Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[BrazilHorn 6,795]

The one chair works great unless she’s one of Vic’s girls. Now she had free pass to sit on his lap or she can sit at his feet looking up at him adoringly. Strong move. 

Unless he pussed out sat on sand at her feet so she’d be “comfy”. 

[Pig Bellmont 8,870]

6 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Called lady friend to go to beach for full moon tonight.

Me: Do you want me to bring a chair for you?

Her: No thanks, I'll sit on sand.

Upon arrival, I pull out my chair.

Her: Oh, you have a chair, you should of said something.

Me: I did.

Her: You should have told me you were going to have one.

Me: Do you want to move by the lifeguard stand and sit on the steps?

Her: No, I'll be fine.

So you thought you’d bring a chair while she sat on the sand next to you? Seems like a weird move for a romantic trip to the beach. I think your options were to sit with her in the sand or two chairs. 

Edited July 17, 2019 by Pig Bellmont

[Upgrayedd 5,861]

6 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Called lady friend to go to beach for full moon tonight.

Me: Do you want me to bring a chair for you?

Her: No thanks, I'll sit on sand.

Upon arrival, I pull out my chair.

Her: Oh, you have a chair, you should of said something.

Me: I did.

Her: You should have told me you were going to have one.

Me: Do you want to move by the lifeguard stand and sit on the steps?

Her: No, I'll be fine.

She’s used to me bringing the blanket

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

[Narrator: she wasn’t fine.]

[Narrator: his other lady friend, rosey palmer was fine]

[Saint Austin 776]

58 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

So you thought you’d bring a chair while she sat on the sand next to you? Seems like a weird move for a romantic trip to the beach. I think your options were to sit with her in the sand or two chairs. 

100% this.

[Pogo 286]

22 minutes ago, Saint Austin said:

100% this.

My first thought was he thought he'd need the chair for when she gets on her knees for the "romantic full moon on the beach hummer" because he didn't want to stand or lay in the sand for it.

[Wiler77 1,620]

Right now she's logging into Surly to start a thread called "boyfriends and the stupid shit they do"

[HenryJames 67,128]

 

[Nivek 17,343]

Yea being a bitch is tough.

I do everything. Mop, toilets, laundry, bake, house repairs, car repairs, trash. Wash kids, change diapers, braid hair, cook, clean, dishes. I don’t give a shit what chore it is. I just do it.

During Texas football, everyone can watch with me or fuck off.

[Armybrat 41,330]

1 hour ago, Pig Bellmont said:

So you thought you’d bring a chair while she sat on the sand next to you? Seems like a weird move for a romantic trip to the beach. I think your options were to sit with her in the sand or two chairs. 

Or bring an inflatable mattress.

[gernblansten 3,254]

8 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Called lady friend to go to beach for full moon tonight.

Me: Do you want me to bring a chair for you?

Her: No thanks, I'll sit on sand.

Upon arrival, I pull out my chair.

Her: Oh, you have a chair, you should of said something.

Me: I did.

Her: You should have told me you were going to have one.

Me: Do you want to move by the lifeguard stand and sit on the steps?

Her: No, I'll be fine.

Something, something sandy vagina something.

[JimmyHoffa 1,188]

Wife calling me at work.....................

Mrs. Hoffa- Do you think I should buy the boys medium swimming suits? 

Me- I think that would be fine, isn't that what they wear now?

Mrs- Yes

Me- Perfect, I will talk to....

Mrs.- I should probably get them a new set of goggles too, I need to double check what else is on the list, do you remember if we need...........

 

FUCK MY LIFE I AM SHOPPING WITH MY WIFE AND I AM NOT EVEN AT THE FUCKING STORE WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gernblansten 3,254]

1 minute ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Wife calling me at work.....................

Mrs. Hoffa- Do you think I should buy the boys medium swimming suits? 

Me- I think that would be fine, isn't that what they wear now?

Mrs- Yes

Me- Perfect, I will talk to....

Mrs.- I should probably get them a new set of goggles too, I need to double check what else is on the list, do you remember if we need...........

