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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Celery Man

Celery Man 20933

Posted
Posted
24 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


I don’t know your wife from a hot rock. But I’d bet you lunch if she makes it a business it will cost you money.

the current business model is to make 10 boxes and then send me out to deliver them to various neighborhood families for free, I think I can improve on that at least. i made a joke last night that doing this while 9 months pregnant is really throwing down the suburban mom one upsmanship gauntlet. she looked at me like

Dumb And Dumber GIF

"that's maybe a little bit the idea"

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Modessit

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the current business model is to make 10 boxes and then send me out to deliver them to various neighborhood families for free, I think I can improve on that at least. i made a joke last night that doing this while 9 months pregnant is really throwing down the suburban mom one upsmanship gauntlet. she looked at me like
200.gif
"that's maybe a little bit the idea"
Several local ladies in my neighborhood sell cookies, cakes, etc on Next Door and often sell out every week. If she can do these consistently well, she could easily make some money. Especially if she themes them to holidays, teacher appreciation, etc.
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Frank Drebin

Frank Drebin 5661

Posted
Posted

My wife is an attorney and very bright.

But she will routinely ask me questions I could not possibly know.  Instead of just using Google.  I am her Google.

Yesterday, the battery in her key fob went out.  She calls me at work to ask me what type of battery it takes.  How in the world should I know?  It's her vehicle.  It's a model we have never owned before this one.

Or, do you think Saks will take this jacket back?  Like I am familiar with return policies at stores she knows I don't shop.

 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Frank Drebin said:

My wife is an attorney and very bright.

But she will routinely ask me questions I could not possibly know.  Instead of just using Google.  I am her Google.

Yesterday, the battery in her key fob went out.  She calls me at work to ask me what type of battery it takes.  How in the world should I know?  It's her vehicle.  It's a model we have never owned before this one.

Or, do you think Saks will take this jacket back?  Like I am familiar with return policies at stores she knows I don't shop.

 

Wait. You're wife gives specifics? Mine only uses pronouns. Mine would have said "The battery is going out, do we have one to replace it? Do you think I can return that thing I bought (that is no where in sight) when I went to that one store (that you did go to with me)"

 

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ztejas

ztejas 43414

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

We're at a restaurant and one TV is showing espn2 and a show about Valvano...they're showing sports center clips and other headlines from  then as if they're current . I'm eating, wife taps me on the shoulder and pointed at the tv..."Arthur Ashy has AIDS"...

 

That's fucking phenomenal. 

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6647

Posted
Posted

Her:  "Why isn't T'Vondre going to the Heisman thing?  He should be in the "Final Four" or whatever it's called."

Me:  "Well, lets start by asking what you know about any of the people who ARE going to be in NYC for this.  Do you even know what schools / programs they are from or how well they have performed for their respective programs?"

Her:  "That doesn't matter."

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Nivek

Nivek 16923

Posted
Posted

Background: My son is in trouble for not doing his school work and resisting. So I took away his game access until he gets caught up.

This morning he tries to kick his little brother off the xbox and I remind him he is not allowed. He has a fit but goes into his room to complete one assignment.

Wife wakes up. Sits near me. And stares at her phone. Kid comes back in, starts acting up, annoying his brother. Wife tells me I am getting “dis-regulated” and begins to lecture me, while the kid is trying to annoy me. I take her advice, calmly head into our bedroom with my coffee.

2 minutes later she is raising her voice to him. 2 minutes after our youngest decides to sit with me. 1 minute later, she is at the door telling me she cant handle it.

Me……(is this a trap?)

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20933

Posted
Posted (edited)

I’m feeding the kid lunch, and telling the wife how we are about to go to the park. We are finding socks and shoes when she heads upstairs, and then this conversation ensues 

 

IMG_5407.thumb.jpeg.aeab257854f712df77f25e3a80500547.jpeg
 

Spoiler

IMG_5404.thumb.jpeg.34ac31891fea660c45c60f5637931837.jpeg

*edit* we probably have frozen biscuits at the bottom of the deep freeze but it is filled with important trash

Edited by Celery Man
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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2967

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Her:  "Why isn't T'Vondre going to the Heisman thing?  He should be in the "Final Four" or whatever it's called."

Me:  "Well, lets start by asking what you know about any of the people who ARE going to be in NYC for this.  Do you even know what schools / programs they are from or how well they have performed for their respective programs?"

Her:  "That doesn't matter."
 

Agree with her here. 

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2875

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Budkudzu said:

Mrs B and I were driving around the other day doing some errands.  

Mrs B: Turn down this street.  I want to go past Brian and Jen's house.  I've heard it's nice

Mr B:   Sure.

Mrs B: It was new when they had it built.  

 

TeTKN3a.gif.7a5f4cb7a0b59f48b712176f7804b7fa.gif

Edited by PvilleStang
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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11034

Posted
Posted

 

Sat evening I'm sitting on the couch, watching the end of the army-navy game. Its 6 pm. Wife comes downstairs and the following conversation ensues:

Wife: Don't forget we're going to that play tonight.

Me: Right.

Wife: Its at 8.

Me: Got it.

Wife: We probably need to leave no later than 6:30.

Me: Ok

Wife: (Gives me a look)

Me: I'll be ready by 6:30.

Wife: Okayyyyy...

 

Guess who was sitting in the truck with the engine running at 6:35, while the two female members of the household were not ready?

 

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52-80

52-80 19147

Posted
Posted

My wife recently got offered a promotion to a role with direct reports. 

