Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

uoftorange · January 16

10 hours ago, nnm said:

Weekly exercise in the nnm household.

I will never understand why guys will allow this to happen to themselves. Get a calendar, agree with your wife to put all events there, and do the same for your stuff. There is zero excuse and you don't have to look bad if you forgot, just look each day for 8 seconds at it. Then if it's not on the calendar you have an amazing out.

My wife is the one that does this to me, and having the calendar makes my life so much easier. I've gotten out of going to all kinds of stuff because it wasn't on the calendar and my plans were.

ROFL BOX · January 16

and she was going to suck my dick later tonight but now I can just forget it"

This is about a married couple, so... that was a lie.

NorthLoop · January 16

2 hours ago, uoftorange said:

I will never understand why guys will allow this to happen to themselves. Get a calendar, agree with your wife to put all events there, and do the same for your stuff. There is zero excuse and you don't have to look bad if you forgot, just look each day for 8 seconds at it. Then if it's not on the calendar you have an amazing out.

My wife is the one that does this to me, and having the calendar makes my life so much easier. I've gotten out of going to all kinds of stuff because it wasn't on the calendar and my plans were.

Why should I have to get a calendar? She's the one who sucks.

tigol · January 16

Why should I have to get a calendar? She's the one who sucks.

Thank you for closing this loop. That is almost exactly what my husband said when I made such a suggestion.

Spoosner · January 16

3 hours ago, uoftorange said:

I will never understand why guys will allow this to happen to themselves. Get a calendar, agree with your wife to put all events there, and do the same for your stuff. There is zero excuse and you don't have to look bad if you forgot, just look each day for 8 seconds at it. Then if it's not on the calendar you have an amazing out.

My wife is the one that does this to me, and having the calendar makes my life so much easier. I've gotten out of going to all kinds of stuff because it wasn't on the calendar and my plans were.

Are you saying a paper calendar at home, or do y'all use an app? An app you or anybody on here likes? Preferably something that can be accessed via mobile and desktop.

I'd like to get the shared calendar going, but I can't access personal google stuff from my work computer so it rules out google calendar. I don't like the iphone native calendar for adding events.

52-80 · January 16

3 hours ago, uoftorange said:

I will never understand why guys will allow this to happen to themselves. Get a calendar, agree with your wife to put all events there, and do the same for your stuff. There is zero excuse and you don't have to look bad if you forgot, just look each day for 8 seconds at it. Then if it's not on the calendar you have an amazing out.

My wife is the one that does this to me, and having the calendar makes my life so much easier. I've gotten out of going to all kinds of stuff because it wasn't on the calendar and my plans were.

Im gonna stop you right there.

Incredulity · January 16

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Why should I have to get a calendar? She's the one who sucks.

ztejas · January 16

16 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife's painting the laundry room for some stupid reason, even though we're going to have the whole house painted in about 3 months.

I'm lying on the couch, under the blanket, watching football with the dog lying next to me.

Her: Can you come in here when there's a break?

Me: No, I'm not going to get up and give you my opinion of how the laundry room looks.

Her: Why?

Me: Because I don't care and I'm extremely comfortable here.

Her: blahblahblah I want to know if it needs another coat of paint!

Me: You're the painter! You decide!

Her: But I need another pair of eyes!

<I get up and go look>

Me: I think it looks fine...

Her: <pause> I'm going to put another coat on it.

Fantastic.

tx ind · January 16

4 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Why should I have to get a calendar? She's the one who sucks.

I'd let the calendar (and a lot of other things) slide if this is the case.

NWBuck · January 16

50 minutes ago, tx ind said:

I'd let the calendar (and a lot of other things) slide if this is the case.

Conversely... if you put "blowjob" on the calendar a couple of times a week, it ensures that it will happen.

While removing the mystery of "will I get a beej tonight?", it then becomes evidence for future discussions- "Why didn't you come to junior's saxophone recital? It was on the calendar!" "Oh, so we're doing all the things on the calendar now??"

