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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I haven't owned shoes with laces in 5 years. 

Crocs for life. 

I'm OK with that (other than the Crocs part), but every time we take the dog for a walk, I have to wait for her to untie her double-knotted running shoes, put them on, and then tie them again.  

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

I'm OK with that (other than the Crocs part), but every time we take the dog for a walk, I have to wait for her to untie her double-knotted running shoes, put them on, and then tie them again.  

Try wearing Crocs without shame. It's like walking on memory foam all day.

 

Edited by MissingInAction
I don't belong here
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11 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I'm OK with that (other than the Crocs part), but every time we take the dog for a walk, I have to wait for her to untie her double-knotted running shoes, put them on, and then tie them again.  

Replace her laces w/ these: https://www.xpandlaces.com/

Have had them in almost every pair of shoes for the last 10+ years.

image.jpeg.09dfc2ec93752c8ab08063cf98b8638e.jpeg

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On 10/7/2024 at 12:19 PM, MissingInAction said:

Reading this thread helps me understand why I'm single despite my incredible looks and horse cock.

I'm incapable of putting up with any of that bullshit.

 

21 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I haven't owned shoes with laces in 5 years. 

Crocs for life. 

saying jeff goldblum GIF

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On 10/5/2024 at 3:55 AM, Superhero said:

Me still awake in our office area that’s just outside of bedroom.

She went to bed first and leaves the door open, then asks if I can dim the lights because it’s too bright.

 

Now I’m in bed on my phone scrolling silently the dark, screen brightness all the way down. She just asked if I can turn off the phone because the light is somehow penetrating her eyelids and she can’t fall asleep. 

Your wife is full of shit. She just wants you to go to bed when she does.

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1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

"Closing vents while interior detailing is standard protocol for all car wash people, mam."

If I'm paying you to detail my car, return the vents and the seats to the same place you found 'em.  If you're good at your job, and enjoy a good tip, do it right!

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Finding life kind of challenging right now. I wanted to get a dog after our remodel finished. My kids had been begging for one, and we never re upped after my last dog passed in 2017. Got a puppy. I knew everything would be on me and i was and still am cool with that. But holy shit. It's like I have 3 kids rather than a spouse and 2 kids. I ask for a modicum of help so I can perform some sort of essential task, i.e. can you make sure the puppy doesn't eat the couch and choke on the fabric so I can take a shower and I get out of the shower and the puppy is by herself in the blocked off family room with a mouthful of string in her mouth. That was last week. 

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

An hour later I'm told that we took the dog out but we let a hornet in the house and we don't know where it is or what to do. 

Cue the Benny Hill music. Sure enough, it's 50 degrees out and raining but somehow they found a hornet and escorted it into the house at 11 fucking 30 at night. He's dead now thanks to my Oofos slide but what the hell man, I just wanted to watch football. 

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2 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Finding life kind of challenging right now. I wanted to get a dog after our remodel finished. My kids had been begging for one, and we never re upped after my last dog passed in 2017. Got a puppy. I knew everything would be on me and i was and still am cool with that. But holy shit. It's like I have 3 kids rather than a spouse and 2 kids. I ask for a modicum of help so I can perform some sort of essential task, i.e. can you make sure the puppy doesn't eat the couch and choke on the fabric so I can take a shower and I get out of the shower and the puppy is by herself in the blocked off family room with a mouthful of string in her mouth. That was last week. 

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

An hour later I'm told that we took the dog out but we let a hornet in the house and we don't know where it is or what to do. 

Cue the Benny Hill music. Sure enough, it's 50 degrees out and raining but somehow they found a hornet and escorted it into the house at 11 fucking 30 at night. He's dead now thanks to my Oofos slide but what the hell man, I just wanted to watch football. 

Where is it 50 degrees outside at 11:30 tonight? I want to go to there.

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9 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

I have found it is much easier to train a dog than it is to train a wife.  We've had the same issue with the three labs we've had over the years.  You should use a crate when you are not around to keep an eye on the dog - putting the dog in a crate may work too.

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