 

FUCK MY LIFE I AM SHOPPING WITH MY WIFE AND I AM NOT EVEN AT THE FUCKING STORE WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should drop a: "Since we're out, let's stop and pick up some liquor after we finish with the swimming stuff."

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

Wife calling me at work.....................

Mrs. Hoffa- Do you think I should buy the boys medium swimming suits? 

Me- I think that would be fine, isn't that what they wear now?

Mrs- Yes

Me- Perfect, I will talk to....

Mrs.- I should probably get them a new set of goggles too, I need to double check what else is on the list, do you remember if we need...........

 

FUCK MY LIFE I AM SHOPPING WITH MY WIFE AND I AM NOT EVEN AT THE FUCKING STORE WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop talking to my wife you asshole!

 

 

I'm so numb to my wife starting a sentence with "I need"

[gernblansten 3,254]

2 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Stop talking to my wife you asshole!

 

 

I'm so numb to my wife starting a sentence with "I need"

Oh boy.  This one is right over the plate.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

Oh boy.  This one is right over the plate.

I'm just a pup compared to most veterans who've seen it all on here(5 yrs next month)...but that wasn't in the guidebook from the other site at all

 

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3,873]

2 hours ago, Wiler77 said:

Right now she's logging into Surly to start a thread called "boyfriends and the stupid shit they do"

Yep. Gave the lets 'cuddle' on a blanket at the beach signal and Nola brought himself a chair instead. 

[Pato del Muerto 53,345]

2 minutes ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Yep. Gave the lets 'cuddle' on a blanket at the beach signal and Nola brought himself a chair instead. 

Frankie would have never slayed Annette with such weak game. 

[Frank The Tank 1,503]

2 hours ago, Nivek said:

I do everything. Mop, toilets, laundry, bake, house repairs, car repairs, trash. Wash kids, change diapers, braid hair, cook, clean, dishes. I don’t give a shit what chore it is. I just do it.

During Texas football, everyone can watch with me or fuck off.

So...what does she do? You do all the household chores and take care of the kids, and you’re married, so we know it’s not sex you’re receiving in return. What’s the upside here?

[lateshow 1,319]

9 minutes ago, Frank The Tank said:

So...what does she do? You do all the household chores and take care of the kids, and you’re married, so we know it’s not sex you’re receiving in return. What’s the upside here?

Pooper

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,779]

You must be unfamiliar with the ongoings of ETB and his wife.

[gernblansten 3,254]

53 minutes ago, lateshow said:

Pooper

He does all that work and then he still has to bend over?

[General Specific 3,484]

He does all that work and then he still has to bend over?

Kinky

[Nivek 17,343]

You should drop a: "Since we're out, let's stop and pick up some liquor after we finish with the swimming stuff."

Honey, since we are out lets get some Anal lube, duct tape, shovel, lye, and some chloroform.

[JimmyHoffa 1,188]

9 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Honey, since we are out lets get some Anal lube, duct tape, shovel, lye, and some chloroform.

[Nivek 17,343]

So...what does she do? You do all the household chores and take care of the kids, and you’re married, so we know it’s not sex you’re receiving in return. What’s the upside here?

Money. The upside is that my house isn’t filthy from 3 kids. Even if there is marker art on a wall.

[General Specific 3,484]

Honey, since we are out lets get some Anal lube, duct tape, shovel, lye, and some chloroform.

With a list like that, why spring for the lube? Seems like over kill here.

[ABSR 5,360]

8 minutes ago, General Specific said:

With a list like that, why spring for the lube? Seems like over kill here.

The Lube is in case he wants to stuff her in a barrel and it is a tight fit.  She might be a Vic special.

[Sandman 3,427]

4 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Stop talking to my wife you asshole!

 

 

I'm so numb to my wife starting a sentence with "I need"

When it comes to phone calls, my wife starts every sentence with "Um". I've gotten numb to it over the years.

[demos 3,032]

I'll do laundry all day long that shit is easy.  Dishes?  no fucking way.

