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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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immortal13

immortal13 4,059

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Posted
5 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

What is chicken spaghetti

Some shit you don't want...she knows I won't eat it. My wife is a fantastic cook, but she only made that to have something most people would eat and that would feed a lot of people. She told me they served over 80 homeless people lunch today, so props to her.

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ztejas

ztejas 44,286

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Posted
4 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Newlywed starter dinner.

She pulled it from "grammas secret recipie book for a happy husband" that was handed down to her over a "couple" of mimosas the morning of the wedding. A good laugh was had as she flipped through to the back where ol' grammy had jotted down some tips on both giving and receiving oral pleasure. 

Grams was like that. Although she came from a time of starched petticoats and long church services on Sunday mornings so cold it made the trees shiver, she could oft be found at the piano on holidays with a glass of brandy - singing Irish pub songs slightly out of tune - just as they had been intended. As an old family story went, on the eve of her sisters wedding she turned to the bride and audibly whispered "I just hope he's better in bed than his brother."

There was something about that generation that...

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luke duke

luke duke 6,455

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She pulled it from "grammas secret recipie book for a happy husband" that was handed down to her over a "couple" of mimosas the morning of the wedding. A good laugh was had as she flipped through to the back where ol' grammy had jotted down some tips on both giving and receiving oral pleasure. 
Grams was like that.


[armybrat]What’s her mailing address? I’d like to court her.[/armybrat]
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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5,225

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10 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

I ain't gonna say WHO, but a Shagger²'s wife came walking out of the front door while we were doing a total re-roof & she was holding her sneakers in her arms, 100% barefoot.  Headed to her car to go to work.  Shingle trash & related detritus everywhere.

Sneakers.  In her arms.  Totally barefoot.

Having had 4 longer term relationships with boobed people, I can absolutely visualize this from past experience.

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1,828

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On 8/13/2020 at 12:42 AM, orangecat92 said:

I’ll play...rural Alaska version....we traveled back late July....we both packed, and last time I saw my important red folder it was in her hands in Texas.  I knew she packed it.  

Shortly after we arrive, her: I don’t know where that red folder is and I lost that other important binder with valuables such as birth certificates etc.  that you told me to hide.

she then gets on Facebook, asks her Facebook friends where they would hide a binder, etc.  been married since 1994 to the lady, so I know better than to get upset.  I don’t say much at all.

Today, her:  I found your red folder.....me : where was it?  Her: in a suitcase.  Me: so all you’ve lost is the binder?  No, I found that last week, I didn’t tell you?  me: did you tell our son, your sister, Facebook friends, etc. that u found your stuff.?

her no.  Me.. you know all your Facebook friends are worried about your binder. Small frown on her face. 

cant make it up.......have to give her credit...first time she’s lost stuff like this. Was bound to happen sooner or later. 

 

 

did she also write this post for you? it's incomprehensible

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ABSR

ABSR 5,373

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Posted
9 hours ago, Modessit said:

I borrowed my wife's phone to look something up because mine was in the bedroom. She had 48 pages open on her internet browser.

There are guys on here reading this thinking “that few?” In relation to their own wives.

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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1,769

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We had painters coming today.  In preparation this weekend I spent Saturday night painting the trim in the stairwell and upstairs hallway because it had never been done.  We also have two bay-view windows that were previously painted, but she likes to put some sticky crap down to hold her Christmas displays and fake snow in the winter...and so those have to be sanded a bit and touched up. This was late last night while I'm busy working on a million things:

Her: "Why don't you sand and paint those bay-view windows tonight?"

Me: "Nah, I'll do them after he leaves."

Her: "You painted the stairwell trim last night, why not fix the bay-view windows while you're at it?  Why is every suggestion I make disregarded?"

Me: "The stairwell trim has never been painted.  If I do it now and make some mistakes in a rush, the painter is just going to paint over the mistakes later.  The bay-view window trim is already painted, it just needs touch ups.  It can be fixed without getting paint close to the walls, so it's not a priority.  I'd rather prioritize the rest of the evening getting furniture moved away from the walls, dust, straighten things up, etc so he can work."

Her: "Oh, that makes sense."

We have this same discussion about priorities on a regular basis.  When the painter was coming to do the estimate weeks ago I wanted to clean up the house before he came so it wasn't such a mess.  The wife decided that was a good time to sort through an old box of kids clothes that had been stored away in the laundry room...the painter wasn't even going near the laundry room.

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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1,769

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Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, Llogg said:

TF? Painters were coming so you painted? Thatsnothowthisworks.gif

The original quote we took was just for walls since most of the trim was done.  He was going to charge a lot to add the trim that wasn't done, but just $500 to paint the entire 1st floor, stairwell, upstairs hallway, and bathroom walls.  I took the cost effective approach.

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blacklab

blacklab 12,073

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Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19,385

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29 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

 

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ztejas

ztejas 44,286

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42 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

This dog shock collar device - I'm assuming there is an "off" switch? 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1,828

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On 8/17/2020 at 4:30 PM, ulukinatme said:

We had painters coming today.  In preparation this weekend I spent Saturday night painting the trim in the stairwell and upstairs hallway because it had never been done.  We also have two bay-view windows that were previously painted, but she likes to put some sticky crap down to hold her Christmas displays and fake snow in the winter...and so those have to be sanded a bit and touched up. This was late last night while I'm busy working on a million things:

Her: "Why don't you sand and paint those bay-view windows tonight?"

Me: "Nah, I'll do them after he leaves."

Her: "You painted the stairwell trim last night, why not fix the bay-view windows while you're at it?  Why is every suggestion I make disregarded?"

Me: "The stairwell trim has never been painted.  If I do it now and make some mistakes in a rush, the painter is just going to paint over the mistakes later.  The bay-view window trim is already painted, it just needs touch ups.  It can be fixed without getting paint close to the walls, so it's not a priority.  I'd rather prioritize the rest of the evening getting furniture moved away from the walls, dust, straighten things up, etc so he can work."

Her: "Oh, that makes sense."

We have this same discussion about priorities on a regular basis.  When the painter was coming to do the estimate weeks ago I wanted to clean up the house before he came so it wasn't such a mess.  The wife decided that was a good time to sort through an old box of kids clothes that had been stored away in the laundry room...the painter wasn't even going near the laundry room.

"we are both wives" thread is in another forum

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9,661

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5 hours ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,890

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On 8/13/2020 at 1:47 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Newlywed starter dinner.

 

On 8/13/2020 at 1:56 PM, immortal13 said:

Some shit you don't want...she knows I won't eat it. My wife is a fantastic cook, but she only made that to have something most people would eat and that would feed a lot of people. She told me they served over 80 homeless people lunch today, so props to her.

 

On 8/13/2020 at 2:01 PM, ztejas said:

She pulled it from "grammas secret recipie book for a happy husband" that was handed down to her over a "couple" of mimosas the morning of the wedding. A good laugh was had as she flipped through to the back where ol' grammy had jotted down some tips on both giving and receiving oral pleasure. 

Grams was like that. Although she came from a time of starched petticoats and long church services on Sunday mornings so cold it made the trees shiver, she could oft be found at the piano on holidays with a glass of brandy - singing Irish pub songs slightly out of tune - just as they had been intended. As an old family story went, on the eve of her sisters wedding she turned to the bride and audibly whispered "I just hope he's better in bed than his brother."

There was something about that generation that...

Meh, if it's made right it's like crack.

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