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Posted

Just poured an eighth full bottle of dishwashing soap into a 3/4 full bottle. Apparently, waiting 5 seconds for the soap to flow to the nozzle is too much effort, but we can’t be throwing away $0.50 worth of soap either. 

Posted
On 5/4/2018 at 9:28 AM, EastTexan said:

 

I have been doing my own laundry for many years. Ever since I bitched about how she folded my jeans. 

Yep.  About 12 years ago, when we first started dating, still in the courting stage, my now-wife thought she’d be nice and do my laundry for me while I was at work one day.

One load of whites with a pack of orange gum in it and me bitching about it later...aaaaaand I’ve done my own laundry ever since.

Posted

My wife successfully used cardinal directions today when talking about what soccer field our kid was playing on. "It's the field north of the one he played on yesterday" and she was right. I don't know what is going on. 

  • Like 1
Posted

So the Avatar's little shit-assed bark machine has to wear the Donut of Shame due to a recent procedure.  He's a complete pussy anyway, but his inability to lick the affected area turned him into a nighttime bark machine.  Normally I'd throw the training collar on him as he responds to the beeping (have only had to deliver voltage on a couple of rare occasions); however, can't do that with the Donut of Shame.

So I take the collar, buckle it up, and secure it with a carabiner to the kennel door.  Just before bed, the Avatar asks "You aren't going to shock him, are you?"  "Good thing you have nice tits babe."

 

Set-up worked like a champ FWIW.

Posted
54 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

My wife successfully used cardinal directions today when talking about what soccer field our kid was playing on. "It's the field north of the one he played on yesterday" and she was right. I don't know what is going on. 

1 in 4 chance hits from time to time

Posted

She just redeemed herself by swearing to our nine year-old that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in Space Jam. Then she had to look it up on imdb.com because "YES, HE WAS IN SPACE JAM! ... Oh wait, he was in Airplane."

Posted

My wife apparently cannot get the concept of a moonrise and Monet. She said something along the lines of "I love it when the moon is out during the day, but of course it's always out so..." I tried asking her how people on the other side of the world can see the moon if it's always out on our side of the world, but I guess that was too much for her to take in.

Posted
On 5/4/2018 at 6:04 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

What else is he supposed to do with them? Start a book club?

Escorts are classy bro.

Posted (edited)
Quote

My wife and I discussed and agreed that she would do most of the laundry, etc if she quit work to stay home with the kids.  Eight years later, she has not gotten a job and guess who washes his own shit most of the time.  Good luck with your agreement.

I must have it good because the wife works and she does the laundry. I send a lot of my items to wash and fold but she washes, drys and folds all my t-shirts so they on't shrink or fade. She wants to do it. I don't even have to fake attempting to help

Edited by next2naus
Posted

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Posted
37 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Row 67 of coach is good too. 

Posted
Okay....puppy referenced from a few pages back...4e329d444f18e3f535a7ac5f37c554fd.jpg085eefadb30c8322f9cd5b20499a8f3a.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk


How you get revenge: a) teach it to fetch birds; b) give it lots of treats and attention so it likes you way more than her
Posted
Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Tell her you’ll sit in first class and she can sit in coach. That way you will die first and she can inherit everything,

  • Like 4
  • Haha 2
Posted
12 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Yeah, but later. Like .023 seconds more living brah.

Posted
23 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mope is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.

FIFY

Posted
11 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

If I have to die in a plane crash, I want to die drunk on free drinks in first class, not sitting next to a poor in coach.

Which airline to you fly for again?

  • Like 1
Posted
22 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

58feb0431400002000a9b9c9.jpeg?ops=scalef

Posted
56 minutes ago, GSU&UT said:

69%, nice

Guaranty that 99% of our wives would still want to sit at the front of the plane even after raising safety as their primary concern.  Facts don't matter.  

Posted
It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mop is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.
I take my shoes off at the door when I work in the yard.

If I have dirt on my clothes I make certain I don't do my usual somersaults in the kitchen like I do every other day.

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