marriage. 

Does it also help you stay out of some fashion discussions?

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8766

Posted
Posted
On 10/15/2023 at 1:03 PM, 52-80 said:

This goes better in the Dumb Things Husbands Say thread. 
 

I was play-singing this cocomelon song “finger family” to our kid.  And i modified the words like this:

”mommy finger mommy finger what do you do…”

”…i like nagging, i like nagging, thats what i do”

And hollyyyy fuckkk i almost set off our own Israel-Palestine conflict right at home

 

 

Lol, I have a new hero...what courage he possesses...

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ftf82

ftf82 481

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've been telling my wife since I had COVID in the fall of 2021 that I can't smell anything anymore just to avoid having to answer questions like "Does this chicken smell funny?", "Do you like the smell of this perfume", etc. Too bad there wasn't long-COVID blindness to fake.

Edited by ftf82
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mdmost

mdmost 42196

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, Sandman said:

This is one of the few times I am glad to be colorblind. She'll ask me about color options for whatever and I just say "Who are you asking?" and only then will she remember that I've been colorblind for the entirety of our 14 year marriage. 

In the Alanis Morissette version of "ironic", I'm pretty sure my wife is slightly color blind. She's constantly saying something is blue when it's green, red when orange, etc. I think God is playing tricks on me. 

Edited by mdmost
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53636

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Posted
On 10/23/2023 at 9:57 AM, mdmost said:

And she f'ing changes everything at the last minute. I usually hone in on a color and am good with it. But no, I have to "explain why I like it or what that color would mean to the bathroom". I told her, you tell me which color you would like because I honestly don't care about the colors other than if it looks like one we already have. But when she says, I want ______ color, I then pick the one I like. "But we don't know what it will look like on the walls". Yeah no shit. So you just have to roll with one and see how it goes. But I swear she wants to have me to blame if the color doesn't work out. I'm just sick of this bullshit. All I want is a 2nd functional bathroom again. And if I give her a firm reason for why I want one, it is met with "well you just want to get this over and be done". No, I just am tired of going back and forth about it. Pick your favorite and move on. And don't get me started on how everything needs to be something the next owners will be okay with. Yeah, this in a house we've been in since 2004. WE'RE NOT LEAVING ANY TIME SOON, GOD DAMMIT. 

We have our master bath that's really small that needs to be redone. Taking the shower tub out and putting in a walk-in shower. I told her that we aren't moving one inch forward on it until she knows EXACTLY what she wants for the entire thing. And I mean we're going to go get tile samples, fixture colors (brass/black), paint colors on the walls, all that shit before we start so she can do all the female shit she needs to do to get her mind around what the fuck she wants in her damn woman head. If you can tell, I'm very annoyed by all of this. It shouldn't be this hard but it is with her. I'm not going through this mess again. She needs to lock in on everything she wants before we commit to it. 

Forest Whitaker Laughing GIF

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LebongJames

LebongJames 1766

Posted
Posted

This paint situation hits close to come. We moved to a new house recently that really needed paint. We got the ceilings, base boards and walls all painted. Managed to stay out of the way.

Now we are onto the cabinets and island. We have hired a designer, bought 50 fucking swatches went to paint store and bought 6 more. I bowed out 2 weeks ago and now it’s my fault that the cabinets still aren’t painted. Im not saying anything else because if it doesn’t match what is in her brain to a tee, it will be my fault.

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mdmost

mdmost 42196

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, LebongJames said:

This paint situation hits close to come. We moved to a new house recently that really needed paint. We got the ceilings, base boards and walls all painted. Managed to stay out of the way.

Now we are onto the cabinets and island. We have hired a designer, bought 50 fucking swatches went to paint store and bought 6 more. I bowed out 2 weeks ago and now it’s my fault that the cabinets still aren’t painted. Im not saying anything else because if it doesn’t match what is in her brain to a tee, it will be my fault.

Every time she asks me my opinion on anything related to this bathroom, Admiral Akbar's declaration pops into my head.

200.gif

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2805

Posted
Posted

We recently redid our upstairs bathroom (I was a bit perturbed because we had JUST redone the flooring in there, from tile to vinyl plank, and had a feeling she'd want to remove the vanity in the future, just not this soon).  It took a few weeks DIY, roughly mid August until the Friday before Labor Day.  Well, we bought two vanities off of Wayfair to replace the one upstairs and then the one downstairs. 

 

She was tired of looking at the new vanity downstairs, so she gave the let's go sign for the downstairs bathroom, but before we started demo, she asked how long I think it'd take us (this is 9/15).  Given what I knew would be busy fall, I said we should be comfortably done by Halloween.  She scoffed, and said something to the likes of Well, I know you, and I'll be happy if it's done by Thanksgiving.  We had to reroute the plumbing (farmed that part out), then redo the drywall around the plumbing, texture behind the vanity and mirror, redo the flooring in the bath.  Plumbing, drywall, texture, and flooring was done by the end of the Kansas game (spend my timeouts laying flooring).  She got pretty upset around 10/13 that the bathroom wasn't done (as we had been out of town or busy the two weekends prior).  10/18: all the final touches were completed, and the original estimate of Halloween was beat by almost 2 weeks...

