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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Doze

Doze 1323

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7 hours ago, blacklab said:

wife: i can't stand some of my friends, all they want to do is talk shit about other people

me: uh huh

wife then spends the next 20 minutes talking shit about other people

 

Have you pointed out the obvious fact that they talk shit on her too?

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52-80

52-80 19374

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On 6/30/2019 at 8:27 AM, NorthLoop said:

The best part is when they're talking shit about one for doing something that they themselves do... and you reallly wanna say "yeah but you do that too" ... but then you remember this thread. 

ohhhh man.  but mine actually had a moment of actualization yesterday.

 

last week she told me how about this work guy was lamenting that his wife never gets out of the house - that he's moved here for 1 year and barely been able to explore the place.

this weekend i hung out with him and he repeated to me the exact same stories. 

 

at home i told her "yeah i pity xxx, hes telling me such and such about his wife for being a homebody"

"you think the same way about me dont you?"

"no comment".

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

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Posted (edited)
On 6/30/2019 at 1:14 AM, blacklab said:

wife: i can't stand some of my friends, all they want to do is talk shit about other people

me: uh huh

wife then spends the next 20 minutes talking shit about other people

 

My wife does this except it's with her own damn friends.

Worse yet the "I can't believe so and so takes things so personal"

Then spends 20 minutes on why she doesn't let that type of thing bother her........

Edited by JimmyHoffa
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19293

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Watching a fireworks display the other night:

W- that plane over there stopped. It's probably because of the fireworks 

D- ???

W- Right there,  see the green lights...it was moving,  and now it stopped

D- it's a drone

W- ???

D- planes don't 'stop' 

W- tone

(Last year she showed me the video they posted from a drone of the fireworks)

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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 15117

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Got up early to throw some beef ribs on, and then ran to the store for coffee and stuff for later today. I walk back in the house with bags of groceries on each arm and she’s sitting in the kitchen:

“You went to the grocery store?”

“Yes...”

“Was it open?”

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18036

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24 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Got up early to throw some beef ribs on, and then ran to the store for coffee and stuff for later today. I walk back in the house with bags of groceries on each arm and she’s sitting in the kitchen:

“You went to the grocery store?”

“Yes...”

“Was it open?”

How big are her tits?

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drifter379

drifter379 1116

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Got up early to throw some beef ribs on, and then ran to the store for coffee and stuff for later today. I walk back in the house with bags of groceries on each arm and she’s sitting in the kitchen:

“You went to the grocery store?”

“Yes...”

“Was it open?”

That’s a legit question from an obvious shag/surly member.
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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5861

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Watching Apollo 11 with the UGa educated Gf and I mentioned the subsequent missions . . . 

Gf: “Wait, we went there again?  I thought it was only that one time.”

Me:  “SEC. SEC. SEC”

 

Now, not only is this colossally stupid, but we have had this exact same conversation before.  I even think I posted such on TOS.

 

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Modessit

Modessit 5665

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Watching Apollo 11 with the UGa educated Gf and I mentioned the subsequent missions . . . 
Gf: “Wait, we went there again?  I thought it was only that one time.”
Me:  “SEC. SEC. SEC”
 
Now, not only is this colossally stupid, but we have had this exact same conversation before.  I even think I posted such on TOS.
 
This would have been funnier if y'all had watched Apollo 13 within the past month.
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4485

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My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8452

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42 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

I've never seen a picture of a giraffe in a chair.  Please share!

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53338

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5 hours ago, Modessit said:
8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:
Watching Apollo 11 with the UGa educated Gf and I mentioned the subsequent missions . . . 
Gf: “Wait, we went there again?  I thought it was only that one time.”
Me:  “SEC. SEC. SEC”
 
Now, not only is this colossally stupid, but we have had this exact same conversation before.  I even think I posted such on TOS.
 

Read more  

This would have been funnier if y'all had watched Apollo 13 within the past month.

13 didn’t get to the moon smartass 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9585

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2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

That’s a lot of acronyms. 

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elfenix

elfenix 34661

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My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....
 
So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?
 


I assume you didn't need a metal detector to find any of this stuff
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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53338

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20 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

I look forward to the day that you eventually post about selling this crap, followed by a post by Mitch that it’s all at his house now. 

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Sandman

Sandman 3427

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Wife comes out of the bedroom while brushing her teeth, proceeds to ask me a question with the toothbrush still in her mouth. "Gtrhu urth qwith thaiu?". After I said "What?", she rolled her eyes, as if I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck she was trying to say. 

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5861

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3 minutes ago, Sandman said:

Wife comes out of the bedroom while brushing her teeth, proceeds to ask me a question with the toothbrush still in her mouth. "Gtrhu urth qwith thaiu?". After I said "What?", she rolled her eyes, as if I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck she was trying to say. 

Gf does this.  My reply is always "You want anal?  SureI"

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 9057

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9 hours ago, Sandman said:

Wife comes out of the bedroom while brushing her teeth, proceeds to ask me a question with the toothbrush still in her mouth. "Gtrhu urth qwith thaiu?". After I said "What?", she rolled her eyes, as if I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck she was trying to say. 

Sorry, man. I've tried to tell her that when she has something long and hard swirling in her mouth, she needs to keep quiet. Unfortunately, she hasn't learned. Yet.

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ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

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Last two days I've spent 8+ hours outside doing shit.  Lawn, trim, weeding, tractor stuff, changing oil, etc.  Have also done my fair share of inside chores.  Dishes, laundry (shut up), bed, swept, etc.

Today I come inside and see a towel sitting on the living room carpet.

M - "What's this?"

W - "Oh, I spilled my drink."

M - "Was it just water?"

W - "No, it was Pepsi."

M - "Did you put any carpet stuff on it?"

W - "no."

M - goes and gets carpet stuff, lays it on dining room chair where she and daughter were sitting.  Carry on.

FFW a couple hours. I've been relaxing for some time because, well, I earned it.

M - "Did you happen to put any stuff on that?"

W - "No.  I mean, you could have done it! I'd love to just sit here and do nothing."

M - "Um..."

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8954

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10 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Last two days I've spent 8+ hours outside doing shit.  Lawn, trim, weeding, tractor stuff, changing oil, etc.  Have also done my fair share of inside chores.  Dishes, laundry (shut up), bed, swept, etc.

Today I come inside and see a towel sitting on the living room carpet.

M - "What's this?"

W - "Oh, I spilled my drink."

M - "Was it just water?"

W - "No, it was Pepsi."

M - "Did you put any carpet stuff on it?"

W - "no."

M - goes and gets carpet stuff, lays it on dining room chair where she and daughter were sitting.  Carry on.

FFW a couple hours. I've been relaxing for some time because, well, I earned it.

M - "Did you happen to put any stuff on that?"

W - "No.  I mean, you could have done it! I'd love to just sit here and do nothing."

M - "Um..."

Gotta rub her nose in it.  Only way to curb that behavior.

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