Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[luke duke 6413]

Don't disagree.  And on top of that, they have changed the dimentions of the larger water heaters, so you can't put a 55 gallon tank in the attic since it's squattier than it used to be.  And don't forget, the sediment in the tank that can't be removed easily adds another 50+ lbs of crap you have to haul down from the attic. 
 
Unfortunately in our case, they put them up there because there was no utility closet in the house, and the garage wasn't an option.

I use one of these the last time I replaced a water heater in the attic. I screwed an eye hook into a rafter, lowered the old one, lifted the new one and returned it back to Amazon the next day.

https://a.co/d/b3APLz0

[TrashMaster G 17568]

Water heater talk not going away.

[BearSchlong 8100]

I use one of these the last time I replaced a water heater in the attic. I screwed an eye hook into a rafter, lowered the old one, lifted the new one and returned it back to Amazon the next day.

https://a.co/d/b3APLz0

Can't see shit, captain. What was it?

[luke duke 6413]

Can't see shit, captain. What was it?

120V Warn Winch

[CycleTex87 2977]

Water heater valves?

[PvilleStang 2916]

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

Water heater valves?

Ask your husband, he should know.

[CycleTex87 2977]

I’ve bought more valves than you’ve thought about in your lifetime but wondering why this thread has gone down a completely uninteresting tangent. 

[hullabelew 3724]

Dammit boys.  FOCUS!!!!!!!

 

Edited February 13 by hullabelew

[WhatTheBuck 28791]

On 2/12/2024 at 4:24 PM, CycleTex87 said:

I’ve bought more valves than you’ve thought about in your lifetime but wondering why this thread has gone down a completely uninteresting tangent. 

It takes brass balls to do that. 

[Budkudzu 280]

Back on track, Hulla.  

I take Lipitor every day to keep my cholesterol down.  It's a lot easier to take a pill than watch your diet and exercise. 

The other day I threw away an empty Lipitor bottle. 

Mrs. B reached into the trash can pulled out the bottle and and said "you need to remove the label or else somebody could go through the trash and refill it in your name."

Me:  "Yeah they can get a lot on the black market for Lipitor."

Mrs. B: tone

[Modessit 5603]

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

[Kennythetiger 9398]

58 minutes ago, Modessit said:

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

That’s why god made cocktails and appetizers. 

[Modessit 5603]

The bonus I forgot to mention is that she called me an hour before she left (because I tried to call her first before texting) to tell me she got the text and even mentioned the restaurant by name.

When she called later, she was laughing and said, "Guess where I am?"

[GoPokes83 2240]

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Murderer

[nnm 36472]

1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

I bet that rabbit would be yummy. We raised them for food when I was a kid. 

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

Boil the bunny.

[uoftorange 1386]

13 hours ago, Modessit said:

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

A few months ago we had a holiday party for work where our international team was in town and I was running the show.  We originally were at one place and move to another.  Somehow, despite texts, email, verbal conversation that week and day of telling here where when and how to get there, she went to the original place instead.  Mind you, I told her one time MONTHS before the original place.  Of course she goes to the wrong place, then complains that I didn't tell her it moved (easily 3 verifiable in writing things day of, including 2 texts up from where she was complaining I didn't tell her), and she was running late anyway because she always is from work and then had to back track 35 minutes and was an hour late.  

I can't stand people being late.  I take it as complete disrespect to me and the event.  She really does try but work days are hard for her because she works at and owns her own salon.  But man, I had a hard time that day not being pissed. 
 

[Kennythetiger 9398]

1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

Our dog bowl is filtered water when she fills it. 
I leave the toilet lid open. 

[hullabelew 3724]

1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

I feel your pain.  I was raised on a farm/ranch where the old man trained cutting horses.  20 brood mares so we generally have 50-60 horses.  We also raised 4H/FFA steers and sheep and had a commercial rabbit operation with 30 does and about 30 laying hens for selling eggs.  ALL of those animals drank water pumped from the stock tank.  But she thinks our 6 hens need filtered water to drink.  And constantly telling me what I need to do different in the upkeep of our 6 hens.  I won't even THINK about bringing up some of the more entertaining of those ideas.

