Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Modessit 5,598]

Wife tried to cut my 8yo daughters' bangs. They are crooked, uneven, too short, etc.

Her: Well, I think they look cheek.

Me: Cheek?

Her: Wait, what did you say?

Me: Did you say they look 'cheek'?

Her: Yeah.

Me: Do you mean chic?

Her: (realizing she said something stupid) ooooohhhh. You're going to post this on your site, aren't you?

[nnm 36,348]

8 hours ago, Modessit said:

Wife tried to cut my 8yo daughters' bangs. They are crooked, uneven, too short, etc.

Her: Well, I think they look cheek.

Me: Cheek?

Her: Wait, what did you say?

Me: Did you say they look 'cheek'?

Her: Yeah.

Me: Do you mean chic?

Her: (realizing she said something stupid) ooooohhhh. You're going to post this on your site, aren't you?
 

That’s one of my most embarrassing moments. Growing up, I read a lot so had a big vocabulary, but hadn’t heard some of the words in that vocabulary spoken. I was in a theater class my first semester freshman year and had to read a line of dialogue that included “chic.”  I pronounced it chick. Everyone laughed. I was humiliated. 

[Js1 85,275]

8 hours ago, Modessit said:

Wife tried to cut my 8yo daughters' bangs. They are crooked, uneven, too short, etc.

Her: Well, I think they look cheek.

Me: Cheek?

Her: Wait, what did you say?

Me: Did you say they look 'cheek'?

Her: Yeah.

Me: Do you mean chic?

Her: (realizing she said something stupid) ooooohhhh. You're going to post this on your site, aren't you?
 

Yeah. They definitely look cheeks 

[nnm 36,348]

Talking about a guy at work. 

Mrs. NNM:  "He's like a bull in a china cabinet."

Me: "Do bulls fit in china cabinets?"

Mrs. NNM:  "Oh.  What is the saying?"

Edited April 21 by nnm

[Scheiss Meister 8,407]

On 4/21/2024 at 8:27 AM, nnm said:

That’s one of my most embarrassing moments. Growing up, I read a lot so had a big vocabulary, but hadn’t heard some of the words in that vocabulary spoken. I was in a theater class my first semester freshman year and had to read a line of dialogue that included “chic.”  I pronounced it chick. Everyone laughed. I was humiliated. 

My word was epitome.  I thought that it was pronounced with a long o and silent final e.  Entertained the hell out of my freshman English teacher.

[Modessit 5,598]

I (aged about 11) was at a garage sale with my mom and told her to look at a brooch (rhyming with cooch).

And my parents like to entertain my wife with stories about the time I was giving them a tour of school during a 1st grade Back-To-School night and showed them the teachers' lunge.

[Incredulity 11,650]

12 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

My word was epitome.  I thought that it was pronounced with a long o and silent final e.  Entertained the hell out of my freshman English teacher.

mine was Des Moines when we were doing state capitals in the 4th grade or so.  Grew up no where near Iowa.

I had it as Dess  Mo-iness

 

How the fuck would I know?

[TrashMaster G 17,544]

4 hours ago, Incredulity said:

mine was Des Moines when we were doing state capitals in the 4th grade or so.  Grew up no where near Iowa.

I had it as Dess  Mo-iness

 

How the fuck would I know?

*nowhere

[Beau Vine 54,207]

17 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

My word was epitome.  I thought that it was pronounced with a long o and silent final e.  Entertained the hell out of my freshman English teacher.

A friend of mine did that in high school.  I still give him shit about it.  

Whenever I see him, I try to use ep-pi-tohm in conversation as much as possible.

[Sbbruin 21,829]

17 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

My word was epitome.  I thought that it was pronounced with a long o and silent final e.  Entertained the hell out of my freshman English teacher.

finominle

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

On 4/20/2024 at 12:34 PM, Kennythetiger said:

On the twitter page check out the chick who ripped off the oil pan. 

