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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2620

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I feel really sorry for people that don't get along with their in-laws. I mean, that was part of the decision process on getting married -- do I like these people that are indelibly attached to the woman I want to marry?

I love my in-laws. Prefer spending time with them to my folks, TBH.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104464

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My wife is very smart. Three degrees. Better read than I am. A cutting edge theologian.

But Goddamit, she has one grammar foible that drives me NUTS.

“So, I was talking to Jane Smith the other day - remember, I married SHE and her husband.”

Finally, today, I cracked. “No. You married HER and her husband. She is the object of the sentence, so it’s “her.””

Tone.

Sorry. I couldn’t take it anymore.

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ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

Posted
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9 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I feel really sorry for people that don't get along with their in-laws. I mean, that was part of the decision process on getting married -- do I like these people that are indelibly attached to the woman I want to marry?

I love my in-laws. Prefer spending time with them to my folks, TBH.

I agree with this.  I actually often times like my in-laws more than my wife... 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12408

Posted
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   My wife thinks her Dad is the master of all things. Thus, she asks his opinion about things way too frequently. This gives him the confidence that he can walk into my house and just start tinkering with shit. Love the guy to death, but he half asses everything he does. That said, I am building a hotrod in the garage. I never work on it when the inlaws come to town. My wife said, "You should have dad help you with your car".
 
Me-
   89e.gif


Are you me?
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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21780

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My wife is very smart. Three degrees. Better read than I am. A cutting edge theologian.

But Goddamit, she has one grammar foible that drives me NUTS.

“So, I was talking to Jane Smith the other day - remember, I married SHE and her husband.”

Finally, today, I cracked. “No. You married HER and her husband. She is the object of the sentence, so it’s “her.””

Tone.

Sorry. I couldn’t take it anymore.

So your wife is a married to you and two other people?
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deadshank

deadshank 24651

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Not my wife but my neighbor's wife 4 doors down.

As of Monday, the groundhog started delivering their old pooch's mail.  She had a giant box of Milkbone dog biscuits that would no longer be needed.  Instead of throwing them away she tears the top off the box and places it at the end of the driveway at the sidewalk so "all the neighborhood dogs could have some."   

Brilliant.

Now the dogs with the bandit masks and ringed tails, the dogs that come out at night, have pink tails and play dead, and the little - bitty dogs that spread bubonic plague have had a field day.  Box is shredded, been rained on and Milkbone dog treat remnants and crumbs are strewn all over the street.   

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8076

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I feel really sorry for people that don't get along with their in-laws. I mean, that was part of the decision process on getting married -- do I like these people that are indelibly attached to the woman I want to marry?
I love my in-laws. Prefer spending time with them to my folks, TBH.
This, and what ETB said.

In-law relationships weighted heavily on my decision to get married 3 months ago after dating for 7 years. Absolutely love them. Wonderful people.

I even got a set of awesome grandparents out of the deal, all my own have been dead for decades.
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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19118

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Always ask if she needs anything before you sit down.

Marriage 101.

Come on, you have been married long enough to know that isn’t how it works. 

Husband:  Before I finish in here and get settled in do you need anything?

Wife:  No, I’m good.

Husband settles in.

Wife, 15 seconds later.... “Can you get me a glass of water?”

Husband now understands why OJ got away with it.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5209

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Posted
On 3/16/2019 at 12:35 AM, NorthLoop said:

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

 

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Modessit

Modessit 5595

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Posted
Come on, you have been married long enough to know that isn’t how it works. 

Husband:  Before I finish in here and get settled in do you need anything?

Wife:  No, I’m good.

Husband settles in.

Wife, 15 seconds later.... “Can you get me a glass of water?”

Husband now understands why OJ got away with it.

Speaking of OJ...

 

There was an orange juice commercial a while back that showed a man and his wife sitting on a patio and he said he was going to go get himself a glass of orange juice and asked her if she wanted one.

 

Her: No, I'll just have a sip of yours.

Him: I can bring you a glass of your own.

Her: No, I won't drink a whole glass. I'll just have a sip of yours.

 

So he goes in and comes out with a glass of OJ and hands it to her and she drinks the entire thing. Then she gets a sheepish look on her face.