But now to the best part.  The other day, she brought home a new chicken shit scooper.
Her:  This one is only for the chickens.   Use the other one for cleaning up dog poop.
Me:  Huh?
Her:   I don't want the chicken poop bacteria to get mixed in the the dog poop bacteria, and visa versa.
Me:  It is shit.  And you do realize that I compost all of that chicken shit and it gets added to the compost that goes into our gardens for the veggies we eat.
Her:  But I don't want the dog poop and chicken poop to get mixed up buy using the same scooper.

 

[tbone_ 14132]

I assume your answer was “Yeah, no.” ?

[hullabelew 3724]

Shit....I'm still trying to process why she uses filtered water to pour into tea pot that is going to boil anyway. 

 

[hullabelew 3724]

39 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I assume your answer was “Yeah, no.” ?

Actually, I told her this idea didn't make sense, but I thought I would have some fun with it.   

Old scooper, now assigned to dog shit patrol is pink.....but the hens are red in color.  The pink one should be for the hens. 

The new shit tool is green...like army fatigue green.....and the dog is a German Shepherd.  It makes much more sense to have the green shit tool assigned to the dog and the pink one to be used for chicken shit.   

By this point, she was fairly confused or mad...I really couldn't tell and truly didn't care...but I got a few minutes of interrupted peace and joy.  

[conVINCEd 21469]

55 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

I feel your pain.  I was raised on a farm/ranch where the old man trained cutting horses.  20 brood mares so we generally have 50-60 horses.  We also raised 4H/FFA steers and sheep and had a commercial rabbit operation with 30 does and about 30 laying hens for selling eggs.  ALL of those animals drank water pumped from the stock tank.  But she thinks our 6 hens need filtered water to drink.  And constantly telling me what I need to do different in the upkeep of our 6 hens.  I won't even THINK about bringing up some of the more entertaining of those ideas.

But now to the best part.  The other day, she brought home a new chicken shit scooper.
Her:  This one is only for the chickens.   Use the other one for cleaning up dog poop.
Me:  Huh?
Her:   I don't want the chicken poop bacteria to get mixed in the the dog poop bacteria, and visa versa.
Me:  It is shit.  And you do realize that I compost all of that chicken shit and it gets added to the compost that goes into our gardens for the veggies we eat.
Her:  But I don't want the dog poop and chicken poop to get mixed up buy using the same scooper.

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21909]

Did you tell her you didn’t care what color she used when she scooped the shit?

[Modessit 5603]

Actually, I told her this idea didn't make sense, but I thought I would have some fun with it.   
Old scooper, now assigned to dog shit patrol is pink.....but the hens are red in color.  The pink one should be for the hens. 
The new shit tool is green...like army fatigue green.....and the dog is a German Shepherd.  It makes much more sense to have the green shit tool assigned to the dog and the pink one to be used for chicken shit.   
By this point, she was fairly confused or mad...I really couldn't tell and truly didn't care...but I got a few minutes of interrupted peace and joy.  

But the old one has already touched dog poop. It's contaminated. You know how hard it is to boil and sanitize a doggie poop scooper? Will you at least think about the poor chickens?

[hullabelew 3724]

4 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Did you tell her you didn’t care what color she used when she scooped the shit?

She was dumping the dog shit into the fire pit.  FML

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Our dog bowl is filtered water when she fills it. 
I leave the toilet lid open. 

 

Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 

Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 

 

[ztejas 43503]

On 2/8/2024 at 1:40 PM, rage-a-holic said:

I have never, ever dated/married a woman that had a clue about directions or US/World Geography. Women with any knowledge of those are unicorns.

That's like breaking up with a woman because she doesn't recognize Simpsons quotes.

Okay but thinking St. Louis is a city in Chicago is pretty fucking bad. I've never dated a girl that dumb. 

[BHMCruiser 1814]

2 hours ago, uoftorange said:

A few months ago we had a holiday party for work where our international team was in town and I was running the show.  We originally were at one place and move to another.  Somehow, despite texts, email, verbal conversation that week and day of telling here where when and how to get there, she went to the original place instead.  Mind you, I told her one time MONTHS before the original place.  Of course she goes to the wrong place, then complains that I didn't tell her it moved (easily 3 verifiable in writing things day of, including 2 texts up from where she was complaining I didn't tell her), and she was running late anyway because she always is from work and then had to back track 35 minutes and was an hour late.  

I can't stand people being late.  I take it as complete disrespect to me and the event.  She really does try but work days are hard for her because she works at and owns her own salon.  But man, I had a hard time that day not being pissed. 
 