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Captain Ron

Captain Ron 12696

Posted
Posted
24 minutes ago, PvilleStang said:

We recently redid our upstairs bathroom (I was a bit perturbed because we had JUST redone the flooring in there, from tile to vinyl plank, and had a feeling she'd want to remove the vanity in the future, just not this soon).  It took a few weeks DIY, roughly mid August until the Friday before Labor Day.  Well, we bought two vanities off of Wayfair to replace the one upstairs and then the one downstairs. 

 

She was tired of looking at the new vanity downstairs, so she gave the let's go sign for the downstairs bathroom, but before we started demo, she asked how long I think it'd take us (this is 9/15).  Given what I knew would be busy fall, I said we should be comfortably done by Halloween.  She scoffed, and said something to the likes of Well, I know you, and I'll be happy if it's done by Thanksgiving.  We had to reroute the plumbing (farmed that part out), then redo the drywall around the plumbing, texture behind the vanity and mirror, redo the flooring in the bath.  Plumbing, drywall, texture, and flooring was done by the end of the Kansas game (spend my timeouts laying flooring).  She got pretty upset around 10/13 that the bathroom wasn't done (as we had been out of town or busy the two weekends prior).  10/18: all the final touches were completed, and the original estimate of Halloween was beat by almost 2 weeks...

You know why your wife waves her arms around when she's talk to/yelling at you?

Spoiler

Obi-Wan Kenobi Not The Droids GIF

 

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11548

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, LebongJames said:

This paint situation hits close to come. We moved to a new house recently that really needed paint. We got the ceilings, base boards and walls all painted. Managed to stay out of the way.

Now we are onto the cabinets and island. We have hired a designer, bought 50 fucking swatches went to paint store and bought 6 more. I bowed out 2 weeks ago and now it’s my fault that the cabinets still aren’t painted. Im not saying anything else because if it doesn’t match what is in her brain to a tee, it will be my fault.

 

For better or worse until death do you part my friend.

 

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tbone_

tbone_ 13972

Posted
Posted
We recently redid our upstairs bathroom (I was a bit perturbed because we had JUST redone the flooring in there, from tile to vinyl plank, and had a feeling she'd want to remove the vanity in the future, just not this soon).  It took a few weeks DIY, roughly mid August until the Friday before Labor Day.  Well, we bought two vanities off of Wayfair to replace the one upstairs and then the one downstairs. 
 
She was tired of looking at the new vanity downstairs, so she gave the let's go sign for the downstairs bathroom, but before we started demo, she asked how long I think it'd take us (this is 9/15).  Given what I knew would be busy fall, I said we should be comfortably done by Halloween.  She scoffed, and said something to the likes of Well, I know you, and I'll be happy if it's done by Thanksgiving.  We had to reroute the plumbing (farmed that part out), then redo the drywall around the plumbing, texture behind the vanity and mirror, redo the flooring in the bath.  Plumbing, drywall, texture, and flooring was done by the end of the Kansas game (spend my timeouts laying flooring).  She got pretty upset around 10/13 that the bathroom wasn't done (as we had been out of town or busy the two weekends prior).  10/18: all the final touches were completed, and the original estimate of Halloween was beat by almost 2 weeks...

This triggers the fuck out of me
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uoftorange

uoftorange 1383

Posted
Posted
On 10/24/2023 at 12:35 PM, Sandman said:

This is one of the few times I am glad to be colorblind. She'll ask me about color options for whatever and I just say "Who are you asking?" and only then will she remember that I've been colorblind for the entirety of our 14 year marriage. 

It is the one great thing about being color blind.  "why are you asking me?"  And then pretend to be hurt that she wasn't sensitive to it haha

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20540

Posted
Posted

Ok, I need to complain a bit - the "I observe very little of the world around me" to "i get defensive after 2.5 questions" argument pipeline.

The downstairs was smoky yesterday and the wife had cooked a number of various things - dinner, she makes toddler stuff sometimes, we have a bunch of apples from apple picking on a recent trip and so there's all kinds of apple shit happening.

"Oh it's a little smoky down here, what happened"

"Huh? Nothing happened."

"Oh uhhhh ok. Just, something burned, it smells a bit too."

"yeah nothing I did"

"... ok cool."

opens oven door, observes shiny new gunk on the ground, looks around, sees a loaf pan that clearly exploded in the oven, mystery solved

 

I suppose that one was no big deal although it just irritates me to not be able to figure out what the fuck happened. Now that I think of it, twice I've been out of town and then have come home to be unable to get information about some house problem that has cropped up while I was gone. In our old 1980s house we had a shitty pocket door that was always a little janky but then was all of a sudden very very bad when I came back from a trip. I was assured that absolutely nothing happened and when I asked for a third time if she was certain that nothing happened at all it was an argument. That door was pseudo fucked for most of a year until I witnessed her walk into it halfway open at full speed and it started working again. More recently, there were water stains on the ceiling above the kitchen table, which is where our shower is, and I tried extremely hard to get her to understand that I didn't think she did anything wrong and didn't care if she did but I needed to know what water related thing happened in our bathroom. I got no information and an argument but recaulked near the shower and that fixed it.

