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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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RamjetFDO

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markstanco

markstanco 12787

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I would have to fix that... Immediately. "Marry" those fuckers.
Of course, questions will be asked, new bottles will be bought, but I couldn't stop myself.
Dont worry, will break out a make-shift funnel tomorrow. Wife and kids down at the in laws at belton lake so I'm baching it for the week. This business will not stand. I may add water as well to save money.
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Modessit

Modessit 5667

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Dont worry, will break out a make-shift funnel tomorrow. Wife and kids down at the in laws at belton lake so I'm baching it for the week. This business will not stand. I may add water as well to save money.
Don't do it. The ones on the right are for the kids clothes. The one in the middle is for her bras and underwear because they're "delicate". The ones on the left are for your clothes. You'll fuck up her system, she'll get pissed, and you'll be doing all of the laundry from now on - except for her bras and underwear which you won't see either on or off for the next 3 months.
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Incredulity

Incredulity 11876

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17 minutes ago, Modessit said:
1 hour ago, markstanco said:
Dont worry, will break out a make-shift funnel tomorrow. Wife and kids down at the in laws at belton lake so I'm baching it for the week. This business will not stand. I may add water as well to save money.

Don't do it. The ones on the right are for the kids clothes. The one in the middle is for her bras and underwear because they're "delicate". The ones on the left are for your clothes. You'll fuck up her system, she'll get pissed, and you'll be doing all of the laundry from now on - except for her bras and underwear which you won't see either on or off for the next 3 months.

Listen to him... pre-law. 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3730

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On 3/14/2020 at 9:38 PM, Incredulity said:

I know.  She only knows about it because at some point some fellow sufferer’s post had me in tears as she watched Hallmark movies on some random week night.  

I blanked and couldn’t come up with believable cover story. 

Holy fucking moly.  I just learned of this bullshit.  There are now SPRING LOVE STORY movies on Hallmark.  Just like the fucking Christmas ones. Overly wholesome chicks......now wearing way too many clothes for a warm spring day.   I can't take it.  I'm adding Hallmark to HGTV on my list of places I plan to firebomb.  to, to..... to wish harm upon. Bad enough I've taken to watching replays of last year's NCAA softball tournament (WHY NOT VOLLEYBALL!).  

And now I have to work from home.....FAR from my office that is located next to a neighborhood bar where I've been drinking since 1995.  Fucking Hallmark.  

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3730

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14 hours ago, markstanco said:

Done. 208cffc122c47459f3ac11a00b6d2ff4.jpg

Shit.  My wife buys and stores furniture like yours buys detergent.  My garage is currently holding 1 entertainment center, one chest, one 1930s by god icebox, a ping pong table that has only been used for her school projects, a whiskey barrel.  Now she is making room for 3 new book shelves that her friend is selling.  "She might want it back some day".  No shit.  

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EastTexan

EastTexan 672

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On March 13, 2020 at 2:02 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

We are having some meats delivered from a nearby ranch today. I go outside and see that my wife has left a cooler on the porch for the person to put the meat in. 
It’s 27 and snowing.

She's preventing it from freezer burn. Smart woman.

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davidg

davidg 4057

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18 hours ago, Incredulity said:

spacer.png

Alright I was mistaken.

We don’t have 4 ketchup bottles.  We do have two partially used identical containers of;

Salsa

Mayo

Ketchup

Relish

Mustard

Jelly

in the refrigerator. Apologies.

 

Negged for Pace Picante sauce.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8983

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6 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Wife goes to HEB twice in 6 days, spends $470 total. 3 of us in the house full time. UT son may come home for a couple days 

Also wife: " can you pick up whataburger for lunch?" 

stupid things husbands say/post.

 

Im not eating out for the foreseeable future but damn a whataburger would sound amazing right now

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Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8938

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3 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I get it. I’d still take whataburger over the $Zillion grocery stockpile we are currently hoarding.

Maybe that because I don’t live in Texas though.

 

51 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

God damn right!

Whataburger and HEB.... Sigh.. 

QFT

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

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On 3/13/2020 at 6:32 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

Was there ice in the cooler?

We went camping with another family and my friend’s wife loaded their newYeti with food and drinks. When we got there, she discovered that she should have addedice if she wanted everything cold. She thought the cold was included in the price.
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19355

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3 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

That almost sounded like English.

 

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

kept reading, wtf are whatburger leftovers? 

 

17 minutes ago, elfenix said:

maxresdefault.jpg

I was speaking in hypotheticals...I'm 230, there are no leftovers but the point is she bought so many fucking groceries both fridges are at capacity 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19355

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44 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Wife to 21 y.o.: "First we garden, then we work on renovations, then chores, all while singing and laughing. This is turning out to be the best family together time ever, don't you think?

21 y.o.: "No."

No Home Depot or Bed, Bath and Beyond? Will you have enough time?

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28929

Posted
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8 hours ago, Nolacycling said:
We went camping with another family and my friend’s wife loaded their newYeti with food and drinks. When we got there, she discovered that she should have addedice if she wanted everything cold. She thought the cold was included in the price.

Nice call back. I'd forgotten that one. 

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