My sister in law Went camping once (I think it was Big Bend) called me crying once because she said something hit her oil pan and it busted. Turns out she was trying to get to some spot that really only trucks or off road vehicles. She was in this:

 

[TrashMaster G 17,544]

41 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My sister in law Went camping once (I think it was Big Bend) called me crying once because she said something hit her oil pan and it busted. Turns out she was trying to get to some spot that really only trucks or off road vehicles. She was in this:

 

Went?

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

Just now, TrashMaster G said:

Went?

man, I dunno

[burntorangebongos 10,710]

On 4/21/2024 at 8:27 AM, nnm said:

That’s one of my most embarrassing moments. Growing up, I read a lot so had a big vocabulary, but hadn’t heard some of the words in that vocabulary spoken. I was in a theater class my first semester freshman year and had to read a line of dialogue that included “chic.”  I pronounced it chick. Everyone laughed. I was humiliated. 

Reason # 8790 to fuck the French

[nnm 36,348]

9 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

Reason # 8790 to fuck the French

Many reasons for that. 

[BurntEyes 5,958]

7 hours ago, Incredulity said:

mine was Des Moines when we were doing state capitals in the 4th grade or so.  Grew up no where near Iowa.

I had it as Dess  Mo-iness

 

How the fuck would I know?

I still say it that way in my mind everything I read or think about it. Always will.

[Beau Vine 54,207]

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,975]

I have a great aunt named Rene. Her mom pronounced it Renny because she had only ever seen it in books and never heard it said. 

[Jerry Callo 8,698]

2 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Oeuf means egg, chapeau means hat . . .

[Ojo Rojo 1,950]

My oldest son was riding in the car with me and I made a hard right turn after swinging wide to avoid hitting a curb.  My son said, "Mom always hits the curb when she makes a turn like that."  Me:  "I know.  It's a chick thing."  Him:  "Girls hit curbs?"  Me:  "Yeah, it's like a thing."

[ztejas 43,411]

4 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My oldest son was riding in the car with me and I made a hard right turn after swinging wide to avoid hitting a curb.  My son said, "Mom always hits the curb when she makes a turn like that."  Me:  "I know.  It's a chick thing."  Him:  "Girls hit curbs?"  Me:  "Yeah, it's like a thing."

The city of Austin is working to ensure that it becomes an all-gender practice.

[Js1 85,275]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My oldest son was riding in the car with me and I made a hard right turn after swinging wide to avoid hitting a curb.  My son said, "Mom always hits the curb when she makes a turn like that."  Me:  "I know.  It's a chick thing."  Him:  "Girls hit curbs?"  Me:  "Yeah, it's like a thing."

[Jerry Callo 8,698]

The city of Austin is working to ensure that it becomes an all-gender practice.

That's no lie.  I was driving around after eating dinner at Home Slice in Central Austin and commented that sometimes it is almost impossible to determine where the actual car lane is.  I'll hit a cyclists before I hit a curb, though. 

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

21 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

I still say it that way in my mind everything I read or think about it. Always will.

Duquesne for me Do- ques-knee

[BearMace 2,194]

3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Duquesne for me Do- ques-knee

I had managed to never hear that word spoken until this tournament despite having read it forever.

On the same note I'm always entertained at the beginning of football season when kids start hitting the field and their names are pronounced wildly differently than my dumb ass read them in my head throughout their recruitment.

[956 Worldwide 34,701]

On 4/23/2024 at 12:11 AM, Scheiss Meister said:

My word was epitome.  I thought that it was pronounced with a long o and silent final e.  Entertained the hell out of my freshman English teacher.

Mine was “facsimile” pronounced “fax-sih-mile.” 

[nnm 36,348]

5 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Duquesne for me Do- ques-knee

 

20 minutes ago, BearMace said:

I had managed to never hear that word spoken until this tournament despite having read it forever.

