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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Superhero

Superhero 8839

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Me to the kids: Hey guys, it’s 9:30. You need to turn off the TV and go to bed.

Me to the wife: Why are you still watching TV with them? It’s time for them to go to bed.

Wife: I told them at least 2 times to turn off the TV and they won’t listen.

Me: You’re the adult in the room. You can turn off the TV yourself, but you’re just sitting there watching with them!

 

*tone*

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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19222

Posted
Posted
On 11/16/2024 at 9:58 PM, Dnaguy said:

Probably.

But considering this is literally every time my wife asks me to fix something…. And then asks me a million questions…. Or then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … I had reached my limit. 

She’s trying to learn how to fix stuff so she can do it herself when she leaves your grouchy ass. 

On 11/15/2024 at 12:51 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:


Close.
Cheetos

Fritos. 

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11052

Posted
Posted
On 11/14/2024 at 12:15 PM, NorthLoop said:

My wife and daughter both have a bad habit of putting items on the stairs because they're too lazy to walk them up and put them where they belong. Then those things will just sit on the stairs in the way for days. So I started just putting anything on the stairs into the adjacent downstairs closet every time I see something there. 

my wife: "If you're going to go to that effort why don't you just take them up and put them away" 

 

On 11/14/2024 at 12:42 PM, Incredulity said:

"days"....amateurs.  My wife and kids have stuff there for weeks on end.  They have beaten me down. 

 

They are trying to kill y'all. Tell them you cancelled your life insurance. 

 

 

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11052

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Posted
On 11/16/2024 at 12:18 PM, Brisketexan said:


Designer PB is all that Whole Foods organic shit that separates. We have family members whose mom is crunchy and would only stick that PB at home. But when we went grocery shopping on vacation, they’d ask for (and get) Jif or some such, which they called “I love you peanut butter” because….it is tasty and not that organic shit.

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105329

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

No added salt, sugar, or other crap.

Good sir, I am a patriotic American.  "Added salt, sugar, and other crap" = deliciousness.  I bet you hate Twinkies, you fuckin' commie!

You know what else is just peanuts?  Peanuts.  Just grab a handful, and skip the mashing part.  Otherwise, I want me some ingredients that a chemist has a hard time pronouncing, that's how you know it's good!

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21921

Posted
Posted
57 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

I bought some of the organic, peanuts only, peanut butter to make peanut butter, and banana cupcakes for Sebastian's 3rd birthday party.  I found that I like that stuff much better than the processed shit, plus I can share it with the dogs

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rage-a-holic

rage-a-holic 4466

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Good sir, I am a patriotic American.  "Added salt, sugar, and other crap" = deliciousness.  I bet you hate Twinkies, you fuckin' commie!

You know what else is just peanuts?  Peanuts.  Just grab a handful, and skip the mashing part.  Otherwise, I want me some ingredients that a chemist has a hard time pronouncing, that's how you know it's good!

sugar-free hippie peanut butter fucking sucks

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Tex Long

Tex Long 4445

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Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Peter Pan ingredients:

ROASTED PEANUTS, SUGAR, LESS THAN 2% OF: HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (RAPESEED AND COTTONSEED), SALT.

 

Mmmmmmmm.........rapeseed oil......that's how you KNOW it's good.

Rapeseed always sounded to me as though someone typo'ed and missed the "G" at the start.

On the other hand "Canola" sounds much healthier, although possibly a component in a euthanasia scheme.

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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Posted

Not gonna go back and quote but:

1: "Of course I know what I'm doing!" (Looks it up on YouTube to see what to do.)

2: Who the fuck doesn't have a gas monitor? And if you had a failed FV sensor, order 2 so you have an extra for next time (15 years from now).

3: Ate lunch at my kids' school yesterday with my mom (early T-Day lunch) and if you didn't want turkey you could get a PB&J. I asked my kids if the sandwich was any good and they both said "No." I asked why and my son told me it's not really peanut butter. It's Sun Butter. Yes, I know some kids have deadly peanut allergies, but Sun Butter? Better to just make a jelly sandwich.

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  
If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.
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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9459

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Posted
11 hours ago, Modessit said:
18 hours ago, Nivek said:
Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.

Man. Just take a cruise by yourself on Saturday morning, see how her car is running, fill it up with gas, and drop that shit off yourself. Stop for a beer on your way home- you earned it. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16984

Posted
Posted
15 hours ago, Modessit said:
22 hours ago, Nivek said:
Goodwill donation is now been sitting in the back of her car for 8 months.  

If I ever need to use my wife's car and need the trunk, I always have to get her to empty all of that shit out. "I keep meaning to stop at Goodwill and drop this off." There are always bags in there that never seem to disappear.

I did have to use her car and access the jumper cables.   I just left some of the stuff I had to take out in order to get to the cables and left it outside, hoping it would not be there when I returned.  It was.  I supposed I am lucky the pile wasn't a bat signal for other neighborhood women to deposit their stuff.     

