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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15349

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9 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I have a friend when faced with an unpleasant task always says "I'd rather blow a hobo than . . ."

I chortle every time. What an awful task, blowing hobos.

We were unhealthily drunk on a Sunday afternoon one time and I bought the domain names for hobotheater and hobotheatre .com/.org/.net      The thought process was, we were going to go around big cities with scripts from Shakespeare, big broadway productions and the like, and pay homeless people $25 or so to perform the parts which we would document on video, then use it to help raise awareness for homelessness.  Kind of wish we would’ve done it.   /Wrong thread.  CSB

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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52 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I have a friend when faced with an unpleasant task always says "I'd rather blow a hobo than . . ."

I chortle every time. What an awful task, blowing hobos.

I use “suck off a homeless guy” pretty often, though I use it more as a bartering tool than in the face of dread. I’m not 100% sure when I started it, but I think it was during a KU ass-whipping at a sports bar when I declared (drunkenly) that I’d suck off a homeless guy to have Mark Mangino back.

 

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William_Cannon

William_Cannon 86

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Said no man ever . . . cleaning not dirty shit is better than not cleaning anything.

Agree marriage to someone with OCD cleaning habits is better than marriage to a slob. However, it’s important to note that these OCD behaviors are a pain in the ass. Yes your house is clean but there are certainly trade offs that make you wonder if they outweigh the benefit. For example, a clean ass kitchen is amazing but not being able to use it because OCD rules are too complex to follow. Or listening to the constant complaining about how no one helps or how everyone is a slob can be a pain too... you can say grow a pair and be the man of the house all you want, but OCD is not exempt from being undefeated... not only that but not all clean freak ocd wives are all created equally. Some may go ape ship over a few things and completely ignore others. I know a few clean OCD wives and it’s not as glamorous as you think. Let those dudes vent without judgement, it ain’t a humblebrag.
My wife has a thing for the floors like it’s a sensory thing. To help me deal with it some level of compassion, I pretend she’s on the spectrum.
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Anastasis

Anastasis 23479

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Background: wife wants to quit her job.

Me: Hey babe, since I just got this promotion, I think that we can make this work and maybe you can quit your job before the kids gets off for Summer.

Her: Hell yes, I am excited. I got so many ideas and things to do with the kids. 

Me: Can we talk about level setting expectations with regards to the kids and household stuff if you aren't working anymore. I just want to be clear on how things would be different in the future than they are today.

Her: 

200.gif

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TTU13

TTU13 108

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We travel a lot and often come across pockets with little to no cell phone service. My wife thought she could enable the hot spot on my phone to get wifi on hers.

She straight up believed that enabling the hot spot, when no cell service is available, automatically “gets internet”.

It took several different attempts to explain how it truly works.

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bluto

bluto 4933

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Ummm I have no idea how that hotspot shit works and when the hell cellular data is turned on or any of that mess. 30-something yo male... but then again, I was also stumped by the dude berating his wife for not knowing how city grids and addresses are derived. 

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Posted
2 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Background: wife wants to quit her job.

Me: Hey babe, since I just got this promotion, I think that we can make this work and maybe you can quit your job before the kids gets off for Summer.

Her: Hell yes, I am excited. I got so many ideas and things to do with the kids. 

Me: Can we talk about level setting expectations with regards to the kids and household stuff if you aren't working anymore. I just want to be clear on how things would be different in the future than they are today.

Her: 

200.gif

LOfuckingL, wife hasn’t really worked in years other than off and on for side projects I have that need some things. That whole discussion has taken place a few times. Supper at a decent time that you cook sure would be nice, nope. Let’s get rid of the housekeeper and you can clean during the 5 days you are home alone, nope. What about the grass or pool, nope. Spend money on shit no one needs, get your nails done with the girls over a nice lunch out, etc is how that really works out.

There are a lot of benefits, but they screw up my premise.

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troph

troph 24879

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Posted
Agree marriage to someone with OCD cleaning habits is better than marriage to a slob. However, it’s important to note that these OCD behaviors are a pain in the ass. Yes your house is clean but there are certainly trade offs that make you wonder if they outweigh the benefit. For example, a clean ass kitchen is amazing but not being able to use it because OCD rules are too complex to follow. Or listening to the constant complaining about how no one helps or how everyone is a slob can be a pain too... you can say grow a pair and be the man of the house all you want, but OCD is not exempt from being undefeated... not only that but not all clean freak ocd wives are all created equally. Some may go ape ship over a few things and completely ignore others. I know a few clean OCD wives and it’s not as glamorous as you think. Let those dudes vent without judgement, it ain’t a humblebrag.

My wife has a thing for the floors like it’s a sensory thing. To help me deal with it some level of compassion, I pretend she’s on the spectrum.

One day I decided I clean for me and my need for a clean house and no one else. My girlfriend has legit bonafides in the slob category. Just took her coffee in bed and returned to the kitchen with 2 moldy cups of old coffee and a couple of used water glasses from her night stand and this was only a two day stack. I pick up her clothes and put them back in the closet several times a week. I throw away her daily used contact cases every morning. The list is a mile long. I don’t say anything. And fair disclosure she told me up front she wasn’t much for picking things up. Toilet paper replacement is the one I laugh at the most. She cannot put new TP on the roll always on the counter.

