Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Celery Man 20931]

Me: we’re leaving the bucket outside? Is that all of our candy?

wife: you always think we’ll run out of candy, it’s fine

 

welp the fucking bucket got stolen while we were taking the kid around the block and I guess nobody could have seen that coming

[tbone_ 14110]

It’s fine

[Buzzrock 14902]

I’m in trouble tonight. No idea why. But it was a fun little boozy Halloween in the cul-de-sac.

[NWBuck 8552]

4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Me: we’re leaving the bucket outside? Is that all of our candy?

wife: you always think we’ll run out of candy, it’s fine

 

welp the fucking bucket got stolen while we were taking the kid around the block and I guess nobody could have seen that coming

Leave the bucket outside, empty, with a "please only take one" note taped to it. 

(adolescent NWB would have taken the note) 

[NorthLoop 14181]

11 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

I’m in trouble tonight. No idea why. 

Those are the best. 

[Dennis Taylor 18809]

12 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

I’m in trouble tonight. No idea why. But it was a fun little boozy Halloween in the cul-de-sac.

Remember 6 years ago when you were a little too friendly with that hot little waitress? No? Well your wife does 

[Buzzrock 14902]

I think it was my criticism of the completely insane amount of Halloween candy she bought. 

[tbone_ 14110]

I think it was my criticism of the completely insane amount of Halloween candy she bought. 

See these are the things you have to logically think through. Of course the candy buy was insane. But is it worth the hassle of pointing it out?

Sometimes that answer is yes, indeed it is.

[Fudge Nuggets 19189]

You can’t buy too much Halloween candy. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

I just threw away some leftover candy from last year.

[msucolt45 4055]

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

[Snake Diggity 4619]

Oct 25:

Me: “Since you’re taking the kids to TWO trunk-or-treats on Saturday and then we’ll be trick or treating again on Halloween, I don’t think we should buy any candy to give out.  We’ll just give out some of what they collect on Saturday.”

Her: “Great idea.  I agree.”

 

Oct 30: 

Me: “What the fuck is all this?!?!”

Her: “Oh, Costco had boxes of 24 full sized candy bars on sale.  I figured we can give those out tomorrow.”

We now have 22 full sized candy bars and 6 GALLONS of assorted Halloween candy.   

[CHIEF 5077]

CHIEF Jr. was about 6 or so when he realized we always bought his favorite candy so if we didn’t give it all out, he and I would eat it. His bucket would come back with about a third of what we bought, about half of it worthless shit.
The year he stopped trick’o treating, he just walked up to the “give” bucket looked at me like a stone cold killer, daring me to say something, and pulled out about half the bucket, and put it in his. Went straight to the living room floor, poured out his loot and started eating. Never left the house. 
 

CHIEF

[ztejas 43411]

6 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Oct 25:

Me: “Since you’re taking the kids to TWO trunk-or-treats on Saturday and then we’ll be trick or treating again on Halloween, I don’t think we should buy any candy to give out.  We’ll just give out some of what they collect on Saturday.”

Her: “Great idea.  I agree.”

 

Oct 30: 

Me: “What the fuck is all this?!?!”

Her: “Oh, Costco had boxes of 24 full sized candy bars on sale.  I figured we can give those out tomorrow.”

We now have 22 full sized candy bars and 6 GALLONS of assorted Halloween candy.   

Shit dude where you live I'll come take some of that off your hands. 

[SHOOTER12 8800]

8 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

À man who has experienced the thrill of victory, and the agony of the feet.

[66BUFF 2562]

11 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

 

[Kennythetiger 9376]

10 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Oct 25:

Me: “Since you’re taking the kids to TWO trunk-or-treats on Saturday and then we’ll be trick or treating again on Halloween, I don’t think we should buy any candy to give out.  We’ll just give out some of what they collect on Saturday.”

Her: “Great idea.  I agree.”

 

Oct 30: 

Me: “What the fuck is all this?!?!”

Her: “Oh, Costco had boxes of 24 full sized candy bars on sale.  I figured we can give those out tomorrow.”

We now have 22 full sized candy bars and 6 GALLONS of assorted Halloween candy.   

The best people in our little town were the ones who gave out full-sized candy bars. 

[nnm 36349]

33 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

The best people in our little town were the ones who gave out full-sized candy bars. 

There wasn’t anyone rich enough to give out a full-size candy bar in the little village where I grew up in northern NM. 

[nnm 36349]

 

[PvilleStang 2875]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

There wasn’t anyone rich enough to give out a full-size candy bar in the little village where I grew up in northern NM. 

We had parents giving out granola bars this year.  Son came back with freaking Cliff bars.  

