Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Dnaguy 11964]

2 hours ago, idigTexas said:

Why are you heating your hot water?  

To get it hotter.

🤷🏼‍♂️

[General Specific 3261]

I feel your pain brother.
Wife's car won't start, her: "could it be the tire pressure is low?"

Sounds like she at least did a little troubleshooting, and checked the blinker fluid first!

[Tex Long 4398]

Are there wives who don't baby-talk to their sweety-pie little doggies?

[Sam Lin 3559]

What you call yourself in bed is none of our business.

[Superhero 8830]

Me to the kids: Hey guys, it’s 9:30. You need to turn off the TV and go to bed.

Me to the wife: Why are you still watching TV with them? It’s time for them to go to bed.

Wife: I told them at least 2 times to turn off the TV and they won’t listen.

Me: You’re the adult in the room. You can turn off the TV yourself, but you’re just sitting there watching with them!

 

*tone*

[Fudge Nuggets 19190]

On 11/16/2024 at 9:58 PM, Dnaguy said:

Probably.

But considering this is literally every time my wife asks me to fix something…. And then asks me a million questions…. Or then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … I had reached my limit. 

She’s trying to learn how to fix stuff so she can do it herself when she leaves your grouchy ass. 

On 11/15/2024 at 12:51 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Close.
Cheetos

Fritos. 

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

On 11/14/2024 at 12:15 PM, NorthLoop said:

My wife and daughter both have a bad habit of putting items on the stairs because they're too lazy to walk them up and put them where they belong. Then those things will just sit on the stairs in the way for days. So I started just putting anything on the stairs into the adjacent downstairs closet every time I see something there. 

my wife: "If you're going to go to that effort why don't you just take them up and put them away" 

 

On 11/14/2024 at 12:42 PM, Incredulity said:

"days"....amateurs.  My wife and kids have stuff there for weeks on end.  They have beaten me down. 

 

They are trying to kill y'all. Tell them you cancelled your life insurance. 

 

 

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

On 11/16/2024 at 12:18 PM, Brisketexan said:

Designer PB is all that Whole Foods organic shit that separates. We have family members whose mom is crunchy and would only stick that PB at home. But when we went grocery shopping on vacation, they’d ask for (and get) Jif or some such, which they called “I love you peanut butter” because….it is tasty and not that organic shit.

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

[Tex Long 4398]

2 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

... you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb & mayonnaise banana. 

 

Actually, banana's not all that bad, but you have to mash it up to get the full effect... slices just don't quite get it.

[nnm 36405]

16 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana.

[Brisketexan 105139]

21 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

No added salt, sugar, or other crap.

Good sir, I am a patriotic American.  "Added salt, sugar, and other crap" = deliciousness.  I bet you hate Twinkies, you fuckin' commie!

You know what else is just peanuts?  Peanuts.  Just grab a handful, and skip the mashing part.  Otherwise, I want me some ingredients that a chemist has a hard time pronouncing, that's how you know it's good!

[Brisketexan 105139]

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

57 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

I bought some of the organic, peanuts only, peanut butter to make peanut butter, and banana cupcakes for Sebastian's 3rd birthday party.  I found that I like that stuff much better than the processed shit, plus I can share it with the dogs

[CHIEF 5087]

38 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

You said rapeseed twice.

CHIEF

[thunderlounge 7832]

2 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

Amateur. Pb/ham/cheese is where it’s at. 

[rage-a-holic 4398]

2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Good sir, I am a patriotic American.  "Added salt, sugar, and other crap" = deliciousness.  I bet you hate Twinkies, you fuckin' commie!

You know what else is just peanuts?  Peanuts.  Just grab a handful, and skip the mashing part.  Otherwise, I want me some ingredients that a chemist has a hard time pronouncing, that's how you know it's good!

sugar-free hippie peanut butter fucking sucks

[Tex Long 4398]

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

Rapeseed always sounded to me as though someone typo'ed and missed the "G" at the start.

On the other hand "Canola" sounds much healthier, although possibly a component in a euthanasia scheme.

[nnm 36405]

6 minutes ago, Tex Long said:

On the other hand "Canola" sounds much healthier, although possibly a component in a euthanasia scheme.

[Modessit 5601]

Not gonna go back and quote but:

1: "Of course I know what I'm doing!" (Looks it up on YouTube to see what to do.)

2: Who the fuck doesn't have a gas monitor? And if you had a failed FV sensor, order 2 so you have an extra for next time (15 years from now).

3: Ate lunch at my kids' school yesterday with my mom (early T-Day lunch) and if you didn't want turkey you could get a PB&J. I asked my kids if the sandwich was any good and they both said "No." I asked why and my son told me it's not really peanut butter. It's Sun Butter. Yes, I know some kids have deadly peanut allergies, but Sun Butter? Better to just make a jelly sandwich.

[Nivek 16930]

Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

[thunderlounge 7832]

That’s it? Mine has a bag in the corner, between the end of the dresser and the wall. Been there going on 2 years come January.

At least she’s stacked a few things on top so it looks better. 

[Modessit 5601]

Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.