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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17555

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Im not married or have a gf bit i do work with a lot of dumb shit females so its time for me to contribute.

For example;

Server goes down and we send a notice out explaining no ETR, and to please be patient.

DSF calls me:  when can I access the server again?

Me: we sent a notice out, maybe you didnt get it. Ill send it again.

DSF: i just need to know when it works again.

Me: as stated in the email we dont know yet.

DSF: thats not what im asking. whe..

Me: "click"

If that's me. I don't hang up.  I keep talking to the DSF purely for the lulz.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
Im not married or have a gf bit i do work with a lot of dumb shit females so its time for me to contribute.
For example;
Server goes down and we send a notice out explaining no ETR, and to please be patient.
DSF calls me:  when can I access the server again?
Me: we sent a notice out, maybe you didnt get it. Ill send it again.
DSF: i just need to know when it works again.
Me: as stated in the email we dont know yet.
DSF: thats not what im asking. whe..
Me: "click"

I had an area manager come into my office one time and say her computer was locked up and asked if I could take a peek at it. Having been away from the desktop support side of IT for a while I told her I’d take a peek (she was good looking), but most likely she’d need to wait for a Tier 2 guy to come in.

Her computer was at the ‘Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to logon’ screen.

Her: please tell me this has happened before

Me: shakes head as walking out door
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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28781

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Flg8rfan said:


I had an area manager come into my office one time and say her computer was locked up and asked if I could take a peek at it. Having been away from the desktop support side of IT for a while I told her I’d take a peek (she was good looking), but most likely she’d need to wait for a Tier 2 guy to come in.

Her computer was at the ‘Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to logon’ screen.

Her: please tell me this has happened before

Me: shakes head as walking out door

Dumbass, she wanted you to bang her and you blew it. 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:


I had an area manager come into my office one time and say her computer was locked up and asked if I could take a peek at it. Having been away from the desktop support side of IT for a while I told her I’d take a peek (she was good looking), but most likely she’d need to wait for a Tier 2 guy to come in.

Her computer was at the ‘Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to logon’ screen.

Her: please tell me this has happened before

Me: shakes head as walking out door

She wanted you to see the "Office Boy nails Female Boss" pron that was on the other side of the locked screen.  Way to go

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Modessit

Modessit 5601

Posted
Posted

I once drove 25 miles on a New Years Eve to "fix" a pinball machine that wouldn't start because the lady had a party that started in 2 hours. I got there, walked up, pushed the start button and it started a game.

Her: What did you do?

Me: I pushed the start button. (Pointing at the start button.)

Her: Oh, THAT'S the start button!

She'd been pushing the coin return. And the worst part is that it was a warranty call.

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5811

Posted
Posted

Last two mornings the gf has been complaining of stomach issues.  No issues with me.  I made salad with dinner tonight.  She passed on the salad.

Gf:  The only things I had in common to eat the last two nights were green lettuce and white wine.  One of those is the issue.

Me:  If those items were the cause, I would have had issues too.  So I guess I toss out the lettuce then if you aren’t going to eat it.  You drinking the wine?

Gf: No.

Me:  Then eat the salad and you’ll know if that is the issue.

Gf:  I’m not eating that lettuce.

Me:  OK, I'll pour the wine out too.

Gf:  Don’t be an asshole.

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ztejas

ztejas 43425

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, Modessit said:

I once drove 25 miles on a New Years Eve to "fix" a pinball machine that wouldn't start because the lady had a party that started in 2 hours. I got there, walked up, pushed the start button and it started a game.

Her: What did you do?

Me: I pushed the start button. (Pointing at the start button.)

Her: Oh, THAT'S the start button!

She'd been pushing the coin return. And the worst part is that it was a warranty call.

Surprised you made it out alive. 

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
Posted
On 5/15/2019 at 6:42 AM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

how long do internet ads keep your info? I still see ads for yeti dog bowls when I looked up the prices and that had to be over a month ago. 

Typically either 14 or 30 days but it depends.  That cycle will start over if you interact with the ad in any way.  It also keeps going if you interact with similar products like a dog leash ad or website in this case.

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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19190

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:

That ain't happening.  Medically umpossible.

Guy I worked with got the snip 20+ years ago.  He had a mid-life crisis and married a young hottie when he was in his mid 50's.

She got knocked up when he was 60+... and yes he did the DNA test thing to make sure it was his (it is).

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DallasHorn26

DallasHorn26 586

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Guy I worked with got the snip 20+ years ago.  He had a mid-life crisis and married a young hottie when he was in his mid 50's.

She got knocked up when he was 60+... and yes he did the DNA test thing to make sure it was his (it is).

My aunt and uncle had 2 kids, she got her tubes tied.  A few years later, they had baby number 3 and 4.  He got snipped..a few years later..baby number 5, and yes was his.  

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18820

Posted
Posted

worked with a guy who had 4 sons and then got snipped. wife wanted another baby a few years later so he got a reversal. he was walking around like he's been hit by a truck for weeks, said it was awful.

found out after a few months of trying with no luck that her factory had shut down 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

worked with a guy who had 4 sons and then got snipped. wife wanted another baby a few years later so he got a reversal. he was walking around like he's been hit by a truck for weeks, said it was awful.

found out after a few months of trying with no luck that her factory had shut down 

that 70s show lol GIF by IFC

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

Posted
Posted

Buddy of mine from college had three boys. Wife still wanted a girl and so they adopted from China. 

Shortly thereafter he sent an email out to our roommate group: "Now that we have our daughter, I'm going in today to talk to the urologist about getting snipped. Wish me luck."

About two months later he sends out an email and says, "Anna and I are expecting again."

The obvious response was, "What about the vasectomy?"

And his answer was, "This happened in-between going the first time to talk about it and going the second time to actually do it."

It was a girl.

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Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1767

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Buddy of mine from college had three boys. Wife still wanted a girl and so they adopted from China. 

Shortly thereafter he sent an email out to our roommate group: "Now that we have our daughter, I'm going in today to talk to the urologist about getting snipped. Wish me luck."

About two months later he sends out an email and says, "Anna and I are expecting again."

The obvious response was, "What about the vasectomy?"

And his answer was, "This happened in-between going the first time to talk about it and going the second time to actually do it."

It was a girl.

What's the return policy?

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ztejas

ztejas 43425

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Buddy of mine from college had three boys. Wife still wanted a girl and so they adopted from China. 

Could have stopped your comment here and it would have been a perfect contribution to the thread. 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1813

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Buddy of mine from college had three boys. Wife still wanted a girl and so they adopted from China. 

Shortly thereafter he sent an email out to our roommate group: "Now that we have our daughter, I'm going in today to talk to the urologist about getting snipped. Wish me luck."

About two months later he sends out an email and says, "Anna and I are expecting again."

The obvious response was, "What about the vasectomy?"

And his answer was, "This happened in-between going the first time to talk about it and going the second time to actually do it."

It was a girl.

What did they do with the China one? Return to sender, or drop off at a farm?

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