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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9662

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8 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Not really a "funny" thing, but Mrs CL and I had a disagreement last night about something benign - I think our 6th grader's bedtime was part of it. She came into my study looking for a fight, right in the middle of me and my college buddies' annual fantasy football auction draft.

I literally told her, "I don't have time to indulge you with a dumb fight right now. This can't be paused and I'm not going to get up from it. You're just going to have to be mad on your own."

She stood in the doorway for about 2-3 minutes just grimacing and glaring at me, then stomped off and apparently spent the night in the guest bedroom. 

I got up this morning and she was fine. She made coffee and was doing the breakfast dishes. I didn't bring it up and she didn't appear to hold a grudge. 

Just an example of one of the hardest things for most young guys to learn (at least it was hard for me to learn), that women don't need to be coddled and have their ass kissed every single time she's mad. Sometimes acting like you just don't care that she's mad works just fine. 

Apparently?

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Dennis Taylor

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8 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Not really a "funny" thing, but Mrs CL and I had a disagreement last night about something benign - I think our 6th grader's bedtime was part of it. She came into my study looking for a fight, right in the middle of me and my college buddies' annual fantasy football auction draft.

I literally told her, "I don't have time to indulge you with a dumb fight right now. This can't be paused and I'm not going to get up from it. You're just going to have to be mad on your own."

She stood in the doorway for about 2-3 minutes just grimacing and glaring at me, then stomped off and apparently spent the night in the guest bedroom. 

I got up this morning and she was fine. She made coffee and was doing the breakfast dishes. I didn't bring it up and she didn't appear to hold a grudge. 

Just an example of one of the hardest things for most young guys to learn (at least it was hard for me to learn), that women don't need to be coddled and have their ass kissed every single time she's mad. Sometimes acting like you just don't care that she's mad works just fine. 

yep, I'm sure it's a done deal and you will never hear another peep about it for as long as you live

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55893

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Posted (edited)
On 9/4/2020 at 10:09 PM, The Ace of Aces said:

We were fucking last night and she asked in the middle if she needed to put in a breathe mint. 

There is no right answer, gentlemen. 

Sure there is -- "Are you gonna give me an Altoids blowjob?"

 

Edited by Beau Vine
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52-80

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What's stupid is not what my wife says, but rather what she doesn't say. 

She talks with this extreme economy where adjectives, nouns, and other elements of sentence constructions will just randomly go missing. 

Like, in the middle of nowhere, without any context, she'll suddenly blurt "did you organize?"... and expect me to understand her intent.  Organize fucking what?  when?  how? 

...

But of course when it comes to storytelling time she'll yabber my fucking ears off over some mundane shit.

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5819

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On 9/9/2020 at 7:56 AM, crimsonlonghorn said:

Sometimes acting like you just don't care that she's mad works just fine. 

Sometimes?  Unless she just caught you balls deep in her sister's ass, this is the correct approach.

Disclaimer- I'm divorced so I may not be the best person to take marital advice from.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5225

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22 hours ago, 52-80 said:

What's stupid is not what my wife says, but rather what she doesn't say. 

She talks with this extreme economy where adjectives, nouns, and other elements of sentence constructions will just randomly go missing. 

Like, in the middle of nowhere, without any context, she'll suddenly blurt "did you organize?"... and expect me to understand her intent.  Organize fucking what?  when?  how? 

...

But of course when it comes to storytelling time she'll yabber my fucking ears off over some mundane shit.

Oh I know this wife, Ryan.  Her conclusions are all wrong.

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Jameslaw121

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Anyone else's wife randomly restart conversations from hours or days ago without a segue?

Last night, we were talking about the Stars playoff game just before it started, when mid-conversation she says "What happens when they run out of letters?"

I'm thinking, maybe she's confused about the last names of some of the hockey player's, but as I'm processing this with an obvious blank stare she says.

 

"You know, when they're naming hurricanes in the Gulf."

 

 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26443

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3 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Anyone else's wife randomly restart conversations from hours or days ago without a segue?

Every. Day.

She'll start a conversation and I'll ask "WTF are you talking about?" only to get "It was what my Mom and I were talking about today at lunch". 

You know I wasn't there, right?

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 19003

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On 9/9/2020 at 7:56 AM, crimsonlonghorn said:

Just an example of one of the hardest things for most young guys to learn (at least it was hard for me to learn), that women don't need to be coddled and have their ass kissed every single time she's mad. Sometimes acting like you just don't care that she's mad works just fine. 

When my wife wants to fight, there is no correct answer. You argue back? You're going to get a fight and it's going to escalate and there's a 99.9% chance you are going to lose the argument. You act like you don't care? Now you're ignoring her and that's going to piss her off even more. So, at some point you achieve enlightenment and realize that you are fucked either way. And then you realize how fucking stupid you were for getting married in the first place so there's really no one to blame but your own damn self.

On 9/14/2020 at 3:31 AM, 52-80 said:

What's stupid is not what my wife says, but rather what she doesn't say. 

She talks with this extreme economy where adjectives, nouns, and other elements of sentence constructions will just randomly go missing. 

