Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[JimmyRussels 14]

3 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

That reminds me of a story. I had an acquaintance in the health club business and they were replacing their older treadmills with new ones. He asked if I wanted one of them basically for free. I had no interest but my wife assured me that she would use it "all the time". And she had the perfect place for it -- upstairs in the converted attic / spare room that nobody ever went into.

So they deliver it to my house and it's just enormous and weighs a fucking ton. I mean, it's a full size heavy duty gym quality treadmill. The thing is built like a tank and is as heavy as one. In order to get it up the narrow ass staircase, we had to disassemble it and then it still took 4 grown men to haul it up and get it where she wanted it. And then she never used it once. Not one fucking time.

Nah , don’t feel so bad . You got yours for almost nothing. We paid almost three grand and she walked on it twice “ I don’t like the basement.” Yup , she wants to get rid of the guest bedroom now. FML

 

[HenryJames 65887]

4 hours ago, Modessit said:

Just not for what I wanted the 12" one for.

It’s not what your wife wants a 12” one for either.

[luke duke 6384]

That's okay. I told my wife one year that for my birthday I wanted a long Phillips screwdriver. I even indicated the size with my hands at about a foot long as most of mine were 6-8". She bought me one that's like 3 feet long. "It was the biggest one they had."

Don't get me wrong. I've used it many times. Just not for what I wanted the 12" one for.

You asked your wife to buy a tool for you? This one’s on you.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

20 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

Guess what I’ll be throwing away shortly.
 

Your wedding ring?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21781]

That's okay. I told my wife one year that for my birthday I wanted a long Phillips screwdriver. I even indicated the size with my hands at about a foot long as most of mine were 6-8". She bought me one that's like 3 feet long. "It was the biggest one they had."

Don't get me wrong. I've used it many times. Just not for what I wanted the 12" one for.

That’s your fault for all those times you told her your 3 inch pecker was 9 inches long.

[Js1 85095]

21 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

Guess what I’ll be throwing away shortly.

Your marriage? 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11806]

13 hours ago, Modessit said:

That's okay. I told my wife one year that for my birthday I wanted a long Phillips screwdriver. I even indicated the size with my hands at about a foot long as most of mine were 6-8". She bought me one that's like 3 feet long. "It was the biggest one they had."

Don't get me wrong. I've used it many times. Just not for what I wanted the 12" one for.

What do you do with that?  Aerate your yard?

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

28 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

What do you do with that?  Aerate your yard?

Everything is a dildo if you are brave enough

[Modessit 5596]

You asked your wife to buy a tool for you? This one’s on you.

I didn't say I didn't like it.

Whenever my wife complains that I'm hard to shop for, I tell her to walk into any tool store and buy me something and I'll like it. Bonus points if it runs on electricity. She says, "But what if you already have one?" And I say, "Then I'll have two!"

[Trey3216 15325]

1 hour ago, Modessit said:

I didn't say I didn't like it.

Whenever my wife complains that I'm hard to shop for, I tell her to walk into any tool store and buy me something and I'll like it. Bonus points if it runs on electricity. She says, "But what if you already have one?" And I say, "Then I'll have two!"

{wife} but then we have to buy more plugs and outlets! {wife}

[William_Cannon 86]

My wife has been gone on a cruise for the past 8 days.  I've gotten the kids around early for school every single day.  Actually, they have gotten themselves ready, early, all by themselves.  She gets home late last night, and miraculously, the kids can't get ready for school in time, mom rushing around frantic.  

I’d honestly love to understand this phenomenon since the same shit happens here. My theory is that the kids know I don’t put up with their dumbassery and corrective action plans will promptly follow. Where as with my wife, she’ll just yell at them in a frenzy time and time again...

Or is it that as the father, they don’t trust that I will get them ready on time?

Theories welcomed

[cactusflinthead 27594]

Working hypothesis. They know mom is just going to make noise. Dad will actually implement corrective measures if necessary.  The desire to avoid said measures is greater than the noise payment. 

 

[Modessit 5596]

I’d honestly love to understand this phenomenon since the same shit happens here. My theory is that the kids know I don’t put up with their dumbassery and corrective action plans will promptly follow. Where as with my wife, she’ll just yell at them in a frenzy time and time again...

Or is it that as the father, they don’t trust that I will get them ready on time?

Theories welcomed

My dad would tell a story about being a kid (one of six). They lived in a house where all the kids slept upstairs and mom and dad slept downstairs. Every morning when my Grandma would yell to get up they'd lay around until the 5th or 6th time before finally rolling out and slowly getting ready. But if for some reason Grandma was sick and Grandpa yelled to get up - you got up. Because Grandpa only yelled once and then came up to get you up and you didn't want to be in bed if Grandpa had to walk all the way upstairs to get you up.

Kids learn pretty quick who they can slack off with and who means business.

[AM Wood 335]

2 hours ago, Modessit said:

I didn't say I didn't like it.

Whenever my wife complains that I'm hard to shop for, I tell her to walk into any tool store and buy me something and I'll like it. Bonus points if it runs on electricity. She says, "But what if you already have one?" And I say, "Then I'll have two!"

