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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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huge

huge 3,803

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Last night I asked the wife where the wipes are, 3 year old is taking a dump.

She alerts me that the new package is not flushable.  So she wants me to put them in the trash.  (UNACCEPTABLE)

Then she wants me to get a plastic bag from under the kitchen sink and put them in there. (YEAH RIGHT)

Ended up using regular toilet paper like a savage.

What the fuck is the point of wipes that aren't flushable, is this 1989?

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8,397

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, huge said:

Last night I asked the wife where the wipes are, 3 year old is taking a dump.

She alerts me that the new package is not flushable.  So she wants me to put them in the trash.  (UNACCEPTABLE)

Then she wants me to get a plastic bag from under the kitchen sink and put them in there. (YEAH RIGHT)

Ended up using regular toilet paper like a savage.

What the fuck is the point of wipes that aren't flushable, is this 1989?

Flushable wipes make plumbers a lot of money.

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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Posted
26 minutes ago, huge said:

Last night I asked the wife where the wipes are, 3 year old is taking a dump.

She alerts me that the new package is not flushable.  So she wants me to put them in the trash.  (UNACCEPTABLE)

Then she wants me to get a plastic bag from under the kitchen sink and put them in there. (YEAH RIGHT)

Ended up using regular toilet paper like a savage.

What the fuck is the point of wipes that aren't flushable, is this 1989?

you should have sat him on the bidet and taught him how to clean his ass like a man.

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3,026

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Yeah that’s bad.  As bad as when my brother and I were kids, took my dads tackle box fishing, and forgot to take out the pack of frozen shrimp when we were done.  A week later finding it in the garage he was not pleased.  

I've been guilty of that for sure!

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next2naus

next2naus 439

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4 hours ago, Thatguy said:

 

This guy gets it. My wife showed me a sale on some new patio furniture. "I can get a two chairs and a table for only this much". She came back with 4 chairs and two tables. I just laughed.

well duh, you have to sit our there with two other people you unsocial asshole

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3,026

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Posted (edited)

My wife got on the "subscription box" kick for Xmas this past year.  My kids are older, doing OK, and don't need much so they are admittedly hard to buy for.

She decided to get them several of these subscription boxes centered on their various interests.  Signed up for them in the fall on a 6 month deal so she could give them  a couple boxes at Xmas and then the balance of the deal would show up every 30 days for the next few months.

She made a point to tell them all this was a 6-month deal and if they wanted to keep them coming after that they could activate themselves or just let it drop.

This month I noticed a shit-load of charges from all these box companies showing up so I asked her what the deal was.

She's adamant that she told the kids it was a 6-month deal which I agreed with......... since I was there, but guess what - That's not what she signed up for.

Auto - renewal on every last one of them.  Merry Christmas - AGAIN.  Another 6 months on the way.

Edited by Reagan1k
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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5,216

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Posted
1 hour ago, Reagan1k said:

My wife got on the "subscription box" kick for Xmas this past year.  My kids are older, doing OK, and don't need much so they are admittedly hard to buy for.

She decided to get them several of these subscription boxes centered on their various interests.  Signed up for them in the fall on a 6 month deal so she could give them  a couple boxes at Xmas and then the balance of the deal would show up every 30 days for the next few months.

She made a point to tell them all this was a 6-month deal and if they wanted to keep them coming after that they could activate themselves or just let it drop.

This month I noticed a shit-load of charges from all these box companies showing up so I asked her what the deal was.

She's adamant that she told the kids it was a 6-month deal which I agreed with......... since I was there, but guess what - That's not what she signed up for.

Auto - renewal on every last one of them.  Merry Christmas - AGAIN.  Another 6 months on the way.

She'll call, complain, get another 6 months thrown in at 1/2 price.  Everybody wins.

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uoftorange

uoftorange 1,388

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Posted

Wife's car has had a problem with the ignition coils on and off.  I replaced the first few and had a buddy clear the code, but it has a warranty so we started taking it in because it kept happening.  Today it happened again, and the last time they said they'd need to replace the head gasket if it reoccured.  Okay, fine, it's under warranty.  Led to this:

Wife:  Can you call and figure out what I need to do?
Me:  Yes, I did, I can come get it from you and drop it off and it will be done. Because it has to be there by 3
Wife:  I'll drop it off, I can get there by then
Me:  Okay, but you can't be late, they will not be able to check it in after because the warranty system doesn't let them

3:45call comes in
Wife: I just got here and they won't take it
Me:  Well yeah, it's 3:45, it had to be there by 3
Wife: Yeah, but 3:45 isn't that much later
Me:  silence because I am trying to know better...
Wife:  What should I do, I have a 9AM meeting I have to be at tomorrow
Me (Internal):  I don't know, fucking be there on time or you could have let me do it for you like I asked
Me (External):  Leave it tonight and they can check it in tomorrow, Uber in to work
Her: But I don't want to do that, it costs money.  I'll just drive the car anyway
Me:  Seriously?  You think it's a good idea to drive a car that keeps putting itself into limp mode?  And shouldn't you have thought about that before being late?  I don't know what you need from me here
Her: Tone...

