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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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burntorangebongos

burntorangebongos 10,710

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I buy a bottled water six pack and then refill them with my fridge-filtered water as long as the plastic holds up. It takes many months before they are beat to shit. The containers are so much easier to tote than hard plastic but it still makes me an ugly American. I need to ween off of them for sure.

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Nivek

Nivek 16,928

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My wife just managed to run the washing machine for a full cycle without putting the clothes in it.   She was distracted by planning my daughter’s wedding reception.  Could have been worse I guess.  

Find yourself a good spin cycle/great outdoors
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William_Cannon

William_Cannon 86

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One day I decided I clean for me and my need for a clean house and no one else. My girlfriend has legit bonafides in the slob category. Just took her coffee in bed and returned to the kitchen with 2 moldy cups of old coffee and a couple of used water glasses from her night stand and this was only a two day stack. I pick up her clothes and put them back in the closet several times a week. I throw away her daily used contact cases every morning. The list is a mile long. I don’t say anything. And fair disclosure she told me up front she wasn’t much for picking things up. Toilet paper replacement is the one I laugh at the most. She cannot put new TP on the roll always on the counter.  
Anyway, I pick up my living room and return it to its order every night before bed so my coffee mornings can be peaceful and I clean my kitchen 2-3 times a day so that at all times I can walk into the center of our living and it not scream “we are out of control” but what I DON’T do? I don’t ask anyone to participate in my OCD and I don’t blame them for their standard of cleanliness that is far below mine. I do make my kids participate in basic chores but their rooms are not cleaned to my standard. I’m mild to moderate OCD or sensory something no doubt.
 
Took a lot of years and ultimately realizing wanting a clean house was connected to wanting a happy life and being pissed bc others wouldn’t clean or keep clean with me wasn’t making me happy, so I decided I do it for me and me only. Now I’m happy and everyone has a maid!! Ha.
 

What you describe there is basic cleanliness. I couldn’t live like that either.
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William_Cannon

William_Cannon 86

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mine gets fiji water and then lets our 10 yo drink it too.  even the whole long story about how future humans are going to look back and jagsfan.gif on our generation for shipping water 6500 miles to be consumed elsewhere for $9-$10 a gallon did nothing to deter this.

Lol, I just discovered my wife didn’t know the Fiji water was shipped from Fiji.
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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52,494

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, William_Cannon said:


Lol, I just discovered my wife didn’t know the Fiji water was shipped from Fiji.

To be fair, many bottled waters with fancy names are sourced from some local municipality and then filtered a couple more times. 

Evian and Fiji are more the exception than the rule. 

Speaking  of, Evian started this whole bottled water scam.  When’s the last time you’ve seen a bottle of it?

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,346

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35 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

To be fair, many bottled waters with fancy names are sourced from some local municipality and then filtered a couple more times. 

Evian and Fiji are more the exception than the rule. 

Speaking  of, Evian started this whole bottled water scam.  When’s the last time you’ve seen a bottle of it?

Freedom Fries!! Birch!!

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Amos Moses

Amos Moses 795

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Wife gets home late from the airport last night.  This morning she’s scrambling around looking for her car keys.  

Me: Hopefully they’re not dangling from the front door lock. (Joking)

Her: Don’t be ridiculous - help me look.

Narrator:  They were.  All night long.

😬

 

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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10 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

To be fair, many bottled waters with fancy names are sourced from some local municipality and then filtered a couple more times. 

Evian and Fiji are more the exception than the rule. 

Speaking  of, Evian started this whole bottled water scam.  When’s the last time you’ve seen a bottle of it?

CSB/ One time when I was 8 or 9, I made a pitcher of kool-aid using the bottle of Evian my mom had bought just for her. She was not amused.

My evian-aid tased great, though.

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ztejas

ztejas 43,425

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13 hours ago, William_Cannon said:


Lol, I just discovered my wife didn’t know the Fiji water was shipped from Fiji.

Oh boy, csb time.

In high school I was good friends with this redneck kid from North Carolina. Nice, funny guy but not the sharpest.

One day we're hanging out, boozing, on the way to Lost Creek, and I get a Fiji water at the store we stop for for beer. 

On the label it says "Natural Artesian Water"

So North Carolina deadpan chimes in from the back-seat "Hey y'all, where is Artesia?"

Me and my friend almost died.

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Modessit

Modessit 5,600

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Posted
Wife gets home late from the airport last night.  This morning she’s scrambling around looking for her car keys.  
Me: Hopefully they’re not dangling from the front door lock. (Joking)
Her: Don’t be ridiculous - help me look.
Narrator:  They were.  All night long.

