Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

ABSR · January 26

2 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Maybe you don’t realize the mental toll it takes to be around little kids all day long for months/years on end especially if there is little family around that can support them.

Maybe you didn't realize you married a selfish cunt. Did you ever think of that you insensitive asshole?

Sandman · January 26

24 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Maybe you don’t realize the mental toll it takes to be around little kids all day long for months/years on end especially if there is little family around that can support them.

I knew exactly how it felt when I went to work all day and then came home to handle the kids by myself as she went to night school.

uoftorange · January 26

3 hours ago, Nivek said:

Maybe you don’t realize the mental toll it takes to be around little kids all day long for months/years on end especially if there is little family around that can support them.

That's a joke right?

Nivek · January 26

5 hours ago, Sandman said:

I knew exactly how it felt when I went to work all day and then came home to handle the kids by myself as she went to night school.

No you didn't. But you just pretend you do.

956 Worldwide · January 26

On 1/24/2024 at 10:32 AM, Sandman said:

I buy certain items that I take to work for breakfast and lunch. I get pretty pissed if I go to pack my lunch in the morning and I don't have my breakfast/lunch because some inconsiderate ass thought it was ok to eat that stuff that they were specifically told not to eat. Now you have fucked with my routine and I am not happy. We have a kitchen full of lots of things to eat, don't touch these 1-2 items. It's not hard.

But my kids are grown and moved out, so this doesn't happen anymore.

I used to go through this, especially because I nearly always bring my lunch to work and it’s usually leftovers that I have my eye on.

I’d get super worked up and then I realized the kids had also started sniping at each other over “their” stuff. Then I said, WTF am I doing, I buy all this stuff anyway and I always end up figuring out something to eat. No one goes hungry.

So I just announced that any food in the pantry or fridge is family food and if you’re hungry you can eat it. And you don’t get to take stuff to your room to hide it. The parents buy food for everyone. Only exceptions are Halloween or Easter candy and stuff like that.

I still get a bit annoyed when some nice thing I wanted is gone, but the overall stress just went way down, especially cause I shut down kids and even the wife with the line “all the food is family food” as soon as someone starts to whine.

Enemy07 · January 27

On 1/21/2024 at 8:35 AM, BearSchlong said:

Don't worry, your starter
Marriage will provide excruciating, expensive lessons.

How come it has to be expensive? Minimize your risk, maximize your utility of living right? I am very logical and will never let the woman I am married to make dumb decisions. That is what us UT grads are right? Smart and logical and marry someone similar to us? Married woman can change right?

Edited January 27 by Enemy07

Enemy07 · January 27

On 1/20/2024 at 7:24 AM, Fudbelty said:

I’ve only got two things. First, if you’re waiting to be fully ready for marriage you’ll never be ready. Second, pick your poison. They’re all crazy, choose your crazy wisely.

How did I miss the 1st and logical answer. But I do not think they are all crazy, I think some will not let it out at the benefit of maximizing their spouses happiness. Until they feel comfortable with you.

Enemy07 · January 27

On 1/21/2024 at 2:01 PM, uoftorange said:

My first assumption is you are joking, but just in case you aren't:

With all the respect in the world, if those are your questions then you aren't ready for marriage.

Women aren't men. Men aren't women. That's on the whole obviously there are outliers and no one person is identical. So unless you have an outlier of the outliers that's the reason why to your questions.

No woman is perfect. No relationship is perfect. As guys we know damn well we aren't perfect. Find someone that can handle your flaws and that you can handle theirs. Took me a long time to really understand that.

I am close to perfect though. What else does a person need in this world but food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and commmunication? I give her all of that when needed. Sex is a bonus. I make her life very easy.

tbone_ · January 27

lol good luck with that

956 Worldwide · January 27

16 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I used to go through this, especially because I nearly always bring my lunch to work and it’s usually leftovers that I have my eye on.

I’d get super worked up and then I realized the kids had also started sniping at each other over “their” stuff. Then I said, WTF am I doing, I buy all this stuff anyway and I always end up figuring out something to eat. No one goes hungry.

So I just announced that any food in the pantry or fridge is family food and if you’re hungry you can eat it. And you don’t get to take stuff to your room to hide it. The parents buy food for everyone. Only exceptions are Halloween or Easter candy and stuff like that.

I still get a bit annoyed when some nice thing I wanted is gone, but the overall stress just went way down, especially cause I shut down kids and even the wife with the line “all the food is family food” as soon as someone starts to whine.

Checking in on myself, I made an early morning store run and brought back donuts. One sour cream old fashioned, which to my knowledge no one but me has ever eaten in all the times we’ve gotten donuts.

I will admit I came close to breaking my mantra when that one disappeared as I was making my coffee.