 

Wife bought 3 bags of good candy, and on a whim I bought a fourth bag of "kids mix" at HEB, which was the savior of the night.  We got down to about half a bowl of candy left, and I dumped all the kids crap on top, and people really slowed their roll on grabbing handfuls of crap out of the bowl. 

 

The rest of the story probably belongs in the trivial things that make me surly thread.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

I bought three bags of candy, knowing full well that we always leave the house and head to the pub with the dogs on halloween because they go nuts when the doorbell rings.

[Celery Man 20931]

Apparently the Halloween bucket was $30.

[Kennythetiger 9376]

15 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Apparently the Halloween bucket was $30.

Fuckin a. 

[Snake Diggity 4619]

5 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

The best people in our little town were the ones who gave out full-sized candy bars. 

I would have been fine with buying full size bars if we ever had enough treaters to actually give them out.  I love the idea of being the house that gives out the good shit. But the houses in our Austin neighborhood are too spread out which makes it a shitty place to trick or treat.  We’ve lived here 9 years and have never had more than 4-5 kids in a single Halloween night.  That combined with the absurd amount of candy our kids haul in made it really stupid for her to go out and buy 24 full sized bars.

We took our kids driving house to house around our neighborhood, it was really surprising the number of houses giving out crummy treats.  Homemade cookies, popcorn balls, trail mix, pencils…that kind of stuff made up probably 25% of everything they got.  Some of the other kids were ruthless, I heard a 6-7 year old say “you’re giving out trail mix?!?!  Gross!!!”.  I pretty much hate Halloween.

In keeping with the thread topic, my wife makes us dress up as a family every year.  I have gone along with it under the condition that she does all the work to make my costume.  This year we were all characters from Alice in Wonderland, and my Mad Hatter “costume” was a plain black felt top hat and plain tan corduroy suit.  I looked nothing the mad hatter, I looked more like somebody with special needs going to a job interview to be a cashier at Costco.  I told her this was the last year I’m doing that shit.

[PvilleStang 2875]

1 minute ago, Snake Diggity said:

I looked more like somebody with special needs going to a job interview to be a cashier at Costco.  I told her this was the last year I’m doing that shit.

How was the couch?

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

We attempted to give out full size Butterfinger, 100 Grand, Baby Ruth and Nestle Crunch.  Had 100 Grand and Baby Ruth left.  Kids wanted Air Heads over anything.  

[Brisketexan 105066]

Last week, was already dealing with the hassle of getting a replacement vehicle after the daughter had a wreck (her fault -- not anything terrible, but the car was old, so not much damage totaled it).  Get a text from wife and daughter -- garage fridge and freezer died.  I ask them to make sure it wasn't a breaker flip.  Nope.  I ask them to use an extension cord to plug it in to an outlet that's working.  Nope, still no juice.  Fine, shuffle everything around to get some inside, and some over to my dad's house, I'll deal with it when I get home (the next day).  I get home late, too tired to mess with it.  Finally, on Saturday, I look it over (having already searched for replacement garage fridge on Craigslist).

Just to check, I run an extension cord inside to an outlet I know is working.  Boom, fridge fires up.  Confused, I go outside.....and see the other outlet they had tested it on.  It's a GFCI protected outlet, and it had been tripped for some reason.  That outlet is connected to the fridge outlet, so both had been offline.  I press the button, plug the fridge in where it usually goes, and all is well.

Yeah, it's on me because I shouldn't have trusted their work.  But still. I asked them to check by plugging it into an outlet they knew was working.  That didn't happen.

At least I didn't have to spend a couple hundred on a replacement fridge.  So, yay.  Freed up my Saturday to shop for and buy a replacement car.

[Sam Lin 3551]

Not putting that on them. My house has outlets tied through GFCI in all kinds of mysterious places, and zero way to know.

[Brisketexan 105066]

Not putting that on them. My house has outlets tied through GFCI in all kinds of mysterious places, and zero way to know.

Which is why I told them to test it in an outlet they knew was working. Like, plug a light into it first to make sure it has juice, then test the fridge on it. They didn’t do that first part. But I now realize they just don’t think that way. Because wife and daughter.

[Sam Lin 3551]

Most people don't think that way. You should send them to NEC training and get them each voltage testers to prevent instances like this in the future.

[PvilleStang 2875]

6 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

Most people don't think that way. You should send them to NEC training and get them each voltage testers to prevent instances like this in the future.

