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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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HoustonHorn

HoustonHorn 1064

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Seems like you should go to the strip club and put the syrup on the dancers tits.

 

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

 

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9398

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 3/21/2019 at 10:41 PM, UT_OB1 said:

Glitter can suck, but you may be on a different spectrum yourself if that shit keeps you up until 4 cleaning. 

    First, no broad is going to stop me from eating some delicious pancakes or waffles simply because "she doesn't like syrup". Fuck out of here with that.

    Second, I ain't cleaning up shit. As a matter of fact I would go out and buy more glitter, come home and throw the shit all over the house. Then I would simply sit my happy ass down and watch the game. This is a simple lesson that you teach a kid who loves to throw their shit all around their room. Cleaning it up themselves in the only way to learn.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9398

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  My wife pulls up in the driveway talking on the phone. Goes and gets changed-still talking on the phone. We drive our daughter to Vball practice, and she stays outside for the entire hour and a half talking on the phone. After practice we drive to the gym and she is still talking on the phone. My daughter and I are literally standing outside the gym staring at her when I finally said "call her back!!!!".

                                                                                              Tone

 

  I know this is no surprise to anyone on this thread, I just wanted you guys to know when its happening to you that somewhere some poor asshole is suffering just like you. Now raise a glass if you are me.

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10097

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Quote

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.

I understand you doing what is needed to keep a happy home. But, I'll be damned if my wife is going to stop me from keeping something like syrup in my house. She doesn't have to touch, taste, smell or look at it. If I want some mutha fucking syrup, I'm gone have me some mutha fucking syrup.

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blacklab

blacklab 12066

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7 hours ago, Thatguy said:

  My wife pulls up in the driveway talking on the phone. Goes and gets changed-still talking on the phone. We drive our daughter to Vball practice, and she stays outside for the entire hour and a half talking on the phone. After practice we drive to the gym and she is still talking on the phone. My daughter and I are literally standing outside the gym staring at her when I finally said "call her back!!!!".

                                                                                              Tone

 

  I know this is no surprise to anyone on this thread, I just wanted you guys to know when its happening to you that somewhere some poor asshole is suffering just like you. Now raise a glass if you are me.

Tuesday wife comes home at 5 on the phone, I cook dinner, it's ready at 6, I tell her, she keeps talking till 6:15 and finally comes to table.

Next night she's out with her friends and the kids and I call her at 6 to find out if I need to cook, pick something up, or I'm on my own for dinner. Son answers her phone. I ask him to put mom on. I can hear her tell him she's busy and will call later. I tell him to give her the phone now. She finally gets on the phone and before I can say anything says "I'm at dinner with friends, and can't talk now. "  hands phone back to kid.  Have to have kid ask her the question.

 

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Modessit

Modessit 5667

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If my wife pulled that shit, I'd open up my Phone Finder app, locate her phone, then lock it with a code that only I know. Then I'd wait for her to get home. Her "tone" would determine when her phone gets unlocked.

I've had to activate the phone ringing (even if on silent) to get my wife's attention when she doesn't respond to a text or call and I need immediate response, but my wife has learned that I don't do that for stupid reasons.

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 22311

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45 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Tuesday wife comes home at 5 on the phone, I cook dinner, it's ready at 6, I tell her, she keeps talking till 6:15 and finally comes to table.

Next night she's out with her friends and the kids and I call her at 6 to find out if I need to cook, pick something up, or I'm on my own for dinner. Son answers her phone. I ask him to put mom on. I can hear her tell him she's busy and will call later. I tell him to give her the phone now. She finally gets on the phone and before I can say anything says "I'm at dinner with friends, and can't talk now. "  hands phone back to kid.  Have to have kid ask her the question.

 

Sorry, but if that was my wife the only answer she would ever get for the next few months (or for however long it takes for her to pack her shit and leave) would be "I'm busy and can't talk now".

Edited by NeverMarryAStripper
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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53548

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Posted
1 hour ago, blacklab said:

Tuesday wife comes home at 5 on the phone, I cook dinner, it's ready at 6, I tell her, she keeps talking till 6:15 and finally comes to table.

Next night she's out with her friends and the kids and I call her at 6 to find out if I need to cook, pick something up, or I'm on my own for dinner. Son answers her phone. I ask him to put mom on. I can hear her tell him she's busy and will call later. I tell him to give her the phone now. She finally gets on the phone and before I can say anything says "I'm at dinner with friends, and can't talk now. "  hands phone back to kid.  Have to have kid ask her the question.

 

Take it to the wives and the inconsiderate or vindictive shit they do thread. 

I would most definitely point these actions out to my wife and tell her I expect the same respect she gives her friend, or there will be consequences and repercussions. 

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23723

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2 hours ago, blacklab said:

Tuesday wife comes home at 5 on the phone, I cook dinner, it's ready at 6, I tell her, she keeps talking till 6:15 and finally comes to table.

Next night she's out with her friends and the kids and I call her at 6 to find out if I need to cook, pick something up, or I'm on my own for dinner. Son answers her phone. I ask him to put mom on. I can hear her tell him she's busy and will call later. I tell him to give her the phone now. She finally gets on the phone and before I can say anything says "I'm at dinner with friends, and can't talk now. "  hands phone back to kid.  Have to have kid ask her the question.

