Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

Nivek

Nivek 17415

Posted
Posted

Wife: blah blah blah, kids aren’t listening to me.
Me: Kids, go do what mom says.
Kids: ok dad.

Later
Me: kid, time to go take a bath.
Boy: but... blah blah blah
Me: does arguing with me ever work?
Boy: no... (gets up and heads to the bathroom)

The day before my wife was telling me I am too hard on our daughter. She was messing with my stuff and I let her know it wasn’t ok. Told her to fix it. She whined and then did it.




  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 22.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3599

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Hair cut and coloring aside, my wife is a fucking penny pincher. It is one of her more endearing qualities. She was very upset the other day that she had ordered a book from amazon that had been in her shopping cart for a while, and after it was delivered there was a $10 price drop. It was like an assault on her penny pinching soul. 

Did she pay using a credit card that has price protection? If so, there's still hope!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
gyroprotagonist

gyroprotagonist 2597

Posted
Posted
On 3/1/2019 at 1:26 PM, JimmyHoffa said:

Going out to dinner with 3 other couples tomorrow night. My wife and the other 3 were texting on where they wanted to go a few nights ago. 

I've never wanted to shoot myself in the head after hearing my wife read back the discussion on where to go and why we can't go here or there. 

 

So there was a 30 minute party (can't remember if it was xmas or halloween) at my son's school that several mom's were planning.  Wife was one of the moms on the email chain about what to do.  to her credit, she was the voice of reason, but one mom was planning out literally 3 hours of activities and crafts and games and wanted a chocolate fountain and lots of other nonsense for again, a 30 minute party.  This woman said that at her kids prior school, they did an 2.5 party and planned out all this stuff.  Not sure why she thought it would all work the same for a 30 party.  i'll go ahead and blame pinterest 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
On 3/1/2019 at 5:30 PM, ABSR said:

“I don’t care where we eat, you decide”.  Folllowed by “Not there, pick anywhere else”.  Followed by “ No I don’t feel like that, we ‘ll go to your next choice.”  Followed by “I had that kind of food  3 days ago so we can’t have that.”  Followed by you saying “What kind of food do you want?”  Followed by “I don’t care where we eat, you decide.”    Followed by .....

 

It was pretty much this. They finally decided on a place, I called to make a reservation and they were full which started the whole process over again. I then made a reservation on my own without female approval and everyone was happy with the outcome. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mole

Mole 4341

Posted
Posted
On 3/1/2019 at 4:37 PM, TrashMaster G said:

"Say the last thing first"  and you're done.

Does anyone else ever get the embedded story? My wife will tell me a story where she was talking with someone else about something I was a witness to (e.g. event happens where wife and I are both there -> she later tells someone else about it -> they say something interesting or funny). In the middle of the story is the part where she tells the friend about what happened. Without fail, she’ll tell me everything she told her friend even though I already know that part of the story. 

So in a ten minute conversation about something funny or interesting a friend said, I’ll spend about nine minutes hearing her recounting of our shared event and a minute discussing what the friend said. It’s maddening.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
CHIEF

CHIEF 5228

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Hair cut and coloring aside, my wife is a fucking penny pincher. It is one of her more endearing qualities. She was very upset the other day that she had ordered a book from amazon that had been in her shopping cart for a while, and after it was delivered there was a $10 price drop. It was like an assault on her penny pinching soul. 

Mrs. CHIEF is that way too. My cousin got married weekend before last and she told me she was going to get a nice dress and she didn't care if she had to pay full price. Got home with a really nice one, I complimented it, she told me she got it from the 50% off sales rack.

Color and a cut with the tip is about $75 for her, an even $100 with the tip.

Still drives her 2003 4Runner with 240,000 miles cause she doesn't want a car payment.

 

CHIEF

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53511

Posted
Posted

Came home a few days ago to a new bottle of hand soap in the bathrooms.  What caught my attention:

1) glass bottle

2) label had scalloped edges and was a tea stained color in an attempt to appear old timey.