Edited January 27 by 956 Worldwide

ROFL BOX · January 27

I am close to perfect though. What else does a person need in this world but food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and commmunication? I give her all of that when needed. Sex is a bonus. I make her life very easy.

I cannot select "Prepare Your Anus" via TapaTalk & I refuse to "Like" this (the only Tapa option).

Kennythetiger · January 27

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Checking in on myself, I made an early morning store run and brought back donuts. One sour cream old fashioned, which to my knowledge no one but me has ever eaten in all the times we’ve gotten donuts.

I will admit I came close to breaking my mantra when that one disappeared as I was making my coffee.

Eat that sumbitch on the way home.

uoftorange · January 27

9 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

I am close to perfect though. What else does a person need in this world but food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and commmunication? I give her all of that when needed. Sex is a bonus. I make her life very easy.

ROFL BOX · January 27

Wife's aunt passed away something like 3 months ago.

We are going over to "look at" furniture We neither have room for for / no need for / nor will most of it be relevant to a modern life (entertainment center that is probably designed for a CRT & not flat screen, etc) & IIRC, a corner unit¹, a bedroom suite (& we have no need for anything like that).

But... "¡¡FREE!! & "it was hers!"

¹we have no "corners" to fit something large like this.

FML.

Gil Bang · January 27

2 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Wife's aunt passed away something like 3 months ago.

We are going over to "look at" furniture We neither have room for for / no need for / nor will most of it be relevant to a modern life (entertainment center that is probably designed for a CRT & not flat screen, etc) & IIRC, a corner unit¹, a bedroom suite (& we have no need for anything like that).

But... "¡¡FREE!! & "it was hers!"

¹we have no "corners" to fit something large like this.

FML.

956 Worldwide · January 27

Yesterday she made oatmeal on the stove and got distracted and burned the hell out of it and got a crust all over the pot. Later that day she filled it up a bit with water and set it to boil to loosen up some of that burned crust and forgot about THAT and just boiled it dry. Fortunately it’s not one of our good pots.

Scientists should study what she did to make protective coverings for satellites and shit.

wd40 · January 27

how was it ever going to boil if she watched it? do you even science?

ROFL BOX · January 27

As expected.

There IS a flat screen in there, however it certainly isn't large.

& Who TF came up with the idea¹ of putting doors over an indoor TV? What's the female minded fascination with hiding a TV?

"Oh, we don't want to make the neighbors think we're showing off by actually having a telly when they are poor & only have a hand crank radio."

"Let's make people guess & wonder if we actually have a television. Hide it behind those doors."

"Honey, I'm tired of having to remind you to close the cabinet doors when you're done watching the TV!"

Salesperson @ Cabinets are We:
"Well, sure... we got yer base model right here & it certainly does the job of holding a TV... But for only $ 12.50 more per month over that 48 month program, you can get the upgrade... check out these closing doors. (slaps cabinet). Premium Oak right here... look at the grain!"

¹"Ad Wizards", that's who.

msucolt45 · January 27

Wife's aunt passed away something like 3 months ago.

We are going over to "look at" furniture We neither have room for for / no need for / nor will most of it be relevant to a modern life (entertainment center that is probably designed for a CRT & not flat screen, etc) & IIRC, a corner unit¹, a bedroom suite (& we have no need for anything like that).

But... "¡¡FREE!! & "it was hers!"

¹we have no "corners" to fit something large like this.

FML.

Just have to say NO!!!! Or prepare room in your garage, and that’s actually better than renting a storage shed location, which your wife might be thinking! 6 months of rental might be greater $ value than the shit contained within your rental?

Hook’em!!!

baboso · January 27

12 hours ago, Enemy07 said:

I am close to perfect though. What else does a person need in this world but food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and commmunication? I give her all of that when needed. Sex is a bonus. I make her life very easy.

davidg · January 27

On 1/24/2024 at 9:32 AM, Sandman said:

I buy certain items that I take to work for breakfast and lunch. I get pretty pissed if I go to pack my lunch in the morning and I don't have my breakfast/lunch because some inconsiderate ass thought it was ok to eat that stuff that they were specifically told not to eat. Now you have fucked with my routine and I am not happy. We have a kitchen full of lots of things to eat, don't touch these 1-2 items. It's not hard.

But my kids are grown and moved out, so this doesn't happen anymore.

Shoulda just made a sign for your shelf in the fridge.

msucolt45 · January 27

That was funny, as that’s what I’m referred too from my kids!

Hook’em!!!

ROFL BOX · January 28

Probable crisis averted on the corner piece. Hard refusal from me.

Now daughter wants the bedroom stuff & it's a King sized bed.
.Ø Where to fit that shit.

