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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Archer

Archer 474

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, Llogg said:

In my hood the morons who decide these things made recycling gray, trash green, and yard blue. As if colors don't have any meaning.

I work in O&G; colors on graphs and presentations are always: oil-green, gas-red, water-blue. I get ragey when someone is too lazy to change the Excel/PPT default colors and ruins the ability to quickly look at a graph and know what is going on. 

 

This might belong in the Trivial thread

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uoftorange

uoftorange 1386

Posted
Posted (edited)

I built a bench for the kitchen that she's been wanting, even though we HAD to have a tall table and chairs 4 years ago, even though she knew she wanted this long ago.  Anyway, I digress

I hate painting, so I told her I'd build it over vacation time if she would paint it.  We went to the store because she "doesn't know what kind of paint or nail filler to get", cool

Me:  I'll go get the filler, you choose the colors you want
Her:  Okay, what color should I get
Me:  I don't care, I'm color blind, just make it match the kitchen

She goes off to get paint colors

I put the filler in the basket

Her:  Did you get the right stuff?
Me (trying to laugh and make light through an idiotic question):  No, I got the wrong stuff.  
Her:  Why do you have to be like that?
Me:  I'm going to look at some stuff up front...

Seriously, what the fuck other answer does that deserve?  A simple yes?  Why on earth would that question be asked.  I mean, it's not like she has any clue what is the right stuff or the wrong stuff.

Funnier story:
We got back home, I bought it in a tube to be easy to apply and since we didn't need a full canister.  She tried to put the small tube in a caulk gun, it was freaking hilarious when she called me downstairs because it wouldn't work.

Edited by uoftorange
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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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Posted

You know what? I better check because I wasn’t thinking that maybe I could grab the wrong stuff.  They probably have the right stuff and the wrong stuff right next to each other.

 

let me check... (squeezes own tits)... nope. No tits. It must be the right stuff.

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Mine just puts it by the front door for the next time I walk by so I can take it the rest of the way. 

Mine just keeps shoving everything deeper into the can like a trash compactor and she stacks recycling items on the floor next to that can once it's full of every possible plastic or paper product in the house, regardless of whether it's actually recyclable.

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G650

G650 14085

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Posted
3 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Mine just keeps shoving everything deeper into the can like a trash compactor and she stacks recycling items on the floor next to that can once it's full of every possible plastic or paper product in the house, regardless of whether it's actually recyclable.

This is our system as well.

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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On 11/17/2018 at 8:17 AM, kmac30 said:

My BIL who is very detailed was driving that car once and got out (also in front of my house). The car started rolling away and almost ran him over. He swore up and down it was in park. He hates the car. And I’m pretty sure it’s rolled after FIL has claimed to put it in park.

I have a buddy that’s got a BMW X6 and is also kindof a drunk. I’ve driven that thing 4 or 5 times and still don’t know how to put it in park.

 

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

Posted
Posted

Wife asked me the other day if we could put our Christmas tree up/decorate over the weekend.  We still had family in town from Thanksgiving so I told her we would do it Monday.  The reason for this is we have to move the loveseat from the living room to the office in order to fit the tree in said living room.  We needed every couch we had to seat everyone.  Didn't make sense to move the loveseat with guests still staying with us.  My wife probably asked me 4-5 times if we could even with that logic. 

*side note - accomplishing all of this is very easily done.  I had no issue with doing it but we wouldn't have enough places for everyone to sit and watch football*

Fast forward to Saturday night - everyone is relaxing by the tv in the living room.  I run out to pick up food.  I come back to see the loveseat in the office, the tree out in the living room (still in 4 pieces), and FOLDING CHAIRS set up BEHIND the main couch (because there isn't room with the tree).  She had decided to put the 2 taller guests in the folding chairs so they could see the tv over everyone on the couch.  Movie theater style seating except for, you know, the incline and the fact that our TV isn't that high on the wall.  The whole living room looked like a mess so I started drinking.  

 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife asked me the other day if we could put our Christmas tree up/decorate over the weekend.  We still had family in town from Thanksgiving so I told her we would do it Monday.  The reason for this is we have to move the loveseat from the living room to the office in order to fit the tree in said living room.  We needed every couch we had to seat everyone.  Didn't make sense to move the loveseat with guests still staying with us.  My wife probably asked me 4-5 times if we could even with that logic. 

*side note - accomplishing all of this is very easily done.  I had no issue with doing it but we wouldn't have enough places for everyone to sit and watch football*

Fast forward to Saturday night - everyone is relaxing by the tv in the living room.  I run out to pick up food.  I come back to see the loveseat in the office, the tree out in the living room (still in 4 pieces), and FOLDING CHAIRS set up BEHIND the main couch (because there isn't room with the tree).  She had decided to put the 2 taller guests in the folding chairs so they could see the tv over everyone on the couch.  Movie theater style seating except for, you know, the incline and the fact that our TV isn't that high on the wall.  The whole living room looked like a mess so I started drinking.  

 

tenor.gif

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17386

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife asked me the other day if we could put our Christmas tree up/decorate over the weekend.  We still had family in town from Thanksgiving so I told her we would do it Monday.  The reason for this is we have to move the loveseat from the living room to the office in order to fit the tree in said living room.  We needed every couch we had to seat everyone.  Didn't make sense to move the loveseat with guests still staying with us.  My wife probably asked me 4-5 times if we could even with that logic. 

*side note - accomplishing all of this is very easily done.  I had no issue with doing it but we wouldn't have enough places for everyone to sit and watch football*

Fast forward to Saturday night - everyone is relaxing by the tv in the living room.  I run out to pick up food.  I come back to see the loveseat in the office, the tree out in the living room (still in 4 pieces), and FOLDING CHAIRS set up BEHIND the main couch (because there isn't room with the tree).  She had decided to put the 2 taller guests in the folding chairs so they could see the tv over everyone on the couch.  Movie theater style seating except for, you know, the incline and the fact that our TV isn't that high on the wall.  The whole living room looked like a mess so I started drinking.  

 

Woman gets it in her head that something needs to be done and then plans start running roughshod over logic to get there.

Nope, never seen that happen before.

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8881

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Woman gets it in her head that something needs to be done and then plans start running roughshod over logic to get there.

Nope, never seen that happen before.

Truth. Conversation that happens every 2-3 weeks at HOTB Jr's soccer game:

"We need one of those wagons to carry all the stuff we need for the game."
"Why? All we have is three folding chairs and I always carry them."
"I know, but we also have a water bottle and my purse."
"Right. You carry your purse and HOTB III carries the water."
"I just think we need one."
"I'm the one carrying the chairs. I would rather put them across my shoulder than lug a wagon through the gravel in the parking lot, the dirt track around the field, and the grass to get to our spots."
"Still, I think we need one."

Wanna take a guess what was waiting for me when I got back from a work trip to Philadelphia?

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