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9,075

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Posted
1 hour ago, uoftorange said:

Wife's car has had a problem with the ignition coils on and off.  I replaced the first few and had a buddy clear the code, but it has a warranty so we started taking it in because it kept happening.  Today it happened again, and the last time they said they'd need to replace the head gasket if it reoccured.  Okay, fine, it's under warranty.  Led to this:

Wife:  Can you call and figure out what I need to do?
Me:  Yes, I did, I can come get it from you and drop it off and it will be done. Because it has to be there by 3
Wife:  I'll drop it off, I can get there by then
Me:  Okay, but you can't be late, they will not be able to check it in after because the warranty system doesn't let them

3:45call comes in
Wife: I just got here and they won't take it
Me:  Well yeah, it's 3:45, it had to be there by 3
Wife: Yeah, but 3:45 isn't that much later
Me:  silence because I am trying to know better...
Wife:  What should I do, I have a 9AM meeting I have to be at tomorrow
Me (Internal):  I don't know, fucking be there on time or you could have let me do it for you like I asked
Me (External):  Leave it tonight and they can check it in tomorrow, Uber in to work
Her: But I don't want to do that, it costs money.  I'll just drive the car anyway
Me:  Seriously?  You think it's a good idea to drive a car that keeps putting itself into limp mode?  And shouldn't you have thought about that before being late?  I don't know what you need from me here
Her: Tone...

Sounds like an Audi or VW.......

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3,567

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Posted
12 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I'd love to see an activity list. Guessing it goes something like this:

  • "Heading out."
  • These shoes are uncomfortable > get new shoes
  • This dress doesn't match these shoes > new dress
  • I hate this dress > new dress
  • These shoes don't match > new shoes
  • "Heading out"
  • Forgets keys 
  • Returns to house to get keys
  • Goes to car 
  • Forgets coffee
  • Returns to house to get coffee
  • Forgets phone
  • Returns to house to get phone
  • Picks up phone, checks facebook
  • Kills 10 minutes on facebook
  • Refills coffee
  • Heads to car: "Heading out"

Fin

 

 

 

You forgot :

  • Her car has no gas
  • Takes your car.
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elfenix

elfenix 34,396

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Posted
19 hours ago, uoftorange said:

Wife's car has had a problem with the ignition coils on and off.  I replaced the first few and had a buddy clear the code, but it has a warranty so we started taking it in because it kept happening.  Today it happened again, and the last time they said they'd need to replace the head gasket if it reoccured.  Okay, fine, it's under warranty.  Led to this:

Wife:  Can you call and figure out what I need to do?
Me:  Yes, I did, I can come get it from you and drop it off and it will be done. Because it has to be there by 3
Wife:  I'll drop it off, I can get there by then
Me:  Okay, but you can't be late, they will not be able to check it in after because the warranty system doesn't let them

3:45call comes in
Wife: I just got here and they won't take it
Me:  Well yeah, it's 3:45, it had to be there by 3
Wife: Yeah, but 3:45 isn't that much later
Me:  silence because I am trying to know better...
Wife:  What should I do, I have a 9AM meeting I have to be at tomorrow
Me (Internal):  I don't know, fucking be there on time or you could have let me do it for you like I asked
Me (External):  Leave it tonight and they can check it in tomorrow, Uber in to work
Her: But I don't want to do that, it costs money.  I'll just drive the car anyway
Me:  Seriously?  You think it's a good idea to drive a car that keeps putting itself into limp mode?  And shouldn't you have thought about that before being late?  I don't know what you need from me here
Her: Tone...

wtf kind of warranty doesn't work after 3 pm? 

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bularry1

bularry1 23

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4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I have a meeting every Wednesday at 9:30. Every, fucking Wednesday going on for about a year and a half now. You think my phone rings every Wednesday around 9:45 am?

ha ha, same.  wednesday 3pm standing meeting.  My wife has a class at 4pm and calls me while she is driving there every freakin' week.   clockwork.

