Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[ROFL BOX 6649]

On 3/22/2020 at 11:03 PM, markstanco said:

 

 

Please pardon my ignorant wildcatting here, but are the 3 on the L the same brand?  (I mean, who goes random on their laundry detergent?  Don't we all have specific preferences & we stick to those choices for most of our adult lives?)

Anyhow, assuming the 3 on L are identical,

1.  why is someone pulling from a different jug each time vs. clearing one out, then moving on to the next container?

2.  why not take container 2 & dropping that into container 1 + container 3 & then creating space where container 2 is located (which... I assume would actually be yet another full bottle of the stuff, but I digress).

Spitballing.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

You must be new here. Welcome!

[MissingInAction 25067]

On 3/23/2020 at 11:43 AM, Ten Bears said:

Uh, that is about the worst thing you can do to your engine.  It needs to get up to running temp for a while else the moisture condensation that is in your crankcase will not evaporate and over time your engine will build up sludge that will fuck it up.  Same with the moisture in your exhaust system.  If it doesn't get up to full temp on the reg it will be prone to rust.

I learned this the hard way when I lived1 mile from the office.

Yep.. just bought a brand new car right before this bullshit so i take on the highway for a 10 minute 70 mph run every couple days.

[Incredulity 11669]

26 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Please pardon my ignorant wildcatting here, but are the 3 on the L the same brand?  (I mean, who goes random on their laundry detergent?  Don't we all have specific preferences & we stick to those choices for most of our adult lives?)

Anyhow, assuming the 3 on L are identical,

1.  why is someone pulling from a different jug each time vs. clearing one out, then moving on to the next container?

2.  why not take container 2 & dropping that into container 1 + container 3 & then creating space where container 2 is located (which... I assume would actually be yet another full bottle of the stuff, but I digress).

Spitballing.

[markstanco 12577]

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Please pardon my ignorant wildcatting here, but are the 3 on the L the same brand?  (I mean, who goes random on their laundry detergent?  Don't we all have specific preferences & we stick to those choices for most of our adult lives?)

Anyhow, assuming the 3 on L are identical,

1.  why is someone pulling from a different jug each time vs. clearing one out, then moving on to the next container?

2.  why not take container 2 & dropping that into container 1 + container 3 & then creating space where container 2 is located (which... I assume would actually be yet another full bottle of the stuff, but I digress).

Spitballing.

Yes

1. That was my OG question, and the reason this thread was created

2. I did. 

[Pato del Muerto 52493]

35 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Yes

1. That was my OG question, and the reason this thread was created

2. I did. 

We are low on detergent now. 
a winner is you?

[markstanco 12577]

We are low on detergent now. 
a winner is you?

Believe me, this is nothing new, I just thought about it last week when I had to do laundry when she was out of town.

[mulletpelini 5211]

Oxi-Clean and Vagi-Clean must be made by the same company.....run by a man......who's married.

[blacklab 11928]

Being stuck at home I've been getting around to the things I've been blowing off for a while, like fixing my wife's laptop.

Replaced the screen sunday. I had to replace it since she was allowing the kids to use it even though I had told her not to as they had dropped it multiple times before finally dropping it at the right angle to break the screen.

Her: The keyboard is not working on my laptop, you must have broke it when you replaced the screen.

me: did you do something to it?

her: no, but the dog knocked over my coffee onto it.

me: well, that will do it.

her: but the coffee was cold

 

[AUS-97HORN 11758]

almost tempted to tell her that cold coffee is 10X worse than hot coffee..... but   I would be worried she would take you literally and pour hot coffee on it just for shits and giggles

[blacklab 11928]

So we got an email from our school district outlining the school from home they are going to start this week.

me: the school sent an email about the school from home stuff, I haven't read it but you need to look at it and get the boys ready for tomorrow

her: what did it say?

me: I didn't read it, read it and get the boys ready for tomorrow

her: what time to they need to start?

me: I don't know, read the email

her: what are they going to do?

me: I don't know, read the email

her: how does it work?

me: I don't know, read the email

her: how long is it?

me: I don't know, read the email

her: what subjects are they going to cover?

 

I finally just walked out of the room.  There was a guy that killed his wife the other day. I don't condone it, but I completely understand.

 

[Pato del Muerto 52493]

Several of those questions have the answer three fiddy. 