 

Anyway, I pick up my living room and return it to its order every night before bed so my coffee mornings can be peaceful and I clean my kitchen 2-3 times a day so that at all times I can walk into the center of our living and it not scream “we are out of control” but what I DON’T do? I don’t ask anyone to participate in my OCD and I don’t blame them for their standard of cleanliness that is far below mine. I do make my kids participate in basic chores but their rooms are not cleaned to my standard. I’m mild to moderate OCD or sensory something no doubt.

 

Took a lot of years and ultimately realizing wanting a clean house was connected to wanting a happy life and being pissed bc others wouldn’t clean or keep clean with me wasn’t making me happy, so I decided I do it for me and me only. Now I’m happy and everyone has a maid!! Ha.

 

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5660

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13 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Background: wife wants to quit her job.

Me: Hey babe, since I just got this promotion, I think that we can make this work and maybe you can quit your job before the kids gets off for Summer.

Her: Hell yes, I am excited. I got so many ideas and things to do with the kids. 

Me: Can we talk about level setting expectations with regards to the kids and household stuff if you aren't working anymore. I just want to be clear on how things would be different in the future than they are today.

Her: 

200.gif

At least she was up front about it.  In my experience,  they usually just agree to whatever conditions are set and then the mushroom cloud goes off once you remind them of the still unfulfilled terms they agreed to in order to get whatever they already received.

This phenomenom is also known as Corrolary 2 to Briffaults Law-If a woman in a relationship promises a man something in the future in exchange for a benefit received from him today, her promise becomes null and void as soon as the benefit is rendered. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43503

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18 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Background: wife wants to quit her job.

Me: Hey babe, since I just got this promotion, I think that we can make this work and maybe you can quit your job before the kids gets off for Summer.

Her: Hell yes, I am excited. I got so many ideas and things to do with the kids. 

Me: Can we talk about level setting expectations with regards to the kids and household stuff if you aren't working anymore. I just want to be clear on how things would be different in the future than they are today.

Her: 

200.gif

Tone

And for fuck's sake you olds post the video and give this man his credit:

 

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Anwar Namtut

Anwar Namtut 344

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We travel a lot and often come across pockets with little to no cell phone service. My wife thought she could enable the hot spot on my phone to get wifi on hers.

She straight up believed that enabling the hot spot, when no cell service is available, automatically “gets internet”.

It took several different attempts to explain how it truly works.
My wife thought using her Bluetooth headphones used cell data.
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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18550

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6 hours ago, Anwar Namtut said:
On 1/11/2019 at 11:03 PM, TTU13 said:
We travel a lot and often come across pockets with little to no cell phone service. My wife thought she could enable the hot spot on my phone to get wifi on hers.

She straight up believed that enabling the hot spot, when no cell service is available, automatically “gets internet”.

It took several different attempts to explain how it truly works.

Read more  

My wife thought using her Bluetooth headphones used cell data.

My wife has no clue that there is a difference between wifi and cell data. 

She also asked me if today was superbowl Sunday. For fuck's sake today is Saturday. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18839

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On 1/11/2019 at 9:24 PM, Anastasis said:

Background: wife wants to quit her job.

Me: Hey babe, since I just got this promotion, I think that we can make this work and maybe you can quit your job before the kids gets off for Summer.

Her: Hell yes, I am excited. I got so many ideas and things to do with the kids. 

Me: Can we talk about level setting expectations with regards to the kids and household stuff if you aren't working anymore. I just want to be clear on how things would be different in the future than they are today.

Her: 

200.gif

I'm hoping it went something like...

 

 

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UTEX90

UTEX90 589

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On 1/8/2019 at 9:57 PM, Trey3216 said:

We were unhealthily drunk on a Sunday afternoon one time and I bought the domain names for hobotheater and hobotheatre .com/.org/.net      The thought process was, we were going to go around big cities with scripts from Shakespeare, big broadway productions and the like, and pay homeless people $25 or so to perform the parts which we would document on video, then use it to help raise awareness for homelessness.  Kind of wish we would’ve done it.   /Wrong thread.  CSB

I so want to neg you for not following through with this.

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UTEX90

UTEX90 589

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My wife is constantly walking around the house turning off lights when she gets hot.  I tell her the light bulbs are not giving off enough heat to cause her to be hot, she needs to turn the air conditioner up.  She believes I am completely full of shit and that by turning off the lights she will be cool and comfortable.  Last night she was complaining about being cold and I told her to just turn on the lights and she should be fine.  Tone.

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

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1 hour ago, UTEX90 said:

My wife is constantly walking around the house turning off lights when she gets hot.  I tell her the light bulbs are not giving off enough heat to cause her to be hot, she needs to turn the air conditioner up.  She believes I am completely full of shit and that by turning off the lights she will be cool and comfortable.  Last night she was complaining about being cold and I told her to just turn on the lights and she should be fine.  Tone.

Admittedly this kinda deserves tone. It's friggin' awesome, but deserves the tone.

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davidg

davidg 4038

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My wife is constantly walking around the house turning off lights when she gets hot.  I tell her the light bulbs are not giving off enough heat to cause her to be hot, she needs to turn the air conditioner up.  She believes I am completely full of shit and that by turning off the lights she will be cool and comfortable.  Last night she was complaining about being cold and I told her to just turn on the lights and she should be fine.  Tone.


Shit, I'd give your wife credit for turning off a light regardless of the reason.
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