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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Later this month my wife and a girlfriend are going to a concert, and through some online mixup I don’t care to understand my wife got significantly less great seats than they had agreed to buy and when she noticed the show was all booked.  Wife is getting reimbursed after the fact so none of the below is related to upsetness over money or a late Venmo or something. 
 

Anyway, the girlfriend has been a total PITA about this, griping about the shitty seats, questioning whether she “really” wants to go, asking if my wife can’t contact the vendor and try to upgrade, etc. Last night in the car my wife was both complaining and asking me what she could do to “make it up to her.” Could she find a way to get a backstage pass? Should she offer to get dinner before the show? Should she keep calling the vendor? 
 

“You should text her or call her and say that you’re sorry you made a mistake and the seats aren’t as good as ya’ll wanted, but it’s too late and not a big deal worth spoiling a nice evening over so let’s just go and have fun.” 
 

Friends, apparently this idea is the equivalent to taking a dump in a box and leaving it gift-wrapped on this woman’s doorstep. Anyway, I pulled the ejector seat on the convo, let them figure it the fuck out. 

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1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

You know you're going to the concert with your wife instead of her girlfriend, right?

You know you’re going to be spending $500 to fix this pseudo issue that deserves nothing but the explanation you stated.

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Later this month my wife and a girlfriend are going to a concert, and through some online mixup I don’t care to understand my wife got significantly less great seats than they had agreed to buy and when she noticed the show was all booked.  Wife is getting reimbursed after the fact so none of the below is related to upsetness over money or a late Venmo or something. 
 
Anyway, the girlfriend has been a total PITA about this, griping about the shitty seats, questioning whether she “really” wants to go, asking if my wife can’t contact the vendor and try to upgrade, etc. Last night in the car my wife was both complaining and asking me what she could do to “make it up to her.” Could she find a way to get a backstage pass? Should she offer to get dinner before the show? Should she keep calling the vendor? 
 
“You should text her or call her and say that you’re sorry you made a mistake and the seats aren’t as good as ya’ll wanted, but it’s too late and not a big deal worth spoiling a nice evening over so let’s just go and have fun.” 
 
Friends, apparently this idea is the equivalent to taking a dump in a box and leaving it gift-wrapped on this woman’s doorstep. Anyway, I pulled the ejector seat on the convo, let them figure it the fuck out. 

Humble brag? So, how many girlfriends do you have? Surly 1%!
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18 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Later this month my wife and a girlfriend are going to a concert, and through some online mixup I don’t care to understand my wife got significantly less great seats than they had agreed to buy and when she noticed the show was all booked.  Wife is getting reimbursed after the fact so none of the below is related to upsetness over money or a late Venmo or something. 
 

Anyway, the girlfriend has been a total PITA about this, griping about the shitty seats, questioning whether she “really” wants to go, asking if my wife can’t contact the vendor and try to upgrade, etc. Last night in the car my wife was both complaining and asking me what she could do to “make it up to her.” Could she find a way to get a backstage pass? Should she offer to get dinner before the show? Should she keep calling the vendor? 
 

“You should text her or call her and say that you’re sorry you made a mistake and the seats aren’t as good as ya’ll wanted, but it’s too late and not a big deal worth spoiling a nice evening over so let’s just go and have fun.” 
 

Friends, apparently this idea is the equivalent to taking a dump in a box and leaving it gift-wrapped on this woman’s doorstep. Anyway, I pulled the ejector seat on the convo, let them figure it the fuck out. 

Your wife and your girlfriend are going to a concert together? 

I don't think this is going to end well for you. 

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1 hour ago, Iceman said:

During yesterday's Army-UTSA game, "What are they building there?"  It's a season in which we have missed zero home games on TV and construction began before the 2024 campaign.

GWE9qwWXYAA1z38.jpg

 

What it will look like when completed.

Michie-Stadium-rendering-of-new-structur

Build it and they will come.   Excellent time to renovate while the program is doing well and there is renewed interest in it.  

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My wife printed some kind of kale soup recipe about a month ago. Every week since then she’s bought a bag of kale and thrown it away before the next trip to the store. Rinse. Repeat.

The kale soup was finally made tonight. Only about [emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]]]] bags of kale died to make that happen. It wasn’t bad.

WTF is that?

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We have a new Dyson - a small version to cleanup daily messes in our kitchen. Wife uses it the other day in the living room and then comes in because ‘it stopped working and it told her to rinse the filter’. Ok, odd as it’s brand new and our house isn’t that dirty. Fine. Maybe that’s normal. 
 

Walk in to the living room and am hit with an overpowering perfume stench. When asked what she did, she said she used this Arm&Hammer rug deodorizer. So, that baking powder overloaded the Dyson. 
 

