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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8886

Posted
Posted
On 11/29/2024 at 6:21 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

Later this month my wife and a girlfriend are going to a concert, and through some online mixup I don’t care to understand my wife got significantly less great seats than they had agreed to buy and when she noticed the show was all booked.  Wife is getting reimbursed after the fact so none of the below is related to upsetness over money or a late Venmo or something. 
 

Anyway, the girlfriend has been a total PITA about this, griping about the shitty seats, questioning whether she “really” wants to go, asking if my wife can’t contact the vendor and try to upgrade, etc. Last night in the car my wife was both complaining and asking me what she could do to “make it up to her.” Could she find a way to get a backstage pass? Should she offer to get dinner before the show? Should she keep calling the vendor? 
 

“You should text her or call her and say that you’re sorry you made a mistake and the seats aren’t as good as ya’ll wanted, but it’s too late and not a big deal worth spoiling a nice evening over so let’s just go and have fun.” 
 

Friends, apparently this idea is the equivalent to taking a dump in a box and leaving it gift-wrapped on this woman’s doorstep. Anyway, I pulled the ejector seat on the convo, let them figure it the fuck out. 

Lotta words for should have handled it...

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ABSR

ABSR 5369

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, tigol said:

This is infuriating.  Mine does this and then has no idea why the electric bill is through the roof.  He even put the heat pump on emergency heat to suit his perceived needs while in shorts and a t-shirt.  The expectation is that the HVAC is an on-demand space heater rather than a continuous feedback loop system.  Maddening.  Two X chromosomes here.

To be fair, like most of us here you must realize you are an outlier.   You have two X chromosomes, big tits and common sense.   You are a unicorn … and it sounds like you may have married one as well.

edit:  for the recording in case I leave my browser open and my wife looks, Tigol and I have never met nor have any pictures been seen or shared.  I am just taking her word/name for it.

Edited by ABSR
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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6263

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Apparently, if I buy my wife and I tickets to a concert that we both want to attend next week, it counts as my Christmas and birthday (January) present.  WTF is this?  Silas Marner-ass wife.

To add, I really don't care about gifts and whatnot.  I've got everything I need.  It's just that this is some bullshit.

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Nivek

Nivek 17396

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I check in with my wife about doing our typical holiday stuff, and she tells me the kids are not into it. We should do something else. A week later guess what she is asking me to get?
(Apparently the kids were asking her about it)

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55854

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Wife always spends a couple of hundred bucks on those personalized Christmas cards from Shutterfly or whatever it's called.

After a week of her asking me if I got the mail already and were the Christmas cards in there?, she just announced that she's afraid that she never changed the mailing address on her Shutterfly account, so there are $200 worth of our Christmas cards sitting in San Marcos on the porch of the house we sold last summer.

I just tried to keep my face as straight as possible and not react at all.   

 

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huge

huge 3831

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Posted
16 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife always spends a couple of hundred bucks on those personalized Christmas cards from Shutterfly or whatever it's called.

After a week of her asking me if I got the mail already and were the Christmas cards in there?, she just announced that she's afraid that she never changed the mailing address on her Shutterfly account, so there are $200 worth of our Christmas cards sitting in San Marcos on the porch of the house we sold last summer.

I just tried to keep my face as straight as possible and not react at all.   

 

$200? humblebrag or you are some sort of pariah...

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2983

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I'll tell you what... my wife is RELIGIOUS about sending off thank you cards within the day for presents and whatnot, but refuses to piss away money on the Christmas cards, and I couldn't be happier.  Sure, a few Hallmark cards to close relatives and whatnot, okay.  But doing a photo shoot, then custom cards, then little corny ass letters that have to rhyme that are self-aggrandizing, those can F right off.

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2372

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My wife called me yesterday while out shopping and said her key fob broke and she couldn't open her car door. She had been trying to put the fob back together but couldn't do it. She didn't know what to do. I told her that her car still had an ignition key and maybe she should try opening the door with it. It worked.

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 2050

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Last Friday night in the Rojo household:

Me: Okay, so what's on the schedule for this weekend?

Mrs. Rojo: Well, I can't work out because of the procedure I had. (Minor skin procedure.)  So I can't go to my normal workout class at 10 on Saturday morning.

Me:  (*thinking*) Well, that's something that is NOT on the calendar.

Mrs. Rojo: And I didn't RSVP in time for the Son #2 friend's b-day party, but I called his mom and she said it was okay. So we have that.

Me: (*thinking*) Here we fucking go.

Mrs. Rojo: Oldest son wants to spend the night with his friend Saturday night, but I told him he had to ask you. He also wants to go to the movies on Sunday with his girlfriend. I called her mom to see if she was okay with it and she and her husband talked about it and they said it was okay if they were in a group or one of us was with them so I told them I would talk to you about it. I thought we could also go get a Christmas tree before the birthday party on Saturday. Do you think we can get a smaller tree this year since we have a smaller space?  Plus, they have just gotten so expensive. There's no CCE on Sunday, so middle child doesn't have that to go to on Sunday morning. Sunday middle child has cub scouts at 3, but it's probably going to be rained out.  Oldest has boy scouts at 4 and I need to go to the grocery store.  Then we have your work party at 7 but we need to take two cars.