Or have 'em watch this guy (x post)

 

[tbone_ 14110]

Last week, was already dealing with the hassle of getting a replacement vehicle after the daughter had a wreck (her fault -- not anything terrible, but the car was old, so not much damage totaled it).  Get a text from wife and daughter -- garage fridge and freezer died.  I ask them to make sure it wasn't a breaker flip.  Nope.  I ask them to use an extension cord to plug it in to an outlet that's working.  Nope, still no juice.  Fine, shuffle everything around to get some inside, and some over to my dad's house, I'll deal with it when I get home (the next day).  I get home late, too tired to mess with it.  Finally, on Saturday, I look it over (having already searched for replacement garage fridge on Craigslist).
Just to check, I run an extension cord inside to an outlet I know is working.  Boom, fridge fires up.  Confused, I go outside.....and see the other outlet they had tested it on.  It's a GFCI protected outlet, and it had been tripped for some reason.  That outlet is connected to the fridge outlet, so both had been offline.  I press the button, plug the fridge in where it usually goes, and all is well.
Yeah, it's on me because I shouldn't have trusted their work.  But still. I asked them to check by plugging it into an outlet they knew was working.  That didn't happen.
At least I didn't have to spend a couple hundred on a replacement fridge.  So, yay.  Freed up my Saturday to shop for and buy a replacement car.

I’m amused that you thought this plan might have a chance of working.

Good on you though for the high confidence.

[ABSR 5308]

4 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

I would have been fine with buying full size bars if we ever had enough treaters to actually give them out.  I love the idea of being the house that gives out the good shit. But the houses in our Austin neighborhood are too spread out which makes it a shitty place to trick or treat.  We’ve lived here 9 years and have never had more than 4-5 kids in a single Halloween night.  That combined with the absurd amount of candy our kids haul in made it really stupid for her to go out and buy 24 full sized bars.

We took our kids driving house to house around our neighborhood, it was really surprising the number of houses giving out crummy treats.  Homemade cookies, popcorn balls, trail mix, pencils…that kind of stuff made up probably 25% of everything they got.  Some of the other kids were ruthless, I heard a 6-7 year old say “you’re giving out trail mix?!?!  Gross!!!”.  I pretty much hate Halloween.

In keeping with the thread topic, my wife makes us dress up as a family every year.  I have gone along with it under the condition that she does all the work to make my costume.  This year we were all characters from Alice in Wonderland, and my Mad Hatter “costume” was a plain black felt top hat and plain tan corduroy suit.  I looked nothing the mad hatter, I looked more like somebody with special needs going to a job interview to be a cashier at Costco.  I told her this was the last year I’m doing that shit.

Make sure to tell us what you are next year.

[EE2B 1565]

At 8pm on Halloween night, I turned the front light off and went back to watching the Rangers game. My wife comes through and turns the light back on and says we still have candy to give out. My oldest comes back a few minutes later with her friend. The friend comes in to use the restroom before heading home. Before she leaves I take all the candy we have left and dump it in to a Walmart bag. As my daughter’s friend is walking out the door, I tell her happy Halloween and hand her the bag full of candy.  After she gets in her car I turned the light back off. Wife comes back through and asks why the light is back off. I told her that I gave away all the candy as requested. My oldest explained where the candy went. My wife was not impressed, but baseball watching continued uninterrupted. 

[Sam Lin 3551]

Narrator: Lack of sex also continued uninterrupted.

[Humpy 112]

22 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

So the men had trick or drink while the kids did their thing, not a damn thing wrong with that.

[huge 3793]

I'll take one of those 100 Grands.  Underrated 

[rage-a-holic 4379]

6 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Which is why I told them to test it in an outlet they knew was working. Like, plug a light into it first to make sure it has juice, then test the fridge on it. They didn’t do that first part. But I now realize they just don’t think that way. Because wife and daughter.

I am so with you here. That shit is infuriating. All she/they had to do is plug in a fucking lamp or blow dryer into that outlet and they didn't bother. Then they pretend not to understand what you asked or claim it was some extreme engineering project you demanded.

We have two ISPs at the house here (Telmex and Megacable) due to constant outages caused by local assholes climbing telephone poles and stealing copper cable to sell for beer money.

So we have a mesh system with one ethernet cable plugged into it from whichever ISPs modem happens to be working. I have walked her through it multiple times, but swapping ONE bright yellow cable when the service goes out is just WAY too hard to remember.

So if I'm not there and one of the services drops, we have no internet until I get back.

[Gil Bang 25919]

On 11/1/2023 at 4:54 PM, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

What kind of fucking asshole turns down a free, cold, budweiser?  

If some asshole turns up his nose at my offer of a cold bud, I'm kicking him in the nuts and telling him to never come back.

[Modessit 5598]

I am so with you here. That shit is infuriating. All she/they had to do is plug in a fucking lamp or blow dryer into that outlet and they didn't bother. Then they pretend not to understand what you asked or claim it was some extreme engineering project you demanded.
We have two ISPs at the house here (Telmex and Megacable) due to constant outages caused by local assholes climbing telephone poles and stealing copper cable to sell for beer money.
So we have a mesh system with one ethernet cable plugged into it from whichever ISPs modem happens to be working. I have walked her through it multiple times, but swapping ONE bright yellow cable when the service goes out is just WAY too hard to remember.
So if I'm not there and one of the services drops, we have no internet until I get back.