I do not invite my wife to any work functions. She doesn't want to go, I don't want her to go, problem solved.

[Steamboat1874 4072]

16 hours ago, Modessit said:

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

Going out to dinner on Valentine's Day is like going out on New Years Eve.

Rookie.

[nnm 36472]

59 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 

Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 

 

Many pages up thread is a discussion about the fact that many wives don’t flush the toilet in the middle of the night because reasons, resulting in a nice yellow, stinky, toilet paper filled bowl every morning. 

[Kennythetiger 9398]

51 minutes ago, nnm said:

Many pages up thread is a discussion about the fact that many wives don’t flush the toilet in the middle of the night because reasons, resulting in a nice yellow, stinky, toilet paper filled bowl every morning. 

Mine doesn’t, and I am ok with that. One less gallon of clean water wasted. 

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

She was dumping the dog shit into the fire pit.  FML

Ah, fuck. I was cheering for her until this one. 

[uoftorange 1386]

2 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

I do not invite my wife to any work functions. She doesn't want to go, I don't want her to go, problem solved.

See the problem there is that my wife is the life of any party.  She can make shit parties ones people don't forget.  And that night I didn't want to take any chances lol

I think that's the difference btw what this thread is at it's best vs. the divorce thread.  She has some qualities that drive me crazy, but they are 2% of the day vs the 98% where she's awesome.  But that thread wouldn't be as funny.  

Honestly, in retrospect it's more funny to me that even though she never listens to me, the one time she did it and then retained it, it was the wrong information

[Native Horn 3504]

3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

She was dumping the dog shit into the fire pit.  FML

Gross, dude.

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

3 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 

Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 

 

 

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

She was dumping the dog shit into the fire pit.  FML

 

I guess y'all are barbarians. 

 

 

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

24 minutes ago, uoftorange said:

See the problem there is that my wife is the life of any party.  She can make shit parties ones people don't forget.  And that night I didn't want to take any chances lol

 

 

Y'all just going to let this just slip by?

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9398]

22 minutes ago, uoftorange said:

See the problem there is that my wife is the life of any party.  She can make shit parties ones people don't forget.  And that night I didn't want to take any chances lol

I think that's the difference btw what this thread is at it's best vs. the divorce thread.  She has some qualities that drive me crazy, but they are 2% of the day vs the 98% where she's awesome.  But that thread wouldn't be as funny.  

Honestly, in retrospect it's more funny to me that even though she never listens to me, the one time she did it and then retained it, it was the wrong information

When mine pisses me off with her constant social interaction I remind myself that it’s very important to her, and remind myself that she’s the social face of our relationship. If she’s the life of the party, then I don’t have to be.

[tbone_ 14132]

 
Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 
Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 
 

On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.

[BearSchlong 8100]

@kenny

Same here. I never have to plan a holiday or family event ever again. All I have to do is pay the credit card bill.

[Jerry Callo 8707]

13 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.

Hell.  I think a dog that eats its own shit is doing his part to keep dog food expenses down.

[Steamboat1874 4072]

16 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.

That way he gets to eat that special chicken twice.

[nnm 36472]

36 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Y'all just going to let this just slip by?

 

 

Is this what you had in mind?

[hullabelew 3724]

8 minutes ago, Steamboat1874 said:

That way he gets to eat that special chicken twice.

My previous dog, Captain Velcro at his own shit.  The circle of life in back yard, during his time on earth., was very small.  I miss the little fucker. 

[uoftorange 1386]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

When mine pisses me off with her constant social interaction I remind myself that it’s very important to her, and remind myself that she’s the social face of our relationship. If she’s the life of the party, then I don’t have to be.

Absolutely the way I feel too.  

[Planet Houston 4930]

On 2/8/2024 at 1:40 PM, rage-a-holic said:

That's like breaking up with a woman because she doesn't recognize Simpsons quotes.

Sounds to me like he just didn’t want to choo-choo choose her. 

[Sam Lin 3559]

9 hours ago, nnm said:

I bet that rabbit would be yummy. We raised them for food when I was a kid. 

In Montana.

[NWBuck 8571]

8 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Our dog bowl is filtered water when she fills it. 
I leave the toilet lid open. 

 

[BrickHorn 18249]

On 2/15/2024 at 6:51 AM, GoPokes83 said:

The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11669]

fell on stiff upper lips