Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Celery Man 20,931]

I just had the most incredible night’s sleep of all time. I’m in charge of the three month old’s nights and he slept straight through. 7 hours feels like 10.

wife is tired. “I went ahead and woke up at the new time, I just wasn’t sure that Rory would sleep in”

 Rory is three years old, can’t read a clock, doesn’t understand time, etc
 

 

[wackawacka 177]

• Wife: Booked our flights for my friends wedding
• Me: Cool, where is it again?
• Wife: Just outside of DC
• Me: Great,  I have a good friend in DC that we can stop and see

Days later after messaging my friend to schedule

• Me: Why does my flight say Raleigh, NC?
• Wife: Because that is where the wedding is located
• Me: Is that near DC to you?
• Wife: Walks away

[Kennythetiger 9,375]

6 minutes ago, wackawacka said:

• Wife: Booked our flights for my friends wedding
• Me: Cool, where is it again?
• Wife: Just outside of DC
• Me: Great,  I have a good friend in DC that we can stop and see

Days later after messaging my friend to schedule

• Me: Why does my flight say Raleigh, NC?
• Wife: Because that is where the wedding is located
• Me: Is that near DC to you?
• Wife: Walks away

I didn’t even blink an eye at this one. I verify anything that has to do with time or location. 

[Superhero 8,827]

17 hours ago, Celery Man said:

I just had the most incredible night’s sleep of all time. I’m in charge of the three month old’s nights and he slept straight through. 7 hours feels like 10.

wife is tired. “I went ahead and woke up at the new time, I just wasn’t sure that Rory would sleep in”

 Rory is three years old, can’t read a clock, doesn’t understand time, etc
 

 

Maybe Rory can read the clock, but is just being a douche. 

[GoPokes83 2,240]

Mrs. Brat doesn’t care to converse very much. 
I am truly blessed. 

Biting your tongue for 5 decades or so will probably make conversation painful.

[hullabelew 3,723]

On 3/10/2024 at 8:28 PM, wackawacka said:

• Wife: Booked our flights for my friends wedding
• Me: Cool, where is it again?
• Wife: Just outside of DC
• Me: Great,  I have a good friend in DC that we can stop and see

Days later after messaging my friend to schedule

• Me: Why does my flight say Raleigh, NC?
• Wife: Because that is where the wedding is located
• Me: Is that near DC to you?
• Wife: Walks away

THIS is why this thread was started.  This kind of shit right here.  Well done Mrs. @wackawacka.   We salute you!    

[CycleTex87 2,966]

Just an easy 4-1/2 hr drive up I95 from Raleigh to Washington DC!  Closer than Austin.

[luke duke 6,412]

 

Naoch

[Nivek 16,920]

Boy has a project to build a model of the earth. I help him by going out and buying clay, paint, we get a box, make a stand. I help him get started and we make the inner core and outer core. Between layers painting it. Next we just need the mantle and then the crust.


Then the wife helps. She doesn’t understand why we have the inner core exposed, so she mashes it down, builds a mantle layer from plain white clay, then adds some red clay to cover the outer core as well. That we painted. It is completely ruined.


Boy pained the box, glued little stars in it and all it needed was the earth model. Her thought is to just make it in Minecraft. I suppose he should just toss a flash drive in the box.

I am a geologist, btw.

[ABSR 5,308]

2 hours ago, Nivek said:

Boy has a project to build a model of the earth. I help him by going out and buying clay, paint, we get a box, make a stand. I help him get started and we make the inner core and outer core. Between layers painting it. Next we just need the mantle and then the crust.


Then the wife helps. She doesn’t understand why we have the inner core exposed, so she mashes it down, builds a mantle layer from plain white clay, then adds some red clay to cover the outer core as well. That we painted. It is completely ruined.


Boy pained the box, glued little stars in it and all it needed was the earth model. Her thought is to just make it in Minecraft. I suppose he should just toss a flash drive in the box.

I am a geologist, btw.

Well, if you had the decency to find some complete random stranger to have told her what was needed she would have believed them and done what they said.  Really your fault. 

[Beau Vine 54,207]

I had to pause a movie the other night and explain to the wife what the alternate meaning of "beard" is.   She said that she had never heard that.

[TrashMaster G 17,544]

15 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I had to pause a movie the other night and explain to the wife what the alternate meaning of "beard" is.   She said that she had never heard that.

Was she surprised to find out she IS one?

[hullabelew 3,723]

15 hours ago, ABSR said:

Well, if you had the decency to find some complete random stranger to have told her what was needed she would have believed them and done what they said.  Really your fault. 

If/when my wife ends up the victim of a freak accident, resulting in her untimely demise, this will be the root cause.  

[ztejas 43,411]

20 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Was she surprised to find out she IS one?