Like, in the middle of nowhere, without any context, she'll suddenly blurt "did you organize?"... and expect me to understand her intent.  Organize fucking what?  when?  how? 

Pronouns. Without any antecedent. All the time. Like how the fuck should I know where "it" is, if I don't know what "it" is. 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53603

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3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Every. Day.

She'll start a conversation and I'll ask "WTF are you talking about?" only to get "It was what my Mom and I were talking about today at lunch". 

You know I wasn't there, right?

Mine likes to begin conversations using pronouns, because SHE know’s who she’s referring to. Walks up:  “She said they would be there.”  
cool. Who said who would be where, hon?

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lateshow

lateshow 1329

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17 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

When my wife wants to fight, there is no correct answer. You argue back? You're going to get a fight and it's going to escalate and there's a 99.9% chance you are going to lose the argument. You act like you don't care? Now you're ignoring her and that's going to piss her off even more. So, at some point you achieve enlightenment and realize that you are fucked either way. And then you realize how fucking stupid you were for getting married in the first place so there's really no one to blame but your own damn self.

Pronouns. Without any antecedent. All the time. Like how the fuck should I know where "it" is, if I don't know what "it" is. 

My wife, watching a movie:

 

She was in the one movie. What's it called? With that guy, what's his name?

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huge

huge 3831

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I keep IMDB up on my phone when we start a movie so I can answer her when she says "what did I see he/she/it in before"?

 

Its a fun little game because her taste in movies before she met me was questionable.

Come to think of it all her taste is obviously questionable...

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41448

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3 hours ago, huge said:

I keep IMDB up on my phone when we start a movie so I can answer her when she says "what did I see he/she/it in before"?

 

Its a fun little game because her taste in movies before she met me was questionable.

Come to think of it all her taste is obviously questionable...

[humbleselfdeprecationbrag]

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11194

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Posted (edited)

 

I've been fighting a losing battle trying to keep my peach trees from dying because of the drought we are going through (two months no rain, 100 plus days). This morning, I left a hose on a trickle to water one. Later at the office, it starts thundering and looking like maybe we are finally going to get some rain, so I call the wife and tell her to please turn off the water hose if it does start to rain.

Convo goes like this:

Her: which hose do i need to turn off? (We have spigots on three sides of the house but the peach trees are only on one side)

Me: the one on the east side of the house.

(Long pause)

Me: You do know which one is the east side, right?

(Long pause)

Me: Its the one on the same side as our bedroom. You know how the sun comes in the morning if we don't close the blinds when we go to bed?

Her: Oh, yeah, right.

 

So, it does end up raining, pretty hard actually. I get home 5 or 6 house later and think to myself, "I probably better just go ahead a check to make sure she actually turned it off." Well, not only did she not turn it off, she turned it on full blast. East side of the house looked like a swamp.

I didn't even say anything.

 

Edited by High Plains Drifter
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Js1

Js1 87291

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8 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Hey lets stick with this tangent

Her

7:20 PM I'm home, look at the moon it looks huge

Me

7:51 PM (I look 360*) Where is it I don't see it?

Her

7:54 PM I guess you can't see it from where you are.

7:55 PM I mean the Sun

Me

7:56 PM Sun, moon what's the difference

 

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ABSR

ABSR 5373

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13 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Not from the word “East” though.  From the story. 

"Remember the time that what's her name was here, you know the one with the hair thing, well her dog has been sick and she has been really upset about that.  She thinks that he may have a tumor or a brain tumor or is sick somehow and anyway she is really worried and so can't go to work because she is worried.  Anyhow, that time she came and talked to me while I was in the yard about her boyfriend, you know the one you watched that game with that one time when everyone was together, and well he ended up being a real asshole.  So the faucet is on that side of the house."  

This is type of guidance she was looking for....asshole.

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nnm

nnm 38005

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5 minutes ago, ABSR said:

"Remember the time that what's her name was here, you know the one with the hair thing, well her dog has been sick and she has been really upset about that.  She thinks that he may have a tumor or a brain tumor or is sick somehow and anyway she is really worried and so can't go to work because she is worried.  Anyhow, that time she came and talked to me while I was in the yard about her boyfriend, you know the one you watched that game with that one time when everyone was together, and well he ended up being a real asshole.  So the faucet is on that side of the house."  

This is type of guidance she was looking for....asshole.

Impressive, Mrs. @ABSR.  Now give the phone back to your husband, please. 

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CHIEF

CHIEF 5230

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On 9/14/2020 at 3:31 AM, 52-80 said:

What's stupid is not what my wife says, but rather what she doesn't say. 

She talks with this extreme economy where adjectives, nouns, and other elements of sentence constructions will just randomly go missing. 

Like, in the middle of nowhere, without any context, she'll suddenly blurt "did you organize?"... and expect me to understand her intent.  Organize fucking what?  when?  how? 

...

But of course when it comes to storytelling time she'll yabber my fucking ears off over some mundane shit.

When Mrs. CHIEF does this I just say "well, you know what they say" and then just turn and walk off, I love the passive aggressive approach.

CHIEF

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