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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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13 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Oh shit...I thought you sold student-grade instruments.    I had no idea you did the high-end stuff.

Like 90% of our business is student level stuff. But we have some higher end stuff as well

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Of course it's kind of funny that this lady is a wife to somebody and, instead of consulting with a lawyer, she just chatted with her friend group and decided to sell their house and pay somebody else's credit card debt. 

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1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Like 90% of our business is student level stuff. But we have some higher end stuff as well

You should start a thread on the music board.  I'm sure there's funny stuff involved in running a music store.

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16 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

I'm just trying to get my soul mate to close the fucking windows when the AC kicks in. 

If she is like my wife she is blinded by every fucking light in the house being on and can't tell it is open.

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23 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

Buy her an Alexa.  One of the best purchases of my married life.  

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On 6/6/2024 at 11:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

& Then when you give her an answer she doesn't like, she refuses to believe you.  When you show her the internet says she is wrong well obviously you're an asshole for arguing with her & "You always have to be right, don't you?"  Well dear - why are you apparently always wrong?

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On 6/7/2024 at 1:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

100% my wife. 

My favorite is, when I think about something and go to look up the answer "Why do you have to know the answer to everything".  Why the fuck wouldn't you learn the answer if you can?????

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Not actually a wife, yet. But really close (wedding was next day).

Quote

With Alex Kessinger behind the wheel, Lydia Kessinger laid on top of their mattress to keep it from flying away.

“After we took off, just a couple of seconds later, and I just remember flying out,” Lydia Kessinger remembered.


https://www.azfamily.com/2024/06/07/bride-to-be-trying-secure-mattress-falls-truck-50-mph-day-before-wedding/

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2 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Any pre-accident pics?  It’s hard to rate her properly all bandaged up like that, but it feels like she has potential.  Also Utah, so who knows what weird shit is going on behind the scenes.

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11 hours ago, ajax said:

Somebody's future wife.

I can understand why she hates the talking stage

 

 

One of the first comments so good.  "She's that bad at talking so it's no wonder she hates the talking stage."

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Our flight was delayed 2 hours, so I gave the kids some extra screen time on their ipads.

Wife: Why did you give them extra screen time, now they won't turn it off.

Me: Why don't you just tell them to turn it off?

Wife: Well you gave them extra screen time.

Me: Do you want me to switch seats so I firmly suggest they turn it off?

Wife: No, I'm not switching seats, but why did you give them extra screen time?

 

image.png.f3a31179b492c27d0852d03bf9a1f1a0.png

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15 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

I have an uncle that is a retired Battalion CHIEF from the Dallas Fire Department. When he started, everyone has to be on the ambulance as an EMT for the first 2-3 years. He worked at the fire station at the corner of Westmoreland and Jefferson in SOC. One of his first stories he told me was about some dudes moving to a different apartment, and all the had to move with was a VW Bug. Their new apartment was just up I-30 a bit, so one guy is driving, the other is laying across the mattress on the roof, and has a grip on both rain rails. Everything is fine until he hits I-30 and has to run in traffic, and the mattress catches wind and throws the dude about 20 feet in the air. He said the guy was road rashed so bad, that you couldn't even tell what race the guy was, he was just "red."

He has so many good stories from over the years, I could start a thread with just his stories.

CHIEF

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On 6/7/2024 at 2:34 PM, blacklab said:

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

repairing a toaster?  Who the fuck are you, Emmett Clark?

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Wife is not open for more suggestions on leaving a bit more space between her car and her bike, so just posting here for my future expense
IMG_8474.thumb.jpeg.dcbee3090b6f3493293a147566bb02e7.jpeg

You know that you are going to be the asshole when it happens right?
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Count that as a blessing for at least the next 5-7 business days.
 

Mine has memorized her number. Which means that even though she couldn’t produce the actual card even if given an hour to look for it if her life depended on it, no purchasing is slowed down at all.
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4 hours ago, tbone_ said:


Mine has memorized her number. Which means that even though she couldn’t produce the actual card even if given an hour to look for it if her life depended on it, no purchasing is slowed down at all.

Could be worse.  Wait until your kids memorize the number.  Nothing like having mom and dad’s credit limit with zero impulse control.  Wife had a student who plowed through $10k on eBay auctions for vintage video games before the parents noticed.  He was 6 at the time.

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On 6/7/2024 at 4:34 PM, blacklab said:

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

f91a033c-380e-489e-9ef5-97ccffe99ff1_tex

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Had some new plants in the planters around the pool that were wilting since the sprinkler didn't hit them..  Wife said she was going to water them with the hose that was on the side of the house and asked "is it connected". Said yes and said just turn it on.  "It's not plugged in".  Huh?  While the hose was connected to the water tap, the grounded electrical socket a few feet away didn't have anything plugged into it... 

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Wife signed up the kids for a variety summer camp programs and now wants me to pick them up at noon on certain days.

What’s wrong with leaving the kids at library before going to work and picking them after work?

 

 

I kid. I’m grateful to have her. If she wasn’t around, the kids would be at the library with the homeless or parked in front of the TV. 

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DNAgal: Dang it. I should have gotten caviar for our lox and bagel brunch 

Me: You're right. That would have been cool instead of capers. I wonder, though, how exactly they farm caviar now.

DNAgal: They kill the sturgeon and cut out the eggs.

Me: Yes, I understand that, but does the dead sturgeon get used for its meat too? That'll at least make it better IMO. Oh well.

DNAgal: They made the beluga  sturgeon extinct I think. I used to think Beluga caviar came from Beluga whales.

Me: What?! That's hilarious. Like you thought they came from its ovaries? Man now that would be cruel.

DNAgal: No. I'm not an idiot. From its eggs.

Me: You thought whales laid eggs? Whales are mammals.

DNAgal: I know that.

Me: All Mammals but a select few give birth to live young. 

DNAgal: How am I supposed to know that?

Me: I mean..... its like pretty basic biology. Didn't you take AP biology?

DNAgal: Go get the bagels.

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2 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Little survey here -

52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn.  What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone? 

200.gif

500 on iOS, which is the maximum allowed. I accidentally cleared them all and I caught shit about it for a bit.

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1 hour ago, royiv said:

200.gif

500 on iOS, which is the maximum allowed. I accidentally cleared them all and I caught shit about it for a bit.

I have to sneak updates onto Mrs NNM’s phone and iPad. She fundamentally distrusts them and gets peeved with me every time I do it. 

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