Jump to content
Required Reading for any Longhorn ×

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2308

Posted
Posted
On 1/3/2019 at 6:48 PM, Modessit said:

Exactly. I've been sick and ran out of cough syrup about 9pm the other night. My wife had just put the kids to bed and I asked her if she'd run to the store and get me some more. She made a face and said, "I know - and you'd go if I asked you to." I reminded her of the time I went to the store at 3am to get her crackers because her stomach was bothering her and she wanted something bland to munch on. She agreed that was a nice thing I did.

She didn't go.

Told me it was cold outside and I could pick some up when I went to work in the morning.

I've gotta say, for all the bullshit Mrs CL generates, she definitely would have done this for me. 

Counting my blessings.gif

(not sure if that is a gif or not, just seemed like a good ending)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 22.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2308

Posted
Posted
On 1/3/2019 at 6:48 PM, Modessit said:

Exactly. I've been sick and ran out of cough syrup about 9pm the other night. My wife had just put the kids to bed and I asked her if she'd run to the store and get me some more. She made a face and said, "I know - and you'd go if I asked you to." I reminded her of the time I went to the store at 3am to get her crackers because her stomach was bothering her and she wanted something bland to munch on. She agreed that was a nice thing I did.

She didn't go.

Told me it was cold outside and I could pick some up when I went to work in the morning.

I've gotta say, for all the bullshit Mrs CL generates, she definitely would have done this for me. 

Counting my blessings.gif

(not sure if that is a gif or not, just seemed like a good ending)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

Posted
Posted

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8746

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

That's the exact opposite of what this thread is about.  Good for you and your family, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19228

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
38 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

What I’m getting from this post is the stupid shit your wife did was marry you.  

  • Like 7
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
HRSchenker

HRSchenker 2275

Posted
Posted

Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife. A tweet had the top 10 most viewed basic cable networks of 2018 so I asked her to guess the top 3. Her guesses? Fox 4, CBS 11, and ABC 8.

Me: "Basic cable, not the public channels."

Wife: "Those ARE basic cable channels."

Me: "No those are public channels. Basic cable channels would be like ESPN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc."

Wife: "Growing up we had basic cable and had those channels!"

Me: "Yes but you had others only available to cable customers. You can't pick up ESPN on rabbit ears. That's what we had to use to pick up channels growing up"

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

 

 

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites
AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

Very Obi  Wan  Kenobi. These are not the droids you’re looking for.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
52-80

52-80 19271

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Kwix said:

We both ordered ribeye tonight, she ordered the 12 oz, I ordered the 16 oz. 

Wife: I can't believe you ordered the 16 oz. That's so much meat, it's like 2 whole pounds! 

not her fault imperial is dumb

why's 16 oz a pound?  and is it troy oz?  the same as fluid oz of water at STP?  tower pound? merchant pound?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bluto

bluto 4943

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, HRSchenker said:

Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife. A tweet had the top 10 most viewed basic cable networks of 2018 so I asked her to guess the top 3. Her guesses? Fox 4, CBS 11, and ABC 8.

Me: "Basic cable, not the public channels."

Wife: "Those ARE basic cable channels."

Me: "No those are public channels. Basic cable channels would be like ESPN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc."

Wife: "Growing up we had basic cable and had those channels!"

Me: "Yes but you had others only available to cable customers. You can't pick up ESPN on rabbit ears. That's what we had to use to pick up channels growing up"

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

 

 

The fact she's actually right about "basic cable" makes me wonder if she was effing with you 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5821

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

not her fault imperial is dumb

why's 16 oz a pound?  and is it troy oz?  the same as fluid oz of water at STP?  tower pound? merchant pound?

Two types of countries on this planet.  Those who use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

  • Like 5
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Not a cat

Not a cat 5721

Posted
Posted
On 12/31/2018 at 12:27 PM, texashorne said:

I thought I could build up some political capital by agreeing to keep them. There have been talks of us getting a dog, and the SIL keeping it would save me from having to board it.. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

 

On 1/3/2019 at 6:48 PM, Modessit said:

Exactly. I've been sick and ran out of cough syrup about 9pm the other night. My wife had just put the kids to bed and I asked her if she'd run to the store and get me some more. She made a face and said, "I know - and you'd go if I asked you to." I reminded her of the time I went to the store at 3am to get her crackers because her stomach was bothering her and she wanted something bland to munch on. She agreed that was a nice thing I did.

She didn't go.

Told me it was cold outside and I could pick some up when I went to work in the morning.

I do laugh at the newbies that think there is a magical goodwill bank that can be prepaid and built up in advance for future use with the wife.  I shouldn't find it so amusing, because I too was once young and ignorant.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Druggist

Druggist 303

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Not a cat said:

 

I do laugh at the newbies that think there is a magical goodwill bank that can be prepaid and built up in advance for future use with the wife.  I shouldn't find it so amusing, because I too was once young and ignorant.  

No shit.  I am pretty sure my wife keeps a running tally in her head of all the things she has done and all the things I didn’t do.  She uses this info to tell me why it is my turn to take care of literally anything.  The things I take care of don’t count for shit  because they are already done.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17637

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

Confused-Jacksonville-Jaguars-fan-in-sta

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

This ain't the fucking humble brag thread.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1282

Posted
Posted

We have a new streetcar system in OKC, we were meeting my brother and sister in law to eat and go to the Thunder game. She texts my SIL:

Her: We're going to eat at the hideaway and ride the boxcar to the game.

