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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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Posted
13 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Oh shit...I thought you sold student-grade instruments.    I had no idea you did the high-end stuff.

Like 90% of our business is student level stuff. But we have some higher end stuff as well

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1816

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13 hours ago, tbone_ said:


It’s in the chromosomes I think.

Ex wife argued with me once for a long time that it wasn’t possible to reserve rights to use real estate a certain way without owning the real estate (commonly known as easements). Current about to be wife argued with me that there is no way I knew where the drinking water supply came from.

Despite the fact that I have been a real estate developer for nearly 30 years now. Easements and the source of water, yea I wouldn’t know shit about that at all.

100% this.

Years ago when we were relatively newly married, my wife was telling me about her friend's "nightmare situation" where the friend's father died with a lot of credit card debt and now they had to pay all of it and even had to sell their own house to cover the debt and how it might bankrupt them. I asked if the father owned part of the house. She said no. I asked if the friend somehow obligated herself to pay her father's debts. She said no, it was a total surprise. So I said "in that case she doesn't have to do anything except walk away from the estate." She got all pissy at me and then finally said "why should I just take your word for it?" And I said "because I am a LAWYER." 

I told this story to my father's long-time law partner and he said "that's your mistake. You may be a lawyer to every other person on earth, but to your wife, you are just some dumb fuck." 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1816

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Of course it's kind of funny that this lady is a wife to somebody and, instead of consulting with a lawyer, she just chatted with her friend group and decided to sell their house and pay somebody else's credit card debt. 

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26020

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1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Like 90% of our business is student level stuff. But we have some higher end stuff as well

You should start a thread on the music board.  I'm sure there's funny stuff involved in running a music store.

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ABSR

ABSR 5324

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16 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

I'm just trying to get my soul mate to close the fucking windows when the AC kicks in. 

If she is like my wife she is blinded by every fucking light in the house being on and can't tell it is open.

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blacklab

blacklab 11951

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I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54429

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23 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

Buy her an Alexa.  One of the best purchases of my married life.  

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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On 6/6/2024 at 11:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

& Then when you give her an answer she doesn't like, she refuses to believe you.  When you show her the internet says she is wrong well obviously you're an asshole for arguing with her & "You always have to be right, don't you?"  Well dear - why are you apparently always wrong?

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uoftorange

uoftorange 1388

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On 6/7/2024 at 1:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

100% my wife. 

My favorite is, when I think about something and go to look up the answer "Why do you have to know the answer to everything".  Why the fuck wouldn't you learn the answer if you can?????

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3561

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Not actually a wife, yet. But really close (wedding was next day).

Quote

With Alex Kessinger behind the wheel, Lydia Kessinger laid on top of their mattress to keep it from flying away.

“After we took off, just a couple of seconds later, and I just remember flying out,” Lydia Kessinger remembered.


https://www.azfamily.com/2024/06/07/bride-to-be-trying-secure-mattress-falls-truck-50-mph-day-before-wedding/

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21469

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2 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Not actually a wife, yet. But really close (wedding was next day).


https://www.azfamily.com/2024/06/07/bride-to-be-trying-secure-mattress-falls-truck-50-mph-day-before-wedding/

Any pre-accident pics?  It’s hard to rate her properly all bandaged up like that, but it feels like she has potential.  Also Utah, so who knows what weird shit is going on behind the scenes.

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McCroskey

McCroskey 1505

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11 hours ago, ajax said:

Somebody's future wife.

I can understand why she hates the talking stage

 

 

One of the first comments so good.  "She's that bad at talking so it's no wonder she hates the talking stage."

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Superhero

Superhero 8842

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Our flight was delayed 2 hours, so I gave the kids some extra screen time on their ipads.

Wife: Why did you give them extra screen time, now they won't turn it off.

Me: Why don't you just tell them to turn it off?

Wife: Well you gave them extra screen time.

Me: Do you want me to switch seats so I firmly suggest they turn it off?

Wife: No, I'm not switching seats, but why did you give them extra screen time?