 

Rage. 

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EE2B

EE2B 1569

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Mrs stanco at noon: I'll be gone to the store and back in about 45 minutes.

Tick tock tick tock.


You knew when she told you that it was a lie. It takes longer than that to fight the dumbasses on Richmond. I don’t even ask my wife anymore.
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happyhookem

happyhookem 224

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, blacklab said:

Tuesday wife comes home at 5 on the phone, I cook dinner, it's ready at 6, I tell her, she keeps talking till 6:15 and finally comes to table.

Next night she's out with her friends and the kids and I call her at 6 to find out if I need to cook, pick something up, or I'm on my own for dinner. Son answers her phone. I ask him to put mom on. I can hear her tell him she's busy and will call later. I tell him to give her the phone now. She finally gets on the phone and before I can say anything says "I'm at dinner with friends, and can't talk now. "  hands phone back to kid.  Have to have kid ask her the question.

 

 

Damn, you got one for everyday of the week?

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

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Ok, syrup wife must be hot because she’s crazy. My wife can’t stand seafood (loves to fish/scallop). Can’t stand the smell. She knows the UF/LSU game is full Cajun food and sucks it up.

The phone thing she used to do (along with two kids in VB on two teams each) so every night requires a lot of planning. She’d be on with her sister or mom. She knows if I call her, it’s important since I don’t call her to chat.

There are no girls nights out, that belongs in the stupid shit husbands allow thread.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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GotThatFire

GotThatFire 166

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23 hours ago, blacklab said:

Tuesday wife comes home at 5 on the phone, I cook dinner, it's ready at 6, I tell her, she keeps talking till 6:15 and finally comes to table.

Next night she's out with her friends and the kids and I call her at 6 to find out if I need to cook, pick something up, or I'm on my own for dinner. Son answers her phone. I ask him to put mom on. I can hear her tell him she's busy and will call later. I tell him to give her the phone now. She finally gets on the phone and before I can say anything says "I'm at dinner with friends, and can't talk now. "  hands phone back to kid.  Have to have kid ask her the question.

 

Oh hell naw

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Posted (edited)
On 3/23/2019 at 2:05 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

Take it to the wives and the inconsiderate or vindictive shit they do thread. 

I would most definitely point these actions out to my wife and tell her I expect the same respect she gives her friend, or there will be consequences and repercussions. 

I’m going to have to try this one. So, I just tell her what she did wrong and that there will be consequences and repercussions next time it happens? Just for clarification, do I swat her on the nose with the newspaper before or after telling her this? Or is time out a better practice?

Edited by Brew
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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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39 minutes ago, Brew said:

I’m going to have to try this one. So, I just tell her what she did wrong and that there will be consequences and repercussions next time it happens? Just for clarification, do I swat her on the nose with the newspaper before or after telling her this? Or is time out a better practice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2jAwiq6YsE

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9398

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 3/23/2019 at 5:33 AM, PilotsError said:

Your back to back posts say what would do, and then show what you actually do and put up with.

 

On 3/23/2019 at 6:47 AM, tbone_ said:

Yea you are that guy. Good luck.

   It was her mom on the phone. You never get between a woman and her mom. Especially when those parents have quite a bit of disposable income. Might as well pack up half your shit now. The sign out front shoulda told you.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9398

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On 3/23/2019 at 9:37 PM, Kennythetiger said:

Ah man, you might want to reconsider the girls' nights out- mine coming home with a buzz usually ends well for me...!

 

On 3/23/2019 at 10:40 PM, ABSR said:

The lesser known happy ending.

Either one will do fine.....

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12645

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Posted
On 3/23/2019 at 8:51 PM, Flg8rfan said:

Ok, syrup wife must be hot because she’s crazy. My wife can’t stand seafood (loves to fish/scallop). Can’t stand the smell. She knows the UF/LSU game is full Cajun food and sucks it up.

The phone thing she used to do (along with two kids in VB on two teams each) so every night requires a lot of planning. She’d be on with her sister or mom. She knows if I call her, it’s important since I don’t call her to chat.

There are no girls nights out, that belongs in the stupid shit husbands allow thread.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

This is a guy who's well versed in the historic application of the "rule of thumb".

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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19465

Posted
Posted
On 3/22/2019 at 4:21 PM, ulukinatme said:

Keep in mind this was a glitter squishy ball, with some glue-like substance that was inside the ball.  It was not as simple as just vacuuming it up or using a lint roller, and the shit was everywhere.

It's a shame you only have one set of sheets and bed covers.

Change your shit and make the woman clean / wash everything the next day.  Which by the way, you said she got called into work, but you were still cleaning at 4 AM.  She work at the titter?

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ImissWallyPryor

ImissWallyPryor 9046

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Posted
On 3/16/2019 at 12:21 PM, Brisketexan said:

My wife is very smart. Three degrees. Better read than I am. A cutting edge theologian.

But Goddamit, she has one grammar foible that drives me NUTS.

“So, I was talking to Jane Smith the other day - remember, I married SHE and her husband.”

Finally, today, I cracked. “No. You married HER and her husband. She is the object of the sentence, so it’s “her.””

Tone.

Sorry. I couldn’t take it anymore.

Pronoun confusion drives my wife and I nuts. 

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