3) the word apothecary on the label 

i wonder how much we paid for this. Hopefully in the future we just buy the cheap dial soap and refill the bottle, which is probably what came in the bottle in the first place. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26439

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Came home a few days ago to a new bottle of hand soap in the bathrooms.  What caught my attention:

1) glass bottle

2) label had scalloped edges and was a tea stained color in an attempt to appear old timey.

3) the word apothecary on the label 

i wonder how much we paid for this. Hopefully in the future we just buy the cheap dial soap and refill the bottle, which is probably what came in the bottle in the first place. 

She probably needed to take out a loan.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18101

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Came home a few days ago to a new bottle of hand soap in the bathrooms.  What caught my attention:

1) glass bottle

2) label had scalloped edges and was a tea stained color in an attempt to appear old timey.

3) the word apothecary on the label 

i wonder how much we paid for this. Hopefully in the future we just buy the cheap dial soap and refill the bottle, which is probably what came in the bottle in the first place. 

If you have to ask...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 12051

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Hair cut and coloring aside, my wife is a fucking penny pincher. It is one of her more endearing qualities. She was very upset the other day that she had ordered a book from amazon that had been in her shopping cart for a while, and after it was delivered there was a $10 price drop. It was like an assault on her penny pinching soul. 

btw if you think thats a coincidence, its not.  

Maybe you know this, maybe you dont, but if you arent browsing in private mode after checking the price on something and dont purchase it, the cache information is shared with the website you already visited, that goes for amazon, most retail sites and all the travel planning sites as well.  

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Came home a few days ago to a new bottle of hand soap in the bathrooms.  What caught my attention:

1) glass bottle

2) label had scalloped edges and was a tea stained color in an attempt to appear old timey.

3) the word apothecary on the label 

i wonder how much we paid for this. Hopefully in the future we just buy the cheap dial soap and refill the bottle, which is probably what came in the bottle in the first place. 

here's ours..,

 

imageService?profileId=12026540&id=13678

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
deadshank

deadshank 24654

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted (edited)

Her texting me:  Hey, some people came in from out of town and want to know where they can get the best breakfast taco in town.  They want to get some for breakfast.

Me texting her:  I rattle off two or three spots and give her the address to each.

Her texting me:  Uh, I don't want to send them all over town.  Where are some close to where they are.

Me texting her:  You said "best in town" and didn't tell me where "they" are.

Her texting me:  "you're an asshole."

Me to myself:  OK

Edited by deadshank
  • Like 7
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Js1

Js1 87187

Posted
Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, deadshank said:

But the labels says "for hard working hands."

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH she bought it so you can wash your hands with it after you masturbate because she had another headache. 

Edited by Js1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Llano Estacado

Llano Estacado 1257

Posted
Posted

“Alexa - Pair with Mrs Estacado’s phone.”

*Opens phone. Plays music using thumbs and fingers like its 2016*

*The other 167 hrs/week Alexa silently records everything in our home waiting, lurking, the ever present Eye of Sauron, documenting for the coming AI-Skynet revolution...but we needed a voice controlled Bluetooth speaker in the office because our 4 existing Bluetooth speakers have buttons and single blue light, pssssh so 2000&late*

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Nivek said:

The day before my wife was telling me I am too hard on our daughter. She was messing with my stuff and I let her know it wasn’t ok. Told her to fix it. She whined and then did it.



 

Wife does this with me on our oldest (13, no pics).  "You need to take it easy on her!"  Did this yesterday.  20 minutes later, made our 9 year old cry on the way to her birthday party for over some stupid shit that mom couldn't let go.  Do as I say, not as I do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
tbone_

tbone_ 14450

Posted
Posted
“Alexa - Pair with Mrs Estacado’s phone.”

*Opens phone. Plays music using thumbs and fingers like its 2016*

*The other 167 hrs/week Alexa silently records everything in our home waiting, lurking, the ever present Eye of Sauron, documenting for the coming AI-Skynet revolution...but we needed a voice controlled Bluetooth speaker in the office because our 4 existing Bluetooth speakers have buttons and single blue light, pssssh so 2000&late*

This. I told them no. They showed up any way. I unplug them every time I walk past one and bury it in a drawer. Before too long I will just throw them away.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5894

Posted
Posted

Got back last night from a week-long trip to Colorado skiing.  We drove.

