Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[miguelito 11,255]

This morning at 4am I get up to pee.  I notice she's playing on her ipad.  When I come back to bed, she says, "Sorry if I woke you up."

Me: you didn't.

Her: My allergies were bad, so I had to go blow my nose, then I had to go to the bathroom, I think I ate something bad, probably at lunch yesterday with

Me: well now you're just keeping me up.

Her: *tone*

Me: *sleep*

[troph 24,781]

4am both of you awake and you didn’t have sexy time?

 

[miguelito 11,255]

l.o.l.

[WhatTheBuck 28,775]

58 minutes ago, troph said:

4am both of you awake and you didn’t have sexy time?

 

He said she was on the pad.

[Player 4,575]

As I type this, there is a graffiti artist in the playroom painting a mural on one of the walls. 

[Upgrayedd 5,810]

1 hour ago, troph said:

4am both of you awake and you didn’t have sexy time?

 

 

32 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

He said she was on the pad.

[Armybrat 40,822]

59 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

He said she was on the pad.

Good work.

[tejas60 3,532]

On 12/10/2018 at 10:00 PM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I’m hoping one of these days a combination of those shampoos will form a magic chemical compound that melts all the hair that gets left in the shower drain.  

[tejas60 3,532]

On 12/17/2018 at 1:55 PM, NWBuck said:

I've also found success from the Shaggy/Surly recommendation to ask womenfolk in my life to "say the last part first"

first time I told the gf that, she didn't skip a beat and told the last part first. now, when she's telling me something and sees the look on my face, she says, "okay, last part first...."

[MrPhlegm 3,413]

Dbl post. Can’t delete

OU sucks

[MrPhlegm 3,413]

Stupid kid misspelled fuck

[GSU&UT 1,798]

@Mitch Cumsteen My computer must be broken, because your pics aren't showing up.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,819]

2 hours ago, tejas60 said:

Kinky!

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

C'mon mitch. Spill it

[TrashMaster G 17,547]

6 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

He said she was on the pad.

So... buttseks.

[mulletpelini 5,210]

On 12/18/2018 at 1:22 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

I think I've figured out why...

Cuz she's a woman?

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,547]

MC Orange stole my camera.

I'll put some pics up tomorrow. The guy just finished. 

[Trey3216 15,345]

8 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

 

I'll put some pics up tomorrow. The guy just finished. 

 

[BearSchlong 8,083]

Wait, he painted naked Texans cheerleaders on the wall?

[Dennis Taylor 18,809]

On 12/21/2018 at 11:50 AM, AM Wood said:

she would never dream of waking me up unless the house was on fire.

Username does not check out

[crimsonlonghorn 2,306]

Went to the sink just now to rinse out a bowl. Saw there was a lemon in the drain that hadn't gone down all the way. I guess Mrs CL was trying to air out the disposal. 

No problem. I'll turn it on and run it for a few seconds.

Damn thing wouldn't even turn. Just buzzed. 

 

Didn't take long to figure out why.

 

 

Edited December 23, 2018 by crimsonlonghorn

[Archer 474]

Lemons keep the sink and disposal smelling fresh, don’t you watch HGTV? Why can’t you appreciate your wife trying to help keep the house smelling nice. 

[retread 2,951]

^ moar please. Love Mrs. CL.

[mulletpelini 5,210]

13 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The guy just finished. 

Yeah but what about the painting

[hullabelew 3,723]

Lately my wife has been on a dumb question kick.

1- "Why did you buy a belt?"

2- (I added Advil to the shipping list)
"Are we out of Advil?"

[Beau Vine 54,208]

17 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Answers:

2) No, I enjoy purchasing items we have no need nor use for currently. I learned it from you.

[Modessit 5,598]

Did I put Advil? I meant bourbon.

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,547]

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,547]

And yes.... that is our dog immortalized in spray paint.

[HornOnTheBayou 8,917]

[GSU&UT 1,798]

Good jesus, how much did that run you?

[Pato del Muerto 52,485]

19 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

MC Orange stole my camera.