Me: (*thinking*) Don't say anything.  Don't say anything.  Don't say anything.

Me:  (*thinking*) Seriously, don't fucking say anything.  You've learned your lesson on this many, many times.  Pretend like nothing is wrong and just converse and clarify cheerfully.  Seriously.

Me:  Well, now I know a bunch of shit that's not on our calendar and I still have no idea what we are actually doing.

Me:  (*thinking*) Fucking dumbass!

Mrs. Rojo: *angrily* Hmph! If you don't want to talk to me, just say so.  I swear, every time we talk it's like you get so annoyed with me. From now on I'll just send you a text...

 

Prologue: Ojo doesn't get laid for two weeks.

Edited by Ojo Rojo
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55854

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4 hours ago, Crapinon said:

My wife called me yesterday while out shopping and said her key fob broke and she couldn't open her car door. She had been trying to put the fob back together but couldn't do it. She didn't know what to do. I told her that her car still had an ignition key and maybe she should try opening the door with it. It worked.

She sounds smoking hawt.

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Da Fino

Da Fino 2820

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Posted
On 12/5/2024 at 9:24 AM, Snake Diggity said:

Get an invitation to a birthday party for one of my kid’s classmates named Townes.

Wife: “What a stupid name.”

Me: “Why, because he was a druggie?”

Wife: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Me: “Where do you think they got that name?”

Wife: “They clearly wanted to name the kid ‘Towns’ after like a place to live, but wanted to get fancy with the spelling.”

 

My wife didn’t know who Townes Van Zandt was.

By any chance was there a kangaroo and some farm animals at that party?

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lilMAC25

lilMAC25 3978

Posted
Posted
On 9/3/2024 at 4:09 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

My wife has never boiled anything without leaving it unattended and spilling over.  It's a running joke in our house now.  

My is a top notch cook.

 

 

except she burns bread of any type.

 

 

EVERY

 

FUCKIN

 

 

TIME

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9612

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17 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Last Friday night in the Rojo household:

Me: Okay, so what's on the schedule for this weekend?

Mrs. Rojo: Well, I can't work out because of the procedure I had. (Minor skin procedure.)  So I can't go to my normal workout class at 10 on Saturday morning.

Me:  (*thinking*) Well, that's something that is NOT on the calendar.

Mrs. Rojo: And I didn't RSVP in time for the Son #2 friend's b-day party, but I called his mom and she said it was okay. So we have that.

Me: (*thinking*) Here we fucking go.

Mrs. Rojo: Oldest son wants to spend the night with his friend Saturday night, but I told him he had to ask you. He also wants to go to the movies on Sunday with his girlfriend. I called her mom to see if she was okay with it and she and her husband talked about it and they said it was okay if they were in a group or one of us was with them so I told them I would talk to you about it. I thought we could also go get a Christmas tree before the birthday party on Saturday. Do you think we can get a smaller tree this year since we have a smaller space?  Plus, they have just gotten so expensive. There's no CCE on Sunday, so middle child doesn't have that to go to on Sunday morning. Sunday middle child has cub scouts at 3, but it's probably going to be rained out.  Oldest has boy scouts at 4 and I need to go to the grocery store.  Then we have your work party at 7 but we need to take two cars.

Me: (*thinking*) Don't say anything.  Don't say anything.  Don't say anything.

Me:  (*thinking*) Seriously, don't fucking say anything.  You've learned your lesson on this many, many times.  Pretend like nothing is wrong and just converse and clarify cheerfully.  Seriously.

Me:  Well, now I know a bunch of shit that's not on our calendar and I still have no idea what we are actually doing.

Me:  (*thinking*) Fucking dumbass!

Mrs. Rojo: *angrily* Hmph! If you don't want to talk to me, just say so.  I swear, every time we talk it's like you get so annoyed with me. From now on I'll just send you a text...

 

Prologue: Ojo doesn't get laid for two weeks.

Did she type this story? 

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 2050

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Question:  Does anyone else's wife do this?  Sex is going to happen, but she goes in the bathroom or the closet or both and fucks around and takes a long time to get to it?  It feels like she is intentionally making me wait.  Dragging it out because she knows she's got me on a string in that moment.  Anyone?

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 22270

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Question:  Does anyone else's wife do this?  Sex is going to happen, but she goes in the bathroom or the closet or both and fucks around and takes a long time to get to it?  It feels like she is intentionally making me wait.  Dragging it out because she knows she's got me on a string in that moment.  Anyone?

That’s when you just wack it and fall asleep before she gets back

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