Way back when we were still dating and living together, we had one of those push-on coaxial cables to connect the cable box to the TV. The cat would sometimes try to hide behind the entertainment center and would knock the cable loose. It was a WHITE cable - the only white cable back there.

I was working night shift and slept during the day. Then-gf-now-wife was still in college and would usually be 'studying' in the living room after morning classes but was really watching TV. She woke me up once to tell me the cable wasn't working. I told her to look at the back of the cable box and make sure the white cable was connected. She came back and said it was. I again asked her if she was sure the white cable was connected. She went and checked again and came back and said it was. So - I got up and went out there and looked and found the white cable was disconnected.

Me: I thought you said the white cable was connected.

Her: Oh, the WHITE cable...


This is the same woman who again woke me up another day to tell me the dryer wasn't working. I walked out to find her pushing the button to show me. I told her she might want to shut the door first.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21874]

2 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

I am so with you here. That shit is infuriating. All she/they had to do is plug in a fucking lamp or blow dryer into that outlet and they didn't bother. Then they pretend not to understand what you asked or claim it was some extreme engineering project you demanded.

We have two ISPs at the house here (Telmex and Megacable) due to constant outages caused by local assholes climbing telephone poles and stealing copper cable to sell for beer money.

So we have a mesh system with one ethernet cable plugged into it from whichever ISPs modem happens to be working. I have walked her through it multiple times, but swapping ONE bright yellow cable when the service goes out is just WAY too hard to remember.

So if I'm not there and one of the services drops, we have no internet until I get back.

It seems like if you’re not there then she is the one that has no internet

[nnm 36349]

7 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

It seems like if you’re not there then she is the one that has no internet

I hear him. All the stuff he controls remotely (door, alarm, cameras, pool equipment, etc.) is offline also. That happens out here in rural ETX when our crappy “People’s Internet” POS service periodically and regularly goes down. 

[Biff Tannen 45665]

I was woken up yesterday at 6:15am with her screeching that we had blown through all of our savings.  I groggily opened up the app for our savings account and realized she apparently doesn't know how commas and decimal points work, as she was off by more than a factor of 10.

[TrashMaster G 17547]

11 hours ago, Modessit said:

Way back when we were still dating and living together, we had one of those push-on coaxial cables to connect the cable box to the TV. The cat would sometimes try to hide behind the entertainment center and would knock the cable loose. It was a WHITE cable - the only white cable back there.

I was working night shift and slept during the day. Then-gf-now-wife was still in college and would usually be 'studying' in the living room after morning classes but was really watching TV. She woke me up once to tell me the cable wasn't working. I told her to look at the back of the cable box and make sure the white cable was connected. She came back and said it was. I again asked her if she was sure the white cable was connected. She went and checked again and came back and said it was. So - I got up and went out there and looked and found the white cable was disconnected.

Me: I thought you said the white cable was connected.

Her: Oh, the WHITE cable...


This is the same woman who again woke me up another day to tell me the dryer wasn't working. I walked out to find her pushing the button to show me. I told her she might want to shut the door first.

She's gotta be hot.

[Celery Man 20931]

If I had a weird little plastic nail for every time my wife bought IKEA furniture, took everything out of the box and dumped the hardware everywhere, and then completed 2 steps before telling me to finish it, I’d be able to put together this fucking baby dresser.

[ztejas 43411]

18 hours ago, huge said:

I'll take one of those 100 Grands.  Underrated 

Baby ruth may be my favorite candy bar. Like a Snickers with better ratios. I also like paydays. Just a fan of peanuts in general I guess. 

[Brothahorn 10087]

My rationale is if it's something she know I like, buy enough for both of us.

Especially peanut butter crunch Quest bars.

Kind of what I do. The wife buys the healthy pint of ice cream, but somehow, my whole quart is gone after I eat one bowl. So I buy two and hide one in the garage freezer.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

Some cunt was handing out toothbrushes and toothpaste on Halloween. She's married to some poor asshole. Lame.

[Celery Man 20931]

3 hours ago, Celery Man said:

If I had a weird little plastic nail for every time my wife bought IKEA furniture, took everything out of the box and dumped the hardware everywhere, and then completed 2 steps before telling me to finish it, I’d be able to put together this fucking baby dresser.

 

[ABSR 5308]

19 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

What kind of fucking asshole turns down a free, cold, budweiser?  

If some asshole turns up his nose at my offer of a cold bud, I'm kicking him in the nuts and telling him to never come back.

And this is the last AA meeting Gil was allowed to attend.