Yeah that wouldn’t work for me. There are various quality levels of tools. I would want a Milwaukee hammer drill, she would pick out a Makita because of it’s pretty green color. You just can’t trust them with those decisions.

[Brothahorn 10085]

The struggle is real.
in addition to the above my wife has bought and quit a half dozen or so diet food “programs” over the last decade that end up with a couple garbage sacks full of crap no one will eat. 
I don’t dare say a word as whatever it takes to keep her in fighting shape is money well spent.

At least she is not wasting money on gym membership, that gets used once a month. And that is only for the sauna.

[davidg 4025]

27 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

Yeah that wouldn’t work for me. There are various quality levels of tools. I would want a Milwaukee hammer drill, she would pick out a Makita because of it’s pretty green color. You just can’t trust them with those decisions.

No shit.  If you aren't providing them a SKU or Amazon link for the tool you want, it's on you.

 

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

1 hour ago, William_Cannon said:

I’d honestly love to understand this phenomenon since the same shit happens here. My theory is that the kids know I don’t put up with their dumbassery and corrective action plans will promptly follow. Where as with my wife, she’ll just yell at them in a frenzy time and time again...

Or is it that as the father, they don’t trust that I will get them ready on time?

Theories welcomed

Frenzy is the key word when dealing their mother.  They can complain to her, and she'll listen or complain with them.  She has empathy, where I lack that emotion.  I just carry the "tough shit, toughen up" tone.  I also feel there is a bit of reverse psychology on my end.  Not blatant like, "I bet you can't get ready by 7:00!"  

[mulletpelini 5209]

7 hours ago, Modessit said:

My dad would tell a story about being a kid (one of six). They lived in a house where all the kids slept upstairs and mom and dad slept downstairs. Every morning when my Grandma would yell to get up they'd lay around until the 5th or 6th time before finally rolling out and slowly getting ready. But if for some reason Grandma was sick and Grandpa yelled to get up - you got up. Because Grandpa only yelled once and then came up to get you up and you didn't want to be in bed if Grandpa had to walk all the way upstairs to get you up.

Kids learn pretty quick who they can slack off with and who means business.

Mom would literally unsheet the bed to get me out of it in the morning and yet I'd still be on it.  Dad would start to walk up the stairs and I'd hear the creak of the first step he took and be up and dressed by the time he was at the door.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

9 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Frenzy is the key word when dealing their mother.  They can complain to her, and she'll listen or complain with them.  She has empathy, where I lack that emotion.  I just carry the "tough shit, toughen up" tone.  I also feel there is a bit of reverse psychology on my end.  Not blatant like, "I bet you can't get ready by 7:00!"  

You have zero respect for your wife and don’t even like her.  Your kids pick up on that and don’t respect her either.  

[SilasCoade 2620]

My theory is that kids live up to expectations for the most part. If mom sets the expectation that there will be yelling and screaming, kids wait until they hear it before acting. Obviously this only applies to pre-adolescent kids. Adolescents are just going to be assholes no matter what.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

3 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

You have zero respect for your wife and don’t even like her.  Your kids pick up on that and don’t respect her either.  

1) Don't assume that I speak ill about my wife in front of my children.  I have Surly for that.  I teach my children to respect their mother, and they know that I will always have their mother's back, and take HER side over theirs.  Always.  Regardless of who I think is "right."  

2) My children love and respect their mother dearly. 

[ztejas 43262]

2 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

1) Don't assume that I speak ill about my wife in front of my children.  I have Surly for that.  I teach my children to respect their mother, and they know that I will always have their mother's back, and take HER side over theirs.  Always.  Regardless of who I think is "right."  

2) My children love and respect their mother dearly. 

Pics?

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

Going out to dinner with 3 other couples tomorrow night. My wife and the other 3 were texting on where they wanted to go a few nights ago. 

I've never wanted to shoot myself in the head after hearing my wife read back the discussion on where to go and why we can't go here or there. 

 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Going out to dinner with 3 other couples tomorrow night. My wife and the other 3 were texting on where they wanted to go a few nights ago. 

I've never wanted to shoot myself in the head after hearing my wife read back the discussion on where to go and why we can't go here or there. 

 

[AM Wood 335]

1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Going out to dinner with 3 other couples tomorrow night. My wife and the other 3 were texting on where they wanted to go a few nights ago. 

I've never wanted to shoot myself in the head after hearing my wife read back the discussion on where to go and why we can't go here or there. 

 

if you could share some of that conversation with us it would be nice. you can't yadda yadda over the most important part.

[TrashMaster G 17386]

2 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Going out to dinner with 3 other couples tomorrow night. My wife and the other 3 were texting on where they wanted to go a few nights ago. 

I've never wanted to shoot myself in the head after hearing my wife read back the discussion on where to go and why we can't go here or there. 

 

"Say the last thing first"  and you're done.

[CycleTex87 2953]

So did you have to cancel dinner for lack of agreement?

Edited March 1, 2019 by CycleTex87
doh

[ABSR 5289]

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

"Say the last thing first"  and you're done.

