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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Sandman

Sandman 3409

Posted
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My wife is always insisting on using the GPS, I told her you've lived here (OKC metro) your whole life, how do you not know where you're going? Fuck, anytime we go somewhere "new", I have to drive because she's too scared to drive in a new place. And sound the alarm if there's any one way streets involved.

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

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Posted
5 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

Ding Dong had a meeting in Pearland this morning at 8. She calls me at 7:45 complaining that she is stuck in traffic. GPS routed her downtown(BW 8, I-10, 45, 288). She could have easily taken the beltway all the way to 288. But GPS wouldn’t let her go that way. Now, she wants me to figure out why.

BTW, this is a drive she has made at least 10 times.

 

This shit happens all the time with my wife. If she is driving anywhere and doesn't know the route or is a little lost she calls me and it somehow becomes my fault that she doesn't know what route to take even though she has a car with GPS. 

My favorite occurrence was when she got lost about 2 miles from our house because she took a wrong turn. She called me at work and I looked up google maps so she could tell me what cross street she was at and I could tell her what street to turn on to get back on the main road she knew. 

Me- Turn right on Lott St. and that will take you back to the 7th and you will know where you are

Mrs. Hoffa- It's not Lott St., it's Loft St. 

230114_908223010.jpg

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Apep

Apep 645

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife is always insisting on using the GPS, I told her you've lived here (OKC metro) your whole life, how do you not know where you're going? Fuck, anytime we go somewhere "new", I have to drive because she's too scared to drive in a new place. And sound the alarm if there's any one way streets involved.

I use Waze to take my kid to school. It's only a little over two miles, but it allows me to avoid traffic jams along the usual route.  Sure, that's only once a year, but it's better than him being late.

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troph

troph 24901

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If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18849

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3 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

This shit happens all the time with my wife. If she is driving anywhere and doesn't know the route or is a little lost she calls me and it somehow becomes my fault that she doesn't know what route to take even though she has a car with GPS. 

My favorite occurrence was when she got lost about 2 miles from our house because she took a wrong turn. She called me at work and I looked up google maps so she could tell me what cross street she was at and I could tell her what street to turn on to get back on the main road she knew. 

Me- Turn right on Lott St. and that will take you back to the 7th and you will know where you are

Mrs. Hoffa- It's not Lott St., it's Loft St. 

230114_908223010.jpg

next time give her cardinal directions

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

Yep. I can be 100 miles from home and I use GPS. Wife tries to give me shit but when the traffic alert pops up, well worth it.
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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

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2 hours ago, troph said:

If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

I'll forgive the ignorance, but this story is the Houston equiv. of "GPS said taking 35  from North of Austin to San Marcos was shorter than taking 130".  You have to know when GPS is trying to Skynet you.

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Apep said:

I use Waze to take my kid to school. It's only a little over two miles, but it allows me to avoid traffic jams along the usual route.  Sure, that's only once a year, but it's better than him being late.

Yes, but she KNOWS where she is going and couldn't possibly be told a better route.......

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

Posted
Posted
On 3/13/2019 at 6:47 PM, troph said:

If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

So, about that......

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11812

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Posted
23 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife is a fan of calling people whom we have plans with, 5 minutes before we arrive, to inform them we will be on time.

considering a fuck ton of wives arrive late, I think thats a wonderfully passive aggressive way for her to shame her friends to be on time.

dilly dilly on that.

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12475

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Posted
5 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

considering a fuck ton of wives arrive late, I think thats a wonderfully passive aggressive way for her to shame her friends to be on time.

dilly dilly on that.

I wish that was her thought process.  It's more that she's terrified of committing a faux pas.  I just find it an unnecessary intrusion when she does it to me.  I don't like having to handle the phone call knowing that it's just someone telling me that they are going to do what they told me they were going to do.

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

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Posted
1 hour ago, luke duke said:

I get the “I’m at the store and I didn’t bother to open the refrigerator or pantry before I left so I’m going to call you once on each aisle to ask you what we need, and then tell you you're wrong about every answer you give.” calls.

Fixed.

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14222

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Posted

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23481

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Posted
13 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

giphy.gif

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8775

Posted
Posted
On 3/13/2019 at 10:17 PM, OrangEngr said:

I'll forgive the ignorance, but this story is the Houston equiv. of "GPS said taking 35  from North of Austin to San Marcos was shorter than taking 130".  You have to know when GPS is trying to Skynet you.

  For real. My wife thinks GPS is the 10 commandments. Traffic is in the same place 99% of the time. Find a route that works and stick with it until that route stops being effective. Simple as that. When my daughter sees us running late for things, she asks if daddy can drive. Hasn't taken her long to figure out who gets her to her events on time in her short 10 years.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8775

Posted
Posted (edited)

   My wife thinks her Dad is the master of all things. Thus, she asks his opinion about things way too frequently. This gives him the confidence that he can walk into my house and just start tinkering with shit. Love the guy to death, but he half asses everything he does. That said, I am building a hotrod in the garage. I never work on it when the inlaws come to town. My wife said, "You should have dad help you with your car".

 

Me-

   89e.gif

Edited by Thatguy
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Armybrat

Armybrat 40861

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

Always ask if she needs anything before you sit down.

Marriage 101.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11681

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1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Always ask if she needs anything before you sit down.

Marriage 101.

I’m 15 years in.  Happy and have no problem pulling my weight with household chores or getting my wife a drink if I am headed that way. 

But,  if that what it takes to make it to 40 I am heading to the Divorce thread right now.  What am I a fucking butler?  FUCK that.

 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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Posted
36 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

I’m 15 years in.  Happy and have no problem pulling my weight with household chores or getting my wife a drink if I am headed that way. 

But,  if that what it takes to make it to 40 I am heading to the Divorce thread right now.  What am I a fucking butler?  FUCK that.

 

Yeah, hand me the fucking baby and go get yourself the glass of water.

 

and while you’re in there, why don’t you just go ahead and make me a sandwich. 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40861

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35 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

I’m 15 years in.  Happy and have no problem pulling my weight with household chores or getting my wife a drink if I am headed that way. 

But,  if that what it takes to make it to 40 I am heading to the Divorce thread right now.  What am I a fucking butler?  FUCK that.

 

It works both ways, and we have made it to 51 so far.

And we both don’t have a problem going out of our way for the other....... at any time.

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