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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18830

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Brew said:

5 should be edited to leave half your shit. However, that would be a better long-term financial decision than a money pit otherwise known as a clothing boutique.

Money pit for who??? Because I know when she goes to one of them, it isn't going to end well for me. Also those other boutique shops that sell what i like to call useless trinkets. Fuck those places 

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
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The person on the other side of the counter usually isn’t making much of anything either. They aren’t set up to make money, they are set up to give spouses and their friends something to do during the day to keep them busy. Kind of like juice bars, pure barre, etc. It’s cheaper than them having nothing to do. This I know from experience. Mine needs to go back to work, but I need her to be the friend of a boutique owner not the owner.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Brew said:

The person on the other side of the counter usually isn’t making much of anything either. They aren’t set up to make money, they are set up to give spouses and their friends something to do during the day to keep them busy. Kind of like juice bars, pure barre, etc. It’s cheaper than them having nothing to do. This I know from experience. Mine needs to go back to work, but I need her to be the friend of a boutique owner not the owner.

It's a nice tax write off too. I know quite a few people who've set up their spouses in these businesses to keep them busy.

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EastTexan

EastTexan 662

Posted
Posted
On November 19, 2018 at 8:08 PM, campcrunk said:

This my biggest problem with Mrs. Campcrunk.  We have very, very different interpretations of what the word "need" means.

Also, is there a reason all this skincare crap is priced like it was personally brewed by Jesus? Because that shit is going to give me an aneurysm.

I gave up on the skin care thing years ago.  Couple weeks ago wife cleaned out a closet. I noticed afterwards an Ulta  sack filled with, what looked new stuff, in the trash can. Asked her why she was throwing it away.

 She said it was old. She'd put in closet and forgotten it. I askedi if it ruins. She said she didn't know, but she wasn't going to chance it.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, EastTexan said:

I gave up on the skin care thing years ago.  Couple weeks ago wife cleaned out a closet. I noticed afterwards an Ulta  sack filled with, what looked new stuff, in the trash can. Asked her why she was throwing it away.

 She said it was old. She'd put in closet and forgotten it. I askedi if it ruins. She said she didn't know, but she wasn't going to chance it.

I'm guessing 99.9% of MLM company's sales are put in the trash.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15347

Posted
Posted
Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

Every husband in the US sends me 10 bucks and I'll promise not to sign their wife up for my MLM scheme. Win/Win.

Build an MLM gathering all the shit wives throw away from their MLM's then sell it on the market.  Multi-brand MLM.  I'll send you the $799 bill via email, you'll be on the ground floor

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12464

Posted
Posted

I somehow ended up being expected to Christmas shop with my wife tomorrow.  Or at least ride along.  I hate gift giving at Christmas, and I hate shopping.  I'm hoping I can leave her at the mall and either go fat biking, or watch the Army/Navy game in a bar.

This is going to be a test of the spirit and will.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
I gave up on the skin care thing years ago.  Couple weeks ago wife cleaned out a closet. I noticed afterwards an Ulta  sack filled with, what looked new stuff, in the trash can. Asked her why she was throwing it away.
 She said it was old. She'd put in closet and forgotten it. I askedi if it ruins. She said she didn't know, but she wasn't going to chance it.

My wife does the same thing except she doesn’t throw it away, she would just put it back in the closet, then buy more and put it in the closet as well.....
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Thatguy

Thatguy 8745

Posted
Posted (edited)

      As stated earlier. I am at home recovering from knee surgery. I wasn't allowed to bend my knee for the first two weeks. As such, I was stuck on the couch. I put my crutches in the most convenient place for me. When I woke up the crutches were standing up against the wall 10 feet from the couch. I would call her in for help and tell her I need my crutches. Next day, same thing. If it were me I would keep them close to prevent from having to get called in to get them. However, I am sure the crutches were an eyesore to her so.....

Edited by Thatguy
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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
Posted (edited)

My dear sweet wife had the dealership do a $2600 brake job on her RR Sport with 41k miles on it. Luckily she was smart enough to say no to the tires also since we have a buddy that owns a full service shop. I have a call in to get the detailed bill.

Edited by Brew
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
On 12/6/2018 at 6:36 PM, BearCountry11 said:

You fuckin’ my wife, friend?  These are her drunk/hungover cravings down to a T.  

Hell, my wife is pregnant. Last night she ate nachos made with rotel and velveta while also eating Blue Bell's Rocky Road strait from the container. The other night she had Julio's tortilla chips and M&Ms

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
On 12/7/2018 at 11:58 AM, Al_4_ISU said:

I somehow ended up being expected to Christmas shop with my wife tomorrow.  Or at least ride along.  I hate gift giving at Christmas, and I hate shopping.  I'm hoping I can leave her at the mall and either go fat biking, or watch the Army/Navy game in a bar.

This is going to be a test of the spirit and will.

whats Fat Biking?

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12464

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, Modessit said:
3 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:
Riding a fat bike.  The ones with wide tires. You can take them anywhere, including through snow.
I opted for Army/Navy at a bar.

