Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Armybrat 41,328]

37 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Maybe it would be a good idea to remind her of the environmental impact of her product and that she should expect it to be banned like plastic bags and straws. 

And how all her plastic is going to wind up floating around in the ocean choking the life out of those cute little baby seals.

[El Diablo 4,232]

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

In this case, yes. But I'm pretty sure you don't want to be reusing some old man's catheter. 

Can you fit a Roofie thru a catheter? Asking for a friend. 

[txhorns 2,421]

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Is she planning to make them out of plastic? Because inventing a single-use disposable plastic product seems about as smart as investing in print media. 

I do digital marketing, specifically Google and Facebook, for a living.  I was talking to a law firm who is doing over $4k a month in print marketing.  I had 4 attorneys in the meeting, only 1 was a woman and she is married.  In my presentation I talked about my close partnership with both Google and Facebook and showed  how what I am doing is helping some of the biggest name attorneys in Texas.  At the end of my presentation the three male attorneys were ready to go with my suggestions.  The female attorney was vehemently against it because "we've always done print and we need something that we can physically show our clients.  We also don't know if online ads would work."

[WhatTheBuck 28,904]

Dear Lord.  

[mulletpelini 5,220]

Edited June 12, 2019 by mulletpelini

[Modessit 5,665]

Is she planning to make them out of plastic? Because inventing a single-use disposable plastic product seems about as smart as investing in print media. 

She should make them out of fruit roll -ups so that they can be eaten when they're done with the drink.

[Pato del Muerto 53,340]

40 minutes ago, Modessit said:

3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Is she planning to make them out of plastic? Because inventing a single-use disposable plastic product seems about as smart as investing in print media. 

She should make them out of fruit roll -ups so that they can be eaten when they're done with the drink.

What’s to make? Just use one. They make for good dental dams too. 

[mulletpelini 5,220]

see the part that makes me sad is that she could make something that would actually help mankind.....

like a sensor that detects red lights coming up ahead and flashes a display on the windshield that says "you can stop accelerating now."

or underwear that filters farts

Edited June 12, 2019 by mulletpelini

[elfenix 34,661]

37 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

like a sensor that detects red lights coming up ahead and flashes a display on the windshield that says "you can stop accelerating now."

[Upgrayedd 5,861]

1 hour ago, mulletpelini said:

see the part that makes me sad is that she could make something that would actually help mankind.....

like a sensor that detects red lights coming up ahead and flashes a display on the windshield that says "you can stop accelerating now."

Like the Walk indicators that have a countdown?

[BearMace 2,243]

Or fucking eyeballs.

[drifter379 1,116]

see the part that makes me sad is that she could make something that would actually help mankind.....

like a sensor that detects red lights coming up ahead and flashes a display on the windshield that says "you can stop accelerating now."

or underwear that filters farts

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.boomsbeat.com/amp/articles/169509/20161111/top-5-best-charcoal-underwear-for-flatulence-for-sale-2016.htm

 

Top 5 Best charcoal underwear for flatulence for sale 2016

 

[El Diablo 4,232]

Coal fired underpants are an environmental nightmare. How do you dispose of them?

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

11 hours ago, txhorns said:

We also don't know if online ads would work

"Dammit we are fucked!"

-99.9% of the Internets

[luke duke 6,447]

Coal fired underpants are an environmental nightmare. How do you dispose of them?

Put them in the Groker.

[JimmyHoffa 1,188]

9 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Like the Walk indicators that have a countdown?

 

No, he said to slow down. Those are so you know to speed up. 

[Nolacycling 893]

On 6/4/2019 at 8:45 AM, Trey3216 said:

Sunday Morning, 11:30am

Me:  Hey babe, I gotta run to Home Depot to see if they have this thing.

Wife:  I wanna go too!   (still laying in bed, which means at least 30 minutes of waiting before departure)  I saw this thing on Pinterest.. 

Me: {Rolls eyes, stops listening}  

How was the garden dept?

[Nolacycling 893]

Totally withdraw, remand, and redact the above statement. As soon as I wrote it, I went straight  there. And it's garden Center. 

Flowers are nice.

[Trey3216 15,450]

1 hour ago, Nolacycling said:

How was the garden dept?

Disappointingly low on yoga pant MILFs

[mulletpelini 5,220]

9 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Totally withdraw, remand, and redact the above statement. As soon as I wrote it, I went straight  there. And it's garden Center. 