 

Her: I'm sorry. I drank your orange juice.

 

Him: No. (Pulls another glass out from behind his back) You drank YOURS.

 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Modessit said:

Speaking of OJ...

 

There was an orange juice commercial a while back that showed a man and his wife sitting on a patio and he said he was going to go get himself a glass of orange juice and asked her if she wanted one.

 

Her: No, I'll just have a sip of yours.

Him: I can bring you a glass of your own.

Her: No, I won't drink a whole glass. I'll just have a sip of yours.

 

So he goes in and comes out with a glass of OJ and hands it to her and she drinks the entire thing. Then she gets a sheepish look on her face.

 

Her: I'm sorry. I drank your orange juice.

 

Him: No. (Pulls another glass out from behind his back) You drank YOURS.

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice.... won’t be fooled again. 

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23375

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Posted (edited)

This is the heavy ass pottery flower with 100 sharp as fuck dagger petals that my wife was going to hang into some drywall above my daughter's headboard. With a nail. No anchor of any sort.  I figure I saved myself a couple hundred in ER bills to treat facial lacerations by intervening.  

75-B84332-D542-48-C5-B9-A7-8399010851-D8 

Edited by Anastasis
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8799

Posted
Posted
This is the heavy ass pottery flower with 100 sharp as fuck dagger petals that my wife was going to hang into some drywall above my daughter's headboard. With a nail. No anchor of any sort.  I figure I saved myself a couple hundred in ER bills to treat facial lacerations by intervening.  
75-B84332-D542-48-C5-B9-A7-8399010851-D8.jpg 
Things ugly af if i'm being honest with you. I'd let her hang it elsewhere with a nail just to break it
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Anastasis

Anastasis 23375

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
8 hours ago, Anastasis said:
This is the heavy ass pottery flower with 100 sharp as fuck dagger petals that my wife was going to hang into some drywall above my daughter's headboard. With a nail. No anchor of any sort.  I figure I saved myself a couple hundred in ER bills to treat facial lacerations by intervening.  
75-B84332-D542-48-C5-B9-A7-8399010851-D8.jpg 

Read more  

Things ugly af if i'm being honest with you  

I have no opinion. 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52321

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Anastasis said:

This is the heavy ass pottery flower with 100 sharp as fuck dagger petals that my wife was going to hang into some drywall above my daughter's headboard. With a nail. No anchor of any sort.  I figure I saved myself a couple hundred in ER bills to treat facial lacerations by intervening.  

75-B84332-D542-48-C5-B9-A7-8399010851-D8 

My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 3/14/2019 at 3:54 PM, Player said:

Her: I need to stop by discount tire today.

Me: what for?

Her: my tires are overinflated. They’re supposed to be 35psi, but a couple of them are almost 40psi.

Me:

You know the tire guy does that on purpose right? It's code.

Edited by Nolacycling
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Bullneck

Bullneck 18976

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Posted
On 3/16/2019 at 4:54 PM, Llano Estacado said:

My MIL has lived with us the majority of the past 4 years.

My FIL has lived with us the last 1.5.

Get you some of that, then let me know your feelings about your wife’s family.

MIL lived with us for 15 years.  

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fattyflattie

fattyflattie 4636

Posted
Posted
On 3/16/2019 at 3:54 PM, Llano Estacado said:

My MIL has lived with us the majority of the past 4 years.

My FIL has lived with us the last 1.5.

Get you some of that, then let me know your feelings about your wife’s family.

Llano, do we need to have the at home in laws vs. 100k in daycare discussion again?  It's not even beer night.  I'd be about done with 529's by now if it wasn't for daycare.

My MIL makes the best pork chop I've ever eaten.  She could teach Perry's something.  I would welcome them coming more often to cook me pork chops.  

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5269

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Bullneck said:

MIL lived with us for 15 years.  

Like a normal 3-4 bedroom house or on another wing of the mansion shit?  I could never do that with in-laws.  That’s one thing they get right in south Texas they have adult daycare all day for old people (they play bingo and enter act) then at night they take them back to their own place to sleep, family not needed 24/7.  Or it’s go back to the in-laws house.....   

Edited by Hook1997
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