I'll put some pics up tomorrow. The guy just finished. 

In my experience, graffiti artists usually don’t take 2 days on a single work. 

But then again, they aren’t charging probably a grand. 

[blacklab 11,926]

does your dog have really bad breath or something?

[Brisketexan 105,073]

And yes.... that is our dog immortalized in spray paint.

[Player 4,575]

And yes.... that is our dog immortalized in spray paint.

What else can you tell us about this art, Mitch?

Is it supposed to depict your dog puking? Are those drain pipes in the background?

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,547]

24 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

In my experience, graffiti artists usually don’t take 2 days on a single work. 

But then again, they aren’t charging probably a grand. 

First day he just taped up everything, covered the floors etc. He knocked out the actual painting in about 8-9 hours on Saturday. But yeah... cost a grand. I actually dig it and the kids think it's cool so I'm good with it all. 

[Pato del Muerto 52,485]

Seems like the proper wall for the dog bone wreath. 

Unless your wife has decided to outfit the entire house in canine chic. 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,547]

11 minutes ago, Player said:

 

What else can you tell us about this art, Mitch?

Is it supposed to depict your dog puking? Are those drain pipes in the background?

 

I think it's open to interpretation but I would go with her barking. The background is just some sort of random urban scape. The Australian shepherd in her natural habitat I suppose. I love that damn dog. 

[El Diablo 4,232]

3 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I think it's open to interpretation but I would go with her barking. The background is just some sort of random urban scape. The Australian shepherd in her natural habitat I suppose. I love that damn dog. 

I guess I'm not seeing the Sydney Opera House. Maybe if I squint?

[PhillyD 1,257]

40 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

They are great, but a tad Looney dogs.

I'm thinking that fits right in with Mrs. Cumsteen.

[tbone_ 14,112]

I have no idea what to think about that.

That’s an actual wall inside your house?

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3,868]

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

First day he just taped up everything, covered the floors etc. He knocked out the actual painting in about 8-9 hours on Saturday. But yeah... cost a grand. I actually dig it and the kids think it's cool so I'm good with it all. 

Did you ask him if he's ever 'painted' a giant crab?

[Upgrayedd 5,810]

2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

You hired Barksey? 

[BearSchlong 8,083]

Has anyone else been looking for Bert for an hour, or is that just ne?

[Billy Pilgrim 1,960]

Don’t know if those goes here or trivial things that annoy me thread.

Helping my wife wrap presents. We’re using some amazon boxes to wrap the gifts in. We’re using clear packing tape to close the boxes. We don’t have a tape holder. Every time I use the tape, I fold the end over so it’s easy to find the edge when you need to use it again. The wife lets the tape stick back on the roll after she tapes a box shut so I spend about 5 mins trying to find the edge and get it started again. This has happened about 3 or 4 times today.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

That should help the resale of your house

[WhatTheBuck 28,775]

29 minutes ago, Billy Pilgrim said:

Don’t know if those goes here or trivial things that annoy me thread.

Helping my wife wrap presents. We’re using some amazon boxes to wrap the gifts in. We’re using clear packing tape to close the boxes. We don’t have a tape holder. Every time I use the tape, I fold the end over so it’s easy to find the edge when you need to use it again. The wife lets the tape stick back on the roll after she tapes a box shut so I spend about 5 mins trying to find the edge and get it started again. This has happened about 3 or 4 times today.

What, were you raised by wolves?

[ztejas 43,411]

14 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Went to the sink just now to rinse out a bowl. Saw there was a lemon in the drain that hadn't gone down all the way. I guess Mrs CL was trying to air out the disposal. 

No problem. I'll turn it on and run it for a few seconds.

Damn thing wouldn't even turn. Just buzzed. 

 

Didn't take long to figure out why.

 

 

No. Fucking. Way. 

I just read 15 pages of this thread and I'm still in disbelief.

[ztejas 43,411]

6 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

His dog is mean as fuck and annoys not only the neighbors but apparently ad hoc artists.

No no... It's a veiled commentary on the American class struggle.

[mulletpelini 5,210]

No disappoint here