Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Dnaguy 11920]

4 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

She's right, you know... 

 

At least when you have emergency heat like most heat pump units have, if you set your temp high enough, it will engage the heat strips and start blasting the heat out quickly.  Downside is it draws like 4x the power to run.

Heat pumps?

Man, my house burns Natural Gas like a red-blooded American.

Heat pumps are for commies and europeans.

[PvilleStang 2875]

20 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

Heat pumps?

Man, my house burns Natural Gas like a red-blooded American.

Heat pumps are for commies and europeans.

Some of us aren't so lucky to have gas hookups.  My first house had it, was the tits for sure!

[Gil Bang 25920]

Driving with the GF yesterday morning.  Turn on Stern.   He's talking about Jake Gyllenhaal in the new "Roadhouse", and how he got in amazing shape for the film.

 

GF says "he was already in great shape when he was in Barbie"

 

Me: "he wasn't in Barbie"

"What was he in?"

"the gay cowboy movie"

"Oh yeah...Midnight Cowboy"

 

 

[wd40 1976]

dude duck says, "hold my beer"

 

 

[Biff Tannen 45665]

10 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works:

She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I'm going to turn up the thermostat

Me:  It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63

She:  But it's going to be in the 20's tonight.  I don't want the house to get cold. 

 

Gotta pick your battles, boys.  

 

 

I gave up on this years ago.  It is truly baffling.

[Tex Long 4383]

Is there something about not having a dick, that makes them think it's a Good Idea to put trash in the kitchen sink instead of taking three steps and tossing it in the trash bin? I mean, we're talking plastic bags, tin can lids, wadded up  aluminum foil, plastic bottle tops... why?

[tigol 2395]

Is there something about not having a dick, that makes them think it's a Good Idea to put trash in the kitchen sink instead of taking three steps and tossing it in the trash bin? I mean, we're talking plastic bags, tin can lids, wadded up  aluminum foil, plastic bottle tops... why?

That is truly odd.

[Sbbruin 21829]

[Sbbruin 21829]

15 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

I gave up on this years ago.  It is truly baffling.

Same.  She is convinced it'll get warmer or colder if she cranks it hard over one way or the other.  I could explain it 500 times and it won't compute for her.

[High Plains Drifter 11030]

On 3/15/2024 at 7:22 AM, wd40 said:

 

 

 

21 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

 

 

yes, its funny, but I fucking hate that I know this bit of Cliff Claven trivia....  I think I learned it on a National Geographic show. 

the reason the female reacted that way is because male cats have barbs on their penis'. The barbs cause pain to the female cat, and force her to ovulate.

 

but I get the point of the post.

 

Huh. I was guessing wrong hole. 

 

 

[Spoosner 86]

Classic example of a classic that's been discussed so many times.

Went to Central Market for dinner/kid's school playdate tonight. They hand us a $5 off any $25 of groceries coupon when we check out at the food counter.

Fast forward to us finished eating, and we go inside to buy some flowers for a baby shower she has tomorrow.

We ring up $24 and change. I comment that if we add a pack of gum we'll actually save money.

She instead looks to the magazines, picks up some big/thick fashion one, looks at the price, and hands it to the cashier.

$10.99. She at least acknowledges, and laughs about it.

1/2 price magazine!

 

[Nivek 16923]

Classic example of a classic that's been discussed so many times.
Went to Central Market for dinner/kid's school playdate tonight. They hand us a $5 off any $25 of groceries coupon when we check out at the food counter.
Fast forward to us finished eating, and we go inside to buy some flowers for a baby shower she has tomorrow.
We ring up $24 and change. I comment that if we add a pack of gum we'll actually save money.
She instead looks to the magazines, picks up some big/thick fashion one, looks at the price, and hands it to the cashier.
$10.99. She at least acknowledges, and laughs about it.
1/2 price magazine!
 

Get the fuck out of here.

