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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15450

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

So EB, if you’re doing all the yard and house work, exactly what is left for her part?

In his mind, it was lying on her back for 1-3 minutes.  In reality, it will be sitting on the couch and watching the Kardashians.  

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Posted
Posted
On 7/6/2019 at 12:23 AM, Modessit said:
On 7/5/2019 at 6:21 PM, Pato del Muerto said:
13 didn’t get to the moon smartass 

But they went there. They just didn't land.

That's like saying you've been to Vegas because you drove down the strip.

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HenryJames

HenryJames 67125

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Last two days I've spent 8+ hours outside doing shit.  Lawn, trim, weeding, tractor stuff, changing oil, etc.  Have also done my fair share of inside chores.  Dishes, laundry (shut up), bed, swept, etc.

Today I come inside and see a towel sitting on the living room carpet.

M - "What's this?"

W - "Oh, I spilled my drink."

M - "Was it just water?"

W - "No, it was Pepsi."

M - "Did you put any carpet stuff on it?"

W - "no."

M - goes and gets carpet stuff, lays it on dining room chair where she and daughter were sitting.  Carry on.

FFW a couple hours. I've been relaxing for some time because, well, I earned it.

M - "Did you happen to put any stuff on that?"

W - "No.  I mean, you could have done it! I'd love to just sit here and do nothing."

M - "Um..."

Worst thing about that is she drinks Pepsi.

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52-80

52-80 19373

Posted
Posted (edited)

when it comes to trivial domestic shit like mowing the lawn, her deadline for having done all that shit is yesterday

as in, "hey, can you mow the lawn by.... yesterday"

 

when it comes to major decisions like vacation planning, renovating the house, considering a new job that involves actually fucking moving, her deadline is.... whenever's convenient.  [=actually never]

such as, "oh i cant think about that stuff, its such a headache now, can you just let me watch 3 episodes of vampire diaries first to decompress (until its midnight and i complain its too late to think about that stuff)"

Edited by 52-80
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After irth

After irth 1245

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, 52-80 said:

when it comes to trivial domestic shit like mowing the lawn, her deadline for having done all that shit is yesterday

as in, "hey, can you mow the lawn by.... yesterday"

 

when it comes to major decisions like vacation planning, renovating the house, considering a new job that involves actually fucking moving, her deadline is.... whenever's convenient.  [=actually never]

such as, "oh i cant think about that stuff, its such a headache now, can you just let me watch 3 episodes of vampire diaries first to decompress (until its midnight and i complain its too late to think about that stuff)"

Makes me shudder to consider the depths of her passive-aggressive ssues...

Edited by After irth
Stupid fucking keyboard
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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted

There is nothing that gets my blood boiling more than my wife doing things in the morning that she doesn't need to do that will make her "late" for work that I or my sons could have done and somehow it becomes my fault she is now behind in getting ready for work. 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26439

Posted
Posted
34 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

There is nothing that gets my blood boiling more than my wife doing things in the morning that she doesn't need to do that will make her "late" for work that I or my sons could have done and somehow it becomes my fault she is now behind in getting ready for work. 

Rage inducing. I'll never understand why women create drama for themselves. Last minute: I need to bake cup cakes for so-and-so's birthday at work tomorrow! Woe is me!!!

No you don't. You volunteered. Just grab some shit at the Heb on your way to work. Stop making things hard and bitching about it.

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elfenix

elfenix 34661

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, 52-80 said:

when it comes to trivial domestic shit like mowing the lawn, her deadline for having done all that shit is yesterday

as in, "hey, can you mow the lawn by.... yesterday"

 

when it comes to major decisions like vacation planning, renovating the house, considering a new job that involves actually fucking moving, her deadline is.... whenever's convenient.  [=actually never]

such as, "oh i cant think about that stuff, its such a headache now, can you just let me watch 3 episodes of vampire diaries first to decompress (until its midnight and i complain its too late to think about that stuff)"

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61952165_2104317033012699_87563217302462

 

60602157_672456883216913_189592474602567

 

61197934_467940687345444_885626582645388

57972723_362028264661091_179191439337430

 

 

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Js1

Js1 86953

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

It’s now taken her 2 days to get the camper packed for a 2 day camping trip at a spot 30 minutes from home. 

Also I’ll be making 2 trips, one to tow the camper and one with the kayaks in the bed

Can you trade her for the kayaks on the 2nd trip? 

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Lhorn

Lhorn 5080

Posted
Posted
On 7/8/2019 at 6:39 PM, blacklab said:

kid wants to watch show with me and mom. Mom says she'll be down in a minute. We wait 30 minutes and I go up and she's getting out of the shower. "oh you guys watch it, I don't really want to"

My wife wants to watch a particular show so it's got to be on the TV in the bedroom in the evening while we are relaxing.  While the show that she needs to watch is on TV, I'm on an iPad etc.  She's puttering around the house doing shit.  45 minutes into the show she finally sits down and starts the show over again, because she missed most of it the first time.  Also gets on her iPad and is emailing etc, so she keeps rewinding her show.  Spend 2 hours watching a one hour show.

