Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Modessit 5598]

Yep, Mrs. Brat is a devout Catholic, so every Friday is fish day in our household.

That's not Catholicism. Only during Lent.

[Modessit 5598]

I started keeping my insurance card on my sun visor, so I don't get shot by an antsy cop when I have to reach in the glovebox to get it.

Cops don't ask for insurance cards anymore. They can look it up on their system.

[Dutchrudder 11136]

On 1/4/2024 at 3:19 PM, SHOOTER12 said:

Invite Mitch Cumsteens wife over and sell it all to her for cheap. Problem solved.

[Armybrat 40826]

25 minutes ago, Modessit said:

On 1/4/2024 at 7:15 AM, Armybrat said:

Yep, Mrs. Brat is a devout Catholic, so every Friday is fish day in our household.

That's not Catholicism. Only during Lent.

She is Old School Catholic.

[Jerry Callo 8699]

Open drawer talk not going away.... Wife was putting away the groceries while was doing something else in the kitchen.

Her: "I'm too hot in this sweater. I need to go change clothes. " ... And off she goes.

Notice the placement of the asparagus......I would assume that is temporary.... But would likely be wrong.

Upon turning around....

What kind of sociopath leaves their shoes like that?

[ocugolf 1214]

My wife is what I would call cautious about spending money. She, however, has zero sense about time verse value. Example 1: there’s a 7/11 about a block from the house, so she will drive to Costco which is about 20 minutes away to get gas because it’s “cheaper”. Well, the gas she burns to go the 15 miles basically makes the prices comparable and she would save 40 minutes of her day. 
 

Example two, we have a Walgreens and a Braums neighborhood market within a half mile. For simple stuff we know Walgreens or Braums will have, she will drive to the Crest by her church which is about 30 minutes away.

I get so damn frustrated with that.

[Kilgorehorn 308]

17 hours ago, Modessit said:

On 1/5/2024 at 8:23 AM, Sandman said:

I started keeping my insurance card on my sun visor, so I don't get shot by an antsy cop when I have to reach in the glovebox to get it.

Cops don't ask for insurance cards anymore. They can look it up on their system.

I can assure you they do. At least as recently as a week ago.

[Hook1997 5351]

7 hours ago, ocugolf said:

My wife is what I would call cautious about spending money. She, however, has zero sense about time verse value. Example 1: there’s a 7/11 about a block from the house, so she will drive to Costco which is about 20 minutes away to get gas because it’s “cheaper”. Well, the gas she burns to go the 15 miles basically makes the prices comparable and she would save 40 minutes of her day. 
 

Example two, we have a Walgreens and a Braums neighborhood market within a half mile. For simple stuff we know Walgreens or Braums will have, she will drive to the Crest by her church which is about 30 minutes away.

I get so damn frustrated with that.

That’s her version of you going to get a beer while on a grocery run, some quiet time to leave you with kids at home.  She reverse uno carded you.  Or she’s sucking some dudes dick…   

[tx ind 7008]

8 hours ago, ocugolf said:

My wife is what I would call cautious about spending money. She, however, has zero sense about time verse value. Example 1: there’s a 7/11 about a block from the house, so she will drive to Costco which is about 20 minutes away to get gas because it’s “cheaper”. Well, the gas she burns to go the 15 miles basically makes the prices comparable and she would save 40 minutes of her day. 
 

Example two, we have a Walgreens and a Braums neighborhood market within a half mile. For simple stuff we know Walgreens or Braums will have, she will drive to the Crest by her church which is about 30 minutes away.

I get so damn frustrated with that.

I don’t know, sounds like you get built in quiet time and don’t have to ask for it.

[Fudge Nuggets 19189]

On 1/4/2024 at 3:11 PM, ROFL BOX said:

My insurance cards list both vehicles and both drivers under my policy.  Are there ghetto ass insurers that let you go a la carte?

[Biff Tannen 45665]

On 1/5/2024 at 11:52 AM, royiv said:

We figure we're getting a head start on cleaning out their house when they kick it.

This is exactly what my mom is going right now. She asked for the three kids to clean out her attic as her Christmas gift. Haven’t done it yet, but it’s coming. Dad thinks she’s nuts. 

[TrashMaster G 17551]

On 1/5/2024 at 7:08 PM, Modessit said:

On 1/4/2024 at 7:15 AM, Armybrat said:

Yep, Mrs. Brat is a devout Catholic, so every Friday is fish day in our household.