[Armybrat 40822]

On 3/21/2024 at 9:37 PM, wd40 said:

dude duck says, "hold my beer"

 

 

Mrs. Brat, a Taylor Duck, was not amused…

 

[Upgrayedd 5810]

On 3/21/2024 at 4:37 PM, AUS-97HORN said:

 

 

yes, its funny, but I fucking hate that I know this bit of Cliff Claven trivia....  I think I learned it on a National Geographic show. 

the reason the female reacted that way is because male cats have barbs on their penis'. The barbs cause pain to the female cat, and force her to ovulate.

 

but I get the point of the post.

Forces the females to be more selective as well.  That’s why they will not go for any tom’s dick that’s hairy.

[nnm 36349]

Tonight the fightin’ Illini are playing Duke-Quez-knee. 
She also is incapable of distinguishing between U of (State) and (State) State U. For example, North Carolina and NCSU, Michigan/MSU, etc.

Edited March 24 by nnm

[Bama Llama 1450]

My dearest friend Mrs Llama is a beautiful blonde babe, a glamorous golden goddess, a lusciously and truly beautiful person and stone fox to boot (no pics, fuck you, perverts) but in candid moments will admit to being geospatially challenged.
 
Listening to her (attempting to) give directions by phone is almost painful until it gets bizarre, then hilarious. Unless the person receiving these directions knows a fixed point of reference which Mrs. Llama also knows or vice versa, or can properly use their phone to navigate, it’s utterly hopeless. These “directions” usually start out:

“Okay, you know that really big highway with all the lawyer billboards? Youknow, beside Dr. Berry’s office? Well, you wanna stay off that road, you’ll just get lost. Okay, start at the Walgreens,  then go straght, then turn at the school. No, not the high school! The elementary school. Go down the turnoff toward the old bridge until you get to the Y intersection. Okay, then go straight.”

The words “north, south, east and west” never ever enter the conversation, nor does any expression of distance or time. Those are rules. In the end, most of her directionees end up teaching themselves to use their GPS app, or I drive to a midpoint and lead them in.

She always loved Leon Russell’s classic, “A Song for You.” 

“I love you, Mrs. Llama,  in a place where there’s no space and time. . . .”

Edited March 24 by Bama Llama
Leon Russell - two Ls!

[tbone_ 14110]

+1 for Song for You reference…

No human female has ever used cardinal directions in a conversation. But yours may even be a little more advanced on the spectrum.

[SHOOTER12 8800]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

+1 for Song for You reference…

No human female has ever used cardinal directions in a conversation. But yours may even be a little more advanced on the spectrum.

Turn at the red bird?

[Jerry Callo 8698]

15 hours ago, nnm said:

Tonight the fightin’ Illini are playing Duke-Quez-knee. 
She also is incapable of distinguishing between U of (State) and (State) State U. For example, North Carolina and NCSU, Michigan/MSU, etc.

Same.  Iowa/Iowa State, Kansas, K-State.  In fact, mine mentioned Kansas City Chiefs playing in Manhattan the other day.

[Incredulity 11652]

7 hours ago, Bama Llama said:

stone fox to boot (no pics, fuck you, perverts

[hullabelew 3723]

6 hours ago, tbone_ said:

+1 for Song for You reference…

No human female has ever used cardinal directions in a conversation. But yours may even be a little more advanced on the spectrum.

Mine does all the time.  Problem is, she is wrong about 92.3% of the time.  She once told me to do south, then processed to tell me to turn right, (north).   Rather than argue, I said, "OK.  We will do it your way but when we get to Tennessee, I'm turning around."  Only ended up going about 2 miles before she realized it....and get this....ADMITTED it.  

[tigol 2395]

6 hours ago, tbone_ said:

+1 for Song for You reference…

No human female has ever used cardinal directions in a conversation. But yours may even be a little more advanced on the spectrum.

 

[nnm 36349]

6 hours ago, tbone_ said:

+1 for Song for You reference…

No human female has ever used cardinal directions in a conversation. But yours may even be a little more advanced on the spectrum.