Superhero · January 17

5 hours ago, Spoosner said:

Are you saying a paper calendar at home, or do y'all use an app? An app you or anybody on here likes? Preferably something that can be accessed via mobile and desktop.

I'd like to get the shared calendar going, but I can't access personal google stuff from my work computer so it rules out google calendar. I don't like the iphone native calendar for adding events.

Google calendars. We let each other see the other person's calendar. Do it on the computer, or iPhone calendar, or Google calendar app (which sucks even more).

uoftorange · January 17

7 hours ago, Spoosner said:

Are you saying a paper calendar at home, or do y'all use an app? An app you or anybody on here likes? Preferably something that can be accessed via mobile and desktop.

I'd like to get the shared calendar going, but I can't access personal google stuff from my work computer so it rules out google calendar. I don't like the iphone native calendar for adding events.

Google Calendars all day. Perfect tool for me. And iphone has a google calendar app so you don't need to use the native one. I think the app works very well, but yes I do 95% on my computer.

Edited January 17 by uoftorange

Dnaguy · January 17

On 1/15/2024 at 7:12 PM, Modessit said:

Yep. After 3 unanswered texts, 2 unanswered calls, and a "Find My Phone" app that plays a constant noise even if on silent yields no results, I just pick one. When she finally texts or calls while I'm pulling out of the parking lot I tell her, "You're too late. I got (this one). If you don't like it you can go back to the store or learn how to answer your phone."

It really pisses me off because of the last point. She'll text me about something that I can't answer without more info. I immediately ask for the info I need so I can answer her question. No response for 30+ minutes. She literally (literally) texted me less than 30 seconds ago and apparently threw her phone out the window like it was a live grenade and started running the other direction.

Yep.

{Texting unless indicated otherwise}

Her: Are you at HEB.

Me: Yes.

Her: I need hearts of palm.

Me: What?

Her: Yeah for the salad.

Me: Okayyyyy

[Use HEB app to find aisle]

[Walk to aisle]

Me: How much do you need?

------------

Me: [adds question mark to previous text]

-------------

Me: ??????????

--------------

Me: [calls her phone]

Her: [goes to voicemail]

{30 minutes later}

Her: Did you call?

Me: Yeah, NM I'm leaving the store

Her: Did you get the hearts of palm?

Me: Yes

Her: How much?

Me: 1 jar

Her: I needed at least 2. Why didn't you get more?

😡

Brisketexan · January 17

Yep.
{Texting unless indicated otherwise}
Her: Are you at HEB.
Me: Yes.
Her: I need hearts of palm.
Me: What?
Her: Yeah for the salad.
Me: Okayyyyy
[use HEB app to find aisle]
[Walk to aisle]
Me: How much do you need?
------------
Me: [adds question mark to previous text]
-------------
Me: ??????????
--------------
Me: [calls her phone]
Her: [goes to voicemail]

{30 minutes later}

Her: Did you call?
Me: Yeah, NM I'm leaving the store
Her: Did you get the hearts of palm?
Me: Yes
Her: How much?
Me: 1 jar
Her: I needed at least 2. Why didn't you get more?

100% of the time, this happens 200% of the time.

tx ind · January 17

If you grabbed 2 she would have only needed 1..."why did you buy 2? It will go to waste!"

Dnaguy · January 17

1 hour ago, tx ind said:

If you grabbed 2 she would have only needed 1..."why did you buy 2? It will go to waste!"

Celery Man · January 17

This is the same as all of my wife complaints, and I am trying to figure out how to short circuit this or always remember to approach differently, but she is just the master at failing to comprehend how to provide any useful information.

Background here, we have a newborn, who was on the dock-a-tot on the table while we were eating breakfast. If I smell something funny while the baby is around my first thought is poop. My wife sits down with some sort of thing that looks like a cream cheese vegetable dip and I smell something strong, the information I was looking for was what ingredient on her plate might explain the smell.