I pack the car.  I also unpack the car.  Luggage, skis, boots, gear, etc.  Skis and poles go in the roof box.  This time so did the boots.  She assists with the unload.

Her:  Why did you put the boots in the roof box?  They were in my boot bag.

Me:  I pulled them out so I could flatten the boot bags.  Easier to see out the back with the rear-view mirror.

H:  They were in the bag though.

M:  Yes.  Yes they were:

H:   I didn't want them up there.

M:  What difference does it make?  It's storage space for shit we don't need in the car.  They were up there on the ride up too.  

H:  I wanted them in the bag.  Especially on the ride up because I don't like putting on cold boots.  You could have put the bag to the side.

M:  The boots had all night to get to room temperature, so that's not a good reason.  Tell you what, next time you can load the gear.

So she doesn't like my tone.  And because she's irritated, instead of setting my skis down on the concrete driveway like they should, she decides to de-tune the edges by setting the tips down and sliding them across the driveway until she puts the tails down.  I know her and she didn't do it on purpose out of spite - more likely she's frosted about the boot thing and not paying attention.

M:  The fuck you do that for?

H:  ????

M:  I could hear the edges grinding on the driveway (someone may accurately point out that edges on the tips should be de-tuned anyway, but it shouldn't be with the driveway method, so that's not the point).

H:  They're fine.

M:  You'd have a conniption if I did that to your gear.  Help me get the roof box off please.

The roof box is light, but bulky.  Helps to have two people.  I slide the front of the box off the rack towards her to grab.  I have the back and am ready to lift.

M:  Ready?

H: . . . . . . . . .

M:  Ok?

H: . . . . . .

M:  It's customary to have a verbal acknowledgment if you are asked if you are ready or not.  Ready?  Yes or no?

H.  Maybe.

  • Like 6
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ztejas

ztejas 44227

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

Got back last night from a week-long trip to Colorado skiing.  We drove.

I pack the car.  I also unpack the car.  Luggage, skis, boots, gear, etc.  Skis and poles go in the roof box.  This time so did the boots.  She assists with the unload.

Her:  Why did you put the boots in the roof box?  They were in my boot bag.

Me:  I pulled them out so I could flatten the boot bags.  Easier to see out the back with the rear-view mirror.

H:  They were in the bag though.

M:  Yes.  Yes they were:

H:   I didn't want them up there.

M:  What difference does it make?  It's storage space for shit we don't need in the car.  They were up there on the ride up too.  

H:  I wanted them in the bag.  Especially on the ride up because I don't like putting on cold boots.  You could have put the bag to the side.

M:  The boots had all night to get to room temperature, so that's not a good reason.  Tell you what, next time you can load the gear.

So she doesn't like my tone.  And because she's irritated, instead of setting my skis down on the concrete driveway like they should, she decides to de-tune the edges by setting the tips down and sliding them across the driveway until she puts the tails down.  I know her and she didn't do it on purpose out of spite - more likely she's frosted about the boot thing and not paying attention.

M:  The fuck you do that for?

H:  ????

M:  I could hear the edges grinding on the driveway (someone may accurately point out that edges on the tips should be de-tuned anyway, but it shouldn't be with the driveway method, so that's not the point).

H:  They're fine.

M:  You'd have a conniption if I did that to your gear.  Help me get the roof box off please.

The roof box is light, but bulky.  Helps to have two people.  I slide the front of the box off the rack towards her to grab.  I have the back and am ready to lift.

M:  Ready?

H: . . . . . . . . .

M:  Ok?

H: . . . . . .

M:  It's customary to have a verbal acknowledgment if you are asked if you are ready or not.  Ready?  Yes or no?

H.  Maybe.

Ski trips are one of the most arduous tests of a family unit's strength. 

Cruise ships also test high on this scale. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
After irth

After irth 1246

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:

Got back last night from a week-long trip to Colorado skiing.  We drove.

