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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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DDD Dad

DDD Dad 14663

Posted
Posted
You can't make this shit up-
Over at one of my wife's friends on Saturday for a small gathering. Grilling out, beers, etc. Well my wife brought a dish that needed to be cooked in the oven. 
Wife's (single) friend- I preheated the oven to 200 degrees anything over that and it will burn
Me- What? 
WSF- Yeah, it's a new oven and anytime I cook anything over 200 it burns. I need to call the service guy back out
Me-WTF? Looking at the oven for 5 seconds.. I fixed your oven. 
WSF- OMG what did you do??????
Me- turned it from Celsius to Fahrenheit...............
So I asked her what the first thing she cooked was-
A frozen pizza: 425F she had the oven set to 800 Fucking degrees! 
WSF- No wonder everything was burning.

Need pics of WSF
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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13256

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, HoffaJimmy said:

You can't make this shit up-

Over at one of my wife's friends on Saturday for a small gathering. Grilling out, beers, etc. Well my wife brought a dish that needed to be cooked in the oven. 

Wife's (single) friend- I preheated the oven to 200 degrees anything over that and it will burn

Me- What? 

WSF- Yeah, it's a new oven and anytime I cook anything over 200 it burns. I need to call the service guy back out

Me-WTF? Looking at the oven for 5 seconds.. I fixed your oven. 

WSF- OMG what did you do??????

Me- turned it from Celsius to Fahrenheit...............

So I asked her what the first thing she cooked was-

A frozen pizza: 425F she had the oven set to 800 Fucking degrees! 

WSF- No wonder everything was burning.

DM me her number and I'll try and make her an honest Wives thread participant.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26443

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, nineliveslost said:

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?

 

from the googles

The ideal freezer temperature is 0 Fahrenheit (-18 Celsius) for all food storage

The optimal temperature range for the refrigerator is 34 to 40 degrees Fahrenheit to keep food safe yet unfrozen

220, 221. Whatever it takes.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5225

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17 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Huh. I thought it was 38 and 30. 

I think we found the husband from HoffaJimmys friends party.

 

 

This week, on what would YOU do?  Our contestant, Mrs. Mulletpole (who's normally very intelligent and logical, blah blah blah) decides one of 3 possible options.....

A door to door salesman comes to your door (without a mask, in a pandemic, in which you find yourself 6 mos. pregnant), presses the button on your Ring Doorbell..................

what do you do?

Do you,

a) Use your Ring to see who it is and talk to them using the technology that's been used in your home for the past 2 years?

b) Use your Ring to see who it is and just ignore them til they go away?

c) Open the door and talk to them until you realize you don't want to talk to them anymore and have to make up a phony excuse as to why you can't talk to them anymore.

 

 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19385

Posted
Posted (edited)
28 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

 

 

This week, on what would YOU do?  Our contestant, Mrs. Mulletpole (who's normally very intelligent and logical, blah blah blah) decides one of 3 possible options.....

A door to door salesman comes to your door

c) Open the door and talk to them until you realize you don't want to talk to them anymore

 

 

I saw a movie like this one time...except for the pregnant part, although I'm sure it's out there too. Not judging anybody 

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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RamjetFDO

RamjetFDO 10655

Posted
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39 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

I think we found the husband from HoffaJimmys friends party.

 

 

This week, on what would YOU do?  Our contestant, Mrs. Mulletpole (who's normally very intelligent and logical, blah blah blah) decides one of 3 possible options.....

A door to door salesman comes to your door (without a mask, in a pandemic, in which you find yourself 6 mos. pregnant), presses the button on your Ring Doorbell..................

what do you do?

Do you,

a) Use your Ring to see who it is and talk to them using the technology that's been used in your home for the past 2 years?

b) Use your Ring to see who it is and just ignore them til they go away?

c) Open the door and talk to them until you realize you don't want to talk to them anymore and have to make up a phony excuse as to why you can't talk to them anymore.

 

 

Did he fix the cable?

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nnm

nnm 38005

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, ulukinatme said:

We've got a hot dog stand near our house called J & E.  Got a text from the wife:

e0uYGcJ.png

Autocorrect tryin' to help a brotha out.  Maybe I serve her my coney later tonight.

Imgur photos don’t display on iPad chrome version of surly. 

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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1769

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, nnm said:

Imgur photos don’t display on iPad chrome version of surly. 

Can't fix the original, here was the info
 

Quote

 

We've got a hot dog stand near our house called J & E.  Got a text from the wife:

Her:  Also what time does hand e close I want a coney bad.

Me:  Hand E?  That place sounds illegal.

Her:  J & E lol

 

Autocorrect tryin' to help a brotha out.  Maybe I serve her my coney later tonight.