I dunno; throwing a load in the dishwasher is pretty easy.

[NWBuck 8,621]

51 minutes ago, demos said:

I dunno; throwing a load in the dishwasher is pretty easy.

Especially if that's what you call banging your wife

(speaking from experience)

[Modessit 5,665]

Lady friend? You're in the wrong thread

Yep. Should be in the "Post Nudes of your Ex or SO" thread.

[Anastasis 23,703]

Hey we should watch the right stuff with the kids. Its long but I think the boys would be into it, 50th anniversary and all. 

Whats that? Never seen it.

Is it about new kids on the block?

fuck my life  

 

[Anastasis 23,703]

Oh fuck. 

Watchijg the cbs feed of the launch. 

“Was landing on the moon a political statement?”

 

you think?

[mulletpelini 5,220]

5 hours ago, Nivek said:

Honey, since we are out lets get some Anal lube, duct tape, shovel, lye, and some chloroform.

You guys swing huh.  Nice.

[TrashMaster G 18,036]

1 hour ago, Anastasis said:

Hey we should watch the right stuff with the kids. Its long but I think the boys would be into it, 50th anniversary and all. 

Whats that? Never seen it.

Is it about new kids on the block?

fuck my life  

 

Is she hot?  She must be hot.

[Anastasis 23,703]

9 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Is she hot?  She must be hot.

[drifter379 1,116]

Called lady friend to go to beach for full moon tonight.
Me: Do you want me to bring a chair for you?
Her: No thanks, I'll sit on sand.
Upon arrival, I pull out my chair.
Her: Oh, you have a chair, you should of said something.
Me: I did.
Her: You should have told me you were going to have one.
Me: Do you want to move by the lifeguard stand and sit on the steps?
Her: No, I'll be fine.

Rookie. You should have brought at least 3 extra chairs in case she didn’t like the first two extra ones that she didn’t want in the first place.

[ChickenSandwich 9,922]

This chair situation stunk from the get go...

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,998]

17 hours ago, ABSR said:

The Lube is in case he wants to stuff her in a barrel and it is a tight fit.  She might be a Vic special.

In that case you just gotta heat her up enough to melt some of the fat.

Edited July 18, 2019 by NotActuallyALonghorn

[Jerry Callo 8,956]

It's not about the chair . . . 

[General Specific 3,484]

It's not about the chair . . . 

No, and I may be conflating post here, it’s about the chloroform, duck tape and lube, lots and lots of lube!

[spystud13 2,371]

On 7/17/2019 at 10:46 AM, Nivek said:

I do everything. Mop, toilets, laundry, bake, house repairs, car repairs, trash. Wash kids, change diapers, braid hair, cook, clean, dishes. I don’t give a shit what chore it is. I just do it.

During Texas football, everyone can watch with me or fuck off.

 

On 7/17/2019 at 12:54 PM, Frank The Tank said:

So...what does she do? You do all the household chores and take care of the kids, and you’re married, so we know it’s not sex you’re receiving in return. What’s the upside here?

 

 

[Buzzrock 15,118]

Stop talking to my wife you asshole! 
 
I'm so numb to my wife starting a sentence with "I need"

Wait until it evolves into “I need you to...”

[Buzzrock 15,118]

 

 

That is some passive aggressive bullshit. He should use that poster to light his grill.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

Wait until it evolves into “I need you to...”

Not there yet.. she still politely asks for favors

[General Specific 3,484]

That is some passive aggressive bullshit. He should use that poster to light his grill.

Fuck that, burn it ALL down, house and everything in it... take the kids and run!!!!

This is just the start... of the public list.

How many gold stars she give you when you make her orgasm?

[Beau Vine 55,834]

On 7/17/2019 at 3:53 PM, Nivek said:

Money. The upside is that my house isn’t filthy from 3 kids. Even if there is marker art on a wall.

[WhatTheBuck 28,904]

4 hours ago, spystud13 said:

 

That's fake, right?

[General Specific 3,484]

That's fake, right?

Username check out