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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

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Teacher conference with your wife yesterday because daughter Suzie can't seem to stay off her phone during class. Your wife says she will speak to Suzie about this issue.  Today Suzie's phone rings and she  asks  if she can step outside and take a call from her mother.

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G650

G650 14074

Posted
Posted
51 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

Teacher conference with your wife yesterday because daughter Suzie can't seem to stay off her phone during class. Your wife says she will speak to Suzie about this issue.  Today Suzie's phone rings and she  asks  if she can step outside and take a call from her mother.

Solid.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Nolacycling said:

Teacher conference with your wife yesterday because daughter Suzie can't seem to stay off her phone during class. Your wife says she will speak to Suzie about this issue.  Today Suzie's phone rings and she  asks  if she can step outside and take a call from her mother.

QONVIyz.gif?noredirect

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ztejas

ztejas 43262

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Teacher conference with your wife yesterday because daughter Suzie can't seem to stay off her phone during class. Your wife says she will speak to Suzie about this issue.  Today Suzie's phone rings and she  asks  if she can step outside and take a call from her mother.

Shut it down.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53978

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Teacher conference with your wife yesterday because daughter Suzie can't seem to stay off her phone during class. Your wife says she will speak to Suzie about this issue.  Today Suzie's phone rings and she  asks  if she can step outside and take a call from her mother.

Was she calling to remind her to stay off her phone during class?

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14082

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Mudcat35 said:

My wife and I recently bought a really old house that we're going to renovate.  First step is to pull down some badly-installed sheetrock in the entryway to expose the original shiplap boards underneath.  We want to paint those so that we get the effect of having the exposed wood.  She was trying to put together a project plan last night.  For reference, I'm a project manager by trade, so it's clear this wasn't going to go so well.  Two of the steps involve pulling down the existing sheetrock, and finishing the boards underneath, and she could not figure out what order to do this in.  I spent 20 minutes explaining why you had to pull the sheetrock down first before you could paint the boards underneath.  I have no idea how I managed to not run screaming from the building.  She kept saying "I have to think visually".  Ok, I get that, but we finally got to the point where I said "you're ready to paint, but you haven't pulled the sheetrock down yet.  What are  you painting?".  The answer is "sheetrock", not what she was looking for.  I'm still not sure she believes me.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that your house flipping business is going to fail. Quit now. 

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KaiserSoze

KaiserSoze 997

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Posted
On 2/27/2019 at 5:20 PM, Flg8rfan said:

So my wife has been having stomach issues (whatever that means), and thinks it might be gluten related. Maybe packing your lunch instead of take out every day at work would be a better start but what do I know........

I now have a ton of gluten free food in the house that the kids and I won’t eat and she won’t cook or take to work (because takeout).

Guess what I’ll be throwing away shortly.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Hopefully whatever dignity she may have remaining.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8492

Posted
Posted
On 3/4/2019 at 6:30 PM, Upgrayedd said:

Got back last night from a week-long trip to Colorado skiing.  We drove.

I pack the car.  I also unpack the car.  Luggage, skis, boots, gear, etc.  Skis and poles go in the roof box.  This time so did the boots.  She assists with the unload.

Her:  Why did you put the boots in the roof box?  They were in my boot bag.

Me:  I pulled them out so I could flatten the boot bags.  Easier to see out the back with the rear-view mirror.

H:  They were in the bag though.

M:  Yes.  Yes they were:

H:   I didn't want them up there.

M:  What difference does it make?  It's storage space for shit we don't need in the car.  They were up there on the ride up too.  

H:  I wanted them in the bag.  Especially on the ride up because I don't like putting on cold boots.  You could have put the bag to the side.

M:  The boots had all night to get to room temperature, so that's not a good reason.  Tell you what, next time you can load the gear.

So she doesn't like my tone.  And because she's irritated, instead of setting my skis down on the concrete driveway like they should, she decides to de-tune the edges by setting the tips down and sliding them across the driveway until she puts the tails down.  I know her and she didn't do it on purpose out of spite - more likely she's frosted about the boot thing and not paying attention.

M:  The fuck you do that for?

H:  ????

M:  I could hear the edges grinding on the driveway (someone may accurately point out that edges on the tips should be de-tuned anyway, but it shouldn't be with the driveway method, so that's not the point).

H:  They're fine.