SIL: Boxcar? do we have to run along side and jump in an open one? Will we have to fight hobos?

She's confused, shows me the exchange."why is she saying this?"

Me: Clearly my brother is texting as his wife, also..BOXCAR??!!  the fuck?

  • Like 3
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8414

Posted
Posted
56 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

We have a new streetcar system in OKC, we were meeting my brother and sister in law to eat and go to the Thunder game. She texts my SIL:

Her: We're going to eat at the hideaway and ride the boxcar to the game.

SIL: Boxcar? do we have to run along side and jump in an open one? Will we have to fight hobos?

She's confused, shows me the exchange."why is she saying this?"

Me: Clearly my brother is texting as his wife, also..BOXCAR??!!  the fuck?

Seems like fighting hobos would liven up the evening nicely.  Oh, Trixie!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GSU&UT

GSU&UT 1798

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Nuge said:

Fathers getting hit in the nuts by their toddler is great television.

Karl-Heinz: The next disturbing video was sent in by Napoleon Shultz of Breman. In it was see a man distributing leaflets. Another man comes over and read one. Watch what he does. He has kicked the man in the testicles! Look – the pain was so intense he has to vomit.

Dieter: His agony was gorgeous. I need to be slapped.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2308

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

We have a new streetcar system in OKC, we were meeting my brother and sister in law to eat and go to the Thunder game. She texts my SIL:

Her: We're going to eat at the hideaway and ride the boxcar to the game.

SIL: Boxcar? do we have to run along side and jump in an open one? Will we have to fight hobos?

She's confused, shows me the exchange."why is she saying this?"

Me: Clearly my brother is texting as his wife, also..BOXCAR??!!  the fuck?

Better jam something in the door too so nobody accidently suffocates. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5216

Posted
Posted
On 1/6/2019 at 6:01 PM, HRSchenker said:

Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife. A tweet had the top 10 most viewed basic cable networks of 2018 so I asked her to guess the top 3. Her guesses? Fox 4, CBS 11, and ABC 8.

Me: "Basic cable, not the public channels."

Wife: "Those ARE basic cable channels."

Me: "No those are public channels. Basic cable channels would be like ESPN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc."

Wife: "Growing up we had basic cable and had those channels!"

Me: "Yes but you had others only available to cable customers. You can't pick up ESPN on rabbit ears. That's what we had to use to pick up channels growing up"

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

 

 

Where's the pictures because she's obviously hot as fuck

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mac8111

Mac8111 2117

Posted
Posted

I think my wife is trying to win the 2019 award early in the season......

 

Last week I was fighting with a cold/ crud that is going around.  Felt miserable.  On Friday night I tell her we are going to have a quickie because I am going out of town for the weekend and need to release the build up that was happening all week.   So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

Fast forward to Sunday night when I get back into town, she is laying in bed and said she feels bad.  (Same thing as I had).  So I jokingly tell her that I am sorry I got her sick while humping her and she slowly looks at me and sheepishly asks " can you pass along a cold from having sex? Like when you came in me?" 

 

  • Like 6
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Apep

Apep 645

Posted
Posted

Last week, I told my wife that she had used my toothbrush.

Me: I just wanted to let you know that you used my toothbrush earlier today, the green one.

Her: That's my toothbrush.

Me: No, you just got a new one and it's pink.

Her: That's your toothbrush. I just got a new one, it was the last one in its package.

Me (shows her that the pink toothbrush is unlike any of the others in the package and that the green one is the same as all the others in the package).

Her: silence

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
2 hours ago, Mac8111 said:

I think my wife is trying to win the 2019 award early in the season......

 

Last week I was fighting with a cold/ crud that is going around.  Felt miserable.  On Friday night I tell her we are going to have a quickie because I am going out of town for the weekend and need to release the build up that was happening all week.   So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

Fast forward to Sunday night when I get back into town, she is laying in bed and said she feels bad.  (Same thing as I had).  So I jokingly tell her that I am sorry I got her sick while humping her and she slowly looks at me and sheepishly asks " can you pass along a cold from having sex? Like when you came in me?" 

 

Well, now I know where I got this fucking cold.

  • Like 11
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mole

Mole 4333

Posted
Posted

America’s Funniest Home Videos is way better than the real housewives, especially when it’s left on auto play in the other room all night long. Imagine periodically waking up to catty bickering and arguing all night long but never waking up enough to coherently deal with it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
lateshow

lateshow 1308

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Mac8111 said:

I think my wife is trying to win the 2019 award early in the season......

 

Last week I was fighting with a cold/ crud that is going around.  Felt miserable.  On Friday night I tell her we are going to have a quickie because I am going out of town for the weekend and need to release the build up that was happening all week.   So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

Fast forward to Sunday night when I get back into town, she is laying in bed and said she feels bad.  (Same thing as I had).  So I jokingly tell her that I am sorry I got her sick while humping her and she slowly looks at me and sheepishly asks " can you pass along a cold from having sex? Like when you came in me?" 

 

Again, this is not the humble brag thread.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...