Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Fudbelty · January 19

Her: I moved the trash bin in the garage so the wind doesn’t blow it over.

I get in the jeep yesterday, back out, and THUMP! Full ass trash bin was behind my Jeep. (Older Jeep so no sensors). When she came out I was pretty mad still picking shit up. With a raised voice I said “please stop putting shit behind the Jeep” because this wasn’t the first time and she cried and called me mean.

Kennythetiger · January 19

Glad your kid wasn’t behind the jeep.

Fudbelty · January 19

Glad your kid wasn’t behind the jeep.

Me too? He was in the car with me.

Sam Lin · January 19

Why ARE you so mean?

NeverMarryAStripper · January 19

2 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

(Older Jeep so no sensors).

No rear view mirrors either? Is it the model where you just go backward and hope not to hit anything?

luke duke · January 19

Superhero on the bullet train:

And get this one for her:

52-80 · January 19

My wife likes to get mad at me for doing something first that may conflict with something she wants later and not having a crystal ball to have known that.

lets say its friday evening and i decide to get into some whiskey. Then afterwards she might get the urge to bake a cake and need ingredients from the store.

“Why did you get start drinking when i need you to drive to the store!!!”. Like im sorry i dont have a time machine

ABSR · January 19

On 1/18/2024 at 10:58 AM, Nivek said:

Wife tells me next week there will be a celestial alignment where we can let go of the past.

So what is the plan?

Did you fire the Gardner or pool boy or someone who won’t be working past this week. Because she’s been fucking that guy.

Fudbelty · January 19

No rear view mirrors either? Is it the model where you just go backward and hope not to hit anything?

Trash bin is shorter than the window.

I guess maybe I’m in the minority Of opening the garage door everyone gets in and I back out and trust nothing will be there. I need to do my 360° walk around like I do my work truck

mininghorn88 · January 20

3 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

Trash bin is shorter than the window.

I guess maybe I’m in the minority Of opening the garage door everyone gets in and I back out and trust nothing will be there. I need to do my 360° walk around like I do my work truck

Not sure that you are in the minority but if you have kids it is important to do a walk around because they may leave stuff out too.

Enemy07 · January 20

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

Fudbelty · January 20

I’ve only got two things. First, if you’re waiting to be fully ready for marriage you’ll never be ready. Second, pick your poison. They’re all crazy, choose your crazy wisely.

Bevo&Pevo · January 20

3 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

I don't have to get bit by a dog to know he'll bite. Some things you just know. I consider myself to be more than lucky I chose wisely. She's better than a best friend.

tbone_ · January 20

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

A. Try not to pick a dumbass, but yea you are gonna pick your poison one way or the other.

B. Pick a broad that can and does earn.

Jerry Callo · January 20

Remember, you are choosing a person you'd be content annoying the rest of your life.

ABSR · January 20

5 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

Can you and she communicate, and have you done so about kids, money, life plans. Do they align and/or do you have a working consensus?

I will assume that there is physical chemistry. Life and kids change things, but discuss what that means to each of you.

People say “best friend”, but what it really means to me is someone you want and enjoy being with doing most things. Sitting at home, going to dinner, traveling. Can you say that doing this with her specifically makes it better for both of you?

If you imagine your wedding day and you are there with her, while nervous about the future, are you feeling happy that it is her, or are you feeling fear because it is her.

Upgrayedd · January 20

5 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

Some pics will help

Brisketexan · January 20

Some pics will help

This is the only correct response.

BearSchlong · January 20

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

One should only get married when it’s the only remaining course.

Run the idea by your best friends, siblings, parents, etc. if any of them have objections, hear them out. They see things we don’t. Pussy can blind a man.

Do your parents and her parents get along? Your family is marrying her family.

She will become her mother. Think about what being married to her would be like.

Live together first. For at least a year.

Getting married is a hell of a lot easier than divorced.

ROFL BOX · January 20

[we live remote / rural, in case you didn't know... & +95% of our TV viewing is OTA / antenna... dish is for ViaSat / internet]

Her: "Very few TV channels are coming in. It must be the wind."

52-80 · January 20

10 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one?

We stepped out of a really nice restaurant in Paris and she said “honestly, i thought you were going to propose to me”.

She emotionally cornered me.

Kennythetiger · January 20

11 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

Marry someone who can grow flowers in the darkest parts of you.
And post pics. Pics always help.

huge · January 21

Money but not sticky family money

Not a cat · January 21

On 1/17/2024 at 11:59 AM, Dennis Taylor said:

Probably somebody's wife.....

Not directly wife related but it amuses me when someone that's supposed to be a college football writer mentions that at least Texas gets Oklahoma as a home game that year.

TrashMaster G · January 21

16 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

There is a lot of good advice here. Pay attention to it.

I'll add this: Pick someone you are happy to do everything with and happy to do nothing with. If you don't like being around her when things are quiet and boring - DON'T.

And make sure you are on the same page on kids - whether or not to have them, when to have them, how many, who is/isn't going to work when they are young, how to raise them... Do not leave these conversations until after the wedding.

Fudbelty · January 21

How does she feel about Yurts?