I pack the car.  I also unpack the car.  Luggage, skis, boots, gear, etc.  Skis and poles go in the roof box.  This time so did the boots.  She assists with the unload.

Her:  Why did you put the boots in the roof box?  They were in my boot bag.

Me:  I pulled them out so I could flatten the boot bags.  Easier to see out the back with the rear-view mirror.

H:  They were in the bag though.

M:  Yes.  Yes they were:

H:   I didn't want them up there.

M:  What difference does it make?  It's storage space for shit we don't need in the car.  They were up there on the ride up too.  

H:  I wanted them in the bag.  Especially on the ride up because I don't like putting on cold boots.  You could have put the bag to the side.

M:  The boots had all night to get to room temperature, so that's not a good reason.  Tell you what, next time you can load the gear.

So she doesn't like my tone.  And because she's irritated, instead of setting my skis down on the concrete driveway like they should, she decides to de-tune the edges by setting the tips down and sliding them across the driveway until she puts the tails down.  I know her and she didn't do it on purpose out of spite - more likely she's frosted about the boot thing and not paying attention.

M:  The fuck you do that for?

H:  ????

M:  I could hear the edges grinding on the driveway (someone may accurately point out that edges on the tips should be de-tuned anyway, but it shouldn't be with the driveway method, so that's not the point).

H:  They're fine.

M:  You'd have a conniption if I did that to your gear.  Help me get the roof box off please.

The roof box is light, but bulky.  Helps to have two people.  I slide the front of the box off the rack towards her to grab.  I have the back and am ready to lift.

M:  Ready?

H: . . . . . . . . .

M:  Ok?

H: . . . . . .

M:  It's customary to have a verbal acknowledgment if you are asked if you are ready or not.  Ready?  Yes or no?

H.  Maybe.

What a horrible bitch. 

Her attitude sucks too. 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
After irth

After irth 1246

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Wife does this with me on our oldest (13, no pics).  "You need to take it easy on her!"  Did this yesterday.  20 minutes later, made our 9 year old cry on the way to her birthday party for over some stupid shit that mom couldn't let go.  Do as I say, not as I do?

We expect that of her at this point. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Incredulity

Incredulity 11876

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Got back last night from a week-long trip to Colorado skiing.  We drove.

I pack the car.  I also unpack the car.  Luggage, skis, boots, gear, etc.  Skis and poles go in the roof box.  This time so did the boots.  She assists with the unload.

Her:  Why did you put the boots in the roof box?  They were in my boot bag.

Me:  I pulled them out so I could flatten the boot bags.  Easier to see out the back with the rear-view mirror.

H:  They were in the bag though.

M:  Yes.  Yes they were:

H:   I didn't want them up there.

M:  What difference does it make?  It's storage space for shit we don't need in the car.  They were up there on the ride up too.  

H:  I wanted them in the bag.  Especially on the ride up because I don't like putting on cold boots.  You could have put the bag to the side.

M:  The boots had all night to get to room temperature, so that's not a good reason.  Tell you what, next time you can load the gear.

So she doesn't like my tone.  And because she's irritated, instead of setting my skis down on the concrete driveway like they should, she decides to de-tune the edges by setting the tips down and sliding them across the driveway until she puts the tails down.  I know her and she didn't do it on purpose out of spite - more likely she's frosted about the boot thing and not paying attention.

M:  The fuck you do that for?

H:  ????

M:  I could hear the edges grinding on the driveway (someone may accurately point out that edges on the tips should be de-tuned anyway, but it shouldn't be with the driveway method, so that's not the point).

H:  They're fine.

M:  You'd have a conniption if I did that to your gear.  Help me get the roof box off please.

The roof box is light, but bulky.  Helps to have two people.  I slide the front of the box off the rack towards her to grab.  I have the back and am ready to lift.

M:  Ready?

H: . . . . . . . . .

M:  Ok?

H: . . . . . .

M:  It's customary to have a verbal acknowledgment if you are asked if you are ready or not.  Ready?  Yes or no?

H.  Maybe.

The make-up sex is going to be awesome.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...