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UTEX90

UTEX90 589

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Posted (edited)

So while I am at a hospital for 3 days and nights with one of my parents I had the foundation done on a new home. 

Foundation Guy -  "Don't paint or fix cracks or anything for at least 3 weeks."

UTEX90 to Wife - "We are not supposed to paint of fix cracks for at least 3 weeks."

Wife the very next day.  - "I am going to paint the kids bathrooms while your'e at the hospital."

UTEX90 - "Are you just trying to make me ragey?"

 

I think I have the most impatient woman on the planet.  I told her we couldn't move in until the roof and foundation were done.  Roof finished, Tuesday, two days ago.   Moving truck was at her house last Saturday.

I don't want to sleep in the new house until we have television and internet service. (To be hooked up on Tuesday also.)

Wife - I am sleeping in the new house Saturday night.  All of our furniture is there.

 

And she did.

Edited by UTEX90
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Enchubben

Enchubben 5,564

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On 4/11/2018 at 9:33 AM, TrashMaster G said:

My ex was like that with her car too.  Made me ragey on the days we had to swap vehicles for whatever reason.  I can't stand being in a car full of trash.

So my wife asked me to weigh my 1 year old daughter this morning. Since she won’t stand on a scale yet, I generally weigh myself without her, then pick her up and weigh myself again. (Not 100% accurate but close enough for what she needs)

So I do this and she say complains “you didn’t do it right, you didn’t take off your shoes”. I didn’t even bother explaining it to her.

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Enchubben

Enchubben 5,564

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Posted

I’ll also add this gem from right before Harvey last year:

my wife decides we need extra ice, but all the convenience and grocery stores are out. No problem, she decides to fill zip loc bags with water and put in the freezer to create ice before power potentially goes out. (Power doesn’t go out thankfully) She places them on the shelf so when they froze they froze around the wire shelf. 

Two days later I come back home from helping out some people in the neighborhood and she has decided to try and remove the ice bags from the freezer shelf on her own. She had the freezer door open with blow dryer in her hand and was trying to heat the ice bags in the freezer until they melted and could be removed. 

I repeat she is sitting with the freezer door open blowing a hair dryer into the freezer waiting for them to melt.

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Landomatic

Landomatic 3,813

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46 minutes ago, Enchubben said:

I’ll also add this gem from right before Harvey last year:

my wife decides we need extra ice, but all the convenience and grocery stores are out. No problem, she decides to fill zip loc bags with water and put in the freezer to create ice before power potentially goes out. (Power doesn’t go out thankfully) She places them on the shelf so when they froze they froze around the wire shelf. 

Two days later I come back home from helping out some people in the neighborhood and she has decided to try and remove the ice bags from the freezer shelf on her own. She had the freezer door open with blow dryer in her hand and was trying to heat the ice bags in the freezer until they melted and could be removed. 

I repeat she is sitting with the freezer door open blowing a hair dryer into the freezer waiting for them to melt.

Honestly, I’m not really seeing the issue with this.  Assuming they couldn’t be muscled out, what other choice did she have?

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Enchubben

Enchubben 5,564

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Posted

Yea I probably wasn’t specific enough on the shelving but pulling it out would have been the easiest way and taken about 10 seconds.

there are probably a dozen other ways to remedy the situation other than shooting hot air into a freezer that is pumping out cold air.  Thinking back, I should have asked her how long she had been sitting there and told her to keep at it.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,786

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Posted (edited)
16 hours ago, Enchubben said:

So my wife asked me to weigh my 1 year old daughter this morning. Since she won’t stand on a scale yet, I generally weigh myself without her, then pick her up and weigh myself again. (Not 100% accurate but close enough for what she needs)

So I do this and she say complains “you didn’t do it right, you didn’t take off your shoes”. I didn’t even bother explaining it to her.

 

16 hours ago, Enchubben said:

I’ll also add this gem from right before Harvey last year:

my wife decides we need extra ice, but all the convenience and grocery stores are out. No problem, she decides to fill zip loc bags with water and put in the freezer to create ice before power potentially goes out. (Power doesn’t go out thankfully) She places them on the shelf so when they froze they froze around the wire shelf. 

Two days later I come back home from helping out some people in the neighborhood and she has decided to try and remove the ice bags from the freezer shelf on her own. She had the freezer door open with blow dryer in her hand and was trying to heat the ice bags in the freezer until they melted and could be removed. 

I repeat she is sitting with the freezer door open blowing a hair dryer into the freezer waiting for them to melt.

Dude, pics of the wife.  We need a face (and body) to go with this greatness.

Edited by TrashMaster G
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