Biff Tannen · January 21

5 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Marry someone who can grow flowers in the darkest parts of you.
And post pics. Pics always help.

Wait. Am I supposed to be growing flowers in my butthole?

landman · January 21

19 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

I knew she was the one the day I met her (a Saturday). We went to Dessau Hall the following Thursday, dinner Friday night, and to a little Texas football game on Saturday evening against Cougar High (1990). There was no doubt. Our 30th anniversary is in May and there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for her and that she has stuck with me. She's simply fucking amazing.

ROFL BOX · January 21

She's simply fucking amazing.

Tagging: @amazing

ROFL BOX · January 21

What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage?

what would you change

Ask who she voted for PotUS in '16 & '20. Does that match your preferences?

What's her religious particulars?

What is her preferences re: abortion?

Fun date stuff: Get the "Book of Questions" & start asking each other bits from rando pages.

As noted

, get a LONG look @ her mother... will that even remotely resemble something you will be attracted to in 20 ~ 30 years?

& Finally, ask her point blank if she will be giving blowjobs¹ when you're both 60?
(You may think I'm joking, but read this entire thread & you'll see I'm not)

¹to you.

Superhero · January 21

Also…

Finances, children and family are the root of a lot of arguments.

So figure out how much credit card debt she has and how does she spend her money

Does she want children, how many and how do you want to raise them.

Does she prioritize her family over you? When there’s a disagreement between you and her family, who’s side is she on?

Other considerations… Does her level of tidiness or messiness jive with yours? Are you sexually compatible?

Enemy07 · January 21

I mean sex is good, she pays for everythjng, everything is great. Why do people need more than that? Why do I need to meet her family? Why does she want me to send flowers to her work? Thats dumb. i give her everything important already. Sex, alcohol, and an ear that listens to her very non-important work problems. And why do they get mad when you do not want to cuddle after sex? Dam, sex, a no questions ask relationship, I do not even care or worry about her problems, so no baggage, how selfish can this person be?

SHOOTER12 · January 21

19 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

One should only get married when it’s the only remaining course.

Run the idea by your best friends, siblings, parents, etc. if any of them have objections, hear them out. They see things we don’t. Pussy can blind a man.

Do your parents and her parents get along? Your family is marrying her family.

She will become her mother. Think about what being married to her would be like.

Live together first. For at least a year.

Getting married is a hell of a lot easier than divorced.

There's been twice in my life that I've had the thought....if I had just gone ahead and killed her..I'd be out by now.

Bevo&Pevo · January 21

On 1/20/2024 at 3:40 AM, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

Here is a couple of other things to remember. There's never a good time to buy a haus, a car or have a kid. Also, having a kid won't fix a bad or strained marriage. Spoiled milk doesn't magically get better in the frig. If you go back to a bad marriage, most likely it will still be bad. Sometimes, someone is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Before, I get roasted I said, "most likely". There are exceptions where a second chance will work. Good luck in the future.

Edited January 21 by Bevo&Pevo

BearSchlong · January 21

I mean sex is good, she pays for everythjng, everything is great. Why do people need more than that? Why do I need to meet her family? Why does she want me to send flowers to her work? Thats dumb. i give her everything important already. Sex, alcohol, and an ear that listens to her very non-important work problems. And why do they get mad when you do not want to cuddle after sex? Dam, sex, a no questions ask relationship, I do not even care or worry about her problems, so no baggage, how selfish can this person be?

Don't worry, your starter
Marriage will provide excruciating, expensive lessons.

MonkeyDoughnut · January 21

On 1/20/2024 at 3:40 AM, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

Like above mentioned, your friends and family already know if it will work out for you, but getting them to be 100% honest with you NOW is hard to get.

Brisketexan · January 21

I knew she was the one the day I met her (a Saturday). We went to Dessau Hall the following Thursday, dinner Friday night, and to a little Texas football game on Saturday evening against Cougar High (1990). There was no doubt. Our 30th anniversary is in May and there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for her and that she has stuck with me. She's simply fucking amazing.

Huh. Are you me? First factual date with my wife was that UH game in 1990.

January 21

On 1/20/2024 at 3:40 AM, Enemy07 said:

You guys (and your wives) crack me up. But quick question. For the happily married, how did you know she was the one? What advice would you give someone that finally had a brief idea of thinking about marriage? Mid 30s. And for the others that have all the nightmare stories, what would you change if you could go back in time?

I didn't "know" the day i met her, but I joke that Cupid didn't fuck around with arrows. I got whacked with a boat paddle. We were set up by my female cousin and first date was the 3 of us going out to a small concert at Depot Warehouse in LBK, if anyone knew what that was... My (future) wife and I never went in the venue. We sat out on the steps talking all night. Concert ended, cousin comes out, we thank her for the best evening of our (young) lives.

Wife went out of town to school and during that fall semester, we racked up $700 monthly phone bills because we loved talking to each other. That was way the hell before cellphones, but yeah, that was how things were.