[Biff Tannen 45682]

9 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

2.  why not take container 2 & dropping that into container 1 + container 3 & then creating space where container 2 is located (which... I assume would actually be yet another full bottle of the stuff, but I digress).

I saw this in Die Hard 3.

[wd40 1976]

5 hours ago, blacklab said:

Being stuck at home I've been getting around to the things I've been blowing off for a while, like fixing my wife's laptop.

Replaced the screen sunday. I had to replace it since she was allowing the kids to use it even though I had told her not to as they had dropped it multiple times before finally dropping it at the right angle to break the screen.

Her: The keyboard is not working on my laptop, you must have broke it when you replaced the screen.

me: did you do something to it?

her: no, but the dog knocked over my coffee onto it.

me: well, that will do it.

her: but the coffee was cold

 

[mulletpelini 5211]

BL I speak from experience here.  The good news is, I remember you saying your kids were smart, and I believe you because obviously they got it from their mother.  And when I say they got it from their mother, I mean they literally took the intelligence out of her body when they were born.

T&P

[Buzzrock 14920]

I got it from their mother last night.

[Eugene11 379]

On 3/18/2020 at 12:58 PM, davidg said:

Buddy made a batch of apple pie and a batch of banana moonshine.  Would try that apple pie but  fuck all things associated with a cucumber.

All a cucumber is is a raw pickle. Pickles are the worst thing on earth. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

My man. Pickles are a vile weed.

[mulletpelini 5211]

Pickles are awesome, pickles are the greatest

[luke duke 6413]

Pickles are awesome, pickles are the greatest

Mark the Bagger agrees.

[ss13 1832]

Who here has a kid named Ben? Your wife is struggling. 

 

 

[CycleTex87 2970]

24 minutes ago, ss13 said:

Who here has a kid named Ben? Your wife is struggling. 

 

 

Mom’s probably having a gin & tonic to figure this out. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Hey Ben, let me know when Dad's out of town, k'bud?

[BearCountry11 1234]

Not my wife but worth a mention.  
 

My wife’s old college roommate (no pics) lives about 2 blocks away from us.  She texts my wife that she’s at the grocery store and asks if we need anything as it’s pretty well stocked.  We immediately listed off a few essentials that we’re running short on.  Very nice of her to think of us while she’s out.  
 

30 minutes later we get another text apologizing that she had put her phone in her pocket (forgot she had texted us), finished her shopping, and was already back home.  No big deal - I can go to the store but still a head scratcher.   

[AUS-97HORN 11758]

1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

30 minutes later we get another text apologizing that she had put her phone in her pocket (forgot she had texted us), finished her shopping, and was already back home.  No big deal - I can go to the store but still a head scratcher.   

kinda close to her excuse and almost about to call bullshit on this.

what woman on the planet goes more than 5 mins without checking their phone?

 

she probably just decided she didnt want to go find the items

Edited March 25, 2020 by AUS-97HORN

[TrashMaster G 17554]

What kind of psychopath doesn't like pickles?

[ChickenSandwich 9834]

 

fucking monsters who eat a warm pickle from a plastic bag soaking in piss. And fuck yo Nasty pickle Shot Ernie from Kung Fu Saloon

[Dennis Taylor 18819]

5 hours ago, ss13 said:

Who here has a kid named Ben? Your wife is struggling. 

 

 

"Kids are different today"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day

[mulletpelini 5211]

I think we can all agree Ben's mom is probably hot as fuck

[PhillyD 1257]

From the fluent Trixie speaking wife.  I may have a lot more of these since wife is on Zoom a lot now and she feels like she has to yell into the screen so people can hear her on the internet,

"Have you ever tried talking to him?  You can barely get a word in inchwise!"

 

[WhatTheBuck 28779]

4 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

Not my wife but worth a mention.  

My wife’s old college roommate (no pics) lives about 2 blocks away from us.  She texts my wife that she’s at the grocery store and asks if we need anything as it’s pretty well stocked.  We immediately listed off a few essentials that we’re running short on.  Very nice of her to think of us while she’s out.  

30 minutes later we get another text apologizing that she had put her phone in her pocket (forgot she had texted us), finished her shopping, and was already back home.  No big deal - I can go to the store but still a head scratcher.   

