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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

We were at Academy last night and my wife saw the yeti ice packs right next to the cheap igloo ones and was convinced that the yeti ones had to be much better because they were so expensive.

Didn't the Indian Army just find proof that Yeti is more effective?

Evidence, people, evidence.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9655

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, AM Wood said:

a stainless one (which is what they are supposed to drink and eat out of) costs $6 at the walmarts.

 

this is the best thread in the whole internets.

They are?

Mine eats out of a castoff Tupperware container and drinks out of the toilet.  Dog, not wife...

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19375

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Posted
1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
2 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:
Bout tree fiddy?

Just looked..50 bucks. But it comes in array of colors thatll match the theme of their house

so, she can get an Easter/spring color one, a Memorial Day/ 4th of July one, a fall one, Halloween one,  Christmas, Valentines Day, and a regular one ...

tree fiddy  

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

They are?

Mine eats out of a castoff Tupperware container and drinks out of the toilet.  Dog, not wife...

some plastics give them acne on their chin. the dog.... and maybe the wife.

 

5203378f75a73d22d847d7787892c027.jpg

 

Optimized-2014081795194811-e141151215477

Edited by AM Wood
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Mudcat35

Mudcat35 196

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I evidently have a magic phone in my car.  

Yesterday, the wife and I were driving back to Austin.  We were in separate cars.  While driving, she calls me from her car and tells me "I left my phone back at the house".  No, you didn't, because the car uses the cell phone.  The car is just the interface, the phone is the phone.  I *think* I got her to believe me, but I'm still not sure.

In any case, the phone was in her purse.

 

SMDH.

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2622

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11 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

I evidently have a magic phone in my car.  

Yesterday, the wife and I were driving back to Austin.  We were in separate cars.  While driving, she calls me from her car and tells me "I left my phone back at the house".  No, you didn't, because the car uses the cell phone.  The car is just the interface, the phone is the phone.  I *think* I got her to believe me, but I'm still not sure.

In any case, the phone was in her purse.

 

SMDH.

quality

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26443

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23 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

I evidently have a magic phone in my car.  

Yesterday, the wife and I were driving back to Austin.  We were in separate cars.  While driving, she calls me from her car and tells me "I left my phone back at the house".  No, you didn't, because the car uses the cell phone.  The car is just the interface, the phone is the phone.  I *think* I got her to believe me, but I'm still not sure.

In any case, the phone was in her purse.

 

SMDH.

200.gif

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EE2B

EE2B 1569

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Posted

That’s similar to them misplacing key fobs all the damn time. Every time she’s looking for one the first thing I do is go out and see if the car will crank. 100% of the time it has. I walk back in and tell her I’ve narrowed down her search area.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18132

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49 minutes ago, EE2B said:

That’s similar to them misplacing key fobs all the damn time. Every time she’s looking for one the first thing I do is go out and see if the car will crank. 100% of the time it has. I walk back in and tell her I’ve narrowed down her search area.

Next time you need to parlay your "help" into some special benefits.

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blacklab

blacklab 12068

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Posted
1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

women&math.gif

even my 8 yo knows this

8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago
8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago, why to you keep arguing with me?
8yo: because you're bad at math

I couldn't stop laughing and my wife was not amused.

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Nivek

Nivek 17424

Posted
Posted
That’s similar to them misplacing key fobs all the damn time. Every time she’s looking for one the first thing I do is go out and see if the car will crank. 100% of the time it has. I walk back in and tell her I’ve narrowed down her search area.

I got those little Tiles mostly because of her. I used to think she liked my keys more because there were only 2 keys and a fob on each set, whereas hers looks like a janitors. Then I started finding all 3 sets in her purse.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55888

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We just moved into a new house with hardwood floors, and if you've seen my posts in the dog thread, you can guess what they look like.  

So I bought us a roomba thingy and it arrived today.  I unpacked it and put it on the charger, and it was ready to go about the time my wife came home from work.  

So I started it up and let it go, and with her watching me, picked up all the little stuff that was in its way.  After a while, she picked it up and moved it into the bedroom.  

I walked in there later, and there are shoes and clothes all over the floor, and she's sitting on the bed reading her laptop, which has all sorts of cords dangling down on the floor.  

I picked up the shoes and clothes and said, "You know, this won't work well if there's shit for it to run into," hoping she'd get the hint. 

Narrator: she didn't.

A couple of minutes later, she asks me where the screwdrivers are.  It had run over the earbuds that were dangling down from the computer and gotten tangled up in them.  

Took her 20 minutes of actual use to fuck this thing up.  

 

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Brew

Brew 3050

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On 5/3/2019 at 2:26 PM, CycleTex87 said:

women&math.gif

I basically have a math major and my career is built around math. I ended up with two daughters. I hate nights when they have math homework, because they are really smart kids except for that one specific area. Between math and boys, high school is going to be quite an enjoyable time in my life I feel.

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Modessit

Modessit 5667

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At Mexican restaurant:

 

Her: I wonder if the flautas are made with flour or corn tortillas.

 

Me: I'm pretty sure they're made with corn.

 

(Waiter shows up)

 

Her: Are the flautas made with flour or corn tortillas?

 

Waiter: Corn.

 

Her: Okay, then I'll have the cheese enchiladas instead.

 

(I don't say anything.)

 

(Later she comments that the cheese enchiladas are really good.)

 

Me: Why didn't you get the flautas?

 

Her: Because I didn't want corn tortillas.

 

Me: You DO realize that those cheese enchiladas are made with corn tortillas also, right?

 

Her: ..........

 

 

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 12057

Posted
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15 minutes ago, Modessit said:

At Mexican restaurant:

 

lemme guess you go to  a fancy restaurant and she sees the Soup Du Jour, and asks whats that... and the response of "Soup of the Day" comes back and she says, that sounds good, I'll have that?

(yes, its a dumb & dumber ref)

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Wiler77

Wiler77 1630

Posted
Posted
On 5/3/2019 at 3:52 PM, blacklab said:

even my 8 yo knows this

8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago
8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago, why to you keep arguing with me?
8yo: because you're bad at math

I couldn't stop laughing and my wife was not amused.

Well what was the right answer? 

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