When watching the tournament this year, Mrs. NNM pronounced it exactly as Jameslaw did. I think I even posted about it upthread. 

[Gil Bang 25,915]

6 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Duquesne for me Do- ques-knee

Norm Nixon. 

[Budkudzu 280]

debris - Dee-bris

I also thought "soup du jour" was some sort of French soup.  

[softlynow 1,812]

8 minutes ago, Budkudzu said:

debris - Dee-bris

I also thought "soup du jour" was some sort of French soup.  

 

[Jerry Callo 8,698]

Pronounce this one - Max Abmas

It like letters mean nothing anymore.

[956 Worldwide 34,701]

1 hour ago, softlynow said:

 

Plus rep for going exactly where my mind went. 

[High Plains Drifter 11,028]

17 hours ago, BearMace said:

I had managed to never hear that word spoken until this tournament despite having read it forever.

On the same note I'm always entertained at the beginning of football season when kids start hitting the field and their names are pronounced wildly differently than my dumb ass read them in my head throughout their recruitment.

 

You never hear it spoken because no knows how to say it

[orange dream 1,246]

4 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Pronounce this one - Max Abmas

It like letters mean nothing anymore.

Andrew Knizner says hold my beer

[nnm 36,348]

11 minutes ago, orange dream said:

Andrew Knizner says hold my beer

 

[BearSchlong 8,083]

Andrew Knizner says hold my beer

Peja Stojakovik enters the chat.

[Brisketexan 105,064]

My word was epitome.  I thought that it was pronounced with a long o and silent final e.  Entertained the hell out of my freshman English teacher.

That word still terrifies me. I know how to say it. I use it. But if I ever READ it, my brain first reads the wrong pronunciation. So I never write it on anything I’ll have to read aloud (like notes for an oral argument in court), because I’m afraid I’ll read and say it wrong before my brain can correct itself.

[ztejas 43,411]

For archive I always wanna say ar-chive instead of ar-kive.

Edited April 26 by ztejas

[NWBuck 8,552]

Things that started out as "oops" but now are the way I pronounce things to embarrass my daughters in front of their friends:

• "luh-VAN-dur" = Lavender
• "ren-day-ZEE-voose" = Rendezvous
• "extra ordinary" (break between words)= Extraordinary
• "kuh-RAM-muhl" = caramel (as a counter point to the "car.mel" and "care.a.mel" debate)
• Given the previous, was a big fan of "kuh-RAM-muh-low" in the early 2000s

 

[Sam Lin 3,550]

Laetitia was "lay-titty-ah"

Pigeon was "pie-gone"

[hullabelew 3,723]

Gentlemen!   PHOCUS!

  

Edited April 26 by hullabelew

[Celery Man 20,931]

anyone else's wife have their paycheck set up for $0 withheld for income tax?

[Texasborn91 935]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife have their paycheck set up for $0 withheld for income tax?

This made me laugh 

[ztejas 43,411]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife have their paycheck set up for $0 withheld for income tax?

Does she make 20 grand a year?

[Celery Man 20,931]

4 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Does she make 20 grand a year?

more than that but only barely, so really not the end of the world. this is probably my own stupidity as well. she's starting a new full time job where they actually pay her and she's a little grumbly about making sure that we get that set up correctly for the filing jointly tax rate.  tone, etc

[Wiler77 1,566]

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Gentlemen!   PHOCUS!

  

I always enjoyed the interviews with Hakeem after Rockets games.  "We have to phocus!"

Uh, what was that??

[Tex Long 4,383]

Phase versus Faze

 

[Beau Vine 54,207]

23 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

You never hear it spoken because no knows how to say it

I shall not stand idly and permit you history rubes to besmirch the good name of Michel-Ange Duquesne de Menneville, Marquis Duquesne!

[Kilgorehorn 308]

Can we get back on track fellas?

[Sam Lin 3,550]

Phellas?