Mrs. NNM has a remarkable sense of direction. She never gets lost, and can easily find her way to places that she hasn’t been to in 40+ years. I never second guess her when she says X route will be better than Y. 
/no sarcasm/. She really is good at that. She can’t tell the difference between Utah and Utah State, but she’s really good at directions. 

[markstanco 12571]

Let’s put the dead battery close to the charger.

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

On 3/22/2024 at 10:24 AM, Tex Long said:

Is there something about not having a dick, that makes them think it's a Good Idea to put trash in the kitchen sink instead of taking three steps and tossing it in the trash bin? I mean, we're talking plastic bags, tin can lids, wadded up  aluminum foil, plastic bottle tops... why?

That isn't gender, that's just weird, like @tigol mentioned. I put a trash can, sized appropriately in every room, it's changed out when full or during the regular cleaning each week.

[drt 638]

3 hours ago, markstanco said:

Let’s put the dead battery close to the charger.

I mean, I would consider this a win at my house. 

[Biff Tannen 45665]

7 hours ago, Incredulity said:

You know, on this site, I pretty much always rep Seinfeld references.  But not for you.  Because you're a fucking asshole.

[Incredulity 11652]

1 minute ago, Biff Tannen said:

You know, on this site, I pretty much always rep Seinfeld references.  But not for you.  Because you're a fucking asshole.

Feel free to fist yourself lemming 

[Biff Tannen 45665]

6 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Feel free to fist yourself lemming 

[Incredulity 11652]

[GoPokes83 2240]

We go to McDonald’s way too often. It’s close to the kids school and she wants to hit it on the way home, etc. My wife, being all about shopping likes to order on the app and collect points, get some discounts and free food, which is great. However… For some reason she doesn’t like to park in the spots outside reserved for online orders, she still wants to go through the drive thru line, no matter how long it is, which IMO completely negates any advantage of ordering ahead and ensures the food they prepared (supposedly) when we ordered 15 minutes earlier has been sitting there waiting, and then she complains it’s always cold.

[NorthLoop 14181]

14 hours ago, nnm said:

Mrs. NNM has a remarkable sense of direction. She never gets lost, and can easily find her way to places that she hasn’t been to in 40+ years. I never second guess her when she says X route will be better than Y. 
/no sarcasm/. She really is good at that. She can’t tell the difference between Utah and Utah State, but she’s really good at directions. 

Sorry to break it to you, but you married a dude.

[Budkudzu 280]

15 hours ago, markstanco said:

Let’s put the dead battery close to the charger.

Reminds me of Mrs K's recycling efforts

[SquishMitten 10403]

As with the dead battery, I'd also consider that a recycling win. I've finally trained her, but for many years she would just stuff big boxes like that in the bin. Back then, I considered it a good day if she hadn't also poured a bunch of loose items on top before I had to pull em out to break them down.

[Jiggy-Z 3432]

On 3/19/2024 at 4:02 PM, Crapinon said:

A month ago my wife took on a part-time job working for an estate sale company. After 2 estate sales we are in the hole, because she has bought more than she earned. "We need this dining room set for 8 in case our family shows up at the same time for dinner". Which has never happened in 30 years. And "I couldn't pass up on this bookcase, it was so cheap". Now all I need to do is build new walls in the house so we have a place to put it or clean out her room of teaching supplies which she "stored" 7 years ago after retiring from teaching.

Wife bought a piano during the pandemic because no one in our household plays or has any interest in playing piano. (Oldest son plays professionally, but lives in New Orleans- vists a couple of times per year).

Also during the pandemic, She  bought a rowing machine and a ski erg which do not get used.

We have a very large living room and all of these things reside there.

I am a pretty serious cyclist, so of course, there is no way my prospective trainer purchase can be housed anywhere but the garage which basically defeats the entire purpose of having a trainer bike.