I reminded her repeatedly this is the few/best opportunity to get to negotiate the pay. She ignored me and took the first offer. Mistake #1. 

Then I told her she needed to immediately delegate work. Instead, in the post-promotion glow, she basically absorbed the chores of her team. Mistake #2.

If people wanted to merely reward your job performance, they give you a raise. People give promotions to make their own lives easier. In turn, you need to delegate your tasks to make your own life easier. This is how organization of labor works. 

Anyway, now that the honeymoon passed all the excess work is catching up to her and shes starting to stress out. Should I rub it in?

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Posted
Posted (edited)
On 12/7/2023 at 1:22 PM, Incredulity said:

Just wait till customer #45 Karen Karenstein wants to return a 3/4 eaten tin of handmade Christmas Cookies because, "they are too sugary"

My wife did cakes for about 10 years, including smaller weddings. Her ‘business’ came entirely from word of mouth and had a reputation for quality product at a better value than regular bakeries.  One of the customers at the very end was a Karenstein who accused the wife of ‘ ruining our memories’ in a wedding because the cake( which was exactly what was ordered) didn’t hit the mark.  Lady then tried to put my wife on blast on FB wanting a refund, and about 15-20 previous customers buried ole Karen.  It was beautiful.

Fuck Karenstein.  Wife made a little money off the cakes, but more enjoyed the interaction and making people happy.  Then some cunt wants to be a cunt.  I wanted to go take a dump on their front porch. 

Edited by slorch
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Incredulity

Incredulity 11657

Posted
Posted
Just now, slorch said:

My wife did cakes for about 10 years, including smaller weddings. Her ‘business’ came entirely from word of mouth and had a reputation for quality product at a better value than regular bakeries.  One of the customers at the very end was a Karenstein who accused the wife of ‘ ruining our memories’ in a wedding because the cake( which was exactly what was ordered) didn’t hit the mark.  Lady then tried to put my wife on blast on FB wanting a refund, and about 15-20 previous customers buried ole Karen.  It was beautiful.

Fuck those people.  Wife made a little money off the cakes, but more enjoyed the interaction and making people happy.  Then some cunt wants to be a cunt.  I wanted to go take a dump on their front porch. 

yup.

 

people are the worst.

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2875

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

 


100% guaranteed to amp down her stress level and make your life more enjoyable. I say go for it.

 

Then ask her if Aunt Flow is in town for the week, and when she responds, cut her off and tell her to calm down, it's a joke.  Then toss her a gift card to Lane Bryant or Chico's and enjoy life.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17551

Posted
Posted
38 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

 


100% guaranteed to amp down her stress level and make your life more enjoyable. I say go for it.

 

 

8 minutes ago, PvilleStang said:

Then ask her if Aunt Flow is in town for the week, and when she responds, cut her off and tell her to calm down, it's a joke.  Then toss her a gift card to Lane Bryant or Chico's and enjoy life.

And then please report back with your success story.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11657

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Posted
31 minutes ago, PvilleStang said:

Then ask her if Aunt Flow is in town for the week because she looks like she is retaining water, and when she responds, cut her off and tell her to calm her titties, it's a joke.  Then toss her a gift card to Lane Bryant or Chico's and comment she is becoming her mother.

Lets get crazy

 

atomic bomb explosion GIF

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54208

Posted
Posted
On 12/9/2023 at 12:50 AM, ROFL BOX said:

Her:  "Why isn't T'Vondre going to the Heisman thing?  He should be in the "Final Four" or whatever it's called."

Me:  "Well, lets start by asking what you know about any of the people who ARE going to be in NYC for this.  Do you even know what schools / programs they are from or how well they have performed for their respective programs?"

Her:  "That doesn't matter."
 

What's her username on the football board?

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Try coaching your son's little league team.  My oldest is 38, and helping to coach his team was the worst experience of my life.  I can only imagine that it is 100 times worse now.

I run a little league organization.  Had zero issues from players or dads last season.  All issues were because of the moms.

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25922

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

Then ask her if Aunt Flow is in town for the week, and when she responds, cut her off and tell her to calm down, it's a joke.  Then toss her a gift card to Lane Bryant or Chico's and enjoy life.

Isn't Lane Bryant for fat girls?  Is she a great big fatso?

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Try coaching your son's little league team.  My oldest is 38, and helping to coach his team was the worst experience of my life.  I can only imagine that it is 100 times worse now.

I first read this as your son is still in little league. Then that you were helping your son coach his kids little league.

I've coached little league twice. The first time was horrible. The second time was fantastic. Some of that was a little hesitant talking to parents the first time around. Second time, I knew when to ask parents for help and when to tell them what they should be doing.

 

1 hour ago, txhorns said:

I run a little league organization.  Had zero issues from players or dads last season.  All issues were because of the moms.

That's the damn truth. 

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5652

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, txhorns said:

I run a little league organization.  Had zero issues from players or dads last season.  All issues were because of the moms.

I always appreciate the mom that helps out by keeping the book and understands and keeps track of errors and fielder's choice but doesn't understand that it's statistically improbable that her son is the only one that went an entire season without having either of those happen to him.  

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Superhero

Superhero 8828

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Elvis said:

GOOD GOD CAN YOU STOP BUYING STUFF FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND?

 

We've had packages show up everyday for almost 2 weeks straight - clothes for the kids, her new snowboarding boots, snow stuff for the kids, 3 new pairs of shoes , new backpack, new computer bag... 

 

I just wish something would show up from Victoria's Secret, because at least I'll get to enjoy what she bought.

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