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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5,209

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Posted
9 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

This is exactly right.  Our kitchen island is a dumping ground for drink cups, mail, medicine, whatever.  We are cleaning up for folks coming over, my wife says "get your stuff off the island!".  Easy.  done.  Not one piece of this stuff derived from me.

I've heard my mother tell my father as they've aged, "You've got to get rid of this shit before we move on!"  

I'll call her out in a second about "all her shit", she just says "well...."

that logic man.

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nnm

nnm 36,041

Posted
Posted
On 11/13/2019 at 4:49 PM, Tylerocks said:

My wife has pulled this before as well.  

I saw over the weekend, in-laws were visiting, where my wife learned to load the dishwasher.  Holy Fuck.

small plates in the top rack.  Glasses in between the prongs, so they just slide around.

 

I mean.....

I don’t understand the dishwasher debates on here. Didn’t your dishwasher wear white at your wedding?  End of story. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4,445

Posted
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On 11/14/2019 at 12:59 PM, CycleTex87 said:

This is exactly right.  Our kitchen island is a dumping ground for drink cups, mail, medicine, whatever.  We are cleaning up for folks coming over, my wife says "get your stuff off the island!".  Easy.  done.  Not one piece of this stuff derived from me.

Yup. The only time in our relationship I've truly been mad.

 

A couple of months after we moved into our house. And after multiple times of me explaining that I just dumped my life savings into the down payment, that the kitchen, living, and bathroom areas where guest would be would stay clean. I came home after about a 12 hour work day and there wasn't enough room for me to set a glass and a bottle of whiskey on the island, I shoved everything off of it onto the floor. Breaking a whole bunch of crap and waking up the kids. 

She was pretty pissed for a couple of days, but the island has remained mostly clean. 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,710

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1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Yup. The only time in our relationship I've truly been mad.

 

A couple of months after we moved into our house. And after multiple times of me explaining that I just dumped my life savings into the down payment, that the kitchen, living, and bathroom areas where guest would be would stay clean. I came home after about a 12 hour work day and there wasn't enough room for me to set a glass and a bottle of whiskey on the island, I shoved everything off of it onto the floor. Breaking a whole bunch of crap and waking up the kids. 

She was pretty pissed for a couple of days, but the island has remained mostly clean. 

But what about the rest of the kitchen..... and the living & bathroom areas?

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52,336

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4 minutes ago, Texaus said:


Maybe this is just her subtle way of telling you that she’d rather be married to a man that can properly cook her some fucking bacon?

I prepare the bacon, and all cooked meats, in this household to the specifications requested by each person.  
 

thank you for your concern. 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52,336

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On 11/14/2019 at 9:37 AM, Pato del Muerto said:

Her, last night:  you need to help clean up around the house more

me, this morning: /folds scarf laying over chair back 

her:  that’s actually a decorative scarf that’s supposed to be there. 

Today

kid(with food and drink in hand):  will you move that scarf in the chair so I can sit and eat lunch?

me:  ok but that belongs on the chair as decoration. 
 

wife:  actually I was wearing that today and just put it on the chair when I came in. 
 

me:  goddamn it

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,385

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1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Today

kid(with food and drink in hand):  will you move that scarf in the chair so I can sit and eat lunch?

me:  ok but that belongs on the chair as decoration. 
 

wife:  actually I was wearing that today and just put it on the chair when I came in. 
 

me:  goddamn it

Who (thinks somebody) would decorate with a scarf?

giphy.gif

 

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
Today
kid(with food and drink in hand):  will you move that scarf in the chair so I can sit and eat lunch?
me:  ok but that belongs on the chair as decoration. 
 
wife:  actually I was wearing that today and just put it on the chair when I came in. 
 
me:  goddamn it

I would drape my underwear over everything and declare it a decoration.
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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3,868

Posted
Posted

Women in my wife's orbit.

I get a call from my mother in law.

MIL- There is something wrong with my phone.

Me- Oh?

MIL- I can't pull up the internet.

Me knowing she's traveling-  Where are you?

MIL- XYZ

Me - That's in the middle of a national forest. There is no internet there and I'm actually surprised you were able to connect to a cell tower.

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HenryJames

HenryJames 65,884

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13 hours ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Women in my wife's orbit.

I get a call from my mother in law.

MIL- There is something wrong with my phone.

Me- Oh?

MIL- I can't pull up the internet.

Me knowing she's traveling-  Where are you?

MIL- XYZ

Me - That's in the middle of a national forest. There is no internet there and I'm actually surprised you were able to connect to a cell tower.

But why did you answer the phone?

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52-80

52-80 19,076

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We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

That means opening every window from the bedroom to the living room, for about atleast an hour.  Keep in mind its fucking freezing outside.  And hell, spaghetti carbonara doesnt smell too bad. 

 

I actually dont mind the windows being open, or it being cold.  What irks me is the dissonance of her occasional remarks of "dont shower too long it wastes the water/heat", and at the same time blasting BTUs out the window while our heater is going full blast.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,325

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On 11/20/2019 at 4:05 PM, 52-80 said:

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

That means opening every window from the bedroom to the living room, for about atleast an hour.  Keep in mind its fucking freezing outside.  And hell, spaghetti carbonara doesnt smell too bad. 

 

I actually dont mind the windows being open, or it being cold.  What irks me is the dissonance of her occasional remarks of "dont shower too long it wastes the water/heat", and at the same time blasting BTUs out the window while our heater is going full blast.

We need natgas prices to go up, tell she's allowed to do this twice/day, and encourage her friends to do the same.  

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davidg

davidg 4,025

Posted
Posted
On 11/20/2019 at 4:05 PM, 52-80 said:

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

Simple issues need simple solutions:

 

849392005275.jpg

 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

Posted
Posted
On 11/20/2019 at 4:05 PM, 52-80 said:

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

That means opening every window from the bedroom to the living room, for about atleast an hour.  Keep in mind its fucking freezing outside.  And hell, spaghetti carbonara doesnt smell too bad. 

 

I actually dont mind the windows being open, or it being cold.  What irks me is the dissonance of her occasional remarks of "dont shower too long it wastes the water/heat", and at the same time blasting BTUs out the window while our heater is going full blast.

Are you sure she's not ripping farts while she cooks and therefore wants the windows open?

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4,445

Posted
Posted

My wife is at Target getting stuff for us to host thanksgiving. Told her to get the heavier duty (like chinet) paper plates. She calls:

Her : "Do you want the chinet think paper ones or the clear plastic ones"

Me "Which is cheaper?"

Her : "They're the same price (per package), but the plastic ones only have 16 plates, but the paper ones have 32 plates to a package."

I paused, then just told her to get whatever she liked.....

 

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