That's not Catholicism. Only during Lent.

Up until 1966, it was year-round, not just Lent.

[Armybrat 40826]

“They” used to call us bass biters.

[Lidig8r 1870]

On 1/5/2024 at 7:14 PM, Modessit said:

On 1/5/2024 at 8:23 AM, Sandman said:

I started keeping my insurance card on my sun visor, so I don't get shot by an antsy cop when I have to reach in the glovebox to get it.

Cops don't ask for insurance cards anymore. They can look it up on their system.

I was gonna throw the bullshit card on this, but did some quick research on the line, and found out that is pretty much accurate.  Who knew? I learned something new today.

https://clearsurance.com/blog/do-cops-know-if-car-has-insurance

[Biff Tannen 45665]

We try and do “Fish Thursday” because trash day is Friday and fish is good for you. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

My new house has a full blown fish cleaning station with wash down in the garage, plus my backyard backs up to a turtle, raccoon, and sometime gator infested wetland. I’ve never seen a redfish carcass last more than 24 hours out there. It’s gonna be awesome.

[conVINCEd 21469]

15 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

I was gonna throw the bullshit card on this, but did some quick research on the line, and found out that is pretty much accurate.  Who knew? I learned something new today.

https://clearsurance.com/blog/do-cops-know-if-car-has-insurance

It probably varies by state, but it’s been that way for 10+ years in TX.

[GoPokes83 2240]

You’ve got a nice house compadre… You really have ADT or just the sign? I picked up 4 at a garage sale for 50 cents apiece and stuck them around the joint. Figured it might keep an honest thief away, but no way I’m actually paying 60 bucks a month for that BS.

[GoPokes83 2240]

Cops don't ask for insurance cards anymore. They can look it up on their system.

Wanna bet? I know it’s on their computer in their car and the dispatcher tells them I have it, but they still ask you for it and can write you up if you don’t have proof of something they already know you have. Ask my wife how she knows. I have a screenshot on my phone and old school paper in the console. Still gotta show it for inspections, at least for one more year.

[GoPokes83 2240]

“But go ahead” is her preemptive I told you so.

[NorthLoop 14183]

8 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

It probably varies by state, but it’s been that way for 10+ years in TX.

I've been pulled over probably 4 or 5 times in the last 10 years. Had to show mine every time. 

[conVINCEd 21469]

Just now, NorthLoop said:

I've been pulled over probably 4 or 5 times in the last 10 years. Had to show mine every time. 

Standard procedure is hard to change.  It’s in their computers and has been for some time.

[NorthLoop 14183]

That's good to know though since it's been a while since I've had a copy in the car. Also hate having to find it on the app while getting stared down by a trooper. 

[conVINCEd 21469]

15 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

That's good to know though since it's been a while since I've had a copy in the car. Also hate having to find it on the app while getting stared down by a trooper. 

I think it’s part of the psychological aspect of being a cop.  Give an order and make the driver comply with the order.  They know everything about you/your car before they put the car in park. 

[nnm 36354]

46 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

That's good to know though since it's been a while since I've had a copy in the car. Also hate having to find it on the app while getting stared down by a trooper. 

Especially when you’re drunk. 

[Celery Man 20933]

Wife has been in charge of toddler preschool lunches. Which I think is a fair deal all things considered, but it is apparently mental load, whatever. WIth the new baby, she's trying to get me to do more lunch things but is also having a hard time understanding that someone should "own" this and that if neither of us own it than it is not owned. I digress.

Yesterday I was running around because our dog was sick (urinary stones, it turns out) and I had to take our niece to the airport (and go through security and shit, unaccompanied minor who had flown up to help us out and meet the baby, very fun).  I took the 2.5 year old with me for that to keep pressure off of mom with the baby. Which I think is pretty generous, whatever - the thing I'm saying is that I was not playing xbox and masturbating when she said "can you check on the pizzas in the oven" (little crescent roll pizzas for this weeks lunches) and I went and looked and said "they are not done yet". 

