Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Mittens 8704]

This thread, in 75 seconds:

 

[Ojo Rojo 2053]

8 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

That’s when you just wack it and fall asleep before she gets back

The inner conflict between making a point and getting it wet is tough.  Very tough.

[Gatorubet 30709]

On 12/13/2024 at 2:14 PM, Willfully Horn said:

After hearing the Surly tailgate was canceled, Mrs Willfully said Surly could come over to our house for the game.

What time?

[Upgrayedd 5865]

57 minutes ago, Mittens said:

This thread, in 75 seconds:

 

And that 75 seconds seems like 75 hours 

[Gatorubet 30709]

On 11/16/2024 at 11:45 PM, blacklab said:

I feel your pain brother.

Wife's car won't start, her: "could it be the tire pressure is low?"

I just read this post, and I can only congratulate you on what must be a wife who is really fantastic in bed.

[tbone_ 14438]

The inner conflict between making a point and getting it wet is tough.  Very tough.

This is very real. But you won’t remember any of the conflict and angst after. Keep your eye on the prize. I think this is just God’s way of fucking with us.

[BearSchlong 8238]

I'm dying.

Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature.

The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed.

Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving”

I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes.

“Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight”

Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night.

(aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)

[Sawbonz 28168]

On 12/17/2024 at 10:54 AM, Upgrayedd said:

And that 75 seconds seems like 75 hours 

I made it to 0:36

[CHIEF 5222]

We went to our local sushi joint last night. We know the whole family that owns it. We always sit at the bar to bullshit with them. They are from Hong Kong originally. Of course, they have Christmas music playing, and "Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly" came on. In true A Christmas Story style Mrs, CHIEF belts out "fa ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra ra ra". I gave her a kick, should have seen the look on her face when she realized what she had just done. Our buddies from Hong Kong just died laughing as she desperately explained that it was from a movie, then they told her to be sure and drink her Ovaltine.

CHIEF

[NorthLoop 14453]

14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm dying.

Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature.

The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed.

Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving”

I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes.

“Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight”

Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night.

(aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)

This is one of the weirdest stories I've ever read on here

[TrashMaster G 18067]

15 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm dying.

Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature.

The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed.

Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving”

I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes.

“Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight”

Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night.

(aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)

Nice humble brag

[BurntEyes 6268]

6 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Nice humble brag

He tried to subtle brag that shit and thought it would go unnoticed.

He should know better.