 

image.png.f3a31179b492c27d0852d03bf9a1f1a0.png

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CHIEF

CHIEF 5095

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15 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Not actually a wife, yet. But really close (wedding was next day).


https://www.azfamily.com/2024/06/07/bride-to-be-trying-secure-mattress-falls-truck-50-mph-day-before-wedding/

I have an uncle that is a retired Battalion CHIEF from the Dallas Fire Department. When he started, everyone has to be on the ambulance as an EMT for the first 2-3 years. He worked at the fire station at the corner of Westmoreland and Jefferson in SOC. One of his first stories he told me was about some dudes moving to a different apartment, and all the had to move with was a VW Bug. Their new apartment was just up I-30 a bit, so one guy is driving, the other is laying across the mattress on the roof, and has a grip on both rain rails. Everything is fine until he hits I-30 and has to run in traffic, and the mattress catches wind and throws the dude about 20 feet in the air. He said the guy was road rashed so bad, that you couldn't even tell what race the guy was, he was just "red."

He has so many good stories from over the years, I could start a thread with just his stories.

CHIEF

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26020

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On 6/7/2024 at 2:34 PM, blacklab said:

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

repairing a toaster?  Who the fuck are you, Emmett Clark?

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tbone_

tbone_ 14161

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Posted
Wife is not open for more suggestions on leaving a bit more space between her car and her bike, so just posting here for my future expense
IMG_8474.thumb.jpeg.dcbee3090b6f3493293a147566bb02e7.jpeg

You know that you are going to be the asshole when it happens right?
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tbone_

tbone_ 14161

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Count that as a blessing for at least the next 5-7 business days.
 

Mine has memorized her number. Which means that even though she couldn’t produce the actual card even if given an hour to look for it if her life depended on it, no purchasing is slowed down at all.
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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21469

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4 hours ago, tbone_ said:


Mine has memorized her number. Which means that even though she couldn’t produce the actual card even if given an hour to look for it if her life depended on it, no purchasing is slowed down at all.

Could be worse.  Wait until your kids memorize the number.  Nothing like having mom and dad’s credit limit with zero impulse control.  Wife had a student who plowed through $10k on eBay auctions for vintage video games before the parents noticed.  He was 6 at the time.

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14248

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On 6/7/2024 at 4:34 PM, blacklab said:

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

f91a033c-380e-489e-9ef5-97ccffe99ff1_tex

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Grimas

Grimas 671

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Had some new plants in the planters around the pool that were wilting since the sprinkler didn't hit them..  Wife said she was going to water them with the hose that was on the side of the house and asked "is it connected". Said yes and said just turn it on.  "It's not plugged in".  Huh?  While the hose was connected to the water tap, the grounded electrical socket a few feet away didn't have anything plugged into it... 

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Superhero

Superhero 8842

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Wife signed up the kids for a variety summer camp programs and now wants me to pick them up at noon on certain days.

What’s wrong with leaving the kids at library before going to work and picking them after work?

 

 

I kid. I’m grateful to have her. If she wasn’t around, the kids would be at the library with the homeless or parked in front of the TV. 

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 12061

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DNAgal: Dang it. I should have gotten caviar for our lox and bagel brunch 

Me: You're right. That would have been cool instead of capers. I wonder, though, how exactly they farm caviar now.

DNAgal: They kill the sturgeon and cut out the eggs.

Me: Yes, I understand that, but does the dead sturgeon get used for its meat too? That'll at least make it better IMO. Oh well.

DNAgal: They made the beluga  sturgeon extinct I think. I used to think Beluga caviar came from Beluga whales.

Me: What?! That's hilarious. Like you thought they came from its ovaries? Man now that would be cruel.

DNAgal: No. I'm not an idiot. From its eggs.

Me: You thought whales laid eggs? Whales are mammals.

DNAgal: I know that.

Me: All Mammals but a select few give birth to live young. 

DNAgal: How am I supposed to know that?

Me: I mean..... its like pretty basic biology. Didn't you take AP biology?

DNAgal: Go get the bagels.

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royiv

royiv 9355

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Little survey here -

52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn.  What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone? 

200.gif

500 on iOS, which is the maximum allowed. I accidentally cleared them all and I caught shit about it for a bit.

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nnm

nnm 36636

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, royiv said:

200.gif

500 on iOS, which is the maximum allowed. I accidentally cleared them all and I caught shit about it for a bit.

I have to sneak updates onto Mrs NNM’s phone and iPad. She fundamentally distrusts them and gets peeved with me every time I do it. 

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