Order some Fat Tire and it's basically the same thing.

Yeah, but amber ale....  pass.

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14215

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Brew said:

My dear sweet wife had the dealership do a $2600 brake job on her RR Sport with 41k miles on it. Luckily she was smart enough to say no to the tires also since we have a buddy that owns a full service shop. I have a call in to get the detailed bill.

um... 2600? We need to hear the end of this story. 

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted
On 12/4/2018 at 4:09 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

I would actually take that.

Mine sits at lights after they turn green, and at stop signs too long (the Midwestern version of a Mexican Standoff is 4 people pulling up to a 4 way stop at the same time).  When I point this out, I'm accused of "yelling".  There has been no change in the volume of my voice.

Luv you Iowa brother, but how many stop signs are there in Clinton or Cresco or whatever,IA?

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45691

Posted
Posted (edited)

Last night I go upstairs and see a light on in the guest room. We haven’t been upstairs all day long and for some reason my brain goes to paranoia state and my thought is someone has been up here that is up to no good. We just binge watched a crime thriller so that probably had something to do with it.

I walk in and the light is coming from the closet. I open the door ready to take a swing if need be and of course nothing there. I realize the wife, shocker, left the damn light on for god knows how long.

I’m about to turn off the light and see a stack of books sitting on the main shelf right in front of me in broad daylight, er, closet light. I see the first couple of titles and they look like books I would really enjoy, but I’ve never seen them before. My FIL on occasion brings me books he recommends and since this was in the guest closet, I think maybe he brought me some on his last visit and forgot to give them to me.

I turn off the light, go downstairs, and inquire about said books and receive the wrath of God from the wife for spoiling Christmas and not remembering that she had told me not to go into that closet. She very well could have told me that, but dammit I forgot. You ever forget? It happened to me.

TL;dr: Wife could’ve avoided me finding my Christmas presents by turning off the got damn lights and halfway attempting to hide the presents instead of leaving them out in the open.

Edited by Biff Tannen
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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not going to use the phrase "hypochondriac" to describe Mrs CL, but she loves going to the doctor at the drop of the hat over any minor ailment or sniffle. I think I've mentioned that here before.

For about 2-3 years now, her complaint has been that she has an "hormone problem" and "thyroid issues" and she goes and sees an endocrinologist once a month. I see it as mostly harmless, although the constant talking about it gets tiresome. I personally think she's just growing old like everyone else. For the 20 years I have known her, she likes to lay in bed on weekend mornings and complain about her various ailments. 

A couple of weeks ago, she called me about some vague complaint and said, "I'm going to the doctor this afternoon about this!"

Somewhere during that visit, the doctor mentioned the word, "arthritis." It wasn't diagnosed, just mentioned as a possibility for that particular complaint. 

This morning during her weekly laying in bed, she was complaining as usual and said to me, "Have you ever had arthritis? This sucks."

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
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Sandman

Sandman 3403

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Last night I go upstairs and see a light on in the guest room. We haven’t been upstairs all day long and for some reason my brain goes to paranoia state and my thought is someone has been up here that is up to no good. We just binge watched a crime thriller so that probably had something to do with it.

I walk in and the light is coming from the closet. I open the door ready to take a swing if need be and of course nothing there. I realize the wife, shocker, left the damn light on for god knows how long.

I’m about to turn off the light and see a stack of books sitting on the main shelf right in front of me in broad daylight, er, closet light. I see the first couple of titles and they look like books I would really enjoy, but I’ve never seen them before. My FIL on occasion brings me books he recommends and since this was in the guest closet, I think maybe he brought me some on his last visit and forgot to give them to me.

I turn off the light, go downstairs, and inquire about said books and receive the wrath of God from the wife for spoiling Christmas and not remembering that she had told me not to go into that closet. She very well could have told me that, but dammit I forgot. You ever forget? It happened to me.

TL;dr: Wife could’ve avoided me finding my Christmas presents by turning off the got damn lights and halfway attempting to hide the presents instead of leaving them out in the open.

Your wife buys you gifts? My wife tells me to buy myself something so that I can give it to her to give to me for Christmas/birthday. Whatever, no big deal. But for my birthday this year, I bought a polo shirt and gave it to her, said "Give me this for my b-day.". My b-day arrives a couple of weeks later and as the kids were giving me gifts, wife says, "Gee, I wish I had a gift to give you". I had to dig out the gift from her pile of clean clothes and give it to myself (again).

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28788

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Posted
1 hour ago, Sandman said:

Your wife buys you gifts? My wife tells me to buy myself something so that I can give it to her to give to me for Christmas/birthday. Whatever, no big deal. But for my birthday this year, I bought a polo shirt and gave it to her, said "Give me this for my b-day.". My b-day arrives a couple of weeks later and as the kids were giving me gifts, wife says, "Gee, I wish I had a gift to give you". I had to dig out the gift from her pile of clean clothes and give it to myself (again).

A polo shirt? You suck at giving yourself gifts almost as badly as she does. 