 

 

[NorthLoop 14,181]

On 3/10/2024 at 7:28 PM, wackawacka said:

• Wife: Booked our flights for my friends wedding
• Me: Cool, where is it again?
• Wife: Just outside of DC
• Me: Great,  I have a good friend in DC that we can stop and see

Days later after messaging my friend to schedule

• Me: Why does my flight say Raleigh, NC?
• Wife: Because that is where the wedding is located
• Me: Is that near DC to you?
• Wife: Walks away

 

18 hours ago, Nivek said:

Boy has a project to build a model of the earth. I help him by going out and buying clay, paint, we get a box, make a stand. I help him get started and we make the inner core and outer core. Between layers painting it. Next we just need the mantle and then the crust.


Then the wife helps. She doesn’t understand why we have the inner core exposed, so she mashes it down, builds a mantle layer from plain white clay, then adds some red clay to cover the outer core as well. That we painted. It is completely ruined.


Boy pained the box, glued little stars in it and all it needed was the earth model. Her thought is to just make it in Minecraft. I suppose he should just toss a flash drive in the box.

I am a geologist, btw.

Page 427 bringing it

[BHMCruiser 1,813]

19 hours ago, Nivek said:

I am a geologist, btw.

This is a classic line

[Budkudzu 280]

Several years ago, I come home and see that the ex bought Dr. Phil's Diet book

Me: "Is he also coming out with a hair restoration book?"

She:  "Asshole"

 

Another time I came home and she said ,"Oprah said our marriage is in trouble."  

Me: "I wish you had told me she was coming over. I'd like to have met her"

She:  "Asshole"

 

Edited March 13 by Budkudzu

[Kennythetiger 9,375]

Well, she was right. 

[McCroskey 1,504]

Wife tonight:
 
"Do you need to show proof of insurance to buy new tires?"

At least your wife understands why new tires might be needed.

My wife scolded me one time after buying tires as if it were a splurge spend, saying she just didn’t think they ever needed to be replaced. I said “why do you think they change tires during pit stops in car racing?”

Tone.

[SHOOTER12 8,800]

On 3/12/2024 at 6:04 PM, Beau Vine said:

I had to pause a movie the other night and explain to the wife what the alternate meaning of "beard" is.   She said that she had never heard that.

I give, Google was no help,  what is the alternate meaning?

[Beau Vine 54,207]

2 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

I give, Google was no help,  what is the alternate meaning?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Beard

[SHOOTER12 8,800]

Just now, Beau Vine said:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Beard

Thanks Beau

[BearMace 2,194]

5 hours ago, McCroskey said:

At least your wife understands why new tires might be needed.

My wife scolded me one time after buying tires as if it were a splurge spend, saying she just didn’t think they ever needed to be replaced. I said “why do you think they change tires during pit stops in car racing?”

Tone.

Well if you didn't drive like a race car driver maybe you wouldn't need to change tires like one. Jerk.

[ROFL BOX 6,647]

18 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

I give, Google was no help,  what is the alternate meaning?

I was gonna rep with "Fuck Around & Find Out" but instead went with "Prepare Your Anus".

[BHMCruiser 1,813]

On 3/13/2024 at 10:58 AM, BHMCruiser said:

This is a classic line

 

Edited March 14 by BHMCruiser
derp

[wd40 1,976]

 

 

[ABSR 5,308]

4 hours ago, wd40 said:

 

 

A woman cannot abide a content man.

[Nivek 16,920]

Just to really hammer the point home.  His project has 2 components a written essay and a model.   Her decision to help was to help with the thing I already started on.   

[nnm 36,348]

Congratulations Dallas, you win. 

 

[gofuckyourself 8,203]

"Dallas on top" or...

under...

against the wall...

in the shower...

 

Also would accept "Dallas Does Debbie"

 

[Kwix 2,186]

17 minutes ago, nnm said:

Congratulations Dallas, you win. 

 

That is absolutely not photoshopped

[Crapinon 2,253]

A month ago my wife took on a part-time job working for an estate sale company. After 2 estate sales we are in the hole, because she has bought more than she earned. "We need this dining room set for 8 in case our family shows up at the same time for dinner". Which has never happened in 30 years. And "I couldn't pass up on this bookcase, it was so cheap". Now all I need to do is build new walls in the house so we have a place to put it or clean out her room of teaching supplies which she "stored" 7 years ago after retiring from teaching.

[CycleTex87 2,966]

9 minutes ago, Kwix said:

That is absolutely not photoshopped

Probably originally said Houston.

[Incredulity 11,650]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

Congratulations Dallas, you win. 

 

Hannah Battah

[Upgrayedd 5,810]

For reasons that are unimportant here, I’ve loaned her my Mac PowerBook.  She has very little experience with Mac OS.  I haven’t used it in awhile with the Magic Mouse, but gave her that as well.

Came home today to a barrage of “so frustrated” and “mouse doesn’t right click” and a dozen other grievances.  “Ok, after dinner I’ll show you how it works”

Go to use it after dinner and, for whatever reason, the mouse doesn’t connect via Bluetooth.  “Hey, when you said the mouse wouldn’t right click, was it working at all?”