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HenryJames

HenryJames 67125

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Lhorn said:

My wife wants to watch a particular show so it's got to be on the TV in the bedroom in the evening while we are relaxing.  While the show that she needs to watch is on TV, I'm on an iPad etc.  She's puttering around the house doing shit.  45 minutes into the show she finally sits down and starts the show over again, because she missed most of it the first time.  Also gets on her iPad and is emailing etc, so she keeps rewinding her show.  Spend 2 hours watching a one hour show.

However long you've been married, it feels twice as long.

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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 15118

Posted
Posted

Wife had her book club over to spend the night so I took the kids and cleared out. Before I left I set the hot tub to run from 6pm to midnight per her request.

At 11:30 I got a text “NEED MORE HOT TUB TIME”. I was asleep. They got in for 30 minutes and six women couldn’t figure out how to work the hot tub to keep it going longer.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5220

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Buzzrock said:

Wife had her book club over to spend the night so I took the kids and cleared out. Before I left I set the hot tub to run from 6pm to midnight per her request.

At 11:30 I got a text “NEED MORE HOT TUB TIME”. I was asleep. They got in for 30 minutes and six women couldn’t figure out how to work the hot tub to keep it going longer.

 

1 hour ago, miguelito said:

that's the worst penthouse forum letter I've ever read.

No doubt, the end of the story should have been all six of them coming up to the bed to "coax" you into "extending" it.

Edited by mulletpelini
probably good thing it didn't happen, we wouldn't have believed it anyways
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15450

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Wife had her book club over to spend the night so I took the kids and cleared out. Before I left I set the hot tub to run from 6pm to midnight per her request.

At 11:30 I got a text “NEED MORE HOT TUB TIME”. I was asleep. They got in for 30 minutes and six women couldn’t figure out how to work the hot tub to keep it going longer.

They make a blue pill for that 

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Modessit

Modessit 5665

Posted
Posted
Her: I need you to bring a screwdriver inside.

Me: which type?

Her: the star one.
That wouldn't work here because I own Torx screwdrivers with and without the center hole and that's what I think of when I hear "star screwdriver".

Except the only screwdriver my wife touches is to change batteries in the kids' toys and I got her a couple cheap ones just for that.
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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted
On 7/9/2019 at 9:35 AM, JimmyHoffa said:

There is nothing that gets my blood boiling more than my wife doing things in the morning that she doesn't need to do that will make her "late" for work that I or my sons could have done and somehow it becomes my fault she is now behind in getting ready for work. 

You didn't actually think that she didn't want to be too tired for sex the next two days, did you?

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markstanco

markstanco 12773

Posted
Posted
That wouldn't work here because I own Torx screwdrivers with and without the center hole and that's what I think of when I hear "star screwdriver".

Except the only screwdriver my wife touches is to change batteries in the kids' toys and I got her a couple cheap ones just for that.
Ive got those too. But she doesnt scout things requiring a T15 bit.
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gernblansten

gernblansten 3254

Posted
Posted
On 7/9/2019 at 9:35 AM, JimmyHoffa said:

There is nothing that gets my blood boiling more than my wife doing things in the morning that she doesn't need to do that will make her "late" for work that I or my sons could have done and somehow it becomes my fault she is now behind in getting ready for work. 

You just don't know what it's like to have to do everything that has to be done, along with everything else that does not really have to be done. 

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lateshow

lateshow 1319

Posted
Posted
On 7/7/2019 at 10:33 PM, ernest_t_bass said:

Last two days I've spent 8+ hours outside doing shit.  Lawn, trim, weeding, tractor stuff, changing oil, etc.  Have also done my fair share of inside chores.  Dishes, laundry (shut up), bed, swept, etc.

 

LOLOLOLOL

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11856

Posted
Posted
On 7/14/2019 at 3:48 PM, Modessit said:

That wouldn't work here because I own Torx screwdrivers with and without the center hole and that's what I think of when I hear "star screwdriver".

Except the only screwdriver my wife touches is to change batteries in the kids' toys and I got her a couple cheap ones just for that.

I found it’s easier to name them for her. “This one is Lou Diamond.  This other one is Herman Munster.”  

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted

Called lady friend to go to beach for full moon tonight.

Me: Do you want me to bring a chair for you?

Her: No thanks, I'll sit on sand.

Upon arrival, I pull out my chair.

Her: Oh, you have a chair, you should of said something.

Me: I did.

Her: You should have told me you were going to have one.

Me: Do you want to move by the lifeguard stand and sit on the steps?

Her: No, I'll be fine.

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HenryJames

HenryJames 67125

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Called lady friend to go to beach for full moon tonight.

Me: Do you want me to bring a chair for you?

Her: No thanks, I'll sit on sand.

Upon arrival, I pull out my chair.

Her: Oh, you have a chair, you should of said something.

Me: I did.

Her: You should have told me you were going to have one.

Me: Do you want to move by the lifeguard stand and sit on the steps?

Her: No, I'll be fine.

[Narrator: she wasn’t fine.]

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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
Posted (edited)
15 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Hold on, we have to find out how the evening,  ahem,...finished 

Like any good marriage, he went home and took care of it himself. It’s a rookie move not to just show up with a chair for her, because we all know that shit changes. 

Edited by Brew
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