What she understood from that interaction is that I was now in charge of the pizzas. Needless to say they burned and I was tasked with making the pizzas again. That night as I was putting the new batch of pizzas in the oven:

Celery: "Is kiddo's lunch ready?"
Wife: "It's in the fridge"
Celery: "Ok, will it have pizza?"
Wife: "No"

How I understood this was that kiddo's lunch was ready and in the fridge and was going to be something different than pizza. What my wife was attempting to communicate was that it needed a pizza in order to be complete and ready to be sent off to school with the kiddo.

 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so I just got back from the preschool to drop off a little fucking crescent roll pizza

[SHOOTER12 8800]

10 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

You’ve got a nice house compadre… You really have ADT or just the sign? I picked up 4 at a garage sale for 50 cents apiece and stuck them around the joint. Figured it might keep an honest thief away, but no way I’m actually paying 60 bucks a month for that BS.

Thanks gopokes, yep really have it. ADT has saved our butts a few times over the years. 

[tbone_ 14113]

Wife has been in charge of toddler preschool lunches. Which I think is a fair deal all things considered, but it is apparently mental load, whatever. WIth the new baby, she's trying to get me to do more lunch things but is also having a hard time understanding that someone should "own" this and that if neither of us own it than it is not owned. I digress.
Yesterday I was running around because our dog was sick (urinary stones, it turns out) and I had to take our niece to the airport (and go through security and shit, unaccompanied minor who had flown up to help us out and meet the baby, very fun).  I took the 2.5 year old with me for that to keep pressure off of mom with the baby. Which I think is pretty generous, whatever - the thing I'm saying is that I was not playing xbox and masturbating when she said "can you check on the pizzas in the oven" (little crescent roll pizzas for this weeks lunches) and I went and looked and said "they are not done yet". 
What she understood from that interaction is that I was now in charge of the pizzas. Needless to say they burned and I was tasked with making the pizzas again. That night as I was putting the new batch of pizzas in the oven:
Celery: "Is kiddo's lunch ready?"
Wife: "It's in the fridge"
Celery: "Ok, will it have pizza?"
Wife: "No"
How I understood this was that kiddo's lunch was ready and in the fridge and was going to be something different than pizza. What my wife was attempting to communicate was that it needed a pizza in order to be complete and ready to be sent off to school with the kiddo.
 
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
so I just got back from the preschool to drop off a little fucking crescent roll pizza

This never changes. Life will forevermore be a fluid game of passive-aggressive 3D Chess. It just is.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

Anyone else's wife buy a fuck ton of clothes online (like $500+ worth at a time) because she's "going to return most of them"?  To be fair, she does return most of them, but there has to be a better way.  

[nbmishoid 949]

Yes.  Shocking the volume of shit that gets sent back.   At first I took it as something fundamentally, morally wrong.  I was instructed to a higher plane of understanding 

[tbone_ 14113]

I’m amazed at the willingness of the female human to go through the online clothes return process, but they def do it.

I never want to deal with that hassle. I usually just donate whatever doesn’t work for me.

[Hook1997 5351]

3 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Thanks gopokes, yep really have it. ADT has saved our butts a few times over the years. 

Go on….  That looks like it’s in the county where you wouldn’t think it would actually come in handy too often.  

[SHOOTER12 8800]

2 minutes ago, Hook1997 said:

Go on….  That looks like it’s in the county where you wouldn’t think it would actually come in handy too often.  

That's EXACTLY where it come in hand. On acreage, house not visible from the road, and an area(Nacogdoches County) absolutely overloaded with meth heads and Crack heads.

[uoftorange 1386]

14 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I’m amazed at the willingness of the female human to go through the online clothes return process, but they def do it.

I never want to deal with that hassle. I usually just donate whatever doesn’t work for me.

Well isn't that nice, my wife doesn't return shit.  She says she will but it's always on me.  Frankly I don't care, it gets done, but if I didn't do it, it wouldn't.  

But I actually am a believer in the buy both possible sizes if I can't try it on in person and return the one that doesn't fit.  

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 hour ago, uoftorange said:

Well isn't that nice, my wife doesn't return shit.  She says she will but it's always on me.  Frankly I don't care, it gets done, but if I didn't do it, it wouldn't.  

But I actually am a believer in the buy both possible sizes if I can't try it on in person and return the one that doesn't fit.  

 

16 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I’m amazed at the willingness of the female human to go through the online clothes return process, but they def do it.

I never want to deal with that hassle. I usually just donate whatever doesn’t work for me.