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T’Boo Ted Marshall

T’Boo Ted Marshall 2719

Posted
Posted

My daily life reminds me of the part in "A Christmas Story" where the wife walks back into the house to turn off the leg lamp so as to no waste electricity.  My wife has piles of old receipts, papers, shoes, opened boxes that are just dropped in place, etc.  I leave one thing out on my desk or the kids leave a cord out and here comes the stink eye.  

I've taken to keeping a small mirror within reach for such times.  

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8627

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

Ok, I need to complain a bit - the "I observe very little of the world around me" to "i get defensive after 2.5 questions" argument pipeline.

The downstairs was smoky yesterday and the wife had cooked a number of various things - dinner, she makes toddler stuff sometimes, we have a bunch of apples from apple picking on a recent trip and so there's all kinds of apple shit happening.

"Oh it's a little smoky down here, what happened"

"Huh? Nothing happened."

"Oh uhhhh ok. Just, something burned, it smells a bit too."

"yeah nothing I did"

"... ok cool."

opens oven door, observes shiny new gunk on the ground, looks around, sees a loaf pan that clearly exploded in the oven, mystery solved

 

I suppose that one was no big deal although it just irritates me to not be able to figure out what the fuck happened. Now that I think of it, twice I've been out of town and then have come home to be unable to get information about some house problem that has cropped up while I was gone. In our old 1980s house we had a shitty pocket door that was always a little janky but then was all of a sudden very very bad when I came back from a trip. I was assured that absolutely nothing happened and when I asked for a third time if she was certain that nothing happened at all it was an argument. That door was pseudo fucked for most of a year until I witnessed her walk into it halfway open at full speed and it started working again. More recently, there were water stains on the ceiling above the kitchen table, which is where our shower is, and I tried extremely hard to get her to understand that I didn't think she did anything wrong and didn't care if she did but I needed to know what water related thing happened in our bathroom. I got no information and an argument but recaulked near the shower and that fixed it.

spacer.png

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tbone_

tbone_ 13972

Posted
Posted
My daily life reminds me of the part in "A Christmas Story" where the wife walks back into the house to turn off the leg lamp so as to no waste electricity.  My wife has piles of old receipts, papers, shoes, opened boxes that are just dropped in place, etc.  I leave one thing out on my desk or the kids leave a cord out and here comes the stink eye.  
I've taken to keeping a small mirror within reach for such times.  

You’re just a dick for trying to shame her about the shit she’s done and doesn’t want to admit.

Edit - this was meant to quote Celery
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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2805

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Before the baby girl came a few years ago. She wanted to paint the baby's room pink. We went home Depot and she picked out the perfect color. I told her it would look like her room got hosed down with Pepto bismol. My opinion was ignored.

c467850091c493523d6a3aac07f945e7.jpg

at least go satin, I hate that sheen with the color chosen!

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Modessit

Modessit 5582

Posted
Posted

My wife will buy something at the grocery store and then it will sit unopened in the cabinet or fridge for weeks. Finally, I'll notice that the unopened OJ in the back of the fridge is about to expire so I'll have a glass.

The next day: "I see you drank some of my orange juice. I didn't buy it for you."

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11548

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife will buy something at the grocery store and then it will sit unopened in the cabinet or fridge for weeks. Finally, I'll notice that the unopened OJ in the back of the fridge is about to expire so I'll have a glass.

The next day: "I see you drank some of my orange juice. I didn't buy it for you."

Are you roommates or married?

Jesus Christ.

I agree with others. Food in the house = free for all.

I mean, if you are an entire cake or her tub of ice cream or something that’s kind of fucked up but outside of that then what’s the problem?

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 44939

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife will buy something at the grocery store and then it will sit unopened in the cabinet or fridge for weeks. Finally, I'll notice that the unopened OJ in the back of the fridge is about to expire so I'll have a glass.

The next day: "I see you drank some of my orange juice. I didn't buy it for you."

comedy-adam-sandler.gif

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5749

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife will buy something at the grocery store and then it will sit unopened in the cabinet or fridge for weeks. Finally, I'll notice that the unopened OJ in the back of the fridge is about to expire so I'll have a glass.

The next day: "I see you drank some of my orange juice. I didn't buy it for you."

Sancho likes OJ

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28577

Posted
Posted
On 10/27/2023 at 7:26 PM, Modessit said:

My wife will buy something at the grocery store and then it will sit unopened in the cabinet or fridge for weeks. Finally, I'll notice that the unopened OJ in the back of the fridge is about to expire so I'll have a glass.

The next day: "I see you drank some of my orange juice. I didn't buy it for you."

“Then you shouldn’t have put it in my refrigerator.”

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