T’Boo Ted Marshall · January 28

Yesterday she made oatmeal on the stove and got distracted and burned the hell out of it and got a crust all over the pot. Later that day she filled it up a bit with water and set it to boil to loosen up some of that burned crust and forgot about THAT and just boiled it dry. Fortunately it’s not one of our good pots.

Scientists should study what she did to make protective coverings for satellites and shit.

That’s how my wife cooks everything she puts in a pot. It’s like clockwork. Me and the kids laugh about it now.
Bar Keepers Friend saves most of our pots.

NorthLoop · January 28

My wife once put one of those microwavable kraft mac n cheese bowls in without water. It caught fire. Kitchen smelled like shit for a week.

To be honest I wasn't that mad at her because I'd almost done that once or twice before. And honestly it amazed me how easily that shit catches fire without water in it. Seems like a design flaw to me.

Snake Diggity · January 28

On 1/26/2024 at 11:54 AM, Nivek said:

Maybe you don’t realize the mental toll it takes to be around little kids all day long for months/years on end especially if there is little family around that can support them.

On 1/26/2024 at 5:35 PM, Nivek said:

No you didn't. But you just pretend you do.

On 1/27/2024 at 3:04 AM, Enemy07 said:

How come it has to be expensive? Minimize your risk, maximize your utility of living right? I am very logical and will never let the woman I am married to make dumb decisions. That is what us UT grads are right? Smart and logical and marry someone similar to us? Married woman can change right?

I hope both of yall are doing a shtick. Nivek is in total violation of the spirit of the thread and Enemy seems aggy.

Bullneck · January 28

On 1/27/2024 at 4:04 AM, Enemy07 said:

How come it has to be expensive?

Old joke: Why is divorce so expensive?

Spoiler

Because it's worth it.

7 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

I hope both of yall are doing a shtick. Nivek is in total violation of the spirit of the thread and Enemy seems aggy.

Yeah, what the fuck? This is a "safe space" thread, like Bevoette/Jade cute animals thread.

Edited January 28 by Bullneck

tx ind · January 28

Sounds like the laws of physics cease to exist on a bunch of y’all’s stoves

ABSR · January 28

On 1/27/2024 at 3:04 AM, Enemy07 said:

How come it has to be expensive? Minimize your risk, maximize your utility of living right? I am very logical and will never let the woman I am married to make dumb decisions. That is what us UT grads are right? Smart and logical and marry someone similar to us? Married woman can change right?

We look forward to your Divorce thread contributions.

AUS-97HORN · January 28

2 hours ago, tx ind said:

Sounds like the laws of physics cease to exist on a bunch of y’all’s stoves

Hate · January 28

Jesus fucking Christ, my wife is the queen of talking to me from a different room. If you want to talk to me, come to where I am! Or better yet, just text me.

uoftorange · January 28

55 minutes ago, Hate said:

Jesus fucking Christ, my wife is the queen of talking to me from a different room. If you want to talk to me, come to where I am! Or better yet, just text me.

My wife calls to me from other rooms and I intentionally ignore her until she comes in the room I'm in. She knows I'm ignoring her because I've told her I can't hear for shit so I only know she's making noise at me. I used to try and listen, yell to her I can't hear her, she'd try 3 more times, and then I'd have to go where she is. This works so much better.

The worst one is her knowing where I am, knowing I'm in the middle of shit, and calling me so that I have to stop what I'm doing, take off ear protection if in the garage, take off gloves if needed, and answer a call. Instead of just walking where I am like I do for her. That annoys the ever living shit out of me

Nivek · January 28

6 hours ago, Bullneck said:

Old joke: Why is divorce so expensive?

Reveal hidden contents

Because it's worth it.

Yeah, what the fuck? This is a "safe space" thread, like Bevoette/Jade cute animals thread.

No it isn't. Throughout the years we have called out people for being assholes, wrong, horribly story tellers, unfunny, or trying to share their girlfriend drama. I have been called out for writing with a mean perspective and the person was right.

uoftorange · January 28

22 minutes ago, Nivek said:

No it isn't. Throughout the years we have called out people for being assholes, wrong, horribly story tellers, unfunny, or trying to share their girlfriend drama. I have been called out for writing with a mean perspective and the person was right.

But what was your point this time? That Dad's don't know what it's like to watch kids for long hours? I've spent easily 20X the time with my kids that my ex wife has.

Bullneck · January 28

1 hour ago, uoftorange said:

My wife calls to me from other rooms and I intentionally ignore her until she comes in the room I'm in. She knows I'm ignoring her because I've told her I can't hear for shit so I only know she's making noise at me. I used to try and listen, yell to her I can't hear her, she'd try 3 more times, and then I'd have to go where she is. This works so much better.