I narrowed it down to five or so brands and know how each fits me.  It’s a good system for me.  What really makes me fucking happy is when the wife gets me a fucking present, orders 2 sizes, gleefully informs me that I can try both on and see which one fits better,  and then just return the other one.  Thank you honey! You just created another errand for me to run.  The bottom line is most women enjoy the entire shopping experience and all it entails, while most men despise it. 

[CycleTex87 2967]

These days, I buy shoes, try them on, and return them if they don't fit, I don't like them, etc.  There's no such thing as a shoe store anymore, other than Academy or the like.

[Native Horn 3499]

9 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

These days, I buy shoes, try them on, and return them if they don't fit, I don't like them, etc.  There's no such thing as a shoe store anymore, other than Academy or the like.

Do you even DSW bro?  The selection, and even more importantly, the scenery is pretty great.

[Mittens 8258]

Plus, you can order multiple sizes online, pick up at the store, try them on and return the ones that don't fit then and there.

[conVINCEd 21469]

6 minutes ago, Mittens said:

Plus, you can order multiple sizes online, pick up at the store, try them on and return the ones that don't fit then and there.

The entire point of ordering online is so that you don’t have to go to the store.

[Celery Man 20933]

My wife used to spend forever at DSW and I would play the game of “try to find one wearable dress shoe”.

I think part of the woman shopping return thing is that they mostly buy shit they see on Instagram.

[Modessit 5598]

I wear a size 15. Not many shoe stores carry that size in stock, and the ones that do usually only have one or two styles to choose from and they typically aren't that comfortable.

[Mittens 8258]

24 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

The entire point of ordering online is so that you don’t have to go to the store.

Disagree.  I order online to pick up at Lowes or HEB all the time.  You some kind of hermit that never leaves the house?  If I see a pair of shoes I like at a good price, I'll order 2 pairs and stop in at DSW the next time I'm around Sunset Valley or the Arboretum.  It adds 15 min to my errands and I get shoes that fit without having to browse the store.

[CycleTex87 2967]

Zappos IMO.  Free returns.  The last pair of shoes I bought where I actually went to the store was Red Wing hunting boots.

[nnm 36354]

30 minutes ago, Modessit said:

I wear a size 15.

[Dennis Taylor 18809]

18 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Anyone else's wife buy a fuck ton of clothes online (like $500+ worth at a time) because she's "going to return most of them"?  To be fair, she does return most of them, but there has to be a better way.  

Yes except for the returning most of it part. 

Since Christmas cards aren't really much of a thing anymore, she put up our own which was cool to see the changes in the kids over the years. On a related note to my first sentence, today I'm wearing the same long sleeve Nike Texas Football shirt that I was wearing in the Christmas picture from '09 at Disney when the kids were 10 and 5 and we were about to play Bama in Pasadena 

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

9 hours ago, Modessit said:

I wear a size 15. Not many shoe stores carry that size in stock, and the ones that do usually only have one or two styles to choose from and they typically aren't that comfortable.

Think how tall you'd be if so much wasn't turned under.

[Biff Tannen 45665]

10 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

The bottom line is most women enjoy the entire shopping experience and all it entails, while most men despise it. 

God damn if this isn’t the infuriating truth. I can just see the hamster wheel turning whenever we go into any store: “just look at all the stuff I could buy!”

[Sam Lin 3551]

Yeah, but when I walk in to a Cabela's or Harbor Freight I'm exactly the same, so I can't really fault them for anything.

[Crapinon 2253]

Breakfast conversation this morning:

Me: How did you sleep last night?

Her : Fine but I had a disheartening dream that you divorced me.

Me: How did we split up the cats? (I knew where this was going so I tried to derail it)

Her: You got the good ones. It was very disheartening.

Me: Why did I leave you and who did I leave you for? Was it Taylor Swift? She's not my type but she's rich and I'd try to be a good gigolo. 

Her: I'm not sure who it was. Maybe because you got better sex?

Me: You do realize this was YOUR dream, right?

Her: I know, but it was disheartening. 

If she brings it up again, I'm just going to say it will be for someone with bigger tits and leave it at that. At least she'll have a real reason to be upset.

[Mo Horn 8831]

Quote

If she brings it up again, I'm just going to say it will be for someone with bigger tits and leave it at that. At least she'll have a real reason to be upset.

We obviously need to see her tits to understand her reason.