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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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I'm dying.

Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature.

The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed.

Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving”

I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes.

“Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight”

Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night.

(aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)

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14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm dying.

Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature.

The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed.

Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving”

I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes.

“Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight”

Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night.

(aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)

This is one of the weirdest stories I've ever read on here

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15 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm dying.

Turned off the SHSU bowl game, took the dogs outside for a nice leisurely pre-bedtime bathroom break. I myself hosed down the rock formation behind what was previously a water feature.

The dogs meander inside, climb the ramp and get in bed.

Wife is loving on the dogs, giving belly rubs. “Did he poop while he was outside?” me: “I think so, we were out there for a while. “When I listen to his tummy I can hear his bowels moving”

I lost my shit. Belly laughed for several minutes.

“Honey, you are hearing digestive noises, you can't hear his bowels move because that would mean he was actually in the act of pooping. Those noises mean he just pooped and his digestive tract is working on the food he ate tonight”

Of course she doesn't believe me and asks the dog if he needs to go back outside and poop. By this time Ive got the bed adjusted to zero G and turned the bed vibrator to high, getting settled in for the night.

(aw fuck, she's on call and the bat phone just rang, somewhere in Texas a parent, child, and LEO are having an encounter and someone is headed to jail.)

Nice humble brag

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It’s Christmas travel time, which means that the kid and I packed last night while watching the game. Our stuff is staged and ready to go leaving time to tidy up so we come home to a clean house.

My wife has created a massive list of unrelated busywork for her and me and is attempting to line the floor of the house with every article of clothing she owns. I look like I’ve joined the Ministry of Silly Walks trying to navigate all of the stuff she has strewn about. I guess my tidying made space for her to expand her territory.

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We were in Vegas with her siblings the past few days.

Her @ 9:15. “We’re going to meet your cousins for breakfast at 10 okay?”

Me starting to get ready and am ready by 9:20.

Me @ 9:35. “Hey guys, change out of your PJs and let’s get ready.”

Me @ 9:40, 9:42, 9:45, etc.

Me @ 10:00: “We’re supposed to be downstairs by now…”

Me @ 10:05. “I’m going downstairs with the kids. Will see you there.”


@ 10:08, we see her frantically jogging past us. “Guys, we need to hurry, we were supposed to be there at 10.”

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1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

Why is ounce vs fluid ounce such a tough concept?

 

Just stop.  She will never get it.  It's the equivalent of trying to explain the difference between Kansas and Kansas State in basketball.

 

 

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7 hours ago, Mole said:

My wife has created a massive list of unrelated busywork for her and me and is attempting to line the floor of the house with every article of clothing she owns. I look like I’ve joined the Ministry of Silly Walks trying to navigate all of the stuff she has strewn about. I guess my tidying made space for her to expand her territory.

There's something about packing that many people just cannot handle- it breaks their brains. I don't understand it, but it seems to be a real thing. My ex-wife had that issue, and I also know adult males who are dumb as fuck about that simple task as well. At this point I've resigned my disappointment with these kind of people as ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (so long as it won't become my problem)

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On 12/16/2024 at 3:29 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

Question:  Does anyone else's wife do this?  Sex is going to happen, but she goes in the bathroom or the closet or both and fucks around and takes a long time to get to it?  It feels like she is intentionally making me wait.  Dragging it out because she knows she's got me on a string in that moment.  Anyone?

Mine does that, then acts like she never promised…

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