 

 

Edited by ulukinatme
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ztejas

ztejas 44286

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, immortal13 said:

my wife asked me to let her heat bricks(yes actual bricks) in the oven to use in my big yeti coolers to keep a bunch of chicken spaghetti warm from now(after 10 PM) until lunchtime tomorrow to feed a bunch of homeless people. I just said "fuck no"

The more I read this the more I wonder what in the fuck she was thinking.

There are just so many ways to accomplish what she is trying to accomplish without putting a bunch of fucking bricks in your oven and then cooler.

Maybe:

Heat the pasta up before putting it in the coolers?

Heat the pasta up at the location?

Spring like 30 bucks for some disposable chafing dishes?

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ztejas

ztejas 44286

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, immortal13 said:

The pasta is hot right now. She is wondering how she can keep it hot all night and until lunch tomorrow.

Oh - I understand. I meant she could do those things after doing something reasonable like putting it in the fridge overnight. But clearly that's out of the question.

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ztejas

ztejas 44286

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

If a yeti is worth a shit, and there’s not too much void volume, you shouldn’t need anything to keep it hot if you put it in when the pasta is still hot. And it stays latched until needed tomorrow. 
 

This doesn't solve the problem of how disgusting it is to serve someone pasta that's been circulating its own heat in a cooler for 14 hours. Unless she's trying to cause a salmonella or e coli outbreak at the local homeless shelter.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53603

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, ztejas said:

This doesn't solve the problem of how disgusting it is to serve someone pasta that's been circulating its own heat in a cooler for 14 hours. Unless she's trying to cause a salmonella or e coli outbreak at the local homeless shelter.

How picky will the homeless be?

and it lets the wife calm down, get her insta pics to show everyone how good a person she is. 

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orangecat92

orangecat92 306

Posted
Posted

I’ll play...rural Alaska version....we traveled back late July....we both packed, and last time I saw my important red folder it was in her hands in Texas.  I knew she packed it.  

Shortly after we arrive, her: I don’t know where that red folder is and I lost that other important binder with valuables such as birth certificates etc.  that you told me to hide.

she then gets on Facebook, asks her Facebook friends where they would hide a binder, etc.  been married since 1994 to the lady, so I know better than to get upset.  I don’t say much at all.

Today, her:  I found your red folder.....me : where was it?  Her: in a suitcase.  Me: so all you’ve lost is the binder?  No, I found that last week, I didn’t tell you?  me: did you tell our son, your sister, Facebook friends, etc. that u found your stuff.?

her no.  Me.. you know all your Facebook friends are worried about your binder. Small frown on her face. 

cant make it up.......have to give her credit...first time she’s lost stuff like this. Was bound to happen sooner or later. 

 

 

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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1769

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, immortal13 said:

The pasta is hot right now. She is wondering how she can keep it hot all night and until lunch tomorrow. I told her that's not going to fucking work. She never listens. Ever

Interested in trading wives?  Mine knows how to store food and cook real good, but she won't let me have a threesome, much less screw around with other women.  I'll miss the cooking, but I'm willing to take one for the team.

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nnm

nnm 38005

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, immortal13 said:

my wife asked me to let her heat bricks(yes actual bricks) in the oven to use in my big yeti coolers to keep a bunch of chicken spaghetti warm from now(after 10 PM) until lunchtime tomorrow to feed a bunch of homeless people. I just said "fuck no"

Dude. Don’t you know that bricks are one of the hottest new kitchen accessories?  I kid you not. 
https://skillet.lifehacker.com/you-need-a-kitchen-brick-1844691298

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6655

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I ain't gonna say WHO, but a Shagger²'s wife came walking out of the front door while we were doing a total re-roof & she was holding her sneakers in her arms, 100% barefoot.  Headed to her car to go to work.  Shingle trash & related detritus everywhere.

Sneakers.  In her arms.  Totally barefoot.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53603

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24 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

I ain't gonna say WHO, but a Shagger²'s wife came walking out of the front door while we were doing a total re-roof & she was holding her sneakers in her arms, 100% barefoot.  Headed to her car to go to work.  Shingle trash & related detritus everywhere.

Sneakers.  In her arms.  Totally barefoot.

Calm down, rex. 

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nnm

nnm 38005

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Posted
36 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

I ain't gonna say WHO, but a Shagger²'s wife came walking out of the front door while we were doing a total re-roof & she was holding her sneakers in her arms, 100% barefoot.  Headed to her car to go to work.  Shingle trash & related detritus everywhere.

Sneakers.  In her arms.  Totally barefoot.

Was she pregnant?

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miguelito

miguelito 11516

Posted
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Posted
1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

I ain't gonna say WHO, but a Shagger²'s wife came walking out of the front door while we were doing a total re-roof & she was holding her sneakers in her arms, 100% barefoot.  Headed to her car to go to work.  Shingle trash & related detritus everywhere.

Sneakers.  In her arms.  Totally barefoot.

That's a good way to get a quarter melded to her foot.

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