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workswithseed

workswithseed 2110

Posted
Posted
On 11/22/2024 at 6:56 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Sit there in your wrongness and contemplate how wrong you are. 

The organic shit tastes better because it is better. It tastes like peanuts because it has one ingredient- peanuts. No added salt, sugar, or other crap. No hydrogenated oils or fats. Its literally one of the few packaged foods that doesn't have added sugar. 

Note that it doesn't have to be organic to fulfill those requirements, but it is generally the organic that only has the one ingredient. One of the few examples where the organic variety does actually taste better. 

Yes, it separates, and is a pain. Just store it upside down. Mixing is much easier when you open it. 

 

Also, you pb&j assholes need to expand your horizons and move up to pb&banana. 

 

 

I've also added pecans and other nuts to my pb&j too. 

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SquishMitten

SquishMitten 10435

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I wasn’t going to take the time to post this because it seemed so utterly stupid I figured she was just having a brain fart. But then she basically did it again so I feel compelled. 

Last week:

Her: I have to go see this doctor before I can have the procedure on my hand. They have an appointment in February, but it’s also at their Cedar Park location so it’s like an hour+ drive!

Me: I’m sorry! That’s crazy they don’t have anything sooner?

Her: Well they also have one next week at their office that’s 5 minutes away. That would be better, right?

Me: Ugh, yeah?

 

Yesterday:

Her: I’d like to take the girls to see Wicked in 3D tonight. The show is at 5:30, and the only available seats are in the very front row. We’d also have to leave the party a little early to make it in time, and I know [one kid] won’t be happy about that.

Me: I think that’s a show you’d want to be able to really experience, which you probably can’t get in the front row.

Her: There’s also one at 6, and there are seats in row 8, right in the middle. That would also mean we could stay until the end of the party. Should I do that one instead?

Me in my head: Yeah, now I’m posting about this nonsense. 

 

 

 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14158

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Posted
She’s on here, and she’s fucking with you. 

Idk. I think that’s just how the female brain works at times. It’s bewildering but sometimes you just have to help them with clear and decisive logic. The hope is that every so often when you do that it will make her pussy feel good.
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ztejas

ztejas 43534

Posted
Posted
On 11/23/2024 at 6:49 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Man. Just take a cruise by yourself on Saturday morning, see how her car is running, fill it up with gas, and drop that shit off yourself. Stop for a beer on your way home- you earned it. 

The more times I've helped my mom move the less likely I've become to ask here anything along the lines of "do you want/need to keep this?". If I think it's junk and am reasonably convinced she won't notice it's missing it's going in the trash or to goodwill. 

Sometimes executive decision-making is needed and the less they know the better.

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Superhero

Superhero 8839

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Posted
On 11/24/2024 at 10:15 AM, SquishMitten said:

I wasn’t going to take the time to post this because it seemed so utterly stupid I figured she was just having a brain fart. But then she basically did it again so I feel compelled. 

Last week:

Her: I have to go see this doctor before I can have the procedure on my hand. They have an appointment in February, but it’s also at their Cedar Park location so it’s like an hour+ drive!

Me: I’m sorry! That’s crazy they don’t have anything sooner?

Her: Well they also have one next week at their office that’s 5 minutes away. That would be better, right?

Me: Ugh, yeah?

 

Yesterday:

Her: I’d like to take the girls to see Wicked in 3D tonight. The show is at 5:30, and the only available seats are in the very front row. We’d also have to leave the party a little early to make it in time, and I know [one kid] won’t be happy about that.

Me: I think that’s a show you’d want to be able to really experience, which you probably can’t get in the front row.

Her: There’s also one at 6, and there are seats in row 8, right in the middle. That would also mean we could stay until the end of the party. Should I do that one instead?

Me in my head: Yeah, now I’m posting about this nonsense. 

 

 

 

Dude. She sounds HOT.

Post pics. There are rules. 

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2268

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Posted

Our 19 yo cat died last week. It was pouring rain when she died and I couldn't get outside to bury her so I wrapped her up and stuck her in the freezer until I could dig a hole. Last Saturday I told my wife I was going to bury the cat in the back yard. I won't recount our 30 minute, back and forth conversation but it centered around someone digging her up after we sold the house and thinking we buried a body back there. I told her it would be too small for a human.  She said it could have been mistaken for a baby. She saw the exact same scenario on some stupid HGTV episode. She used the fact that her mothers', mothers' aunt buried a stillborn child in the backyard in 1908 as the basis for her argument. 

After 30 mins or so I finally said " Are you really concerned that someone thinks we're burying bodies in the back yard or do you just want to her that there is a .0000001% chance that you could be right"?  

"Yes" 

The obvious sarcasm in my comment was ignored when she heard that I acknowledged that there was a .0000001% chance she could be right.

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