I think that's insulting. 

3 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

kinda close to her excuse and almost about to call bullshit on this.

what woman on the planet goes more than 5 mins without checking their phone?

she probably just decided she didnt want to go find the items

This. She's a bitch and you should stop inviting her to parties. 

Also, cucumbers suck. Pickles are good. 

[Knoxtnhorn 5975]

My wife went from "everything's fine, this is just a minor inconvenience"  to "we're all gonna die" in just 12 hours.  Fun times.  

We purchased a 2nd Chromebook from Best Buy.  It came in a box within a box.  She took the outer box off, threw it in the back yard, then left the inner box on the table.  After opening the inner box I was then inundated with, "Did you wash your hands?  Are you sure? At least 45 seconds?"

I asked her why it was so important to wash my hands when she put the GD box on the kitchen table w/o a thought.  /tone

[BearSchlong 8090]

About the college roommate, oh bullshit, everyone is under stress and she just forgot. Cut her some slack. Shake your head and move on.

 

Lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Modessit 5600]

what woman on the planet goes more than 5 mins without checking their phone?
 

One that just got a text from her husband who really needed an answer right away.

My wife is always sending me a text saying something like...

Her: "Can you pick up some creamer for my coffee? I'm out. "

(2 seconds later)

Me: "Ok. I'm at the store now. What flavor do you want?"

(5 minutes later)

Me: ???

(5 minutes later)

Me: Hello?

(5 minutes later)

I try calling 3 times.

Me: "I'm ready to checkout. You're not answering your phone."

(Finally I grab French Vanilla and checkout. I'm halfway home and then 30 minutes after her text...)

Her: "Sorry. Peppermint Mocha."

Me: "Too late now. I got you something else."

[TrashMaster G 17554]

2 hours ago, PhillyD said:

From the fluent Trixie speaking wife.  I may have a lot more of these since wife is on Zoom a lot now and she feels like she has to yell into the screen so people can hear her on the internet,

"Have you ever tried talking to him?  You can barely get a word in inchwise!"

 

Uphauling.

[mulletpelini 5211]

2 hours ago, Modessit said:

 

 

One that just got a text from her husband who really needed an answer right away.

My wife is always sending me a text saying something like...

Her: "Can you pick up some creamer for my coffee? I'm out. "

(2 seconds later)

Me: "Ok. I'm at the store now. What flavor do you want?"

(5 minutes later)

Me: ???

(5 minutes later)

Me: Hello?

(5 minutes later)

I try calling 3 times.

Me: "I'm ready to checkout. You're not answering your phone."

(Finally I grab French Vanilla and checkout. I'm halfway home and then 30 minutes after her text...)

Her: "Sorry. Peppermint Mocha."

Me: "Too late now. I got you something else."

 

oh yeah count me in that shit.  it usually ends in "too late, I'm already gone"

[tbone_ 14121]

One that just got a text from her husband who really needed an answer right away.

My wife is always sending me a text saying something like...

Her: "Can you pick up some creamer for my coffee? I'm out. "

(2 seconds later)

Me: "Ok. I'm at the store now. What flavor do you want?"

(5 minutes later)

Me: ???

(5 minutes later)

Me: Hello?

(5 minutes later)

I try calling 3 times.

Me: "I'm ready to checkout. You're not answering your phone."

(Finally I grab French Vanilla and checkout. I'm halfway home and then 30 minutes after her text...)

Her: "Sorry. Peppermint Mocha."

Me: "Too late now. I got you something else."

Only problem with this is the too late part comes after the first text back.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

10 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

My wife went from "everything's fine, this is just a minor inconvenience"  to "we're all gonna die" in just 12 hours.  Fun times.

Easy to explain. You've probably walked her thru all the issues/concerns and told her "we're good, we'll deal with it".

Then she picked up her phone and went full Facebook retard. I told my wife to stop reading texts/facebook posts from  her panicky friends.

[Jerry Callo 8701]

10 hours ago, Modessit said:

 

 

One that just got a text from her husband who really needed an answer right away.

My wife is always sending me a text saying something like...

Her: "Can you pick up some creamer for my coffee? I'm out. "

(2 seconds later)

Me: "Ok. I'm at the store now. What flavor do you want?"

(5 minutes later)

Me: ???

(5 minutes later)

Me: Hello?