Also, garage is full due to the climbing wall we built....during the pandemic....sigh.

[PvilleStang 2875]

6 minutes ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Also, garage is full due to the climbing wall we built....during the pandemic....sigh.

Okay, let's see the pics...

[Kennythetiger 9376]

9 minutes ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Wife bought a piano during the pandemic because no one in our household plays or has any interest in playing piano. (Oldest son plays professionally, but lives in New Orleans- vists a couple of times per year).

Also during the pandemic, She  bought a rowing machine and a ski erg which do not get used.

We have a very large living room and all of these things reside there.

I am a pretty serious cyclist, so of course, there is no way my prospective trainer purchase can be housed anywhere but the garage which basically defeats the entire purpose of having a trainer bike.

Also, garage is full due to the climbing wall we built....during the pandemic....sigh.

Your first sentence made me laugh out loud. Thank you. 

[Covri 6244]

On 3/23/2024 at 9:29 AM, Armybrat said:

Mrs. Brat, a Taylor Duck, was not amused…

 

[TrashMaster G 17547]

32 minutes ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Wife bought a piano during the pandemic because no one in our household plays or has any interest in playing piano. (Oldest son plays professionally, but lives in New Orleans- vists a couple of times per year).

Also during the pandemic, She  bought a rowing machine and a ski erg which do not get used.

We have a very large living room and all of these things reside there.

I am a pretty serious cyclist, so of course, there is no way my prospective trainer purchase can be housed anywhere but the garage which basically defeats the entire purpose of having a trainer bike.

Also, garage is full due to the climbing wall we built....during the pandemic....sigh.

Newsflash: Your wife just likes to spend money

[Jiggy-Z 3432]

1 hour ago, PvilleStang said:

Okay, let's see the pics...

 

[CycleTex87 2966]

Way cooler than the 4x8 sheet of plywood climbing wall I put up when the kids were little. 

[Jiggy-Z 3432]

3 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Way cooler than the 4x8 sheet of plywood climbing wall I put up when the kids were little. 

The two boys still at home are competitive climbers. Among the best in the US, so it's more than a diversion. Although, I must say it gets used now  as an excuse to avoid homework.

[Armybrat 40822]

2 hours ago, Covri said:

Not trying to be a Debbie downer, but that unfortunate fellow has a dramatic life story of tragedy and success.
He was terribly burned when the helicopter he was piloting was shot down in Vietnam 55 years ago. Barely surviving, he spent two years recovering in the burn unit at Brooke Army hospital - much of that time face down in a sling apparatus. 
The plastic surgeons grew him a new nose by cutting a flap of arm flesh and attaching it to the stump of his burned off original one. His arm was strapped up by his head for months while the arm flesh grew onto his face. 
The surgeons did not try to replace his burned off ears and he wears a full toupee to cover his scarred bald head. 
By some fortuitous miracle, when he crashed and the chopped exploded in flames, he covered his his eyes with his arm, saving his eyesight. But that arm was severely burnt.

When he was discharged from the hospital, he stayed in Army as a career officer and after several command assignments in Europe & Asia, retired as a Lieutenant Colonel. Early after getting back to active duty, he married a beautiful young nurse, with whom he adopted a baby girl to raise as an army brat. (❤️). 
Unfortunately tragedy struck his family about 10 years ago when his wife unexpectedly passed away from a neural event. 
But he has continued to keep trucking’ on, doting on his daughter, a nurse, who recently married. 
He is quite an inspirational gentleman and all around good guy.

Incidentally, He & Mrs. Brat went steady their senior year in high school and dated all through college even though they went to different schools. They broke up in their senior year a few months before I met her at a mutual friend’s wedding (that’s when she & I started our relationship and married in June of 1967). 
We are all friends and are grateful to be able get together at their Taylor Duck class reunions.

 

Edited March 25 by Armybrat

[Armybrat 40822]

26 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Way cooler than the 4x8 sheet of plywood climbing wall I put up when the kids were little. 