Flowers are nice.

[KeysPhoneWallet 807]

My wife won’t watch the game with me. I’m sick of her shit.

[4th and 5 4,997]

On 6/6/2019 at 9:16 AM, luke duke said:

 

As someone in the comments stated, everyone from Utah is a blond, white, Mormon with a degree from BYU. So in order to distinguish themselves they give their kids dumb names that are derived by taking a syllable from 3 normal names and mashing them together.

 

Sounds kind of.....blek?

[lateshow 1,319]

12 hours ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

My wife won’t watch the game with me. I’m sick of her shit.

Why do you want her to? 

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

12 hours ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

My wife won’t watch the game with me. I’m sick of her shit.

So she can ask stupid questions while she's crushing candy?

Jesus, dude. Enjoy the peace and quiet.

[WhatTheBuck 28,904]

12 hours ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

My wife won’t watch the game with me. I’m sick of her shit.

Defeated!

[williemackgarza 1,826]

My wife won’t watch the game with me. I’m sick of her shit.

Stupid shit husbands say?

[KeysPhoneWallet 807]

She understands b-ball well and it is much better when she is into it.

[NeverMarryAStripper 22,242]

1 hour ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

it is much better when she is into it.

Yeah, it’s not much fun if you have to chloroform them

[shakahorn 1,655]

1 hour ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

She understands b-ball well and it is much better when she is into it.

She knows your username, huh?

[WhatTheBuck 28,904]

22 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Yeah, it’s not much fun if you have to chloroform them

But it's better than nothing. 

[Jerry Callo 8,954]

11 hours ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

She understands b-ball well and it is much better when she is into it.

There are lots of things that are better when she is into it.

[huge 3,825]

11 hours ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

She understands b-ball well and it is much better when she is into it.

What basketball game are you talking about?  NBA Finals?

[txhorns 2,421]

My wife was freaking out today because her phone wasn't working.  Even walked down the street to borrow her friends phone to call me 7 straight times while I'm in a meeting.  I excused myself from the meeting and answered.  Told her I would look at it tonight when I got home.  I got home and she has supposedly tried everything to get it to work, well except for plugging the charger into the wall.

[mulletpelini 5,220]

You should get her a cordless phone.

[ztejas 44,114]

On 6/16/2019 at 9:25 PM, KeysPhoneWallet said:

She understands b-ball well and it is much better when she is into it.

Oh she was into some balls last night. 

[TonyTexas 10,685]

Who's wife is this?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

Who's wife is this?

Mother of god...

[Par4 149]

23 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

30 minutes ago, TonyTexas said:

Who's wife is this?

Mother of god...

Problem solver right there. 

 

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

1 hour ago, TonyTexas said:

Who's wife is this?

All our wives.

[elfenix 34,661]

Who's wife is this?

This is why New Jerseyans aren't allowed to pump their own gas

[DCA_HORN 725]

Yeah I'm guessing this is in the philly burbs.

[Trey3216 15,450]

3 hours ago, TonyTexas said:

Who's wife is this?

At Wawa...

 

[Js1 86,953]

1 hour ago, elfenix said:

3 hours ago, TonyTexas said:

Who's wife is this?

This is why New Jerseyans aren't allowed to pump their own gas

Idk it screams Florida to me. 

[Trey3216 15,450]

54 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Idk it screams Florida to me. 

Looks Marylandish to me.

 

If not, it's right before you get to Seaside Heights/Park on the mainland side.  

Edited June 19, 2019 by Trey3216

[elfenix 34,661]

Wawa is Philly/New Jersey. Decent cheap sandwiches in their stores too.

[Trey3216 15,450]

Just now, elfenix said:

Wawa is Philly/New Jersey. Decent cheap sandwiches in their stores too.

They've expanded 

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

31 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

They've expanded 

Most wives do after marriage.

[mulletpelini 5,220]

Wawa was Helen Kellers company correct?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

Does Maryland have a no front license plate law?

[burntorangebongos 10,809]

On 6/17/2019 at 9:09 PM, txhorns said:

My wife was freaking out today because her phone wasn't working.  Even walked down the street to borrow her friends phone to call me 7 straight times while I'm in a meeting.  I excused myself from the meeting and answered.  Told her I would look at it tonight when I got home.  I got home and she has supposedly tried everything to get it to work, well except for plugging the charger into the wall.

The dumb is strong to quite skrong in this one.