Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted
20 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

My wife has a fairly rigid work schedule and she told me that for the fall semester, after school ballet started earlier one day of the week.  She asked if I could switch up my work from home schedule since she wouldn’t be able to meet the bus and get to the studio from work, and of course I said yes.  When I asked her whether I needed to move to Mondays or Thursdays she huffily told me to look at the shared family Google calendar because she couldn’t keep it all memorized.
 

I did, and negotiated a Monday home day (the team requires in-office coverage all days).  Tonight she starts looking at the paper schedule and PANIK: data entry error, Thursday is the real early start date and class starts this week. Now I have to try and renegotiate this shit with colleagues and bosses, and she is big mad at me for failing to cross-reference her calendar with the paper schedule (which was inside her purse, although she says she’d have given it to me if I asked about it). 

I’m not sure how my wife is juggling 2 families but I’m certain we married the same person.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Posted
13 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

I’m not sure how my wife is juggling 2 families but I’m certain we married the same person.

I could have told you both to not marry my ex-wife, but where would be the fun in that?  

  • Haha 1
Posted
On 9/7/2024 at 8:32 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

My wife has a fairly rigid work schedule and she told me that for the fall semester, after school ballet started earlier one day of the week.  She asked if I could switch up my work from home schedule since she wouldn’t be able to meet the bus and get to the studio from work, and of course I said yes.  When I asked her whether I needed to move to Mondays or Thursdays she huffily told me to look at the shared family Google calendar because she couldn’t keep it all memorized.
 

I did, and negotiated a Monday home day (the team requires in-office coverage all days).  Tonight she starts looking at the paper schedule and PANIK: data entry error, Thursday is the real early start date and class starts this week. Now I have to try and renegotiate this shit with colleagues and bosses, and she is big mad at me for failing to cross-reference her calendar with the paper schedule (which was inside her purse, although she says she’d have given it to me if I asked about it). 

fuck this shit

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Posted
4 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Why does every text, no matter how innocuous, unimportant, random, or irrelevant to my, my wife's, or my daughter's daily existence require a response?

 

 

Could be worse. Could be a phone call. 

Posted
17 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Why does every text, no matter how innocuous, unimportant, random, or irrelevant to my, my wife's, or my daughter's daily existence require a response?

 

 

Tell her she's much more likely to get a response to one of her texts if it also includes a pic of her tits.

Either she gets mad at you and stops texting, or she starts sending you tit pics.  Win-win.

  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
33 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

 

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

And that kind of workout is exactly why he needs 500 protein bars.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Haha 3
Posted
41 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

Now she needs to send him something to wash them down with

Arctic Berry - Five 8.3oz Cases

  • Like 1
  • Haha 4
Posted
1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

Needs more crab.

  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Posted

Wife is boiling some chicken. 
Wife: How long it should cook
Me: 20 minutes or when the chicken hits 145.
Wife: shit! And runs to the kitchen. 
Me: how long has it been cooking?
Wife: 1 hour. It’s at 190 is it ok to pull off?

  • Like 1
  • Haha 5
  • Rage+1 2
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Posted
9 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Wife is boiling some chicken. 
Wife: How long it should cook
Me: 20 minutes or when the chicken hits 145.
Wife: shit! And runs to the kitchen. 
Me: how long has it been cooking?
Wife: 1 hour. It’s at 190 is it ok to pull off?

88a0ad0b2d4c496af7633f163c7903a9.gif.89a021633293fbcebe288ee1d08c4ee7.gif

  • Hook 'Em 5
  • Like 2
  • Haha 2
Posted
Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."
unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg
Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

giphy.gif
  • Like 2
  • Haha 4
Posted

We’re about to start renovations and getting materials delivered to the house.

Me: Are you gonna be home around noon? They’re delivering the cabinets today.

Her: Put them in the garage?

Me: No, just have them leave it on the grass outside.

* tone *

Posted
On 9/19/2024 at 4:36 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

Those will be good for barter. 

Posted
7 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife is 45 and an elementary school teacher.

While driving today:

Wife: I wonder how much they get paid.

Me: Who?

Wife: The people who fly those jets that make the clouds.

Me: Airline pilots?

Wife: No the ones that fly the jets.

Me: You mean like Southwest Airlines.

Wife: No, the jets.

Me: Commercial airlines ARE jets. They have jet engines.

Wife: I thought they were airplanes.

Me: They're all airplanes. If they have jet engines, they are jets. If they have propellers, then they are Prop planes.

Wife: Anyway, I'm talking about those jets that fly way up in the sky and make those cloud lines.

Me: Those are called contrails. And commercial airlines routinely fly that high.