My advice to friends and my boys when they were growing up- find someone who being with and sharing time with is enjoyable for both of you. Not in a psychotic way, but when being away from them just flat out sucks, and you cannot wait to see them again- and sex can be an ingredient, but it is FAR from the foundation of that desire. THAT is when you know you could spend the rest of your life with them. That, and during those long talks, figuring out of your values/ life goals match up.

March will be 31 years for us. We still have long talks after all this time. She is truly my "happy place" for my soul and I know it's the same for her. Have we had challenges? Fuck yes, especially early on; but there has always been a sense of trust and truth between us. That is what carries us.

Don't chase the trivial/ superficial shit either. That isn't the root of happiness.

Frank The Tank · January 21

Back on topic, this is the amount of toilet paper she routinely believes is acceptable to leave on a roll without replacing. Now I gotta duck walk across the bathroom for more cause I didn’t do a preemptive check before shitting.

Kennythetiger · January 21

Sorry, man. Like the skid mark, that one’s on you.

January 21

two rolls on the tank?

Two rolls under the sink?

two fingers...

Armybrat · January 21

13 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

There is a lot of good advice here. Pay attention to it.

I'll add this: Pick someone you are happy to do everything with and happy to do nothing with. If you don't like being around her when things are quiet and boring - DON'T.

And make sure you are on the same page on kids - whether or not to have them, when to have them, how many, who is/isn't going to work when they are young, how to raise them... Do not leave these conversations until after the wedding.

Verdad

AnTiM · January 21

22 minutes ago, slorch said:

I didn't "know" the day i met her, but I joke that Cupid didn't fuck around with arrows. I got whacked with a boat paddle. We were set up by my female cousin and first date was the 3 of us going out to a small concert at Depot Warehouse in LBK, if anyone knew what that was... My (future) wife and I never went in the venue. We sat out on the steps talking all night. Concert ended, cousin comes out, we thank her for the best evening of our (young) lives.

Wife went out of town to school and during that fall semester, we racked up $700 monthly phone bills because we loved talking to each other. That was way the hell before cellphones, but yeah, that was how things were.

My advice to friends and my boys when they were growing up- find someone who being with and sharing time with is enjoyable for both of you. Not in a psychotic way, but when being away from them just flat out sucks, and you cannot wait to see them again- and sex can be an ingredient, but it is FAR from the foundation of that desire. THAT is when you know you could spend the rest of your life with them. That, and during those long talks, figuring out of your values/ life goals match up.

March will be 31 years for us. We still have long talks after all this time. She is truly my "happy place" for my soul and I know it's the same for her. Have we had challenges? Fuck yes, especially early on; but there has always been a sense of trust and truth between us. That is what carries us.

Don't chase the trivial/ superficial shit either. That isn't the root of happiness.

Sounds a lot like me and my life partner of more than thirty years. She passed away three years ago and I miss her every waking moment. Bless you both.

Armybrat · January 21

9 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Ask who she voted for PotUS in '16 & '20. Does that match your preferences?

What's her religious particulars?

What is her preferences re: abortion?

Fun date stuff: Get the "Book of Questions" & start asking each other bits from rando pages.

As noted , get a LONG look @ her mother... will that even remotely resemble something you will be attracted to in 20 ~ 30 years?

& Finally, ask her point blank if she will be giving blowjobs¹ when you're both 60?
(You may think I'm joking, but read this entire thread & you'll see I'm not)

¹to you.

My MIL had big tits.

It’ll be 57 years for us in June

Edited January 21 by Armybrat

TrashMaster G · January 21

52 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Huh. Are you me? First factual date with my wife was that UH game in 1990.

A LOT of us got laid that night.

Armybrat · January 21

1 hour ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

Like above mentioned, your friends and family already know if it will work out for you, but getting them to be 100% honest with you NOW is hard to get.

None of our families & friends thought it was going to work out, as we were complete opposites and our engagement was only two weeks after we met.

Most of them wound up divorced.

luke duke · January 21

Back on topic, this is the amount of toilet paper she routinely believes is acceptable to leave on a roll without replacing. Now I gotta duck walk across the bathroom for more cause I didn’t do a preemptive check before shitting.

Whenever my wife does this I get a roll out of the cabinet, use what I need and put the roll back in the cabinet.

I like to fantasize that she’s trainable.

January 21

On 1/19/2024 at 3:40 PM, 52-80 said:

My wife likes to get mad at me for doing something first that may conflict with something she wants later and not having a crystal ball to have known that.

lets say its friday evening and i decide to get into some whiskey. Then afterwards she might get the urge to bake a cake and need ingredients from the store.

“Why did you get start drinking when i need you to drive to the store!!!”. Like im sorry i dont have a time machine

That's why i stay drunk all of the time...

Takes out the guess work.

BearSchlong · January 21

None of our families & friends thought it was going to work out, as we were complete opposites and our engagement was only two weeks after we met.
Most of them wound up divorced.

Things were different back then. You had to accelerate the timeline because General Washington needed you to join the cause, right?

BearSchlong · January 21

Like above mentioned, your friends and family already know if it will work out for you, but getting them to be 100% honest with you NOW is hard to get.

I'd like to amend my answer.

If your family and friends are telling you the bride is bad crazy rather than good crazy, you should listen.

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