 
You wouldn't be surprised at how many times I deliver to a house to find keys in the lock or the car door standing wide open in the driveway.
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Amos Moses

Amos Moses 795

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Modessit said:
2 hours ago, Amos Moses said:
Wife gets home late from the airport last night.  This morning she’s scrambling around looking for her car keys.  
Me: Hopefully they’re not dangling from the front door lock. (Joking)
Her: Don’t be ridiculous - help me look.
Narrator:  They were.  All night long.
emoji51.png
 

You wouldn't be surprised at how many times I deliver to a house to find keys in the lock or the car door standing wide open in the driveway.

I'm not surprised, I guess.  But, I am confounded by how one simply stops short of removing the key from the lock after completing the act of unlocking and opening the door.  I once delivered a set of car and house keys to a woman at her house after finding them still in the mail box lock.  You can imagine where it goes from here.    

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elfenix

elfenix 34,238

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Posted
38 minutes ago, Amos Moses said:

I'm not surprised, I guess.  But, I am confounded by how one simply stops short of removing the key from the lock after completing the act of unlocking and opening the door.  I once delivered a set of car and house keys to a woman at her house after finding them still in the mail box lock.  You can imagine where it goes from here.    

you fixed her cable?

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11,049

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Posted
52 minutes ago, Modessit said:
3 hours ago, Amos Moses said:
Wife gets home late from the airport last night.  This morning she’s scrambling around looking for her car keys.  
Me: Hopefully they’re not dangling from the front door lock. (Joking)
Her: Don’t be ridiculous - help me look.
Narrator:  They were.  All night long.
emoji51.png
 

You wouldn't be surprised at how many times I deliver to a house to find keys in the lock or the car door standing wide open in the driveway.

Or the dome light left on.

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11,049

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Wife gets home last night after being out of town for work since Sunday. She was bringing an $ 18,000 bonus check with her. She starts unpacking and can't find the check. After searching everything, she thinks maybe she left it in the rental car, which she dropped off at 10 pm, and dropped the key in the drop box.

Still haven't heard from her if the rental company found it or not.

 

She is smart enough to get an $ 18,000 bonus check, but then loses it.

 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54,221

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2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

My B-I-L only makes coffee with bottled water.  

MY F-I-L, who was literally raised in Grapes of Wrath era Oklahoma panhandle, brings bottled water to our house to make coffee when they visit.  Maybe our water does taste like shit.  This of course, has motivated my wife to make iced tea with bottled water.  

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hornbri

hornbri 1,398

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21 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

Wife gets home last night after being out of town for work since Sunday. She was bringing an $ 18,000 bonus check with her. She starts unpacking and can't find the check. After searching everything, she thinks maybe she left it in the rental car, which she dropped off at 10 pm, and dropped the key in the drop box.

Still haven't heard from her if the rental company found it or not.

 

She is smart enough to get an $ 18,000 bonus check, but then loses it.

 

Never heard of direct deposit?

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52,494

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1 hour ago, Amos Moses said:

I'm not surprised, I guess.  But, I am confounded by how one simply stops short of removing the key from the lock after completing the act of unlocking and opening the door.  I once delivered a set of car and house keys to a woman at her house after finding them still in the mail box lock.  You can imagine where it goes from here.    

You stump-fucked her?

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Charles DeMar

Charles DeMar 221

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Wife, who cooks dinner most nights, seems to think we have 14 children because of the amount she overcooks.  (I'm trying to do a ketogenic diet right now (works for me to lose weight fast, and there is a cash prize at work this year), and she made something with rice as a base, I guess just for the kids.  No fewer than 6 cups of cooked rice as an example of overcooking; the dog got it in her bowl the next day.) I'm not a big fan of leftovers, but she's always on me to take my lunch from the fridge rather than go out.  I attempted to do so this week.

Charles, packing lunch.

Mrs. DeMar - What are you taking?

Charles:  Some leftovers for lunch.

Mrs. -  Why are you taking that (particular thing)?

Charles:  Do you want me to take something else?

Mrs. - I just really wish you'd tell me when you're taking your lunch so I could plan accordingly.

Charles:  Jaguarfan.gif

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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Wife gets home last night after being out of town for work since Sunday. She was bringing an $ 18,000 bonus check with her. She starts unpacking and can't find the check. After searching everything, she thinks maybe she left it in the rental car, which she dropped off at 10 pm, and dropped the key in the drop box.
Still haven't heard from her if the rental company found it or not.
 
She is smart enough to get an $ 18,000 bonus check, but then loses it.
 
Ah well. Maybe next year
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ztejas

ztejas 43,425

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12 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Coworkers you barely know, who make snarky comments at the coffee station.   "You want some coffee with that sugar?"  It took all the restraint I had not to say "Maybe, you want some 3rd degree burns around that smart mouth?"

Wrong thread, champ.

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