CM: What is that?
CM Wife: it's a dip.
CM: Yeah but what is in it? Is it like a coleslaw or something?
CM Wife: I'm not sure
CM: Does it have cabbage?
CM Wife: It's vegetables.
CM: Where did you get it?
CM Wife: I made it out of that rainbow salad I had you get.

nm find the fact that she doesn't know what is in something that she herself made, here is the rainbow salad:

i suppose I need to just start with "what is that smell", but it's just maddening how tactical I have to be to get "it's cabbage and cream cheese" from "what is that".

NorthLoop · January 17

1 hour ago, tx ind said:

If you grabbed 2 she would have only needed 1..."why did you buy 2? It will go to waste!"

Mine would be "it's ok, we'll use it another time"

Narrator: It would never be used

Sam Lin · January 17

Why are you asking dumb questions? You know you won't get a useful answer. Next time just say "that smells like shit."

Superhero · January 17

We’re going to Japan for spring break. So far we’ve only booked a ryokan in Kyoto.

So all of yesterday she’s pestering me about renting Japanese clothes to take pictures at different touristy spots.

I said we should focus on booking hotels and seats on the bullet train. But still non stop talk about clothes rental.

I finally told her I don’t give a shit about clothes. She didn’t like I’m my use of that word. But holy shit woman, let’s get the basics down first.

Beau Vine · January 17

11 minutes ago, Superhero said:

So all of yesterday she’s pestering me about renting Japanese clothes to take pictures at different touristy spots.

BehoId, The Underminer! · January 17

39 minutes ago, Superhero said:

renting Japanese clothes

baboso · January 17

Superhero on the bullet train:

Dennis Taylor · January 17

Probably somebody's wife.....

ztejas · January 17

6 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Probably somebody's wife.....

Holy shit this is amazing.

NorthLoop · January 17

He had those same gears turning that we all do in that moment:

"I really want to be a dick and sweep the leg with a smartass answer.... but should I?"

Beau Vine · January 17

1 hour ago, baboso said:

Superhero on the bullet train:

Superhero · January 17

1 hour ago, baboso said:

Superhero on the bullet train:

I would wear that.

Native Horn · January 17

2 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

He had those same gears turning that we all do in that moment:

"I really want to be a dick and sweep the leg with a smartass answer.... but should I?"

This right here. I SO wish he woulda said "You serious, Clark?"

BrickTop · January 17

Buddy just sent me this. “Wife decided to burn down the trash can while I was at work, she didn’t realize cleaning out the fire place the coals were still hot.”

tbone_ · January 17

Well that qualifies

Jerry Callo · January 17

2 hours ago, Superhero said:

I would wear that.

That's nice. But I would buy one ninja outfit and wear it everyday.

ABSR · January 17

2 hours ago, Superhero said:

I would wear that.

Tell your wife that this is the outfit you have to wear for all of the "outfit" pictures, and if she can't get that for you then to stop trying.

ChickenSandwich · January 17

Cobra Ninja?

or

ROFL BOX · January 18

I would wear that.

My Judo Sensei had a modern Dō Maru, Ō-Yoroi set, Bogu & Hakama that he purchased while training @ the Kodokan.

After he passed away in the early 90's, I was supposed to get all of that stuff, however I think his personal possessions were partially raided while most everyone else was @ the memorial service & his Mom never really wanted to talk about it.

I ended up with a Skandanavian wooden table & 4 chairs.

The armor (Dø Maru & Ō-Yaroi) were both a deep gloss black with gold trim.

Altogether, everything would probably be worth close to # 25,000.⁰⁰ in today's dollars; supposedly he got all of this in the mid 70 s.

Modessit · January 18

This is about a married couple, so... that was a lie.

It's the greatest lie women ever tell - that they were going to initiate some sex act later but because you pissed them off they aren't going to do it now.

Narrator: They were never going to do anything later even if you did everything right.

Longboard Horn · January 18

22 hours ago, Superhero said:

We’re going to Japan for spring break. So far we’ve only booked a ryokan in Kyoto.

So all of yesterday she’s pestering me about renting Japanese clothes to take pictures at different touristy spots.

I said we should focus on booking hotels and seats on the bullet train. But still non stop talk about clothes rental.