Wife: I figured it was just a Navy jet or something making the clouds.

Me: Wait, you think that there is a Navy pilot who's only job is to fly around and make clouds in the sky when there aren't any?

Wife: Yeah.

Me: Guess what I'm posting on my football forum?

Wife: Wait... NO! NO!
 

Well shit I guess I need to look into homeschooling now. 

  • Haha 6
Posted
9 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Well shit I guess I need to look into homeschooling now. 

That way the best case scenarios is your kids are as smart as your wife in regards to math, science, history,  English, logic, reasoning etc, while having stunted social skills.   

Posted
2 hours ago, ABSR said:

That way the best case scenarios is your kids are as smart as your wife in regards to math, science, history,  English, logic, reasoning etc, while having stunted social skills.   

Or having the same personality traits as your wife. 

Posted

Figured this was a good place for this. Someone posted a meme about their daughter making brownies and goofing a measurement. Not sure how old the "daughter" is but it's an honest enough mistake for a kid learning to cook and kind of humorous. (She added 1 and 1/3 cup instead of 1/3)

Screenshot_20240923_100130_Instagram.thumb.jpg.466a3ce41de5171afbbf6a8115b9e17a.jpg

Here's where it gets good: comments from GROWN ASS WOMEN in the comment section.

Screenshot_20240923_100513_Instagram.thumb.jpg.678c955877171c998080c121f184f05e.jpg

Screenshot_20240923_100531_Instagram.thumb.jpg.d7844bdcbc10ccdf83ebb0affc3f17b8.jpg

Screenshot_20240923_100604_Instagram.thumb.jpg.d7d872ef2213b6cab98b71efc6cb2bbb.jpg

Confused Fantasy Football GIF by DraftKings

  • Haha 1
Posted
7 hours ago, 52-80 said:

the real problem here is units of cups and fractions instead of using metric and decimals.

In fairness to stupid wives, that would sadly also confuse the hell out of most men.

Posted
9 hours ago, 52-80 said:

the real problem here is units of cups and fractions instead of using metric and decimals.

It is a running joke in our house when it comes to my wife (no pics) having to double a recipe. Something has 2/3 a cup that has to be doubled is like quantum physics apparently. 

 

  • Haha 3
Posted
It is a running joke in our house when it comes to my wife (no pics) having to double a recipe. Something has 2/3 a cup that has to be doubled is like quantum physics apparently. 

 

Is it too hard to just do 2/3 cup twice?
  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Haha 1
Posted
24 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

It is a running joke in our house when it comes to my wife (no pics) having to double a recipe. Something has 2/3 a cup that has to be doubled is like quantum physics apparently. 

 

Tell her the math is easy, you just multiply both numbers by 2 so she needs 4/6 at the end. 

  • Haha 1
  • Drool 1
Posted
On 9/21/2024 at 3:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife is 45 and an elementary school teacher.

While driving today:

Wife: I wonder how much they get paid.

Me: Who?

Wife: The people who fly those jets that make the clouds.

Me: Airline pilots?

Wife: No the ones that fly the jets.

Me: You mean like Southwest Airlines.

Wife: No, the jets.

Me: Commercial airlines ARE jets. They have jet engines.

Wife: I thought they were airplanes.

Me: They're all airplanes. If they have jet engines, they are jets. If they have propellers, then they are Prop planes.

Wife: Anyway, I'm talking about those jets that fly way up in the sky and make those cloud lines.

Me: Those are called contrails. And commercial airlines routinely fly that high.

Wife: I figured it was just a Navy jet or something making the clouds.

Me: Wait, you think that there is a Navy pilot who's only job is to fly around and make clouds in the sky when there aren't any?

Wife: Yeah.

Me: Guess what I'm posting on my football forum?

Wife: Wait... NO! NO!
 

I hope she's a good cook,because being hot as balls isn't enough. 

Posted
14 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Wife just asked me if I was drunk and I said no, I'm just tired from watching football and drinking all day.

Jeez.

WRONG. There are only two correct answers to her question:

1) "Huhhhh?"

2) "Did you say 'blowjob'?"

Posted
On 9/27/2024 at 10:17 AM, tbone_ said:

She goes to drive oldest daughter’s car around the neighborhood late last evening to make sure everything is ok with it. Because it’s been sitting because she doesn’t drive it so we’re going to sell it. There’s a guy coming to look at it at 9a.

This morning I take it to the car wash last minute before the guy comes. The low tire pressure light is on.

Text:

Me: hey was the low tire pressure light on last night?

Her: Not that I noticed but yea probably.

Translation: Yes, but I figured you could take care of it.

  • Like 1
  • Rage+1 1

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...