(5 minutes later)

I try calling 3 times.

Me: "I'm ready to checkout. You're not answering your phone."

(Finally I grab French Vanilla and checkout. I'm halfway home and then 30 minutes after her text...)

Her: "Sorry. Peppermint Mocha."

Me: "Too late now. I got you something else."

 

Wife:  Are you still at the store?

Me (once I get in my truck to head home):  Nope, heading home.

 

If it ain't on the list, then I'm not buying it.

[Kennythetiger 9381]

10 hours ago, Modessit said:

 

 

One that just got a text from her husband who really needed an answer right away.

My wife is always sending me a text saying something like...

Her: "Can you pick up some creamer for my coffee? I'm out. "

(2 seconds later)

Me: "Ok. I'm at the store now. What flavor do you want?"

(5 minutes later)

Me: ???

(5 minutes later)

Me: Hello?

(5 minutes later)

I try calling 3 times.

Me: "I'm ready to checkout. You're not answering your phone."

(Finally I grab French Vanilla and checkout. I'm halfway home and then 30 minutes after her text...)

Her: "Sorry. Peppermint Mocha."

Me: "Too late now. I got you something else."

 

Yes.  Yes, yes, yes.

[tbone_ 14121]

Wife:  Are you still at the store?
Me (once I get in my truck to head home):  Nope, heading home.
 
If it ain't on the list, then I'm not buying it.

Solid advice right here.

[Gatorubet 30235]

Not my wife but worth a mention.  
 
My wife’s old college roommate (no pics) lives about 2 blocks away from us.  She texts my wife that she’s at the grocery store and asks if we need anything as it’s pretty well stocked.  We immediately listed off a few essentials that we’re running short on.  Very nice of her to think of us while she’s out.  
 
30 minutes later we get another text apologizing that she had put her phone in her pocket (forgot she had texted us), finished her shopping, and was already back home.  No big deal - I can go to the store but still a head scratcher.   

I was considering caring until I saw the ‘no pics’....

[Biff Tannen 45682]

11 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

She took the outer box off, threw it in the back yard, then left the inner box on the table

lulz

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Just now, Gatorubet said:

I was considering caring until I saw the ‘no pics’....

[SuperSport 1333]

Me: I'm not terribly worried about us losing our jobs, but there's a lot of uncertainty right now so anything's possible.  Plus with a baby on the way, we need to be smart with our money...spend wisely, no frivolous purchases, etc.

Her: I completely understand.

...

Her: After my car is paid off this year, I think I'm gonna trade it in for a Range Rover.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

6 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

Me: I'm not terribly worried about us losing our jobs, but there's a lot of uncertainty right now so anything's possible.  Plus with a baby on the way, we need to be smart with our money...spend wisely, no frivolous purchases, etc.

Her: I completely understand.

...

Her: After my car is paid off this year, I think I'm gonna trade it in for a Range Rover.

Similar conversation last night:

"I'm ordering dog food from Amazon. Need anything and keep in mind we need to be careful on what we spend"

"Can we get those dog treats (that cost $45 for an 8oz bag)?"

"I'll just buy him a steak, it's cheaper"

Tone.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Me: I'm not terribly worried about us losing our jobs, but there's a lot of uncertainty right now so anything's possible.  Plus with a baby on the way, we need to be smart with our money...spend wisely, no frivolous purchases, etc.
Her: I completely understand.
...
Her: After my car is paid off this year, I think I'm gonna trade it in for a Range Rover.

Awesome. So what color is she getting?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Just now, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Awesome. So what color is she getting?

This guy wives!

[SuperSport 1333]

57 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Awesome. So what color is she getting?

Sigh...two-tone black/white, probably with a light interior so it can show as much dirt and baby puke as possible.

[nnm 36389]

1 hour ago, SuperSport said:

Me: I'm not terribly worried about us losing our jobs, but there's a lot of uncertainty right now so anything's possible.  Plus with a baby on the way, we need to be smart with our money...spend wisely, no frivolous purchases, etc.

Her: I completely understand.

...

Her: After my car is paid off this year, I think I'm gonna trade it in for a Range Rover.

Way to stimulate the economy. Nothing says “I support my local mechanic” like a British car. Unless maybe an Italian or French car. 

Edited March 26, 2020 by nnm