My kids had to settle for climbing trees in the 40 acres of woods next to our northeast Austin neighborhood.

[tbone_ 14110]

Not trying to be a Debbie downer, but that unfortunate fellow has a dramatic life story of tragedy and success.
He was terribly burned when the helicopter he was piloting was shot down in Vietnam 55 years ago. Barely surviving, he spent two years recovering in the burn unit at Brooke Army hospital - much of that time face down in a sling apparatus. 
The plastic surgeons grew him a new nose by cutting a flap of arm flesh and attaching it to the stump of his burned off original one. His arm was strapped up by his head for months while the arm flesh grew onto his face. 
The surgeons did not try to replace his burned off ears and he wears a full toupee to cover his scarred bald head. 
By some fortuitous miracle, when he crashed and the chopped exploded in flames, he covered his his eyes with his arm, saving his eyesight. But that arm was severely burnt.
When he was discharged from the hospital, he stayed in Army as a career officer and after several command assignments in Europe & Asia, retired as a Lieutenant Colonel. Early after getting back to active duty, he married a beautiful young nurse, with whom he adopted a baby girl to raise as an army brat. (). 
Unfortunately tragedy struck his family about 10 years ago when his wife unexpectedly passed away from a neural event. 
But he has continued to keep trucking’ on, doting on his daughter, a nurse, who recently married. 
He is quite an inspirational gentleman and all around good guy.
Incidentally, He & Mrs. Brat went steady their senior year in high school and dated all through college even though they went to different schools. They broke up in their senior year a few months before I met her at a mutual friend’s wedding (that’s when she & I started our relationship and married in June of 1967). 
We are all friends and are grateful to be able get together at their Taylor Duck class reunions.
 

Thanks for sharing that

[Armybrat 40822]

My post #21393 above:

First paragraph “chopped” should obviously be “chopper”. 
Damned autocorrect.

[Jiggy-Z 3432]

3 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Thanks for sharing that

[Covri 6244]

48 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Not trying to be a Debbie downer, but that unfortunate fellow has a dramatic life story of tragedy and success.
He was terribly burned when the helicopter he was piloting was shot down in Vietnam 55 years ago. Barely surviving, he spent two years recovering in the burn unit at Brooke Army hospital - much of that time face down in a sling apparatus. 
The plastic surgeons grew him a new nose by cutting a flap of arm flesh and attaching it to the stump of his burned off original one. His arm was strapped up by his head for months while the arm flesh grew onto his face. 
The surgeons did not try to replace his burned off ears and he wears a full toupee to cover his scarred bald head. 
By some fortuitous miracle, when he crashed and the chopped exploded in flames, he covered his his eyes with his arm, saving his eyesight. But that arm was severely burnt.

When he was discharged from the hospital, he stayed in Army as a career officer and after several command assignments in Europe & Asia, retired as a Lieutenant Colonel. Early after getting back to active duty, he married a beautiful young nurse, with whom he adopted a baby girl to raise as an army brat. (❤️). 
Unfortunately tragedy struck his family about 10 years ago when his wife unexpectedly passed away from a neural event. 
But he has continued to keep trucking’ on, doting on his daughter, a nurse, who recently married. 
He is quite an inspirational gentleman and all around good guy.

Incidentally, He & Mrs. Brat went steady their senior year in high school and dated all through college even though they went to different schools. They broke up in their senior year a few months before I met her at a mutual friend’s wedding (that’s when she & I started our relationship and married in June of 1967). 
We are all friends and are grateful to be able get together at their Taylor Duck class reunions.

 

I just thought it was a blurry bad angle in a group picture, no disrespect meant.

[Armybrat 40822]

42 minutes ago, Covri said:

I just thought it was a blurry bad angle in a group picture, no disrespect meant.

I know that, no worries.

 

[Not a cat 5652]

Your Eskimo brother is a badass.  Props to him.