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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Macanudo

Macanudo 13018

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, Modessit said:
39 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:
How many different Shampoos does one person need????

All of them, plus separate conditioners, 2-in-1's, apricot scrub, foot wash, face wash, body wash, and assorted other washers for various other body parts, plus a loofah, foot rasp, and shower puff.

My favorite is cuticle cream.  Seriously, WTF.

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Anwar Namtut

Anwar Namtut 344

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Modessit said:
1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:
How many different Shampoos does one person need????

All of them, plus separate conditioners, 2-in-1's, apricot scrub, foot wash, face wash, body wash, and assorted other washers for various other body parts, plus a loofah, foot rasp, and shower puff.

Yep - we have at least 4 different shampoos and their matching conditioner in our shower - not counting mine 2-in-1.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52623

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Modessit said:
6 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:
How many different Shampoos does one person need????

All of them, plus separate conditioners, 2-in-1's, apricot scrub, foot wash, face wash, body wash, and assorted other washers for various other body parts, plus a loofah, foot rasp, and shower puff.

Plus various moisturizers. Because dousing your body with water doesn’t moisturize, but rubbing oil based cream on your skin does. 

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GottaB

GottaB 595

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 12/6/2018 at 6:21 AM, GottaB said:

 

 


Back to back winners here. Though these both would make me rage.

After the Stella arrived, I would have called for the check. Got back In the car and dragged her to the nearest bar with a television.

 

 

 

Edited by GottaB
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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27607

Posted
Posted

60 bucks a year isn't bad. 

It's hard to fathom one bottle a year though. 

Hell, mine probably has 60 bucks in the shower rack. That's not counting the collection on the shelf. There is easily better than a hundred in the shower that is hers. It doesn't come out of my wallet so my level of give a shit is minimal. I move it when it gets in the way and holler about it ~quarterly. It moves to another shelf for a day or so. Repeat performance next quarter. 

There are approximately 543 items in my bathroom. Less than 20 are mine. 

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8892

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

this sounds like this is going to be my experience for the next 14 days, hopefully with no aunt dying tho.

   This is a rough Holiday season for our family. My mom died last Dec 9th, and then my Aunt decides to go on the same day. Wife not handling it well. I hope your is better than ours.

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

As long as it's not rice.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5216

Posted
Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

does she let it get all super hot and then throw something in and it spatters all over her and she's surprised EVERY FUCKING TIME

I watched it again tonight and I will never understand the acceleration towards red lights

 

Edited by mulletpelini
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G650

G650 14278

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

 

I think half my life is spent scraping eggs off of skillets.

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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
Posted
On 12/10/2018 at 1:45 PM, VolenteHawk said:

You bought her a RR Sport and let her take it to the dealership.  This is partly to mostly on you.  If the service manager has any sense of humor at all, your detailed bill will show up as...

It has been cleared up, $2600 included the oil change and tire rotation (rolling eye emoji should be added.) I agree for it to go them as it’s a diesel (first year they offered it), under warranty and it’s a RR which always has an update/recall/etc. to deal with, no legitimate aftermarket shops around, and they give her a new one to drive which keeps me from having to deal with it or listen to it. Now she is clear on no additional service offerings though.

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Tylerocks

Tylerocks 2555

Posted
Posted

Wife loves to leave things open.

I came home for lunch and to let the dogs out.  Three kitchen drawers were open.  2 cabinets.

Go to the fridge....yep, not closed all the way. Shit was at 52 deg.

If there were a hidden camera in our house, I wonder how many times it would catch me :jagsfanning to nobody.

 

addendum- she also doesn't screw caps on things all the way tight.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52623

Posted
Posted
15 minutes ago, Brew said:

It has been cleared up, $2600 included the oil change and tire rotation (rolling eye emoji should be added.) I agree for it to go them as it’s a diesel (first year they offered it), under warranty and it’s a RR which always has an update/recall/etc. to deal with, no legitimate aftermarket shops around, and they give her a new one to drive which keeps me from having to deal with it or listen to it. Now she is clear on no additional service offerings though.

What an incredible coincidence that the things that needed fixing were all unwarranted, and that didn’t require ordering parts or otherwise risking you finding out before they performed the service. 

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luke duke

luke duke 6414

Posted
Posted
What an incredible coincidence that the things that needed fixing were all unwarranted, and that didn’t require ordering parts or otherwise risking you finding out before they performed the service. 


Actually the service department likes warranty and recall work. It’s easy money for them because every customer agrees to the work and they get to bill corporate for the work.
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Clintonaldo

Clintonaldo 2576

Posted
Posted

Had the cuntiest fight of our almost 5 year marriage today. 

 

I come home from working out and put clothes on top of dirty clothes hamper. Normally there is a basket beside the hamper ( for sweaty clothes)  but there wasn’t I swear.   

 

her: please put wet clothes in basket. I moved it back. 

Me: it wasn’t there this morning warden

her: well it is moved back 

Me : it wasn’t there 

her : it’s moved back now 

Me : wouldn’t you agree that to move something back that it was moved to begin with ?

her: mad 

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Lone Star Horn

Lone Star Horn 2018

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Clintonaldo said:

Had the cuntiest fight of our almost 5 year marriage today. 

 

I come home from working out and put clothes on top of dirty clothes hamper. Normally there is a basket beside the hamper ( for sweaty clothes)  but there wasn’t I swear.   

 

her: please put wet clothes in basket. I moved it back. 

Me: it wasn’t there this morning warden boss

her: well it is moved back 

Me : it wasn’t there 

her : it’s moved back now 

Me : wouldn’t you agree that to move something back that it was moved to begin with ?

her: mad 

fif cool hand luke

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Sandman

Sandman 3417

Posted
Posted

Watching the news, a Ford ad came on:

Me: Hey, explorers at 0% for 72 months, not bad.

Her: Well, then you have to pay that huge balloon payment at the end.

Me: This isn't a lease, it's a 72 month loan. You won't have a balloon payment.

Her: I know.

Facepalm and out.

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