“I don’t care where we eat, you decide”.  Folllowed by “Not there, pick anywhere else”.  Followed by “ No I don’t feel like that, we ‘ll go to your next choice.”  Followed by “I had that kind of food  3 days ago so we can’t have that.”  Followed by you saying “What kind of food do you want?”  Followed by “I don’t care where we eat, you decide.”    Followed by .....

[Llano Estacado 1257]

"Say the last thing first"  and you're done.

Note: I’m the normal person “I” can be replace by “married woman”

[WhatTheBuck 28705]

Apologize? Really?

[Anastasis 23393]

Browsing credit car bill on couch  

 

hey what’s this $190 spa bill. 

Oh yeah that’s my haircut. 

What the motherfucking fuck. 

Well that inciuded the tip. But I also had a $50 gift card. 

Fml. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2724]

You uh, you new to female haircuts podna?

[Anastasis 23393]

1 minute ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

You uh, you new to female haircuts podna?

Fuck I guess so. 

[Anastasis 23393]

4 hours ago, Llano Estacado said:

 

Note: I’m the normal person “I” can be replace by “married woman”

 

Sigh. 

[Anastasis 23393]

Get to point already. 

Why can’t you just talk with me. 

*pops top*

go on. 

[Anastasis 23393]

1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

I'm not. That's mid-range salon color and style with a manicure/pedicure. Or they are paying too fucking much.

I was told it involved color. Didn’t hear anything about  mani pedi. 

[drt 637]

You guys still worry about what a cut and color costs? All I know is I have 3 hours to watch sports on a Saturday with the kiddo and carte blanche to buy a new tool. Worth it. 

Edited March 2, 2019 by drt

[William_Cannon 86]

Browsing credit car bill on couch  
 
hey what’s this $190 spa bill. 
Oh yeah that’s my haircut. 
What the motherfucking fuck. 
Well that inciuded the tip. But I also had a $50 gift card. 
Fml. 

Did she at least get to meet Bob Kraft?

[Dennis Taylor 18701]

2 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

$240, for a fucking hair cut. Uh.. yeah there is other shit going on. That had to have included a facial, manicure and pedicure.

Or just a facial.

I didn't charge her for the facial 

[tbone_ 14020]

She just wants to look good for you, asshole.

[NBMisha 224]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

She just wants to look good for you, asshole.

Possibly.  More likely it's simply the never ending, always escalating battle within the female population.  You got nothing to do with it.

[ztejas 43262]

19 minutes ago, NBMisha said:

Possibly.  More likely it's simply the never ending, always escalating battle within the female population.  You got nothing to do with it.

Probably a function of $x = 1.1n + 20 where "x" is what your wife spends and "n" is what her sister and/or best friend spend on their hair. 

[baboso 6050]

The internet is a wonderful thing.  When she asks me what I want for a present and I specify a tool of some sort, I then send her a link and an image of the exact item.  So far, it has worked 50% of the time.

[ABSR 5289]

1 hour ago, baboso said:

The internet is a wonderful thing.  When she asks me what I want for a present and I specify a tool of some sort, I then send her a link and an image of the exact item.  So far, it has worked 50% of the time.

This puts her in the top 10% of wives.

[burntorangebongos 10681]

On 3/1/2019 at 9:59 PM, BurntEyes said:

$240, for a fucking hair cut. Uh.. yeah there is other shit going on. That had to have included a facial, manicure and pedicure.

Or just a facial.

Hair coloring.

[Anastasis 23393]

1 hour ago, tjhooker said:

My ex would always do this little thing that drove me insane.  She was a habitual shopaholic.  I'd ask when she got back so how much was this or that?  She'd always 1st say I got a good deal or I had a coupon or it was on sale.  Then through a series of another 3 to 5 questions she'd finally tell me the exorbitant amount she spent.  Maddening. 

Hair cut and coloring aside, my wife is a fucking penny pincher. It is one of her more endearing qualities. She was very upset the other day that she had ordered a book from amazon that had been in her shopping cart for a while, and after it was delivered there was a $10 price drop. It was like an assault on her penny pinching soul. 

[ztejas 43262]

11 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

Hair cut and coloring aside, my wife is a fucking penny pincher. It is one of her more endearing qualities. She was very upset the other day that she had ordered a book from amazon that had been in her shopping cart for a while, and after it was delivered there was a $10 price drop. It was like an assault on her penny pinching soul. 

Which begs the question, is she into titty pinching?

[Anastasis 23393]

45 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Which begs the question, is she into titty pinching?

Only if I ask aggressively. 

[VolenteHawk 495]

On 3/2/2019 at 10:04 AM, tbone_ said:

She just wants to look good for you, asshole.

Nah, she’s just making sure she’s not too far gone in case she needs to find the next him.

 

[Reagan1k 3016]

On 3/1/2019 at 8:38 AM, Llogg said:

My theory is that kids live up to expectations for the most part. If mom sets the expectation that there will be yelling and screaming, kids wait until they hear it before acting. Obviously this only applies to pre-adolescent kids. Adolescents are just going to be assholes no matter what.

Correct -Kids play up to or down to the level of their competition with little trouble and basically no thought.

It's an involuntary reaction for them.