M:  You'd have a conniption if I did that to your gear.  Help me get the roof box off please.

The roof box is light, but bulky.  Helps to have two people.  I slide the front of the box off the rack towards her to grab.  I have the back and am ready to lift.

M:  Ready?

H: . . . . . . . . .

M:  Ok?

H: . . . . . .

M:  It's customary to have a verbal acknowledgment if you are asked if you are ready or not.  Ready?  Yes or no?

H.  Maybe.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8787

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, Mudcat35 said:

My wife and I recently bought a really old house that we're going to renovate.  First step is to pull down some badly-installed sheetrock in the entryway to expose the original shiplap boards underneath.  We want to paint those so that we get the effect of having the exposed wood.  She was trying to put together a project plan last night.  For reference, I'm a project manager by trade, so it's clear this wasn't going to go so well.  Two of the steps involve pulling down the existing sheetrock, and finishing the boards underneath, and she could not figure out what order to do this in.  I spent 20 minutes explaining why you had to pull the sheetrock down first before you could paint the boards underneath.  I have no idea how I managed to not run screaming from the building.  She kept saying "I have to think visually".  Ok, I get that, but we finally got to the point where I said "you're ready to paint, but you haven't pulled the sheetrock down yet.  What are  you painting?".  The answer is "sheetrock", not what she was looking for.  I'm still not sure she believes me.

Bro, this me falling out of the truck laughing...been there with Mrs SHOOTER

My prayers, you haz dem...

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

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My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11669

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

you really dont want to get laid in the next 6 months, do you?

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Chewbacca

Chewbacca 7729

Posted
Posted
15 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

Someone doesn't want to stay married.  You don't AIS her!

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

 

Do you not have a garage? 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

Working on some shelving and storage in the garage so there's wood planks and tools everywhere.  Cars are in the driveway until next week.  

she's passively/aggressively telling you to clean up the got dayamed garage.

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Leeroy Jenkins

Leeroy Jenkins 2380

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

This is going to end well.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52336

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

Fortune favors the bold, but I don’t see how this ends well for you. 

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huge

huge 3788

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

I weep for the future.

3497348226_49867899b0%5B1%5D.jpg

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has developed a nasty habit of leaving her car keys in the front door (on the outside of the house).  I posted this earlier in the thread but I've seen this happen 4-5 times over the past few months.  Of course, she doesn't understand why it pisses me off "because we have an alarm system".  Doesn't understand that she is not only giving an intruder access to the house, but her brand new car, too.  Her excuse is that when she is carrying stuff inside she is focused on turning the alarm off and forgets her keys.

This morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

It looks like the mail will be late today.

Edited by Nolacycling
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18690

Posted
Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

his morning it happened again.  She was sleeping when I left the house and, sure enough, when I went to lock the door behind me, there were her keys.  She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...

did your cable need fixing?

 

1*UtOJHg2OuXSF8nDMeU_uyw.jpeg 

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 24807

Posted
Posted (edited)

Went to a community meeting because I care. When the group was asked about improvements we'd like to see, a lady stood up and said she wished the train ran in front of her house. We are about 4 miles from the nearest stop at airport and lamar. Several other ladies nodded and clapped in agreement.

Groans from me and the other men in atendnence were met with stern /tone looks.

 

Edited by MissingInAction
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luke duke

luke duke 6383

Posted
Posted

She is off work today so I took the keys (she has a spare), pulled her car around the corner out of view, and left for work.  I figured she would call me in a panic that her car is missing.  It is now 11:52 AM and she has not noticed...


She lost that a long time ago and never told you. Now there’s only one set. When that one gets lost it’s going to cost an extra couple of hundred since you don’t have an existing key.
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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17385

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Went to a community meeting because I care. When the group was asked about improvements we'd like to see, a lady stood up and said she wished the train ran in front of her house. We are about 4 miles from the nearest stop at airport and lamar. Several other ladies nodded and clapped in agreement.

Groans from me and the other men in atendnence were met with stern /tone looks.

 

[Torbush]

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2953

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

Went to a community meeting because I care. When the group was asked about improvements we'd like to see, a lady stood up and said she wished the train ran in front of her house. We are about 4 miles from the nearest stop at airport and lamar. Several other ladies nodded and clapped in agreement.

Groans from me and the other men in atendnence were met with stern /tone looks.

 

 

Edited by CycleTex87
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