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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, elfenix said:

Wawa is Philly/New Jersey. Decent cheap sandwiches in their stores too.

They are all over Florida too, expanded for where there clientele spends the winters. Just for the record I have seen people backed up like that when the pumps are full and someone on one of the front ones is hanging over too much so you can’t quite get to it. Not saying that’s the case here though since there is a female involved.

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8791

Posted
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5 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

Confused fridge and Ruby ridge?

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4th and 5

4th and 5 4914

Posted
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9 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

She's been talking to me, must have got us confused cuz she always asks me to bring my 9

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fuggled

fuggled 576

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On Thursday my wife tried to mow our backyard ( A for effort). She got halfway through and said the mower stopped. As a fix, she added oil to it. "Why?" I asked. "I dunno." She still couldn't start it.

Fast forward to today (Saturday). I pull the mower out and check the oil. It's several inches above the fill line. I show her.

Her: Oh, I get it. Sorry. By the way, that small red jug next to the big gas tank is the oil that's supposed to go in the mower, right?
Me: That's the gas for the leaf blower...FML.
Her: Well, maybe you should label it.
Me (showing the small red gas tank to my 8 year old daughter: What's that say, sweetie?
Daughter: gas-o-line

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8804

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27 minutes ago, fuggled said:

On Thursday my wife tried to mow our backyard ( A for effort). She got halfway through and said the mower stopped. As a fix, she added oil to it. "Why?" I asked. "I dunno." She still couldn't start it.

Fast forward to today (Saturday). I pull the mower out and check the oil. It's several inches above the fill line. I show her.

Her: Oh, I get it. Sorry. By the way, that small red jug next to the big gas tank is the oil that's supposed to go in the mower, right?
Me: That's the gas for the leaf blower...FML.
Her: Well, maybe you should label it.
Me (showing the small red gas tank to my 8 year old daughter: What's that say, sweetie?
Daughter: gas-o-line

Reaction GIF: stare, afraid, Chris Pratt

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21784

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3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Hot wives don’t mow back yards. 

They might mow a front yard if there’s enough traffic or sexy neighbors to see them in short shorts and a sports bra. 

When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.

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markstanco

markstanco 12532

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When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.
My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.
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52-80

52-80 19123

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Wife can't deal with work emails like normal human beings, even completely innocuous ones; they require the perfect time and headspace to be dealt with.

 

Like if something pops up on her phone and we gotta go somewhere -- "ohhhhh we can't leave for another 30 minutes I have to reply to this email"

"why, what's it about?"

"someone asked if I'm available for a meeting on Wednesday...."

 

Uhh...your answer to that is either Yes, No, or propose another time.  Why does it take 30 fucking minutes to think through?

 

 

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EE2B

EE2B 1561

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My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

I won’t have to drive by. I’ll just hack your cameras the way I did your Netflix account.
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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Wife can't deal with work emails like normal human beings, even completely innocuous ones; they require the perfect time and headspace to be dealt with.

 

Like if something pops up on her phone and we gotta go somewhere -- "ohhhhh we can't leave for another 30 minutes I have to reply to this email"

"why, what's it about?"

"someone asked if I'm available for a meeting on Wednesday...."

 

Uhh...your answer to that is either Yes, No, or propose another time.  Why does it take 30 fucking minutes to think through?

 

 

i hate my job bored at work GIF

On days your wife gets 10 or more work emails.^

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52375

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She came home yesterday with two 5 gallon redbud trees that we weren’t looking for and don’t need, because they were marked down to $10. They require afternoon shade, which we can’t really give them, so they likely will die within a year. 

Im about to go out and dig 2 holes for the trees but maybe if I also dig a grave sized hole her decision making may become more conservative. 

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

Posted
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19 hours ago, markstanco said:

My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

You're telling us she uses a razor to shave her pubes in a landing strip, aren't you?

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Posted
1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Use your imagination. She's the hottest 47 year old you know. Still can sport a 2 piece like she is 28.

Since you apparently suck at this, maybe EE2B will remember his camera next time.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5210

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10 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

She came home yesterday with two 5 gallon redbud trees that we weren’t looking for and don’t need, because they were marked down to $10. They require afternoon shade, which we can’t really give them, so they likely will die within a year. 

Im about to go out and dig 2 holes for the trees but maybe if I also dig a grave sized hole her decision making may become more conservative. 

Sam's amirite

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Steel Shank

Steel Shank 9416

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HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8804

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HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.
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Steel Shank

Steel Shank 9416

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11 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
31 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Read more  

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

I see that you're a "glass is half-full" kinda guy. I dig that outlook!

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ABSR

ABSR 5289

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Posted
28 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
48 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Read more  

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

Actually 1 and 2.

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gyroprotagonist

gyroprotagonist 2591

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Posted
57 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

south-park-s07e14c11-butters-break-up-16

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HenryJames

HenryJames 65917

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Posted
57 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

More like Lexus Drag amirite.

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