Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[thunderlounge 8527]

40 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

On her birthday, I woke her up with coffee and said we're leaving for two days.  Bring a swimsuit, a cocktail outfit, and hiking stuff.  She's ready in 15. 

I notice you left out panties. Good call. 

[0xdeadbeef 1716]

1 hour ago, Gil Bang said:

Mine travels for work, so she's awesome.  All cosmetics and hair stuff are duplicated and already in her suitcase.  Tootbrush, bras, panties, etc.   That's half the battle. 

On her birthday, I woke her up with coffee and said we're leaving for two days.  Bring a swimsuit, a cocktail outfit, and hiking stuff.  She's ready in 15. 

Ever seen the Universal Hot Crazy matrix?  You either have a unicorn, or you may not want to leave the lights on during sex.

 

[tbone_ 14518]

I notice you left out panties. Good call. 

Pretty sure they were all at my house

[Dnaguy 12750]

4 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

I've had that happen, and I appreciated it at the time because I felt like she was trying to be at her best when she came to bed.  

Meanwhile, this GF is every bit as impatient as me.   I can be brushing my teeth and she's yelling "are you gonna fuck me or what?"

[TrashMaster G 18197]

3 hours ago, ABSR said:

We are currently in Jamaica for vacation.  My wife’s normal M.O. is to lay her stuff on the bed late in the night, then after I wait and finally give up and go in telling her I need to get to sleep to get up early to catch the flight, I am the asshole and she moves it to the bathroom, makes lots of noise, leaves lights on and door open, then finishes packing around 2 am.

This trip she announces she is already packed at 6:30 pm.   Holy crap!  I try to praise her without being to effusive.

Any guess on who was up till 2 am packing her carry on and toiletries?  

Packing to go home should take mere minutes. There is no guesswork. 

[Superhero 9069]

11 hours ago, Tex Long said:

 

 

Damn, y'all young guys still struggling with this?

Correct action dictates that when the appointed time arrives, you simply say something like this:

"It's time, babe. You can go on to sleep, or read your Kindle, or watch a movie, or you can just watch, or join in and have a half-dozen screaming orgasms. Your choice... here we go."

It's important to make sure she understands that orgasms are like time-outs - they don't carry over to the second half, much less to the next game...

My wife is a sexual camel. A good, long, neighbor-waking moaning orgasm can last her a solid month.

Then I spend the next month in the desert thirsty AF.

Occasionally she’ll succumb to my advances, but it takes a whole day of perfect behavior on my end to get her wet  

 

[Tex Long 4714]

9 minutes ago, Superhero said:

My wife is a sexual camel. A good, long, neighbor-waking moaning orgasm can last her a solid month.

Then I spend the next month in the desert thirsty AF.

Occasionally she’ll succumb to my advances, but it takes a whole day of perfect behavior on my end to get her wet  

As Beavis might say, heh heh. You wrote "succumb". Heh heh. Heh heh heh. 

It seems like "succumb" could mean "opens her purse and lets me use my balls for a while".

 

[Jerry Callo 9004]

13 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

What is this? A board full of rookies?

You never pack first, at least to her knowledge.  Of course I pack first, but that doesn't mean she has to know it.  It's like a fucking competition that she thinks she won.

My bag is stowed away in the closet, ready to grab once she's done.

"Gee honey, you beat me again, I just can't ever get done as early as you do."

If you sit around all day because you got your shit done and she knows it there's zero reason for her to hurry, because fuck you for being an asshole getting done first.  

Always let your lady finish first.

You're still talking about sex, right? 

[Tex Long 4714]

5 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

You're still talking about sex, right? 

"My bag is stowed away in the closet" gives it away.

[Celery Man 21134]

My wife is really not this dumb….

last year I got her a peloton tread+, and she went deep end with running and has done 2 marathons. As a stocking stuffer I gave her one of those 26.2 stickers. And mostly other running stuff. She pulled out the sticker and said “oh what do these even m…” and then this look of dawning realization came over her and she said “OHHHHH!”

[thunderlounge 8527]

25 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

My wife is really not this dumb….

 

[Superhero 9069]

On 12/22/2024 at 2:00 PM, thunderlounge said:

Why is ounce vs fluid ounce such a tough concept?

 

Reminds of this