The worst one is her knowing where I am, knowing I'm in the middle of shit, and calling me so that I have to stop what I'm doing, take off ear protection if in the garage, take off gloves if needed, and answer a call. Instead of just walking where I am like I do for her. That annoys the ever living shit out of me

My wife does this too. Annoying as hell. I actually think it's her power move to start talking as I'm leaving the room just to make me stop.

Biff Tannen · January 29

22 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Probable crisis averted on the corner piece. Hard refusal from me.

Now daughter wants the bedroom stuff & it's a King sized bed.
.Ø Where to fit that shit.

Am I the only one seeing this shit with Rofl Box? The zeroes with the line through them and the random exponents?

wd40 · January 29

that's on you for reading his posts at all.

Frank The Tank · January 29

29 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

Am I the only one seeing this shit with Rofl Box? The zeroes with the line through them and the random exponents?

No, I’m with you. It’s got to be harder to type that symbol than to just type the word no. It’s wife level stupid and annoying.

Biff Tannen · January 29

9 minutes ago, Frank The Tank said:

No, I’m with you. It’s got to be harder to type that symbol than to just type the word no. It’s wife level stupid and annoying.

I feel like he doesn't mean to be doing it. He's been taken over by AI or a Russian hacker or some shit.

Jerry Callo · January 29

ROFL BOT

nnm · January 29

2 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Am I the only one seeing this shit with Rofl Box? The zeroes with the line through them and the random exponents?

What’s more idiotic is that it’s an actual letter in the Nordic languages. Irritating for anyone who speaks any of them when it’s used to be cute in English. Just ignorant.

TrashMaster G · January 29

8 hours ago, uoftorange said:

But what was your point this time? That Dad's don't know what it's like to watch kids for long hours? I've spent easily 20X the time with my kids that my ex wife has.

*Dads

Snake Diggity · January 29

“It’s a mute point.” She busted out that gem for the 12,348th time yesterday. My response was “Shit I wish it was. Nothing with you is mute.” She has also begun grossly overusing the word “narrative”. At the slightest disagreement she’ll say something like “stop trying to control the narrative!” Drives me fucking crazy.

PvilleStang · January 29

2 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

“It’s a mute point.” She busted out that gem for the 12,348th time yesterday. My response was “Shit I wish it was. Nothing with you is mute.” She has also begun grossly overusing the word “narrative”. At the slightest disagreement she’ll say something like “stop trying to control the narrative!” Drives me fucking crazy.

Stop gas-lighting...

huge · January 29

19 hours ago, uoftorange said:

My wife calls to me from other rooms and I intentionally ignore her until she comes in the room I'm in. She knows I'm ignoring her because I've told her I can't hear for shit so I only know she's making noise at me. I used to try and listen, yell to her I can't hear her, she'd try 3 more times, and then I'd have to go where she is. This works so much better.

The worst one is her knowing where I am, knowing I'm in the middle of shit, and calling me so that I have to stop what I'm doing, take off ear protection if in the garage, take off gloves if needed, and answer a call. Instead of just walking where I am like I do for her. That annoys the ever living shit out of me

My wife has started calling my cell phone instead of yelling at me across the house. She knows my phone is on me 99% of the time.

It's the better of the 2 options for me so far.

hullabelew · January 29

I start hearing a random beep......need to find the suspect detector bitching about a low battery. Wife is following me around as I try to locate the beeping. Constantly asking, "which one is it?"

Kitchen smoke? Nope
hallway smoke? Nope
Upstairs smoke 1? Nope
Upstairs smoke 2? Nope
Now I'm standing under the carbon monoxide detector waiting for that motherfucker to beep.

Her: Maybe it's one of the light bulbs!

tbone_ · January 29

Htf did she even know it was beeping?

luke duke · January 29

I start hearing a random beep......need to find the suspect detector bitching about a low battery. Wife is following me around as I try to locate the beeping. Constantly asking, "which one is it?"
Kitchen smoke? Nope
hallway smoke? Nope
Upstairs smoke 1? Nope
Upstairs smoke 2? Nope
Now I'm standing under the carbon monoxide detector waiting for that motherfucker to beep.
Her: Maybe it's one of the light bulbs!

Isn’t she deaf?

PvilleStang · January 29

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

I start hearing a random beep......need to find the suspect detector bitching about a low battery. Wife is following me around as I try to locate the beeping. Constantly asking, "which one is it?"

Kitchen smoke? Nope
hallway smoke? Nope
Upstairs smoke 1? Nope
Upstairs smoke 2? Nope
Now I'm standing under the carbon monoxide detector waiting for that motherfucker to beep.

Her: Maybe it's one of the light bulbs!

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Htf did she even know it was beeping?

1 hour ago, luke duke said:

Isn’t she deaf?

Gil Bang · January 29

I thought she got an implant and regained hearing?

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