I finally told her I don’t give a shit about clothes. She didn’t like I’m my use of that word. But holy shit woman, let’s get the basics down first.

So basically she wants y'all to look like this the whole time.

Also don't forget to watch "Battling Seizure Robots" and visit America Town lol

Longboard Horn · January 18

14 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Cobra Ninja?

or

On some real shit that Gundam helmet is pretty well crafted for the guy only using cardboard.

52-80 · January 18

20 hours ago, baboso said:

Superhero on the bullet train:

i know its tacky and cliched but i want a real samurai outfit decorating my study

TrashMaster G · January 18

Japanese Cosplay talk not going away.

Nivek · January 18

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

strangulation! · January 18

39 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

you're not supposed to tell your wife when you increase your life insurance.

BHMCruiser · January 18

On 1/16/2024 at 9:04 PM, Dnaguy said:

Yep.

{Texting unless indicated otherwise}

Her: Are you at HEB.

Me: Yes.

Her: I need hearts of palm.

Me: What?

Her: Yeah for the salad.

Me: Okayyyyy

[Use HEB app to find aisle]

[Walk to aisle]

Me: How much do you need?

------------

Me: [adds question mark to previous text]

-------------

Me: ??????????

--------------

Me: [calls her phone]

Her: [goes to voicemail]

{30 minutes later}

Her: Did you call?

Me: Yeah, NM I'm leaving the store

Her: Did you get the hearts of palm?

Me: Yes

Her: How much?

Me: 1 jar

Her: I needed at least 2. Why didn't you get more?

😡

"Why didn't you get more?"

"Because I had to hurry home to murder you."

rage-a-holic · January 18

2 hours ago, Nivek said:

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

I'm 100% sure she is gonna let go of that one time 7 years ago on vacation when that blonde waitress with huge tits was flirting with you for 2 seconds and you didn't immediately yell at that slut for flirting with you in front of the woman you love more than life itself.

TrashMaster G · January 18

3 hours ago, Nivek said:

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

You: "So, does that mean you're going to stop bringing up shit I did years ago?"

Her:

Pig Bellmont · January 18

On 1/17/2024 at 9:58 AM, Sam Lin said:

Why are you asking dumb questions? You know you won't get a useful answer. Next time just say "that smells like shit."

“Oh my god- I thought the baby had a blow out but it’s your food!”

nnm · January 18

WhatTheBuck · January 19

11 hours ago, Nivek said:

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

Forget she ever mentioned it.

ROFL BOX · January 19

I'm 100% sure she is gonna let go of that one time 7 years ago on vacation when that blonde waitress with huge tits was flirting with you for 2 seconds and you didn't immediately yell at that slut for flirting with you in front of the woman you love more than life itself.

ROFL BOX · January 19

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

HER plan is that you mention something you did - maybe flirted with the cute checkout girl @ the grocery store 18 years ago...

& She has Ø to add other than to see what you would come up with.

It's-A-Trap.jpg/Ackbar

Sign In

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Recommended Posts

uoftorange 1386

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey

BearCountry11

RamjetFDO

Posted Images

ROFL BOX 6647

Link to comment

Share on other sites

NorthLoop 14180

Link to comment

Share on other sites

tigol 2395

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Spoosner 86

Link to comment

Share on other sites

52-80 19144

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Incredulity 11649

Link to comment

Share on other sites

ztejas 43411

Link to comment

Share on other sites

tx ind 7006

Link to comment

Share on other sites

NWBuck 8552

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Superhero 8827

Link to comment

Share on other sites

uoftorange 1386

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Dnaguy 11916

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Brisketexan 105057

Link to comment

Share on other sites

tx ind 7006

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Dnaguy 11916

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Celery Man 20931

Link to comment

Share on other sites

NorthLoop 14180

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Sam Lin 3550

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Superhero 8827

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Beau Vine 54205

Link to comment

Share on other sites

BehoId, The Underminer! 11669

Link to comment

Share on other sites

baboso 6054

Link to comment