”No”

Sigh

[Dnaguy 11,919]

On 3/15/2024 at 7:22 AM, wd40 said:

 

 

Undefeated²

[Sam Lin 3,550]

9 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

For reasons that are unimportant here, I’ve loaned her my Mac PowerBook.  She has very little experience with Mac OS.  I haven’t used it in awhile with the Magic Mouse, but gave her that as well.

Came home today to a barrage of “so frustrated” and “mouse doesn’t right click” and a dozen other grievances.  “Ok, after dinner I’ll show you how it works”

Go to use it after dinner and, for whatever reason, the mouse doesn’t connect via Bluetooth.  “Hey, when you said the mouse wouldn’t right click, was it working at all?”

”No”

Sigh

This is on you. I'm fairly tech adept and I also think using a Mac is a frustrating experience.

[Spoosner 86]

21 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

For reasons that are unimportant here, I’ve loaned her my Mac PowerBook.  She has very little experience with Mac OS.  I haven’t used it in awhile with the Magic Mouse, but gave her that as well.

Came home today to a barrage of “so frustrated” and “mouse doesn’t right click” and a dozen other grievances.  “Ok, after dinner I’ll show you how it works”

Go to use it after dinner and, for whatever reason, the mouse doesn’t connect via Bluetooth.  “Hey, when you said the mouse wouldn’t right click, was it working at all?”

”No”

Sigh

You're aware this is because she rage threw it, right? Very nice of you to give her the out by assuming it was the right click issue (which is a valid point imo).

[Budkudzu 280]

Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works:

She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I'm going to turn up the thermostat

Me:  It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63

She:  But it's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I don't want the house to get cold. 

 

Gotta pick your battles, boys.  

 

 

[Dnaguy 11,919]

3 minutes ago, Budkudzu said:

Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works:

She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I'm going to turn up the thermostat

Me:  It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63

She:  But it's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I don't want the house to get cold. 

 

Gotta pick your battles, boys.  

 

 

Why didn’t she put it on 80 so that the house will get hotter faster.

/DNAgal

[tigol 2,395]

Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works:
She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I'm going to turn up the thermostat
Me:  It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63
She:  But it's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I don't want the house to get cold. 
 
Gotta pick your battles, boys.  
 
 

How did you agree on 63? My husband likes to change the thermostat in our house like he does in his truck. Drives me nuts.

There should be one setting for winter and one for summer. That’s it. I’d even go for one setting all year, but that’s a pipe dream.

[Kennythetiger 9,375]

1 hour ago, tigol said:

How did you agree on 63? My husband likes to change the thermostat in our house like he does in his truck. Drives me nuts.

There should be one setting for winter and one for summer. That’s it. I’d even go for one setting all year, but that’s a pipe dream.

Because of my juvenile brain, all thermostats in our houses and vehicles are 69*. 

[PvilleStang 2,875]

1 hour ago, Dnaguy said:

Why didn’t she put it on 80 so that the house will get hotter faster.

/DNAgal

She's right, you know... 

 

At least when you have emergency heat like most heat pump units have, if you set your temp high enough, it will engage the heat strips and start blasting the heat out quickly.  Downside is it draws like 4x the power to run.

[Budkudzu 280]

3 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

Why didn’t she put it on 80 so that the house will get hotter faster.

/DNAgal

She's done that, too.  

[ztejas 43,411]

On 3/15/2024 at 7:22 AM, wd40 said:

 

 

Yep. Been there before.

[Upgrayedd 5,810]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Because of my juvenile brain, all thermostats in our houses and vehicles are 69*. 

Nice

[NorthLoop 14,181]

63? What are you a fuckin eskimo? 

[SHOOTER12 8,800]

5 hours ago, tigol said:

How did you agree on 63? My husband likes to change the thermostat in our house like he does in his truck. Drives me nuts.

There should be one setting for winter and one for summer. That’s it. I’d even go for one setting all year, but that’s a pipe dream.

We very seldom even use the central heat in the winter.  We both like it cool, and living in a log cabin with solid 9.5" logs it maintains temperature like boss. Would like to turn the AC a little cooler in the summer, but damn energy costs are ridiculous.  Summer we keep it around 74°-76°, would love it around 68°-70°.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,975]

2 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

63? What are you a fuckin eskimo? 

She's married, so probably just a plain Eskimo. 

[AUS-97HORN 11,756]

On 3/15/2024 at 7:22 AM, wd40 said:

 

 

 

3 hours ago, ztejas said:

Yep. Been there before.

 

yes, its funny, but I fucking hate that I know this bit of Cliff Claven trivia....  I think I learned it on a National Geographic show. 

the reason the female reacted that way is because male cats have barbs on their penis'. The barbs cause pain to the female cat, and force her to ovulate.

 

but I get the point of the post.