After using our usual canister vacuum the room still reeks so strongly I cannot sit in there. The next day I change out the canister bag and am trying again with the vacuum. She admits she ‘went heavier than normal’ with this stuff. 
 

I move a piece of furniture and tip over a small bowl of liquid. It smells like vinegar. Walking into the kitchen to get towels to clean up the mess I ask her about it - ‘that’s what they said to do’. Never mind who they are. Not sure how a static bowl of liquid is going to fix this stench. Ok. Dry up the spill and keep working.
 

Move a chair and, you guessed it, knock over another bowl of vinegar. 
 

‘Goddamn it! Are they any other bowl in here I need to know about?’

She comes in and removes two more which I surely would have knocked over. Why this thought did not occur to her before…

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22 minutes ago, Txzen said:

We have a new Dyson - a small version to cleanup daily messes in our kitchen. Wife uses it the other day in the living room and then comes in because ‘it stopped working and it told her to rinse the filter’. Ok, odd as it’s brand new and our house isn’t that dirty. Fine. Maybe that’s normal. 
 

Walk in to the living room and am hit with an overpowering perfume stench. When asked what she did, she said she used this Arm&Hammer rug deodorizer. So, that baking powder overloaded the Dyson. 
 

After using our usual canister vacuum the room still reeks so strongly I cannot sit in there. The next day I change out the canister bag and am trying again with the vacuum. She admits she ‘went heavier than normal’ with this stuff. 
 

I move a piece of furniture and tip over a small bowl of liquid. It smells like vinegar. Walking into the kitchen to get towels to clean up the mess I ask her about it - ‘that’s what they said to do’. Never mind who they are. Not sure how a static bowl of liquid is going to fix this stench. Ok. Dry up the spill and keep working.
 

Move a chair and, you guessed it, knock over another bowl of vinegar. 
 

‘Goddamn it! Are they any other bowl in here I need to know about?’

She comes in and removes two more which I surely would have knocked over. Why this thought did not occur to her before…

Sounds like she just wanted to do cool baking soda and vinegar experiments but was too ashamed and needed a cover story. Maybe see if she wants to make a paper mache volcano and some clay dinosaurs.

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Wife texted she was going to Costco today and asked what I needed. I said get our son two 20” windshield
wipers for this truck, they are usually on the aisle before the produce section.

Hour or so later, I get a text “they don’t have two packs.” I said just buy TWO one packs.

“OK”

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Wife texted she was going to Costco today and asked what I needed. I said get our son two 20” windshield
wipers for this truck, they are usually on the aisle before the produce section.

Hour or so later, I get a text “they don’t have two packs.” I said just buy TWO one packs.

“OK”

You asked your wife to buy car parts?
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On 12/1/2024 at 1:44 PM, workswithseed said:

"Named 'Pole assassin' in the lawsuit." Wow.

My understanding from a recent tour is that West Point is undergoing an enormous capital improvement project. The whole place is getting a serious investment. 

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Get an invitation to a birthday party for one of my kid’s classmates named Townes.

Wife: “What a stupid name.”

Me: “Why, because he was a druggie?”

Wife: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Me: “Where do you think they got that name?”

Wife: “They clearly wanted to name the kid ‘Towns’ after like a place to live, but wanted to get fancy with the spelling.”

 

My wife didn’t know who Townes Van Zandt was.

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41 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

Get an invitation to a birthday party for one of my kid’s classmates named Townes.

Wife: “What a stupid name.”

Me: “Why, because he was a druggie?”

Wife: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Me: “Where do you think they got that name?”

Wife: “They clearly wanted to name the kid ‘Towns’ after like a place to live, but wanted to get fancy with the spelling.”

 

My wife didn’t know who Townes Van Zandt was.

zero.zero chance my wife has ever heard that name

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Finally won a minor argument with my wife resoundingly enough to where she had no choice but to admit defeat.

The other day my wife calls me on her way home from work saying she has to pick up a prescription from HEB and asks if I can think of anything we need. The one thing I mention is cold brew coffee, as I had finished the last of it that morning. She says ok.

Next morning, I get home from the gym and get ready to make a nice big omelet to for us to split while she's at her Pilates class. I go open the fridge and find a solitary egg left in the carton. She had made herself some eggs the day before.

Me (via text): "hey, next time you leave 1 just egg in the fridge, maybe grab some more if you're going to the store. So much for an omelet. Granola it is."

Her: "You knew I made eggs yesterday morning, why didn't you tell me we needed more? Also, you drank all the cold brew and I didn't have any before my class this morning."

Me: "I didn't know we needed eggs. You're the one who used all but the last one. In what scenario would I be more aware of the egg count than you? Also, cold brew was the one and only item I mentioned you should pick up."

Her:...."Oh shit, that's right. I'll pop into Whole Foods on the way home from class and get some eggs and cold brew."

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