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After irth

After irth 1243

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Sandman said:

Your wife buys you gifts? My wife tells me to buy myself something so that I can give it to her to give to me for Christmas/birthday. Whatever, no big deal. But for my birthday this year, I bought a polo shirt and gave it to her, said "Give me this for my b-day.". My b-day arrives a couple of weeks later and as the kids were giving me gifts, wife says, "Gee, I wish I had a gift to give you". I had to dig out the gift from her pile of clean clothes and give it to myself (again).

That’s just fucking sad, man. Clearly, she cares only so much. 

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

Posted
Posted
Your wife buys you gifts? My wife tells me to buy myself something so that I can give it to her to give to me for Christmas/birthday. Whatever, no big deal. But for my birthday this year, I bought a polo shirt and gave it to her, said "Give me this for my b-day.". My b-day arrives a couple of weeks later and as the kids were giving me gifts, wife says, "Gee, I wish I had a gift to give you". I had to dig out the gift from her pile of clean clothes and give it to myself (again).
For Xmas, wrap up a bunch of coupons "Good for 1 BJ all the way" and have her give them to you. Make sure you get video of the look on her face when she sees what she gave you.
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Thatguy

Thatguy 8745

Posted
Posted

  Last night the wife is freaking out. We got news that my Aunt passed so we have to head back to Akron Ohio for the funeral. She doesn't have the tree finished. We haven't finished Christmas yet, and I really can't help much. I am my usual, unemotional self. She accuses me of not giving a shit. I said it's not that I don't care, it's just that we could knock it all out in a couple days. She wanted a particular kind of purple garland and light combo that you have to order. She wanted to make some crafty Christmas gifts. She keeps bogging herself down with things that could've been a simple purchase and be done with it, and then getting all upset at how little time she has to accomplish it. Meanwhile, the motherfuckers we are sending gifts to either don't send us any or we get them in January.

  I commend her for being so caring and such.  I mean, she could tell me to buy myself something so that I can give it to her to give to me for Christmas/birthday like the poor bastard a few posts earlier. However, you have to know when you are beaten. When your husband is at home with his leg locked in a straight brace, and you have to attend a funeral out of state 6 days before Christmas, maybe you should just put regular garland on the tree and Amazon some Christmas gifts and be done with it.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

  Last night the wife is freaking out. We got news that my Aunt passed so we have to head back to Akron Ohio for the funeral. She doesn't have the tree finished. We haven't finished Christmas yet, and I really can't help much. I am my usual, unemotional self. She accuses me of not giving a shit. I said it's not that I don't care, it's just that we could knock it all out in a couple days. She wanted a particular kind of purple garland and light combo that you have to order. She wanted to make some crafty Christmas gifts. She keeps bogging herself down with things that could've been a simple purchase and be done with it, and then getting all upset at how little time she has to accomplish it. Meanwhile, the motherfuckers we are sending gifts to either don't send us any or we get them in January.

  I commend her for being so caring and such.  I mean, she could tell me to buy myself something so that I can give it to her to give to me for Christmas/birthday like the poor bastard a few posts earlier. However, you have to know when you are beaten. When your husband is at home with his leg locked in a straight brace, and you have to attend a funeral out of state 6 days before Christmas, maybe you should just put regular garland on the tree and Amazon some Christmas gifts and be done with it.

this sounds like this is going to be my experience for the next 14 days, hopefully with no aunt dying tho.

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

A polo shirt? You suck at giving yourself gifts almost as badly as she does. 

I usually buy what I want, when I want. I don't have to wait for a special occasion to get something for myself. Since I don't need to bide my time for a "special gift", I just get something I can use. Maybe a shirt, maybe a book.

 

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DigglerontheHoof

DigglerontheHoof 21202

Posted
Posted
On 11/20/2018 at 7:30 PM, mulletpelini said:

Hey Chopper, you already know the end result, next time use it in your favor.

"Absolutely honey, I'll take repayment with a weeks worth of blowjobs" should suffice.

Just make sure to put a time limit on it and make sure you're the one getting them.

Not sure the MIL is going to feel like giving blowjobs after oral surgery.

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 12/8/2018 at 12:04 PM, Brew said:

My dear sweet wife had the dealership do a $2600 brake job on her RR Sport with 41k miles on it. Luckily she was smart enough to say no to the tires also since we have a buddy that owns a full service shop. I have a call in to get the detailed bill.

You bought her a RR Sport and let her take it to the dealership.  This is partly to mostly on you.  If the service manager has any sense of humor at all, your detailed bill will show up as...

0ef7a7130d6dcb89dedc8ebc51f13735.jpg

Edited by VolenteHawk
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Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1768

Posted
Posted
On 12/7/2018 at 8:13 AM, Brew said:

The person on the other side of the counter usually isn’t making much of anything either. They aren’t set up to make money, they are set up to give spouses and their friends something to do during the day to keep them busy. Kind of like juice bars, pure barre, etc. It’s cheaper than them having nothing to do. This I know from experience. Mine needs to go back to work, but I need her to be the friend of a boutique owner not the owner.

Bingo

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