Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Dnaguy 12000]

2 hours ago, idigTexas said:

Why are you heating your hot water?  

To get it hotter.

🤷🏼‍♂️

[General Specific 3262]

I feel your pain brother.
Wife's car won't start, her: "could it be the tire pressure is low?"

Sounds like she at least did a little troubleshooting, and checked the blinker fluid first!

[Tex Long 4401]

Are there wives who don't baby-talk to their sweety-pie little doggies?

[Sam Lin 3559]

What you call yourself in bed is none of our business.

[Superhero 8830]

Me to the kids: Hey guys, it’s 9:30. You need to turn off the TV and go to bed.

Me to the wife: Why are you still watching TV with them? It’s time for them to go to bed.

Wife: I told them at least 2 times to turn off the TV and they won’t listen.

Me: You’re the adult in the room. You can turn off the TV yourself, but you’re just sitting there watching with them!

 

*tone*

[Fudge Nuggets 19206]

On 11/16/2024 at 9:58 PM, Dnaguy said:

Probably.

But considering this is literally every time my wife asks me to fix something…. And then asks me a million questions…. Or then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … I had reached my limit. 

She’s trying to learn how to fix stuff so she can do it herself when she leaves your grouchy ass. 

On 11/15/2024 at 12:51 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Close.
Cheetos

Fritos. 

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

On 11/14/2024 at 12:15 PM, NorthLoop said:

My wife and daughter both have a bad habit of putting items on the stairs because they're too lazy to walk them up and put them where they belong. Then those things will just sit on the stairs in the way for days. So I started just putting anything on the stairs into the adjacent downstairs closet every time I see something there. 

my wife: "If you're going to go to that effort why don't you just take them up and put them away" 

 

On 11/14/2024 at 12:42 PM, Incredulity said:

"days"....amateurs.  My wife and kids have stuff there for weeks on end.  They have beaten me down. 

 

They are trying to kill y'all. Tell them you cancelled your life insurance. 

 

 

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

On 11/16/2024 at 12:18 PM, Brisketexan said:

Designer PB is all that Whole Foods organic shit that separates. We have family members whose mom is crunchy and would only stick that PB at home. But when we went grocery shopping on vacation, they’d ask for (and get) Jif or some such, which they called “I love you peanut butter” because….it is tasty and not that organic shit.

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

[Tex Long 4401]

2 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

... you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb & mayonnaise banana. 

 

Actually, banana's not all that bad, but you have to mash it up to get the full effect... slices just don't quite get it.

[nnm 36435]

16 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana.

[Brisketexan 105154]

21 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

No added salt, sugar, or other crap.

Good sir, I am a patriotic American.  "Added salt, sugar, and other crap" = deliciousness.  I bet you hate Twinkies, you fuckin' commie!

You know what else is just peanuts?  Peanuts.  Just grab a handful, and skip the mashing part.  Otherwise, I want me some ingredients that a chemist has a hard time pronouncing, that's how you know it's good!

[Brisketexan 105154]

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

57 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

I bought some of the organic, peanuts only, peanut butter to make peanut butter, and banana cupcakes for Sebastian's 3rd birthday party.  I found that I like that stuff much better than the processed shit, plus I can share it with the dogs

[CHIEF 5092]

38 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

You said rapeseed twice.

CHIEF

[thunderlounge 7866]

2 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

Amateur. Pb/ham/cheese is where it’s at. 

[rage-a-holic 4402]

2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Good sir, I am a patriotic American.  "Added salt, sugar, and other crap" = deliciousness.  I bet you hate Twinkies, you fuckin' commie!

You know what else is just peanuts?  Peanuts.  Just grab a handful, and skip the mashing part.  Otherwise, I want me some ingredients that a chemist has a hard time pronouncing, that's how you know it's good!

sugar-free hippie peanut butter fucking sucks

[Tex Long 4401]

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

Rapeseed always sounded to me as though someone typo'ed and missed the "G" at the start.

On the other hand "Canola" sounds much healthier, although possibly a component in a euthanasia scheme.

[nnm 36435]

6 minutes ago, Tex Long said:

On the other hand "Canola" sounds much healthier, although possibly a component in a euthanasia scheme.

[Modessit 5603]

Not gonna go back and quote but:

1: "Of course I know what I'm doing!" (Looks it up on YouTube to see what to do.)

2: Who the fuck doesn't have a gas monitor? And if you had a failed FV sensor, order 2 so you have an extra for next time (15 years from now).

3: Ate lunch at my kids' school yesterday with my mom (early T-Day lunch) and if you didn't want turkey you could get a PB&J. I asked my kids if the sandwich was any good and they both said "No." I asked why and my son told me it's not really peanut butter. It's Sun Butter. Yes, I know some kids have deadly peanut allergies, but Sun Butter? Better to just make a jelly sandwich.

[Nivek 16945]

Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

[thunderlounge 7866]

That’s it? Mine has a bag in the corner, between the end of the dresser and the wall. Been there going on 2 years come January.

At least she’s stacked a few things on top so it looks better. 

[Modessit 5603]

Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.

[Kennythetiger 9389]

11 hours ago, Modessit said:

18 hours ago, Nivek said:

Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.

Man. Just take a cruise by yourself on Saturday morning, see how her car is running, fill it up with gas, and drop that shit off yourself. Stop for a beer on your way home- you earned it. 

[Bevo&Pevo 5205]

19 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Amateur. Pb/ham/cheese is where it’s at. 

Almost, PB/honey/crispy bacon for the win.

[HornOnTheBayou 8931]

My wife has the Goodwill bag in the trunk of her car that she is going to take "during lunch one day this week". Poor thing hasn't had a proper lunch break in five months, apparently.

[Nivek 16945]

3 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Man. Just take a cruise by yourself on Saturday morning, see how her car is running, fill it up with gas, and drop that shit off yourself. Stop for a beer on your way home- you earned it. 

You and I know exactly what will happen after that.  

[Nivek 16945]

15 hours ago, Modessit said:

22 hours ago, Nivek said:

Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.

I did have to use her car and access the jumper cables.   I just left some of the stuff I had to take out in order to get to the cables and left it outside, hoping it would not be there when I returned.  It was.  I supposed I am lucky the pile wasn't a bat signal for other neighborhood women to deposit their stuff.     

[workswithseed 2112]

On 11/22/2024 at 6:56 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

I've also added pecans and other nuts to my pb&j too.